39.
#I’m Better Than Others
A sensation. The sound of lips touching and parting made it impossible to think of anything else. When he realized that the hot, moist feeling crawling up his neck was Hayun’s tongue, his mind went completely blank. Contrary to reason, a dizzying sensation bloomed deep inside his body, spreading throughout.
This is crazy. Unable to control the sensation, Dawoon squeezed his eyes shut.
As he shook his head at the sound of flesh pressing against flesh, the tongue that had passed over his neck licked the inside of his ear. Hik. A sharp moan escaped involuntarily at the chilling sensation. The wet sounds in his ear and the pressure felt below made him increasingly unable to know what to do.
“Stop, uh, please…”
It felt like being swallowed whole by a huge wave. He didn’t know how to resist the unfamiliar pleasure dominating his entire body. As he felt blood rushing downward more and more, his body stiffened with a short moan. At the same time, he felt something gushing out.
Huk, huk. Breathing heavily, Dawoon belatedly realized what he had done. Unable to even blink, he lowered his head to look down. Hayun’s hand was soiled with his own fluids. The moment he saw it, his body began to tremble.
“That’s why I said not to…”
His voice trembled, making it impossible to continue speaking. He wanted to blame it all on Hayun, but he couldn’t understand how he had finished in his brother’s hand. Having never experienced masturbation or wet dreams before, the pleasure of ejaculation was secondary to the shock of it all.
In an instant, his eyes stung and he felt like tears would pour out. He clenched his jaw tightly, somehow managing to hold back the tears from falling, but even his heart was pounding. Though his hands were now free from Hayun’s grasp, he remained frozen, unable to even think about properly putting on his pants and underwear that were draped over his thighs.
“It’s okay.”
The gentle voice made him flinch. Never had the words “it’s okay” sounded so much like a lie. It wasn’t okay. This situation was not okay at all.
“Everyone does it.”
Hayun said, pulling out a tissue to wipe his own hand. Although Dawoon had always believed everything his brother said, even if he claimed to make bean paste out of red beans, now he couldn’t believe him. Hayun seemed too unfamiliar. He even had the absurd suspicion that this might be someone else wearing Hayun’s face.
“From now on, make sure to release beforehand. So you don’t fall for strange temptations because it’s built up too much.”
At these words that sounded almost cold, Dawoon struggled to raise his eyes to look at Hayun’s face. He could tell his own eyes were wavering with emotion. Hayun must have known his state. Yet, instead of comforting him, he was still explaining the supposed valid reasons for this unbelievable act.
“There’s no need to be so confused.”
As Dawoon glared at him through gritted teeth, Hayun smiled faintly as if he had no choice and reached out his hand. Seeing his hand approach, Dawoon involuntarily stiffened. For a brief moment, Hayun’s hand paused in mid-air. But soon, as if nothing was wrong, he properly adjusted Dawoon’s clothes and then stroked his hair.
“I’m better than a stranger, right?”
As Hayun said, if he had brought some unknown woman and she had done this to him, it would have been more shameful and unpleasant. But that didn’t mean what Hayun did was okay at all.
“You know I cherish you dearly, right?”
The gentle voice made his mind even more confused. He couldn’t deny those words. From the age of five, which he could barely remember now, Hayun had always been a good brother to Dawoon. He couldn’t help but know how much Hayun had cherished him.
Even so, this…
It felt like everything had become a mess, but he didn’t know how to explain it. Right now, his insides were trembling, and he couldn’t organize his thoughts.
“You can throw away the USB if you don’t need it.”
At the mention of the USB he had momentarily forgotten about, Dawoon’s gaze turned to the table. Seeing the USB plugged into the tablet PC, his face hardened involuntarily. Watching Dawoon, Hayun quietly smiled and then leaned down to kiss his forehead. Distracted by the USB and caught off guard, Dawoon flinched again as Hayun’s lips touched and left his forehead.
“Sleep well.”
As if it had been a goodnight kiss, Hayun lightly ruffled Dawoon’s hair and turned away.
Only after Hayun left and the sound of the door closing was heard did Dawoon’s legs give out, and he slumped to the floor. As he unclenched his tightly held fists, he found even his fingertips were now trembling.
“What… what is this…”
The final kiss on the forehead was something Hayun often did as a goodnight gesture since childhood. So that could be dismissed as meaningless. But perhaps because of what had happened just before, his forehead where Hayun’s lips had touched seemed to burn. It wasn’t just his forehead. The sensation Hayun had left on his neck was still vividly present.
Wanting to shake off that unfamiliar sensation, he bit the inside of his lip hard, but the more he was conscious of it, the clearer it became.
His eyes stung more than before, and his vision became blurry with tears. Plop. Tears began to fall down his cheeks, but he couldn’t even think to wipe them away. He didn’t even know why he was crying. Unable to make a sound, he had to sit there for a long time, letting the tears that fell from his cheeks wet the floor.
***
As Hayun came down to the dining room after finishing his preparations for work, he suppressed a bitter smile at the sight of Haram sitting alone. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at how everything was unfolding exactly as he had expected.
“Where’s brother Dawoon?”
He asked Haram, who was sitting across from him, as he pulled out a chair to sit down.
“Big brother went to school.”
“Already? Without eating?”
Although asking a child wouldn’t reveal the reason, Hayun thought that since Dawoon was weak to Haram, he might have at least made some excuse.
“Big brother said he had a broadcast! Does brother Dawoon appear on TV?”
Haram asked, his dark eyes sparkling brightly. Hearing “broadcast,” he seemed to think Dawoon would really appear on TV.
“He doesn’t.”
Hayun answered with a smile, and the child’s face immediately fell.
“But he said he had a broadcast…”
“The work your brother Dawoon does isn’t appearing on screen, but helping behind the scenes.”
Since he had applied as a PD, of course, he wouldn’t appear on screen. Even if he happened to be caught on camera since it was a university broadcast station, Haram would never see it anyway.
Haram frowned seriously, struggling to understand what “helping behind the scenes” meant.
“We should take a day to visit Job World.”
Thinking it would be better for the child to see directly rather than explaining verbally, Hayun mentioned the job experience center for children. The butler nodded, saying he understood.
“How are the new teachers?”
Last month, after dismissing Ms. Lim, Chairman Jeong’s side had sent teachers to teach Haram. There were different people for each subject, and the Chairman had also chosen someone to be in charge of childcare separate from education. When Hayun opposed the Chairman’s desire to take Haram, he filled all the positions with his own people to teach and stay with the child 24 hours a day.
“He was a bit scared at first, but fortunately, he’s adapting well.”
At the butler’s answer, Hayun looked at Haram, who was eating diligently. Certainly, compared to when Dawoon was young, Haram was growing up according to Chairman Jeong’s intentions.
Well, it might not be bad.
If the Chairman took special care of him, it meant one less thing for Hayun to worry about.
“What time did Dawoon leave?”
He asked casually while eating.
“About 30 minutes ago.”
Hayun suppressed a laugh at the butler’s answer. At least he didn’t leave at the crack of dawn. He probably didn’t sleep a wink all night. Given Dawoon’s sensitive nature, there was no way he could have slept soundly after experiencing such a thing. So Hayun had thought he would have left as soon as the sun rose to avoid him, but surprisingly, he had dawdled.
Hayun’s gaze turned to Haram sitting across from him. It was probably because of that kid. If Dawoon had disappeared before Haram woke up, the child would have cried and made a fuss looking for Dawoon as soon as he opened his eyes.
“Haram.”
“Yes?”
The child looked at Hayun while chewing his food.
“Tomorrow, make sure to tell brother Dawoon to eat breakfast before leaving. Understand?”
“Yes!”
Without knowing the reason, the child nodded his head vigorously with a bright smile. He seemed to like anything related to Dawoon. Just as Dawoon poured affection on Haram, Haram loved Dawoon the most in the world. Even though he got along well with his grandfather, the reason he didn’t say he wanted to live with his grandfather was entirely because of Dawoon.
“Did something happen, by any chance?”
As the meal was nearly over, the butler asked. Hayun raised his eyes to look at him, wondering about the intention behind the question. With the subject omitted, it was ambiguous who he was asking about or what might have happened.
“His eyes were red. They were swollen too.”
The subject was still omitted, but this time Hayun immediately understood who he was talking about.
“Who knows.”
Hayun smiled weakly and shook his head. Although he had watched everything that happened to Dawoon after he left through the CCTV installed in his room, he vaguely avoided answering. Until now, he had discussed and entrusted everything about Dawoon and Haram to the butler, but this time he couldn’t. So he had nothing to say.
