Chapter 11
Saliva pooled at the corner of Juha’s mouth. Gulp, Juha swallowed his response without making a sound.
“No point in sharing a room together…”
Like a dying ember, Taeri dropped his voice with a powerless tone. Though it was his murmur to himself, Juha heard it clearly.
“…”
Beyond Juha’s closed eyes, he could feel Choi Taeri’s gaze.
‘What?’
Since his eyes were closed, he couldn’t be certain what kind of look it was. But staring so openly like that was definitely strange.
‘Why isn’t he leaving…’
The feeling alone wasn’t clear enough, so Juha wanted to open his eyes and check directly. Just what kind of gaze was he looking at him with?
As he suppressed his curiosity, Juha’s eyelids trembled.
“Mmm…”
Juha pretended to toss and turn while slightly opening his eyes to steal a glance at Taeri.
‘…Huh?’
Taeri was looking at Juha the entire time without even blinking.
In that brief moment before their eyes could meet, Juha read the deep emotion dwelling in Taeri’s pupils.
At Choi Taeri’s yearning gaze that wandered between desperation and wistfulness, Juha’s breath caught.
Juha curled up toward the backrest and forced himself to steady his breathing. If he didn’t make an effort, it seemed like he’d be caught not sleeping.
Fortunately, rustling sounds soon followed.
After staring at sleeping Juha for a while, Taeri silently got up and returned to the bed.
‘Haa, haa.’
Juha finally released the breath he’d been holding without making a sound. At the same time, questions about Choi Taeri’s behavior just now burst forth.
‘Why?’
Why would he say something like that? What benefit should there be for me sharing a room with Taeri? What exactly was that look in his eyes?
Juha’s head filled with confusion.
Sometimes he looked pitiful like an abandoned child, yet other times tender as if gazing at a sleeping lover. Could such an ardently longing gaze really come out as a joke?
Why would Choi Taeri…?
Why toward me?
Juha’s hands fidgeted.
‘Should I get up and ask…’
Why he said that, what he meant by it.
Right after drawing the line, Choi Taeri’s behavior of approaching him with what seemed like sincerity was too confusing for Juha.
‘What would I do if I knew.’
It’s just me being sincere again.
Juha soon let go of his feelings.
It’s all meaningless teasing, but he alone was reading too much into it. If he asked, only he would end up looking foolish.
Based on Choi Taeri’s behavior so far, even if he asked, he would just give roundabout answers and tease Juha again.
‘Just endure for 3 days.’
The sofa was wide and the cushions were good.
Today too, Juha kicked off some of his blanket because the indoor temperature was high. Not knowing his blanket had fallen to the floor, Juha fell asleep.
* * *
‘Has he fallen asleep now?’
The sofa in the distance that had been rustling soon became quiet. At the same time, Taeri slowly opened his eyes.
He must have heard and felt everything. Lee Juha, who had been pretending to sleep while trembling his long, tightly closed eyelashes, had tossed and turned and stolen a glance at Taeri. He seemed relieved that he hadn’t been caught pretending to sleep.
Watching that scene, Taeri almost ended up hugging Juha tightly.
His acting was so clumsy.
It was easy to confirm that Juha had fallen asleep. There was a stark difference between Juha before sleeping and after falling asleep.
The Juha that Taeri had observed on the same bed until now would breathe lightly and evenly when deeply asleep, constantly kicking off his blanket and rolling up his t-shirt.
‘Does he do that when sleeping alone too?’
After just one day of sleeping apart, Taeri already missed the time he spent sharing a bed with Juha.
Taeri carefully lifted the bed covers and got up. Even while putting on slippers and cautiously approaching the sofa, Juha’s breathing remained steady.
Not knowing that Taeri was approaching, Juha slept with his mouth open. Seeing that sight, a pleased smile spread across Taeri’s lips.
Earlier he’d been snapping like a sensitive cat throwing a tantrum, so why was he sleeping so peacefully?
‘He sleeps well alone.’
Unlike me.
Taeri muttered inwardly.
Today too, Juha with his high body temperature had coolly kicked off his blanket.
And as always, his t-shirt was rolled up over his flat stomach. His skin was white like rice cake, and with each breath, faint eleven-line abs appeared and disappeared on his white belly. His skin was so pale he wanted to touch it to confirm.
“Haa, making things difficult again.”
Taeri closed his eyes and turned his head toward the window. Like picking up fragile dried flower petals, he extended only his index finger to grab Juha’s t-shirt and smoothly pulled it down.
Once Juha’s stomach was covered, his rapidly beating heart calmed down considerably.
An incident could occur, so nothing should touch him at all.
When Taeri looked at sleeping Lee Juha’s white belly, he was seized by the crazy impulse to suck on it with his lips. He was going mad wanting to see congestion spread like red ink wherever his lips passed.
Not knowing whether he knew about these thoughts or not, Juha who had grown distant just felt frustrating.
“You should sleep peacefully…”
Taeri muttered alone while picking up the blanket scattered on the floor and covering Juha with it. Unable to touch him directly, he tapped Juha’s chest over the blanket. Still no reaction.
He didn’t know why Lee Juha staying still like this was so pleasing to watch.
Usually he was so quiet you wouldn’t know if he was there or not, but once something rubbed him the wrong way, he became so prickly.
But strangely, that wasn’t unpleasant. Rather, it was interesting wondering what he might say. And he was so sharp with his words.
The most worth watching was his proud expression after apologizing for teasing, as if he’d won a fight.
Though Taeri didn’t particularly like doing nothing and staying still, he felt like he could watch Lee Juha for 10 hours in one spot.
Even after expressing himself like that, he was surprisingly oblivious. He had a way of driving people crazy.
“Aigoo… idiot.”
Taeri plopped down on the sofa placed diagonally. From that spot, he could see Juha’s sleeping figure well, especially his face.
Once Lee Juha fell asleep, he slept unbelievably deeply, but the most regrettable thing was that there were cameras.
Otherwise, he would have pretended not to know and stolen at least one kiss.
“Does he have no interest in me…”
Even when Taeri spoke quietly enough not to be caught by the cameras, Juha’s breathing remained stable. Taeri propped his chin and gazed endlessly at Juha.
“Juha. Lee Juha.”
“Mmm…”
Instead of answering, Juha’s sleep talking was both annoying and cute. Taeri unconsciously smiled like a fool.
When Juha slightly turned his head in his sleep, life suddenly returned to his parted red lips.
When describing snow-white skin, people say it’s milk-colored or looks like flour was sprinkled on it, but Lee Juha’s skin was special. Looking at him, Taeri thought he was like the white keys of a piano.
Gleaming white and straight, seeming like they’d make a pretty sound if pressed.
“Haa…”
Just watching quietly, a sigh naturally flowed out.
Wanting to debut with Juha was sincere. He never expected impure feelings to get mixed in.
No, he expected impure feelings, but didn’t know they’d seep in this quickly.
‘From the moment I first saw Lee Juha, I should have known I’d be like this.’
Taeri smiled while gazing blankly at sleeping Juha.
Actually, this audition venue wasn’t where Taeri first saw Juha.
* * *
About a year ago. It was spring when the cherry blossoms were falling.
Though he’d majored in dance prepared to cut ties with his father, Taeri thirsted for the stage. At the time, Taeri had won prestigious competitions and was even invited to enter an arts school as a prodigy, so his future as a dancer was essentially guaranteed.
However, dance alone had limitations in satisfying his desires.
He wanted to reveal himself more, express himself and be completely immersed in people’s praise. Eighteen-year-old Choi Taeri overflowed with unmanageable energy.
During that period, Taeri learned to sing for fun from a close friend in vocal music. While also learning various street dances by observation, a few YouTube videos he’d uploaded as tests went viral.
The first place to offer Taeri a casting was Serona Entertainment. Though not top-tier, since it was his first casting offer ever, Taeri went to check out the company out of curiosity.
Serona Entertainment’s new headquarters building, built not long before, gleamed even among Gangnam’s luxury buildings. The person called Manager Kim proudly introduced Taeri to every corner of the company.
‘Not bad.’
That was Taeri’s first impression of Serona Entertainment.
Thanks to one hit girl group and one moderately successful boy group, Serona was establishing proper systems while having made good money. Manager Kim’s voice overflowed with pride as he explained how they lowered the tyranny of large agencies while well-combining the advantages of mid-sized agencies.
Their steps stopped at the large practice room. Through the glass window, seven men were dancing to music.
‘Those friends are the debut group. They’re good, right?’
‘They are good.’
Taeri nodded while observing each one.
The men who appeared to be in their late teens to early twenties were soaked in sweat enough to stain their t-shirts. Following well-coordinated movements, they struck and retreated, occasionally entering and exiting the center.
Among them, one person particularly caught Taeri’s eye. He was still a young-looking boy.
The boy moving his body roughly enough to scatter sweat drops was transparent and beautifully fragile like well-made glass art. Contrary to his seemingly delicate appearance, his eyes overflowed with vitality. It was raw movement like a fresh fish still flopping.
Except for parts covered by clothes, the boy’s exposed face and limbs were white as if they hadn’t seen a ray of sunlight for years. The sweat flowing over that skin sparkled like scattered glass powder.
‘Pretty.’
That was his first feeling seeing that boy of similar age to Taeri.
He was pretty to the point where you’d wonder if there was even one part that wasn’t beautiful.
Pretty when he smiled, pretty when he was serious.
Most of all, what caught his attention was the boy’s face looking the happiest in the world when dancing and singing.
So there’s someone who dances looking that happy. Taeri found himself envying him without realizing it.
Furthermore, he had the delusion that if he entered that person’s world, Taeri too would become that happy.
Taeri stopped in place and gazed endlessly at the boy. Looking at him felt like being in another world.
When his quietly beautiful features like those found in a monastery deep in the mountains came alive and created expressions, the urge to reach out and touch him surged up. He wanted to rub those white cheeks with his thumb.
The music ended.
Taeri bit his lips in disappointment.
Unaware of the watching gaze, the men in the practice room sat down panting.
The boy who caught Taeri’s eye also seemed hot, rolling up his short-sleeved t-shirt and shorts. Breathing roughly, he smiled cheerfully.
As expected, his snow-white arms and legs were revealed without exception. Though he’d thought he was just thin, the muscle lines revealed with each movement suggested ruthlessly intense practice.
Taeri couldn’t take his eyes off the man beyond the window.
A boy who suited the word ‘beauty’ more than ‘handsome.’
‘Practice is over, shall we go now?’
Manager Kim lightly patted Taeri’s shoulder.
‘How old is that friend in the back row, far left?’
Taeri asked without taking his eyes off the boy.
‘Ah, Lee Juha? He’s the same age as you, Taeri, but after 6 years as a trainee he finally made it into the debut group.’
‘Lee Juha…’
Taeri repeated his name over and over.
To Taeri who hadn’t even signed a contract yet, Lee Juha who had entered the ‘debut group’ seemed like someone far away. He was so pretty that it was fascinating, too dazzling to look at carelessly.
So that’s how much you have to shine to be an idol.
Someone like that deserves to be loved by the public.
From the moment he saw that boy, Taeri made up his mind. To become an idol, not a dancer. He wanted to stand on the same stage as that boy and shine just as much.
That face, that body, that passion, that skill.
If such a person were beside him, wouldn’t he gain courage too?
To Taeri who had fallen into dance mannerisms, Lee Juha showed new possibilities.
After that, Taeri considered going to Serona Entertainment just to see Lee Juha.
However, due to various circumstances, Taeri had to go to Fandom. Anyway, Lee Juha was in the debut group at the time, so even if Taeri went to Serona, they couldn’t debut together.
Rather, if he went to a large agency that could definitely support Taeri and debuted quickly, couldn’t they meet again as colleagues standing on the same music broadcast stage, if not the same team? He secretly hoped.
But for some reason, Lee Juha wasn’t in Serona’s new group that debuted later. Taeri’s debut, which seemed immediately possible, also kept getting delayed.
Then couldn’t Lee Juha debut with me in the same group?
Taeri thought about it thousands of times.
However, no matter how famous, Taeri was just a trainee, so he didn’t have the power to bring him to Fandom.
His longing deepened and became desperate.
In his memory, there were only three letters.
Only ‘Lee Juha.’
Because he was the first person ever to make Taeri’s gaze stop like that.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
