Chapter 15
Even Lee Juha, who had been living like a diligent theology student following his daily schedule, felt different today.
He took out his mobile phone again to check if any messages had come, then casually rubbed his cheek.
Now even the sensation of being poked in the cheek had faded, but whenever Juha thought of Choi Taeri, he habitually touched his cheek.
‘If no contact comes even after the first broadcast ends, should I contact him first?’
After watching the broadcast, there would be something to talk about.
Should I try it, or not.
With vague worries, Juha left the house.
* * *
While using chopsticks, Taeri’s gaze suddenly stopped on his right index finger.
This was the finger. The one that had poked Lee Juha’s cheek.
One finger that had been attached to his body since birth had gained special meaning because of Lee Juha.
Taeri rubbed his fingertip with his thumb while holding chopsticks. Though days had passed, the texture of Lee Juha’s cheek remained as if he’d touched it yesterday.
Just thinking of Lee Juha made his heart swell and the air feel fluffy. Right now, forgetting even where he was, Taeri’s mood instantly lifted.
“Taeri’s lucky. He doesn’t have to study.”
His cousin Choi Taeyoung’s irritating tone from across the table pierced Taeri’s ears. Taeri’s excited mood instantly plummeted.
When he looked up, he could see family members filling the wide dining table. The seats were arranged according to hierarchy like a meeting room of central government officials.
Following the command of Taeri’s grandfather Choi Giseok, chairman of Semun Medical Foundation, the family had dinner together every Thursday evening at the main house in Pyeongchang-dong. Though called a family dinner, the stiff atmosphere and formulaic conversations choked Taeri’s breath.
In a household where all family members were either doctors or lawyers, and cousins were either medical or law students, Taeri was both a foreign object and good prey.
Whenever the family talked about hospitals or law firms, he endured it by thinking of other things, but there was always someone who scratched at him so obviously like that.
“It’s not good because I don’t have to study, but because I get to do what I want to do.”
Taeri casually countered and sipped his soup. These kinds of attacks were so familiar now that they weren’t even scary. A chilly atmosphere circulated around the dining table.
“I heard you went on a TV audition? Don’t tell me your real wish is to become a entertainer? I don’t know whether to call this amazing or reckless.”
Taeyoung’s voice was thoroughly mixed with mockery.
“The first broadcast is today, so make sure to watch. Oh, you probably won’t have time since you’ll have to study as soon as you get home? Well, at least you should be good at studying.”
“This guy…”
When Taeri countered, Taeyoung glared at him.
Compared to Taeri who had superior looks acknowledged by the entire family, same-age Taeyoung was short and unremarkable in appearance. When they attended the same middle school, Taeyoung was teased a lot.
Your cousin Taeri is so handsome and cool, but what are you?
Even his grades were better than Taeyoung’s at the time, so Taeyoung had been steeped in a victim complex.
“Ahem…”
At grandfather Choi Giseok’s throat clearing, the dining table was organized.
“Taeyoung came first in his medical school class this time, right?”
Not missing the opportunity, Taeri’s mother Ji Inhui tactfully changed the subject.
“Ah, what’s the big deal about that.”
Taeyoung shrugged his shoulders proudly. Taeri silently put chopsticks in his mouth. At least he should eat well. He wasn’t stupid enough to not eat just because the atmosphere was shitty.
From the moment he declared he would do dance, he was prepared to become the family’s laughingstock. Though he was tired of pretending to be dignified, it had become a habit now to eat well and counter without feeling bad no matter what they said.
In the car returning after the meal, the three family members – Taeri, his father, and mother – were silent.
“Even after letting him do what he wanted, he couldn’t debut so now he’s an audition pro. What a shameless bastard.”
His father’s words that pierced through the silence flew like daggers, but Taeri was calm.
If he just stayed quiet, time would pass. Resistance and fighting were meaningless. Even the time spent feeling wronged about what was so wrong with doing what he liked had become familiar.
Letting his father’s verbal abuse go in one ear and out the other, Taeri looked outside the window.
The city lights of Seoul visible while coming down the foothills of Bukhansan were so beautifully frustrating. Watching the pretty scenery while soothing his noisy insides, Lee Juha suddenly came to mind.
Lee Juha sleeping with his long navel exposed in the penthouse with Seoul’s night view. The pretty eleven-line abs that appeared and disappeared with each breath.
Four days had passed since he said he would contact him. He picked up and put down his mobile phone several times a day, but couldn’t readily make contact.
Since poking Lee Juha’s cheek that day, Taeri’s head was in complete darkness. Just closing his eyes, all kinds of bad thoughts dominated his mind.
First the cheek, then the lips – as the intensity of imagination increased, the surging desires became hard to endure.
While wanting to see Lee Juha, he was scared he might not be able to control himself.
When he poked his cheek, Juha’s eyes looking at him seemed to say touch me more, that he was waiting.
If by any chance that was Taeri’s misunderstanding, he would certainly make a huge mistake.
He didn’t want to ruin their current relationship where they precariously hid their true feelings from each other.
Lee Juha, like pretty sandpaper made of diamond dust, could become prickly anytime if rubbed the wrong way. Worrying day by day like this, before he knew it, it had been postponed until the first broadcast day.
“Taeri, want to watch the first episode with Mom?”
His mother in the passenger seat glanced at Taeri and asked.
“Did you forget what I said about not bringing that bastard into my house?”
Before he could even answer, Taeri’s father brusquely cut him off. His cold tone blended with Seoul’s illuminated night streets.
“It’s fine. I’m going to watch with a friend.”
Taeri gripped his mobile phone tightly.
The day after tomorrow, the training camp would start again, so if not today, there might be no chance to meet Lee Juha outside. He wanted to gather courage today using the first broadcast as an excuse.
[Send Message: Lee Juha]
The black cursor in the message window blinked.
Imagining Lee Juha receiving the text made him feel good for no reason. Meanwhile, the car that had slowed down stopped in front of a roadside building.
“Get out.”
At his father’s commanding words, Taeri looked up. It was in front of Taeri’s house.
“…Drive safely.”
Taeri habitually greeted them and got out of the car. The car carrying his parents left the road without lingering. Tall buildings with red lights stood before Taeri.
It was an excessively good place for a twenty-year-old to live. But Taeri had never wanted to live here alone. He was only living alone out of necessity because he’d been kicked out of home.
Though exiled for doing what he liked, he didn’t blame anyone or feel wronged.
On the surface, his father Choi Junghyeok wasn’t a bad person. He was the highest authority in pediatrics in the country and had excellent dedication as a doctor.
They just didn’t get along as father and son. Making such resolutions had become a habit now.
To lift his spirits that had been thrown to the ground, Taeri stared intently at the name ‘Lee Juha’ on his mobile phone screen.
If not today, there might be no opportunity.
Setting everything else aside, Choi Taeri really wanted to see Lee Juha today.
* * *
“Haa, haa.”
Juha wiped his sweat while holding his mobile phone. Having practiced continuously without noticing time pass, it was already after sunset.
There was still no contact from Taeri.
“Phew…”
He felt drained for no reason.
Juha trudged over to get a dry cloth. Though only Juha had used the practice room today, footprints and dust were embedded here and there like floor patterns.
Just as he finished cleaning the floor and was catching his breath, the practice room door opened. Juha looked at the clock on the wall. There was still time before students would arrive.
“Juha, you came early? How was the filming?”
It was Han Jaewan, the practice room owner who had been a trainee together at Serona.
“Hyung, long time no see! How have you been?”
Juha greeted him with a bright smile.
“Same as always for me.”
Jaewan answered while approaching Juha.
Jaewan, who used to say it was good to eat whatever he wanted after quitting being a trainee, had gained quite a bit of weight. Since he loved exercise and dance so much, it all went to muscle, so now he looked like a fitness trainer at first glance.
He’d said he was busy lately and had left evening classes to another dancer, so his sudden appearance was unexpected.
“Didn’t you say you were busy? You came early.”
“The kids were so disobedient I gave them some discipline and came early. There’s no one like you.”
“What do you mean. I also got cut from the debut group for not being good enough.”
Juha answered with a bitter smile.
“Tell me about you. How was the filming?”
“Just okay. Nothing special. I can’t say more because it would violate the contract.”
“You probably did well. Want me to help if there’s anything lacking?”
“It’s fine. I’ll just watch you practice.”
“You were this shy there too, right? We’ve known each other for over 5 years but you really…”
“No. I made friends and got along well.”
Jaewan seemed not to believe Juha’s words.
During their trainee days together, Jaewan was particularly fond of Juha. The reason was that he ‘wasn’t cunning.’
Juha had a crush on Jaewan for quite a while. Though it was passionate at the time, now it was just a memory from his past adolescent years.
Even being alone with him in a narrow space, they were just comrades who could share past memories all night without romantic flutter.
Looking at Jaewan’s face, Juha suddenly thought of Choi Taeri.
If he let his guard down even a little, Juha’s head filled completely with Taeri without gaps. Wondering if contact might come, he couldn’t even put down his mobile phone freely. It had become a habit to think of Choi Taeri when breathing in, and wonder what he was doing when breathing out.
He was so tormented by Taeri that it interfered with daily life – would it get better with time? If he really ended up debuting with Taeri, would this symptom of feeling itchy all over whenever he thought of him subside too?
‘It has to.’
When Juha bitterly lowered his head, Jaewan poked him.
“Lee Juha, are you listening to me?”
“Huh? What did you say?”
“I said let’s order tteokbokki.”
“…Sure, whatever…”
As soon as he heard the word ‘tteokbokki,’ hunger hit Juha. He’d eaten carelessly at home and only practiced continuously, so it was time to be hungry.
Soon the food arrived, and the two spread newspapers on the floor and sat down to eat tteokbokki.
“Want to watch together?”
Jaewan asked without a subject while chewing tteokbokki. But Juha immediately understood what he meant. He was asking to watch the first broadcast of ‘My Job is Idol’ together.
Juha swallowed the tteokbokki and thought for a moment.
“No. It’s a bit awkward to show you…”
“It’s not like I don’t know how you perform. Just because you say that doesn’t mean I won’t watch it.”
“Still. I’ll just watch at home.”
Juha awkwardly smiled and declined. Since things were awkward with his family too, he could have watched the first episode with Jaewan. But Juha had a contact he was waiting for.
While using chopsticks, Juha habitually looked at his mobile phone.
It was 7 PM, but there was still no contact.
With pointless feelings, Juha casually rubbed his cheek.
* * *
When Juha returned home around 8 o’clock, his father who had just gotten off work was having dinner.
“You should eat dinner, right?”
“I already ate.”
Answering his mother’s question curtly, Juha went straight into the bathroom.
Juha stood for a long time under the falling water. Perhaps because his mood was unsettled before the first broadcast, his shower time was especially long today.
Even though people were tired of the mass production of audition programs, they secretly anticipated ‘My Job is Idol.’ Sites where idol group fans gathered were already full of prediction posts about the program.
Among the 80 people, about five or six had public recognition.
The most famous was Choi Taeri, and personal star Yoo Youngin was also one of them.
The rest, including Juha, were just ordinary people.
‘I need to catch attention in the first episode.’
Juha closed his eyes while receiving the falling water stream. Having done nothing special during the first episode filming, there was nothing to draw attention.
He even thought about not watching at all.
“Ugh.”
Lost in thought while showering, his body was turning red from the heat.
Juha hurriedly turned off the shower and went outside the bathroom. As soon as he opened the door, steam that had been trapped escaped and he could hear a familiar ringtone from far away.
‘Huh?’
That’s my mobile phone ringtone, isn’t it?
As soon as Juha detected the sound, he rushed to his room.
On the brightly lit mobile phone screen, the name he’d been waiting for appeared.
[Choi Taeri]
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
