Out of Guide 37

“…!”

I woke up with a start though no one had roused me. My hot breath mingled with the crisp dawn air.

Something—whether sweat or tears, I couldn’t tell—trickled down my temple as I blinked my eyes. I had missed just one day of Guiding, and already the terrible nightmares had returned.

“Haa.”

I raised my hand to clutch at my chest. I held my breath until the sensation of being alive spread throughout my body with each rapid heartbeat.

‘It’s okay.’

As I reassured myself and took another deep breath, I stopped breathing when I encountered a stare. Yang Garam’s eyes were watching me from the opposite bed, where he should have been sleeping.

“…”

For a moment, my mind went blank. I even forgot that I needed to exhale in surprise, until Yang Garam pointed at his nose and said “Hyung, breathe,” and only then was I able to release the breath I’d been holding.

“Did I wake you?”

I wasn’t sure how long he’d been watching, but judging from Yang Garam’s calm attitude, there was a good chance he’d witnessed my entire nightmare.

“Has this been happening all along?”

“What…?”

“Is that why Do Wonjin hyung climbs through the window every day?”

“How did you know…?”

It might have been due to the darkness of night, but Yang Garam’s expression was quite different from what I’d seen before. He looked at me with dark, melancholy eyes and got up from his bed. With a creaking sound, I felt the edge of my mattress sink deeply.

“If I ask you when this started.”

Yang Garam came over to my side and gripped my shoulder, which was still trembling slightly from the aftermath of the nightmare.

“Can you answer me honestly?”

His lowered voice was heartrending.

‘That expression again.’

Yang Garam’s voice was always filled with emotion. He didn’t seem to be like this with others, but with me, he always crashed into me with all his heart. Though I thought each time that it was too much for me to handle, I couldn’t push him away. Even now, I could easily free my shoulder from his grip if I wanted to, but I left it as it was and looked up at him.

“I’ll give you Guiding, hyung.”

Yang Garam smiled faintly with an expression I couldn’t refuse. Then, while still holding my shoulder, he lowered his body and squeezed into the remaining space on the bed. The fluffy energy flowing from him was soft and caring, but his body entering my bed was putting a lot of strain on a bed that was already barely sufficient for me alone. Along with the irritating creaking sound in my ear, I could feel Yang Garam’s breath right in front of me.

“If you don’t like it, tell me now.”

“No, it’s fine.”

The arm that had been on my shoulder moved down to my waist and embraced me. I exhaled a sigh and leaned against him comfortably. I’d already cried in front of him, so there was a sense of resignation—what difference did this make? And on the other hand, I felt relieved by Yang Garam’s willingness to reach out first.

After all, in my current state, I couldn’t fall asleep without Guiding even if I wanted to.

“Then can I do as I please?”

When I didn’t refuse, Yang Garam openly began to Guiding my entire body. It was fortunate that my stiff, cold body was recovering quickly, but honestly, it was excessive considering my risk of going berserk hadn’t increased from using abilities.

“Stop.”

I grabbed Yang Garam’s arm, which had somehow slipped between the gaps in my clothes, and told him to stop. His eyes, which had been hazily lowered, seemed to regain their light as if my words had brought him back to his senses, and he stopped the Guiding. A brief silence followed, and after glancing at me cautiously, he moved his lips.

“So will you tell me now?”

Although he could have returned to his bed now that the Guiding was over, Yang Garam tightened his arm around my waist even more than during the Guiding. When I flinched and raised my head, I saw eyes filled with firm determination. It didn’t seem like he would let go easily if I didn’t answer.

“Tell you what?”

I tried to play dumb and feign ignorance, but Yang Garam’s face contorted as if he was about to cry.

“What about Do Wonjin? Why is it okay for him but not for me?”

Not “Wonjin hyung,” but “Do Wonjin.”

Sensing that his mood was anything but light, I became serious as well.

‘But I never told Do Wonjin why I have nightmares either?’

For a moment, I felt unfairly accused in this situation. I frowned, thinking that explaining this to Yang Garam now would likely fall on deaf ears. And at that moment, I noticed Yang Garam’s face turning pale at my single expression. Despite pushing so boldly, he was now afraid that I might hate him.

‘Trembling at my slightest expression, why are you like this?’

My brow furrowed again due to the emotion that suddenly welled up.

“Hyung.”

“Wait a moment. Let me think before I explain.”

I don’t know what Yang Garam was going to say, but I responded almost as if being chased by his plaintive voice. I realized I had blurted out words that couldn’t be taken back, but it was already spilled water.

‘Why did I start having nightmares?’

Even though it was about me, even I had never seriously thought about it.

I couldn’t meet Yang Garam’s eyes and lowered my gaze. The nightmare was my unconscious world filled with terror. The fear of the moment when I went berserk was imprinted, and every time my consciousness weakened—that is, whenever I fell asleep—that monster would invariably appear. A dream where my ability, which should follow my words and move according to my will, loses control and rushes to devour me.

‘How can I explain this?’

Unless I could completely forget the memory of going berserk, there seemed to be no way to be free from this nightmare. That meant I couldn’t sleep alone without a Guide by my side from now on. It wasn’t a problem that could be solved by thinking vaguely that time would heal it, or by enduring for a day or two.

I raised my head to examine Yang Garam’s face. His honest eyes were full of concern for me, with faint tension and trembling visible within them. But what stood out most was his blind trust in me. That look made me feel breathless—as if he would believe anything I said, even if I told him I could make bean paste out of red beans.

‘Should I tell him about my regression?’

If I were to define Yang Garam only as a temporary Guide, I could simply refuse without needing to worry. But I had already decided to accept Yang Garam and had defined him as one of my people. Yang Garam had become someone I needed to protect.

‘I’m not sure yet.’

From what I had seen so far, Yang Garam was not someone who would harm me, but apart from that, I knew nothing about him. Even now, I didn’t know the origin of his gaze that was looking down at me so intensely.

“I can tell you. But before that.”

Yang Garam, who had been waiting for my answer, widened his eyes at my first words.

“I want to know about you, Garam.”

I thought he might be disappointed since it wasn’t the answer he was expecting.

But his eyes, which had widened in surprise, quickly became moist, and his face, which seemed to be grimacing yet smiling, made my heart start pounding again, but with a different meaning than before.

He had always cried and laughed at my words before, but this time felt different. With a look that even seemed somewhat affectionate, Yang Garam opened his mouth.

“As much as you want.”

Then he naturally lowered his head and pressed his forehead against mine.

“Then after I finish my story, I can hear yours too, right?”

It was just the usual Yang Garam with his affectionate nature and fondness for skinship, but his low, husky voice and gaze sent a chill down the nape of my neck.

“…Yes.”

After swallowing dryly and barely managing to answer, the corners of Yang Garam’s eyes curved gently. As if he had finally heard the answer he wanted, he smiled with satisfaction, removed his forehead from mine, and gazed intently at my lips. After glancing at me briefly, he lightly pecked my lips like a bird pecking.

A kiss in this situation?

When I raised my eyebrows, Yang Garam said brazenly:

“It’s a reward for a child who says pretty things.”

“I’m your hyung, you know?”

“I know. I know.”

His easy agreement left me with nothing to say. I grinned and gave him a look that said to hurry up and tell his story.

“Should I tell you everything from the beginning?”

“Yes.”

“It won’t be interesting.”

“That’s okay.”

“If you get sleepy while listening, go ahead and sleep. Don’t force yourself to stay awake.”

“Alright.”

Yang Garam’s eyes clouded over as if recalling a distant past.

* * *

Yang Garam was the youngest son of the Yang family, a major conglomerate with numerous subsidiaries. But unlike his brothers who excelled in all areas, he had been lacking compared to his peers since childhood. His grades, his fragile and timid personality, his frequent illnesses and slow growth that made him small for his age. The only thing remotely acceptable was his face, but even that was considered average compared to his brothers.

As time passed, Yang Garam entered middle school. But he was still smaller, weaker, and more timid than his peers.

Semo Middle School, where Yang Garam enrolled, was a prestigious school known in the area, but just because the school was prestigious didn’t mean that all the students who entered had high character. Children who were a bit more developed and stronger than their peers wanted to show off as if they were special. To do that, they needed sacrificial lambs to highlight their specialness, and Yang Garam immediately became their target.

The bullying that began when he entered middle school. Combined with puberty, Yang Garam became increasingly silent.

[Lunch time. Gymnasium storage room]

Even that day, Yang Garam headed to the gymnasium storage room for an errand that had become routine.

But the place was empty, and Yang Garam put down the items he had been carrying in both hands. The objects that spilled out rolled around the dirty gymnasium storage room, but Yang Garam’s mood, after being trained like a mutt, was even filthier.