#122
“Eunhong.”
Without warning, tears suddenly began falling from Eunhong’s eyes. There had been no indication they were coming, so even he seemed unaware of them. Unconsciously, Jaeha reached out to wipe away the tears. As the warm tears touched his fingertips, he flinched and tried to pull his arm back, but Eunhong caught his hand and pressed it back against his cheek. Even with his eyes closed, tears continued to flow like rain, pooling in Jaeha’s palm.
“It was you.”
Eunhong quietly sobbed. At the root of his anger, fear, and sadness about losing control of his body due to pheromones was the manifestation incident. All this time, he hadn’t been able to define it for himself, but now he knew for certain.
All the anxiety that had been pooled in his heart melted away. The fact that there was no unknown person in the world who had shared his manifestation with him made Eunhong cry. And learning that it was Jaeha brought feelings of surprise and joy. He was purely relieved and grateful. There were no other complicated emotions.
And because of that, he could understand. What Jaeha meant to him.
“I’m glad.”
Jaeha trembled at the softly spoken words. As if pierced by the formless words, he clutched his chest and shook. Eunhong repeated himself to Jaeha, who had opened his eyes wide. He wanted to reassure him. To tell him what kind of person he was to Eunhong.
“I’m glad it was you. Lee Jaeha. Okay?”
“…”
Eunhong, who had been repeatedly murmuring about being glad, suddenly raised his eyes. The hands resting on his knees tensed. He tightly clenched his fists.
You really lived with the possibility of breaking up with me, with that anxiety in your mind. And if I couldn’t accept this fact or if it troubled me, you were thinking of running away to the other side of the earth? This lightning-like realization flashed through his mind.
Thump. Eunhong struck Jaeha’s shoulder hard with his clenched fist.
“I’m really glad, you jerk.”
Thump, thump, thump. Eunhong started hitting with his left hand, and when that wasn’t enough, he balled up his right hand too and hit Jaeha.
Because of the needle in the back of his hand and his broken pinky finger, Jaeha grabbed both of Eunhong’s arms to stop him.
“Let go.”
“Your hands will hurt.”
“Should I headbutt you instead?”
Jaeha showed reluctance as Eunhong huffed, looking like he really might headbutt him.
“You, Lee Jaeha. You. YOU!”
Eunhong almost seemed to be screaming.
“Lee Jaeha, do you think I’m stupid?”
“…No, no. That’s not it.”
“Did you have so little faith in me? What if you had done that? Were you afraid I would abandon you? That I would break up with you?”
“…”
“I’m asking if you had so little faith in me! You say I can do anything to you, but what do you take me for!”
In front of the shouting Eunhong, Jaeha sat stupidly like a broken statue. A shocking realization dawned at Eunhong’s words about not trusting him.
I didn’t trust you.
“I…”
The hands holding Eunhong’s arms tightened gently.
“…I’m sorry. I have no excuse.”
Countless words swirled in his mouth. Yes, that’s right, I was scared. I thought you would leave me. I thought you would finally get tired of someone like me. I thought you would run away saying I was disgusting.
Yet I wanted to have you. I just couldn’t explain myself. I didn’t have the courage to show you all of me. I couldn’t quite believe that you would accept me just as I am.
“I’m sorry, Eunhong.”
Eunhong grimaced. As he shook his arms that Jaeha wouldn’t release, tears splattered in all directions. Finally, he cried loudly with sorrow. Overwhelming emotions poured out.
“I’m sorry.”
As if those were the only words he knew how to say, Jaeha murmured as he pulled Eunhong into an embrace. I’m sorry. Sorry. I’m really sorry.
***
Secretary Kim drove on the way home. Eunhong, who had been releasing pheromones even while receiving suppressants, felt his body condition changing during the short time it took to walk down to get in the car. There was no way Jaeha could drive with Eunhong beside him in that state.
Although Eunhong had received suppressants, he was warned that he would suffer through a heat cycle for up to a week. His pheromone graph had exceeded the normal range. From his late manifestation onwards, nothing about him was ordinary or easy.
After parking the car in the underground garage, Secretary Kim turned around.
“I’ll be taking my leave now.”
“Thank you.”
Whether it was because they had discussed the heat cycle or because he had served alpha superiors for a long time, Secretary Kim didn’t bat an eye at the series of incidents. He simply handled the situation calmly and clearly.
As he got out of the car after adding that Jaeha shouldn’t worry about other work or company schedules at all, Eunhong bit his lip firmly. It was because he understood what that meant.
An awkwardness hung in the now quiet car.
“Shall we go up?”
Jaeha was the first to break the silence with a suggestion. His voice was low and hoarse. Eunhong was staring stubbornly outside, not making even the sound of breathing.
“…”
“…”
The temperature in the sealed car was gradually rising. Jaeha pulled and loosened the tie choking his neck. The tendon below his jaw protruded prominently. With each breath he took, Eunhong’s scent made him more and more dizzy.
Then Eunhong moistened his lips and spoke.
“I honestly don’t understand… what you’re so afraid of. What happened with your father and mother… I’m sorry about that. Though I don’t know much.”
“…”
“I hope you never think about ending things on your own again.”
“…I’m sorry.”
“Freedom or whatever. That kind of consideration feels bad…”
Having finished speaking, Eunhong turned his gaze to look at Jaeha. He didn’t like how deeply sunken Jaeha’s eyes were, lost in thought.
“…”
“…”
Eunhong was the first to run out of patience. As the effects of the suppressants had worn off long ago, it was difficult to keep his itching body still. The saying that pheromones were legal drugs seemed laughable to his past self who had taken it lightly. With trembling hands, he opened the car door.
When he almost staggered awkwardly, Jaeha, who had gotten out from the other side, rushed over to support him. Eunhong nearly fell trying to avoid his hand. Seeing that Eunhong became more precarious the more he tried to touch him, Jaeha just clenched his fists and quietly followed behind.
It was a blessing that they didn’t encounter anyone on their way to the elevator. The sweet smell emanating from his body was noticeable even to himself. His body was terribly explicit. He was becoming a beast that had lost its humanity, focused solely on calling for a mate.
While the pheromones heightened sexual arousal and excitement, the fact that he was losing control of his body also evoked unpleasant feelings. If there was any comfort unlike his manifestation day, it was that he was barely maintaining his sanity, and this time he would remember that the person with him was Lee Jaeha.
Lee Jaeha.
As he turned around after getting on the elevator, his eyes met Jaeha’s. If they went up to the apartment together like this, what would happen afterward was clear as day.
It wasn’t that he was angry about Jaeha deceiving him. He was angry because Jaeha didn’t trust him and was anxious, consistently hiding things and not showing them. He was angry that Jaeha had been meeting him while harboring anxiety, fearing an end that Eunhong himself had never even considered.
But Jaeha was the only one for him, and would continue to be so. He wasn’t denying that. He just felt deeply hurt.
Eunhong looked at Jaeha as if he were drinking him in. Just the meeting of their gazes made his lower abdomen burn hot. His insides were all tingly, making it difficult to endure.
“…Let’s go up.”
Eunhong relaxed his tense body and took a step back, yielding the entrance. Jaeha slowly stepped into the elevator. It was essentially permission and forgiveness. With trembling fingers, he languidly pressed the button engraved with the floor number. It felt as if he could see his pheromones staining the button.
His body had become so sensitive that even the movement of the elevator was stimulating. Eunhong had been watching the blinking red numbers, but slowly lowered his gaze. He met Jaeha’s pitch-black eyes reflected in the shining doors. He moistened his parched lips with his tongue while glaring at Jaeha. After a while, Jaeha, finding it difficult to endure, averted his gaze.
Ding. The elevator arrived at its destination.
Eunhong, who had been standing in front of the door, took the lead. Although his steps were slow as if his feet were stuck to the ground, Jaeha neither overtook him nor urged him on, following a step behind. That made Eunhong even more inflamed. Just clenching and unclenching his fists made his blood circulate faster.
Standing in front of the entrance, he leaned his head against the door. It was becoming increasingly difficult to string thoughts together. Though he was aware that his actions were becoming sluggish, his body wouldn’t listen. Just then, Jaeha’s hand reached past him from behind toward the door lock.
There was blood on his white cuffs. And it contained such intense pheromones that they completely captured Eunhong’s attention.
In that brief moment of unlocking the door, Jaeha’s pheromones flickered, tickling the tip of Eunhong’s nose. Then, like a bomb with its fuse lit, his body reacted. As the door opened and he took one step after another inside, a chilling sensation flowed down his spine. As soon as they crossed the threshold, Eunhong fell to his knees.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
