I met eyes with bright pupils staring straight at me. A subtle silence lingered for a moment.
Gulp.
The sound of swallowing was distinct. Sa-yoon barely resisted the urge to press his fingers against his furrowed brow.
“You shouldn’t get into that habit.”
Feigning annoyance, he shifted his gaze naturally. Maybe it was because he was overly conscious of it, but the fingertips that had touched felt strangely warm.
“Got it. Let’s go in.”
The words clearly didn’t make much sense, yet Sa Shin-jae didn’t question them. Instead, he simply turned away, composed.
Are you insane, Cha Sa-yoon? Get a grip. Sa-yoon silently cursed himself as he tapped his forehead. It was a situation where Shin-jae could easily misunderstand and think he was giving a green light.
Even when I got my first confession from a guy back in middle school, I didn’t freeze up this much.
Thanks to his objectively decent looks, he’d received a fair share of confessions throughout his life. Since heterosexuality was the norm, it naturally meant rejecting people more often than not. Over time, he’d become skilled at turning people down.
But despite that, today, he was flustered. And the reason was obvious—he didn’t want to hurt Sa Shin-jae.
Honestly, rejecting someone without causing them pain wasn’t easy. It was practically a contradiction, and he knew that. Yet, something about it still weighed heavily on him, like a lump of lead pressing on his chest.
Is it because I saw him crying, tears streaming down his face?
But if someone asked whether that meant he liked him, the answer would be a bit different. The age gap alone was too big for him to even consider such feelings.
It was like this: before he could even imagine a possibility, a thought would immediately shut it down—But isn’t he way too young?—making it impossible to even entertain the idea of seeing him as a romantic interest. That was Sa Shin-jae to him.
But… why does he look so normal?
As he rubbed his forehead, Sa-yoon caught a glimpse of Shin-jae walking ahead into the room. And then he noticed something.
The tips of his ears. Normally pale, now dyed a faint red. His neatly swept-back hair left them unusually exposed, making the color stand out even more.
The moment he saw that, he snapped back to reality.
“Aren’t you coming in?”
“Uh, yeah. I’m coming.”
The wide-open sliding doors looked unsettlingly like the gaping maw of a beast. Maybe that was just his imagination.
Once he stepped inside, he would have no choice but to say something that would inevitably hurt Shin-jae. A part of him wanted to put it off, to say, Let’s talk later, and leave.
If they had been the same age, Sa-yoon probably would have come up with some excuse to postpone the conversation.
But delaying his answer would only be cruel—nothing more than false hope.
So today, he had to make it clear.
Shin-jae had already stepped inside first and was looking at the menu. As Sa-yoon sat across from him, for some reason, Shin-jae’s striking looks seemed even more noticeable today. The way he focused on choosing his meal could only be described as mesmerizing.
Damn, he really is disgustingly good-looking…
Could the difference between having his forehead covered or exposed really be this drastic? He had always thought that this warm-toned aesthetic wasn’t his type, yet his gaze kept flickering toward him without realizing it.
He didn’t consider Shin-jae a romantic prospect, but objectively speaking, his beauty was undeniable. Even if someone didn’t usually go for that kind of look, a face like his could break personal preferences. Accessories that might have seemed excessive on anyone else somehow blended seamlessly with his features.
“There’s porridge on the menu here.”
And his physique—his body was something else, too. The tailored suit clung to him in a way that could only be described as artistic.
“Should I get pumpkin porridge or abalone porridge?”
His broad, well-defined shoulders, the firm chest that wasn’t as noticeable under knitwear but stood out clearly now, the wrist bone jutting out from the cuff of his shirt—
“Hyung?”
The more Sa-yoon looked, the more convinced he was that Shin-jae’s body was something sculpted by the gods. His fingers gripped the thick wet towel like he was trying to tear it apart.
“Are you feeling unwell? Should we go home?”
“Huh? Sorry, I didn’t hear you. What did you say?”
Sa-yoon barely caught the tail end of Shin-jae’s question and asked him to repeat it. Shin-jae furrowed one brow before snapping the menu shut with a crisp sound.
Then, without hesitation, he stood up. The pendant hanging from where his tie should have been swayed loudly with his movement.
“Let’s go.”
“Wait a second!”
Shin-jae’s hardened face turned to him. His attitude, as if he was about to walk out any second, left Sa-yoon completely taken aback. Was he really being this sensitive just because Sa-yoon ignored him for a moment?
“…About yesterday.”
That was why he blurted it out straight away.
“I think you’re misunderstanding something.”
Shin-jae’s arm, which had been bracing against the table, slowly lowered. Light brown eyes focused entirely on Sa-yoon.
His mouth felt dry, and he instinctively licked his lower lip. Shin-jae’s gaze followed the movement exactly. His expression wasn’t that of someone waiting for an answer to a confession—it was more like a hawk locked onto its prey.
“Well, sometimes it happens. There are heterosexual guys who confuse admiration with something else.”
“You’re saying my feelings are a mistake.”
“…Yeah?”
Despite the sharp expression on his face, Shin-jae’s voice remained calm. Truthfully, Sa-yoon had expected him to snap back, demanding why he was arbitrarily judging his emotions. But this reaction was far more restrained than anticipated. Encouraged by that, Sa-yoon continued.
“It’s normal. At your age, older guys can seem cool, but honestly, once you reach this age—”
“You’re right. Confessing yesterday was a mistake.”
“…Really?”
It wasn’t unheard of. Some people confessed only to later realize that being with another guy wasn’t for them. Or that it had all been a misunderstanding. If it was a mistake, then this could just be treated as a minor incident and moved past. Suddenly, Sa-yoon had a feeling that this conversation was about to go a lot smoother.
“But don’t dismiss my feelings as just a mistake.”
As if reading his thoughts, Shin-jae immediately added that. The confession yesterday might have been a mistake, but the feelings themselves were real.
Then why? Where did this even come from? The question resurfaced again.
“I just don’t get why you suddenly started thinking this way.”
“You told me to.”
“…I did?”
“You said to throw myself at what I want. Not to be afraid of liking something and to go for it.”
“Oh, no, that’s not…”
Sa-yoon sighed as he recalled their conversation from the previous day. That advice had been about Shin-jae’s career path. So, in the end, it was his own words that had fanned the flames of an immature crush.
“Well… I’ve never even considered anything like that with you. First of all, you’re a guy.”
The moment he said that, Shin-jae scoffed.
“But you did with him.”
“…Huh?”
“Seon Seung-joo.”
A bomb suddenly dropped right on his head.
“That guy’s not a man or something?”
So that’s what this was about. Sa-yoon let out a deep sigh internally. Shin-jae must have overheard something about their past. This was exactly why talking about these things at school had been a bad idea. His suppressed craving for a cigarette suddenly came rushing back.
“You like old men that much?”
If Seon Seung-joo had been here to hear that, his face would’ve at least cracked. The guy was ten years older than him, so technically, Shin-jae wasn’t wrong.
“Do you want to try again with him?”
The bluntness of his tone snapped Sa-yoon back to reality.
“No, it’s not like that. I ended things with him a long time ago. It’s not about whether someone’s a man or a woman, it’s just…”
Just…
That was when he finally took a proper look at what Shin-jae was wearing. A suit far too formal for a regular class. An outfit styled in a way that made him look older than he was.
Oh.
This time, Sa-yoon let out an audible sigh. He finally understood why this ridiculous getup had come about. In the end, he was still just a kid.
“When you were standing there holding a bouquet at your elementary school graduation, I was here, attending my entrance interview for this campus.”
It wasn’t a direct rejection, but the message was clear. Shin-jae’s expression immediately darkened.
“My parents didn’t come to my graduation, so I didn’t take any pictures.”
Sa-yoon pressed his fingers against his forehead. First, a bomb dropped from the sky, and now a landmine had exploded under his feet. Was this place the goddamn DMZ?
“…Sorry about that.”
“I didn’t say it for an apology.”
Shin-jae cut in right away.
“But what if I said I won’t do the shoot if seeing me makes you uncomfortable?”
“Shin-jae.”
“You keep focusing only on why this won’t work.”
Well, of course—there was no way in hell he’d ever feel attracted to someone his younger brother’s age.
“Of course, I’m not going to quit the shoot or anything. I am an ‘adult,’ after all.”
Was it just his imagination, or had Shin-jae put extra emphasis on that particular word?
“I’m not asking you to answer right now.”
“…What?”
“If you don’t have someone you like, then there’s no real reason to reject me right now, is there?”
He confessed, and now he wanted to dictate when he’d get a response too? What was this—some kind of long-term savings account he could just deposit his feelings into and cash out later?
“You know, this whole thing is just…”
Sa-yoon was about to call it a waste of time but abruptly stopped.
The fist pressed against Shin-jae’s lips was trembling ever so slightly. Not just his hand, but also his wrist, his arm—
Once he noticed the first warning sign, the rest followed in quick succession. The other hand, resting on the table, was also clenched into a tight fist. He was gripping so hard that the bones on the back of his hand had turned white from the pressure.
“…Weren’t you angry at me?”
“Why would I be mad at you?”
His tone was cold, but this time, it sounded different—like he was trying his best to keep his emotions in check, as if afraid they might slip through.
“At least while we’re working together… can’t you take me seriously?”
So that was it.
Shin-jae… just wanted to look good in front of him.
“If, even after that, I still feel like a kid to you… then I’ll give up.”
Even though he was afraid of rejection, he was still trying to follow Sa-yoon’s advice—to throw himself at what he wanted, even if it was terrifying.
And yet, his voice, still composed as ever, somehow sounded like a plea.
Sa-yoon felt something clogging his throat, blocking any words from coming out.
