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Apology
Meanwhile, Yongjae, who had continued sprinting forward despite hearing Jeonggwan calling from behind, only stopped running after his pounding heartbeat had drowned out the surrounding sounds. Though he thought he had been running aimlessly, this was a street he remembered walking in Hong Kong before. It was Central, with the sea stretching out ahead and the glittering buildings of Hong Kong Island visible across the water. Perhaps because the memory of walking happily here holding Junjae’s hand in one hand and Jeonggwan’s in the other was so deeply imprinted, Yongjae had unconsciously come to this place.
Earlier, he had fled in anger with the feeling that no one understood his feelings, but by the time he reached Central, Yongjae was already regretting his childish behavior, thinking he was already in his third year of middle school. Though the thought of going back dominated his mind, somehow his feet wouldn’t stop and kept walking farther away. Eventually, Yongjae reached the Central lookout right by the sea and slumped down on the steps in front of it. The area was filled with tourists gathered in small groups on the steps, most of them appearing to be families enjoying themselves noisily.
Though it was summer, the cool sea breeze gently blowing in the night air soothed Yongjae’s sweat and calmed his heart. Still, he felt thirsty after running for so long. Naturally, he thought of the mango juice that Jeongwoo had been singing about earlier. Thinking about it now, Jeongwoo hadn’t been wrong. They were family, and since this was their first trip to Hong Kong together, they could have bought just one mango juice to share, even if it was just a sip each. But having always heard “you’re right” since childhood, somehow Yongjae hadn’t wanted to lose to Jeongwoo and had pushed him even harder. Perhaps he was the one being unreasonable.
What should I say when I go back? He should have been more mature and apologized to Jeongwoo first, but Yongjae rarely had to apologize in his life and was at a loss for words. It would be nice to have an answer sheet for situations like this, but searching online didn’t yield particularly helpful content. Just as he unconsciously let out a deep sigh, feeling dizzy from the complexity and rising heat, a sudden cold sensation touched his right cheek.
“Why is this kid so fast at running?”
“…Uncle.”
“Here, water.”
“…Thank you.”
It was Jeongwon. The third maternal uncle who always watched over and cared for him from close by. Come to think of it, Yongjae felt sorry realizing that Jeongwon and the other bodyguards had all suddenly run after him. Summer in Hong Kong was already hot enough just standing still, and now they’d had an unexpected jogging session in the middle of the night.
“…I’m sorry for suddenly running off.”
“Sorry is, well, that’s my job. And uncle was just surprised at how well you run. You always seem to be sitting at your desk, but I guess alpha dominants are different.”
“Uncle, you’re not even sweating…”
“But why did you run like that? Did Jeongwoo provoke you again?”
“…I pushed him too hard.”
“Wow. Our Yongjae is such an adult. Even knowing how to say such things.”
Despite saying this, Yongjae still seemed like a baby to Jeongwon, who took the water bottle, unscrewed the cap himself, and handed it over—something a third-year middle school student could certainly do on his own.
“But I don’t know how to apologize…”
“Apologizing is really difficult. Uncle still finds it hard.”
“Even as an adult? You have more experience than me.”
“With more experience, I can apologize faster. But making up your mind is the same. How to reach out first, what words to say. Especially to family.”
So apologizing is truly difficult even for adults. Looking at his kind uncle’s face, Yongjae felt his complicated feelings somewhat unraveling. If Jeongwon had said something like “What’s so hard about apologizing? Just say you’re sorry!” Yongjae would have found it even more difficult. That wouldn’t have been Yongjae’s way, and he would have kept it bottled up inside, only to apologize again later. While buying Jeongwoo a glass of mango juice, sharing it with his brother…
“Ah…!”
“Did you figure out how to apologize?”
Yongjae nodded quickly and jumped to his feet. Jeongwoo might have already bought the mango juice, but he wanted to go share it with him. That was the apology he wanted to make. Not just saying sorry with words, but showing that he would respect Jeongwoo’s opinions from now on, not dismiss them.
“Shall we go then?”
“Yes…!”
Just as the two dusted off their bottoms and were about to take a step to return, a man strode through the crowd toward them.
“Won Yongjae!”
“…Dad.”
It was Junjae, breathing heavily. Even though he had been told that Jeongwon and Yongjae were together, Junjae had continued running without stopping. Unlike Jeonggwan who completely trusted Jeongwon, Junjae couldn’t sleep well with worry unless he confirmed with his own eyes, so he wanted to check directly if Yongjae was okay.
“Are you alright? You’re not hurt or anything?”
“…Yes.”
“Yongjae, how could you leave your daddy like that?”
“…I’m sorry.”
“Do you know how surprised your daddy was?”
The “daddy” he was referring to was Jeonggwan. As Junjae scolded him about how surprised Jeonggwan must have been when he suddenly ran off, he didn’t realize that he himself had been even more surprised. Of course, Junjae trusted Jeongwon too, but perhaps because they weren’t blood relatives, he worried that Jeongwon might have lost track of Yongjae.
“No matter how much smarter you are than others, this is a foreign country. What would you do if you got lost here?”
Of course, Yongjae knew the way from here to the villa. From here, walk 3 minutes to Canton Road station, take bus number 973, pass about 31 stops, get off at Repulse Bay Beach station, then walk downhill for about 7 minutes to reach the villa where the family was staying. He could think of about 5 other methods to reunite with his family, but Yongjae kept these thoughts to himself and pressed his lips shut. It didn’t seem like the right time to argue about such things.
“…”
“Haah… come here.”
Junjae sighed and reached out his hand to Yongjae. Without hesitation, Yongjae approached Junjae and slipped right into his embrace. Junjae’s large, warm arms.
“If something happened to you…”
“…”
“Daddy really couldn’t live.”
“…Daddy Jeonggwan?”
“Me.”
“…”
A smile slowly spread across Yongjae’s face. Although he had always said that Junjae’s love could be felt even if it wasn’t visible, hearing it in words like this was different. Junjae always had “I love you” on his lips for Jeonggwan, but he was a taciturn father who struggled to express such things to Yongjae or Jeongwoo. However, the warm gaze and tender embrace made it clear how much he loved his sons, so Yongjae hadn’t minded not hearing affectionate words directly from Junjae. Yet now, he felt again how powerful words could be.
“When did you grow so big? When you first went to kindergarten, you were so shy you couldn’t even lift your face from daddy’s arms.”
“…I think I remember.”
“Even when Jeonggwan told you to come down and play with friends, you shook your head saying you didn’t want to let go of daddy, remember?”
“…Yes.”
“Back then, honestly, daddy was a little happy.”
“…Really?”
Yongjae, who had been burying his face in Junjae’s embrace just like back then, lifted his head to look up at him. Since Junjae always said that everything Jeonggwan said was right, Yongjae vaguely remembered burying his face deeper in Junjae’s arms, refusing when Jeonggwan said, “Stop clinging to daddy and go play with friends.” At that time, he had clung even more desperately to Junjae when he tried to detach him, saying, “Let’s try playing with friends like Daddy Jeonggwan says.” Looking back, Yongjae thought Junjae must have been quite embarrassed. While other children played well together, he might have felt self-conscious about Yongjae’s apparent lack of social skills. But Junjae said he had actually liked it? Yongjae’s eyes widened in surprise.
“I was glad you still seemed like a baby.”
“…”
“You were so sharp from such a young age, I thought you might leave home saying you wanted to live alone by the time you were in middle school.”
“…”
“But now you’re running off alone when you’re upset. Of course, I was worried, but I was also happy thinking you’re still so cute and will stay in daddy’s arms a bit longer.”
“…Dad.”
At Junjae’s warm voice, Yongjae buried his face in his embrace again with a tearful voice. And Junjae’s gaze, as he gently stroked the back of Yongjae’s head and looked down at him, was incredibly warm.
“Did you grow and harvest the mangoes yourself and then blend them?”
Meanwhile, Jeonggwan, who had been waiting anxiously, greeted the two with a voice that was somewhat blunt in content but affectionate in tone. Beside him, Jeongwoo was barely hiding his sturdy body behind Jeonggwan, constantly glancing at Yongjae with moist eyes. Yongjae looked at Jeongwoo expressionlessly while holding the mango juice. Thinking his brother was really angry, Jeongwoo tried to hide even more behind Jeonggwan. He was still young, and since this was the first time Yongjae had run off in anger, he didn’t know what to do.
“Won Jeongwoo.”
“…Brother.”
“Want to share this mango juice?”
So Yongjae reached out first. His apology came with the mango juice. An apology didn’t always need to be conveyed with the words “I’m sorry”; it could be conveyed through the heart.
“…Yeah!”
Especially if the other person was close enough to understand that heart.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
