I thought that maybe I could stop Cha Jae-woo’s rampage without harming my own body. It was truly a hopeful delusion. I had become too arrogant too easily.
It’s pathetic, really. How could the tiny amount of mana from a D-rank Guide like me be of any help to an S-rank Esper like Cha Jae-woo?
Come to think of it, even on the first day, Cha Jae-woo was able to get some sleep because I had expended almost all of my energy to the point where I collapsed and woke up the next day. Using just my mana wasn’t enough to satisfy Cha Jae-woo. In fact, even on the first day, he said he only slept a little, not deeply.
I guess no one really expected me to provide exceptional guiding. It seems I was the only one living in a fantasy world.
Now that I think about it, even after I signed the contract, they said the search for Cha Jae-woo’s Guide was still ongoing. If I were enough, the government wouldn’t need to continue the Guide search.
“Hyung…….”
“What?”
Kim Sol replied in a sullen voice, and I pouted. Ever since he heard that I had done a bit of guiding for Cha Jae-woo in the morning, he had been like this.
He said he wasn’t sulking, but it looked that way, and it was kind of cute. People really do need a bit of life in them. I’ve never wanted a pretty face, but looking at Kim Sol made me a bit envious.
Anyway, it was troublesome that Kim Sol had been in this sullen state all along. I didn’t intend to guide, it just happened. There were many excuses I wanted to make, but none came out easily.
I had never wanted to be a Guide. But since I had become one, I wanted to be helpful. I realized this morning that I had been thinking this way.
It was laughable.
I wasn’t much help to Cha Jae-woo. The gap between an S-rank and a D-rank was larger than I thought. With this kind of gap, I should be worried about my life. But seeing that I was of no help at all made me feel down.
When I first stepped into Cha Jae-woo’s house, I was worried about my life. But as days passed uneventfully, I seemed to have become quite complacent.
“You called me, so speak.”
Kim Sol asked, seeming bothered by my silence after calling him.
It was a bit cute and funny how he told the Guide not to guide anymore and to practice blocking on his own, yet he couldn’t ignore me.
Although we hadn’t met many times, Kim Sol seemed inherently kind. That’s probably why he could get so angry about something that wasn’t even his business.
“Is there any way to increase mana?”
“……Hey, Lim Haeyul.”
“No, I’m just curious. Does a D-rank always stay a D-rank? Is there no way for a D-rank to increase their rank? I can’t become an S-rank like you, but…….”
“What are you going to do with more mana?”
“It would be nice to have more. I could guide more comfortably without worrying about my life.”
Kim Sol looked at me with a disgusted expression, scanning me from head to toe. We hadn’t known each other for long, but I was already seeing this face. I had seen it plenty from friends, but it was somewhat new coming from Kim Sol.
“Ahh, whhyyy…….”
I whined and lay down on the desk. Was it strange for me to think this way? Before I could even finish my thought, Kim Sol shook his head.
“Are you worried about Cha Jae-woo?”
“No, hyung. I’m not worried about Cha Jae-woo, I’m worried about my own life.”
“If you just block and control your guiding well, you won’t have to worry about your life. You just want to guide Cha Jae-woo more.”
“…….”
I was speechless. He was right, and I had nothing to say. The sensation from this morning was still vivid.
Yes, Kim Sol was right. I wanted to guide Cha Jae-woo more. Since I was the only Guide with a high matching rate with him so far, I wanted to make him a bit more comfortable if I could.
But my mana was far from enough. If only I could do something about that sensation from that day…….
“Have you known Cha Jae-woo for long?”
“That’s not it…”
“I know. If there was a way to increase mana, Cha Jae-woo would have found it already.”
Kim Sol’s words made me feel deflated. It meant there was no way to increase mana.
“There used to be a rumor that drinking the blood of monsters from the Gate would increase mana.”
“Monsters? What kind of monsters?”
“If we knew what kind of monsters they were, would you drink their blood? It’s just a rumor. You shouldn’t just eat anything you find. Haven’t you heard that it can be dangerous?”
Why did I feel like I was being scolded all day? Ever since morning, both Cha Jae-woo and Kim Sol seemed to be busy reprimanding me.
Kim Sol’s expression darkened. I shrank back and muttered, “Why are you getting mad……. It’s scary when you get mad, hyung.”
“I’m not mad.”
“What are you talking about? When someone who always smiles suddenly gets serious, that means they’re mad.”
“I didn’t get serious.”
“So, is this your smiling face?”
Kim Sol laughed and said, “You’re something else. You never back down.”
Soon, Kim Sol’s face returned to its usual expression.
In the end, I rubbed my forehead, having gained nothing. It was time to focus again on blocking the guiding.
* * *
Today’s lesson with Kim Sol was all about getting more comfortable with blocking the guiding, just like yesterday.
After hearing in detail about why I ended up guiding in the morning, Kim Sol pushed me even harder during practice, leaving my body feeling heavy. At least I didn’t completely lose my mind like yesterday.
I dragged my body out of the training center. Kim Sol, who usually escorted me to the parking lot like I was a child, walked beside me, gently poking me. I must have looked funny as I walked.
“Don’t feel sorry for Cha Jae-woo.”
As we got into the elevator to the parking lot, Kim Sol spoke. I slowly turned my head and blinked, wondering what he meant.
“Cha Jae-woo is not what people think…… No, never mind that. Hey, Haeyul, do you know why you and I got close so quickly?”
However, what followed didn’t seem to fit the context.
“……Because you’re a good person?”
I answered Kim Sol, still puzzled. He sighed softly and shook his head. Did he mean he wasn’t a good person?
Before I could wonder any further, Kim Sol continued, “It’s because you let me feel your mana.”
“Huh?”
“People’s preconceptions about Guides don’t change, whether they know about them or not.”
He was saying things that didn’t make sense, and it was hard to follow. So, I just listened silently.
“It’s because of the guiding. The process of transferring mana to someone else.”
“I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
Kim Sol smiled but said nothing more. He remained silent until the elevator reached the basement.
The door opened, but I didn’t get out. Kim Sol didn’t move either. He looked me in the eye and spoke calmly, but what he said was hard for someone like me, who had been an ordinary person until recently, to understand.
* * *
I felt completely drained. The repetitive training was tiring, but what really bothered me were Kim Sol’s words, which kept echoing in my mind.
I understood what Kim Sol was saying, but I couldn’t accept it. It sounded like a story from another world, and I couldn’t believe it was about me.
“When you guide, you feel connected to the Esper. Since your skin touches and mana is transferred, you feel closer, and that’s why you have those feelings. It’s not something that’s been studied, but from what I’ve experienced and heard from other Guides, it’s true.”
Was that true? Had I been feeling close to Cha Jae-woo? Honestly, I couldn’t deny it. After having my mana taken twice, it seemed possible.
It explained why I had poked Cha Jae-woo’s cheek. Combined with the shock of the sudden contract and my initial fear of him, it made sense.
“Everyone who becomes a Guide for the first time acts like you. They feel sorry for the Esper and try their best to guide more.”
It also explained why I had been thinking all day about how to increase my mana and stabilize Cha Jae-woo’s waves.
But there was something I couldn’t accept.
“And then, before long, they think they love the Esper.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Yes, that ridiculous thing happens every time. Every single time.”
“…….”
“And I think you’re almost there. The way you’re already so anxious about it, it’s clear.”
He thought I might start to like Cha Jae-woo? Love? It was a ridiculous idea. No matter how I thought about it, it seemed impossible.
I slowed my steps and then stopped. Unintentionally, the person who had been occupying my thoughts was approaching from the opposite direction.
His waves were still sharp, but not as intense as they had been in the morning. It seemed like Cha Jae-woo was suppressing them somewhat.
I mean, it’s absurd to think I could fall in love, but isn’t it natural to feel some sympathy? An S-rank Esper whose waves are so out of control that he can’t even manage them, on the verge of rampaging, and the best match they could find for a Guide was just a D-rank like me. It’s pathetic, really.
So, it’s only natural that I would wonder if there’s a way to increase my mana or raise my rank…
“Hello…….”
Cha Jae-woo glanced at me and then quickly looked away. It was rude of him to ignore me after I greeted him.
“Hello!”
I found myself shouting loudly, feeling a sudden surge of indignation. Oh no, that wasn’t the right reaction… I realized this only after Cha Jae-woo looked back at me with a scowl.
“I, uh, I thought maybe you didn’t hear me…….”
“I can hear you just fine even if you speak softly.”
Then why did you ignore me? I bit back the retort. Was I really starting to feel comfortable around Cha Jae-woo because of the guiding?
If that was the case…
“Haeyul, in the past, there were dedicated Guides, but not anymore. Guides started to develop feelings for the Espers they were guiding, so the system changed. Now, Guides rotate among multiple Espers to prevent that from happening.”
“…….”
“You’re only guiding Cha Jae-woo exclusively because his situation is critical. Once he stabilizes, you won’t need to be his dedicated Guide anymore. So, keep your wits about you until then.”
“…….”
“Any feelings you think you have for Cha Jae-woo are just because of the guiding. It’s all an illusion. So, don’t get too invested in his situation. Focus on yourself.”
I needed to take Kim Sol’s words to heart. If what he said was true…
“So, are you going to do today’s guiding or not?”
Cha Jae-woo, who had been ignoring me, suddenly stepped closer. I flinched and quickly stepped back.
Unfortunately, the mana I had used up in the morning hadn’t fully recovered, and I didn’t have enough control to guide him safely right now.
“Um… I think I already did today’s guiding this morning…….”
“That’s it?”
“That’s all I can manage right now…….”
It wasn’t completely depleted, but without proper control, it was as good as gone.
“Getting paid without doing the work.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to…”
“Then why are you so confident?”
Cha Jae-woo tilted his head, a slight smirk on his lips, but it didn’t look friendly at all. It felt more like a threat, as if he was saying that I wouldn’t get away with doing nothing.
“Ahaha…….”
My awkward laugh made Cha Jae-woo shake his head slightly before turning away. He walked off without another glance, as if there was no point in talking to me if I wasn’t going to guide him.
I muttered to myself, “…as if that could happen.”
Kim Sol’s warning made some sense, but it still felt like too much worry. There was no way I would develop feelings for Cha Jae-woo just from guiding him. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more ridiculous it seemed.
‘First of all, Cha Jae-woo is a man. I like women.’
Love? Impossible. I didn’t even want to be friends with Cha Jae-woo. He made me uncomfortable! He wasn’t as bad as the rumors suggested, but he wasn’t exactly pleasant either. I didn’t want to get close to someone whose intentions were hard to read.
My desire to increase my mana and guide better was just out of sympathy, nothing more. There was no room for anything else.
‘I can’t believe I even considered it.’
I glanced briefly in the direction Cha Jae-woo had gone and then turned away.
‘Anyway, thanks for the unnecessary worry….’
If Kim Sol ever brought it up again, I would firmly tell him that it was impossible.
Esperemos que este muchacho no caiga con ese desgraciado