Chapter 59
As he climbed upward, the house where he and his mother had lived appeared. It was filled with an empty coldness that had settled in completely.
After confirming the dark sky where night had already fallen, Seoyul sat down right where he was. Since it was the middle of winter, his fingertips were turning bright red. But he had no desire to move elsewhere.
Crouched down like that, he remained lost in thought for a long time. But still, no answers came.
He couldn’t understand what he should do, how he should face Dowoon from now on—he couldn’t figure out anything.
‘No. I’m just avoiding the truth.’
He knew he should give up on Dowoon. If he couldn’t give up, he should tell him everything and allow Dowoon to reject him.
Seoyul knew that was how it should end.
‘What should I do…’
He didn’t want that. He was greedy. He wanted Dowoon’s gaze to be directed at him, not someone else.
Such a selfish desire.
Seoyul realized for the first time in his life that liking someone meant becoming this selfish.
“Haa. Haa.”
Just then, someone’s rough breathing was heard right in front of him. Seoyul froze.
And for good reason—the voice he heard…
“Found you.”
…belonged to Dowoon.
* * *
Having lost sight of Seoyul, Dowoon immediately hailed a taxi. He told the driver to follow right away, but due to catching a red light, he lost track of Seoyul.
“Ah, damn it.”
From then on, he frantically used spatial movement, crudely searching for the taxi Seoyul had taken. It was a slim chance that he’d actually find him, and he might endanger himself by depleting his energy first.
But Dowoon couldn’t stop.
‘He was crying.’
Why?
Without time to ponder this question, he consumed energy, and consumed more, and consumed even more, searching for Seoyul.
And then he found it—the taxi that Seoyul had taken. But Seoyul had already gotten out.
Dowoon asked the taxi driver and found out where Seoyul had been dropped off.
‘This place…’
When he had inquired about Seoyul before, he remembered hearing that he had lived in a place just like this. The fact that the only place he could go was this run-down area where he had lived in the past made Dowoon’s heart constrict.
It felt as though for Seoyul, “home” still meant this place, not where he lived with Dowoon.
‘From now on… I just need to handle this well.’
With that vague thought, Dowoon climbed up to where his feet took him. And then he found him.
Seoyul was sitting crouched under a small tree, his face buried.
Dowoon quickened his pace to approach him.
“Haa… Haa…”
Rough breaths escaped his lips. At the same time, joy flashed through him at finally finding Seoyul.
“Found you.”
Dowoon approached Seoyul. Sitting in front of him, he called Seoyul’s name.
“Seoyul.”
Flinch.
Seoyul’s body reacted to Dowoon’s voice. He carefully reached out and cupped Seoyul’s face.
His ears were ice-cold from the chilly wind. Not knowing what had driven him to such a corner made Dowoon’s chest feel tight.
“Seoyul. Lift your face for me.”
First, he needed to talk with him. He had to find out why he ran away, why he was crying.
“Won’t you show me your face?”
“……”
“It’s cold here.”
“……”
“Let’s go home. Okay?”
Seoyul remained still despite Dowoon’s words. Since no words were getting through to him, he decided to use a little force.
He carefully took Seoyul’s face in both hands and lifted it up.
“……”
Dowoon was shocked to see the ice-cold face, his eyes widening. He hadn’t noticed because Seoyul had been so quiet.
The fact that Seoyul… was still crying…
* * *
“Seoyul.”
Seoyul couldn’t lift his head. How was Dowoon here? How had he found him?
Countless thoughts raced through his mind, but the moment the large hand touched his face, all thinking ceased.
The warm hand melted his frozen face. That warmth softened his heart as well.
‘I shouldn’t be like this.’
It would be troublesome if his feelings deepened like this, but the warm touch felt so good that no thoughts came to mind.
“Seoyul. Lift your face for me.”
That gentle voice. As it seeped into his heart, tears welled up.
“Won’t you show me your face?”
He was worried.
“It’s cold here.”
About someone like him, who was just a Guide.
“Let’s go home. Okay?”
Home… Home? Could he still live with him when that person existed?
Seoyul felt like he had nowhere to go. Where should he go? Where should he head?
Tears leaked out at the endlessly circling questions. He didn’t want to show such a foolish side of himself, but the tears muddled his thoughts.
Seoyul wished he could just disappear. But Dowoon cupped his face with his other hand and gently lifted it.
“…!!”
He looked stiff with surprise. He must be shocked. I must look like a fool. He must dislike me now.
“Hic…”
Seoyul couldn’t swallow back the tears that welled up again, and immediately lowered his head. Tears dripped down, wetting his pants with cold dampness.
Then, with a voice full of confusion, Dowoon embraced him tightly.
“Hic, uh, ugh…”
Dowoon’s embrace was so warm. His wordless, tight hug felt like he was offering comfort.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I can’t accept your feelings.
“Hic, uwaaaah…”
Seoyul finally burst into loud sobs. His heart hurt too much. Tears flowed endlessly because his first love was ending without him even being able to confess.
Dowoon silently waited for Seoyul, who just kept crying. He held him in his warm embrace until he calmed down.
That gentleness felt so good, but knowing it belonged to someone else made his heart ache so much that he cried and cried.
“Hic. Ugh. Sniff…”
How long had he cried like that?
He hadn’t realized it while crying, but after crying so much, he didn’t know how to face Dowoon or what excuse to make.
Dowoon probably had no idea why he was crying and must have been very confused. But he had embraced him silently and comforted him.
No, maybe he already knew. That’s how Seoyul felt.
‘Right. I’ll tell him everything and be done with it.’
Since it had come to this, he thought he should tell everything and sort it out. Though staying silent might be the right answer, he felt like if he did that, his relationship with Dowoon would end here.
He might not get the relationship he wanted, but he at least wanted to remain on normal terms.
“Are you done crying?”
As the gentle voice brushed his ear, Seoyul carefully nodded. Dowoon carefully released Seoyul and met his eyes.
“Can I ask… why you were crying?”
There was caution in his voice. That voice briefly sent fear through him, but Seoyul slowly opened his mouth as he had resolved.
“Well. I saw Team Leader… and Esper-nim… together…”
“Y-you saw?”
Dowoon seemed very surprised. So they really were dating? Was their relationship a secret? Is that why there were only rumors?
His heart stung with pain. But he still had to say what needed to be said. If it was a secret, he would keep that secret, and after properly expressing his feelings, he would soon put these emotions aside, so Dowoon didn’t need to worry.
That was something that should happen after hearing Dowoon’s answer. If he didn’t hear it with his own ears, he wouldn’t be able to give up.
He was kind, and if Seoyul didn’t hear and convey properly, Dowoon would still be kind to him. If that happened, contrary to his intentions, he would be helplessly swayed and end up troubling him.
Seoyul painfully opened his mouth to hear words he didn’t want to hear.
“May I ask… what kind of relationship… you two have?”
* * *
“…Huh?”
What kind of relationship?
Dowoon was bewildered. It was shocking enough that Seoyul had seen him threatening Yujin roughly, but suddenly asking what kind of relationship?
Well…
“Can I… continue to stay by Esper-nim’s side?”
What was all this about?
Dowoon couldn’t properly understand what Seoyul was saying. So he couldn’t provide an answer. It could be that because he had cried so much, he wasn’t properly conveying his thoughts.
But Seoyul, still looking down, articulated clearly.
“Since you have that kind of relationship with Team Leader… I don’t know if I should stay by Esper-nim’s side.”
Seoyul’s voice as he said this was full of moisture. His lips were tightly bitten as if trying to hold back tears that were rising again.
Dowoon just stared at that sight with a somewhat blank face.
‘Me… having that kind of relationship… with that bastard?’
Only then did Dowoon realize what Seoyul was thinking. The position the two had been in, the angle from which Seoyul would have seen them from the bottom of the stairs, and what Seoyul was saying now.
Considering everything together, there was only one conclusion.
‘Crazy!!’
Dowoon silently screamed. Seoyul was misunderstanding. Him and that guy…
“No!!”
“…Pardon?”
Seoyul raised his head at Dowoon’s shout. Seemingly startled, a tear that hadn’t yet fallen dropped from his widely opened eyes.
Dowoon’s hand itched to wipe it away, but first, he needed to clear up the misunderstanding.
“No! It’s not like that! I understand what you’re thinking, but it’s not that!”
“Uh…”
“Me, in that kind of relationship with that bastard? He’s the worst, most despicable, crazy person in the world! He’s someone who could never have that kind of relationship with me!”
“What? But…”
Seoyul trailed off, staring blankly at Dowoon. But people had…
“Aaagh! I just imagined it! It gives me the creeps! I don’t know why you misunderstood like that, but it’s absolutely impossible, so never say that again!”
Dowoon’s face looked very sincere. It truly seemed like he found it revolting and would rather die than admit to such a thing.
‘Is it really not true?’
If that was the case, what was the point of all the crying and misery he had just gone through? How could he explain why he acted like this?
If Dowoon and Yujin had been in that kind of relationship, he had planned to confess his feelings and let them go, but now that Dowoon denied it, he didn’t know what to do.
“Haah…”
A long sigh was heard from Dowoon right in front of him. Seoyul flinched. Then, gripping Seoyul’s shoulders and looking him in the eyes, Dowoon opened his mouth.
“I’m telling you this because I’m worried you’ll keep misunderstanding if I don’t say it clearly, so listen carefully.”
It seemed he had something important to say. What could it be?
Seoyul faced Dowoon, extremely tense. And then, Dowoon uttered unbelievable words.
“I like you.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
