“Since it looks like we’ve finished our discussion, I’ll head up first.”
After leaving those words, Joo Seolhyeon brushed past me and whispered in my ear so no one else could hear.
“Come to my room later. Let’s talk.”
My shoulders instinctively stiffened. Joo Seolhyeon walked upstairs to the second floor as if nothing had happened. Feeling the blood drain from my face, I instinctively glanced around. As soon as I became aware of three pairs of eyes looking at me, I hurriedly bowed my head.
‘My expression must have looked really strange just now. They probably saw everything.’
They might not have heard what Joo Seolhyeon said to me, but they probably saw my face turn pale.
“Hyung, are you okay?”
I’d expected them to find my sudden change strange, but actually hearing Yang Garam’s concerned voice made me want to crawl into a hole. I hated how I was so affected by a single sentence from Joo Seolhyeon, and I felt so ashamed to have shown such an unseemly side of myself to them.
‘I should say I’m fine.’
My mind knew the answer, but I just couldn’t control my expression.
“I’m sorry, but I’m not feeling well, so I’ll leave first.”
In the end, I said we’d reschedule the training time later and hastily left the place like I was running away. Like someone being chased, I rushed to my room on the second floor, let out the breath I’d been holding, and slid down against the closed door.
“What is it, why does he want to see me?”
I pressed my tired eyelids while telling myself that my racing heart was just from rushing up the stairs. I hadn’t felt this exhausted even during training, but the distance from where I was to my bed seemed so far that I just sat on the floor, hugging my knees and burying my face in them.
“How stupid.”
I really felt stupid for having expectations.
Knock knock.
While waiting for my heart to calm down, I was startled by the sound of someone knocking on the door and looked up. Being leaned against the door made the sound seem louder in my ears. I tried to think who might be outside with all my nerves on edge, but I couldn’t figure out who it was.
“Hyung, can I come in?”
When I didn’t answer, a careful voice came from beyond the door. I could picture Yang Garam fidgeting anxiously even without seeing him.
I got up from where I was sitting and grabbed the doorknob. But I wasn’t sure if I should open this door. I didn’t know what my expression looked like right now, and I didn’t have the confidence to act like nothing was wrong.
“I came because I was really worried.”
While I was hesitating, I heard Yang Garam’s voice from beyond the door again. In that moment, just from that one sentence, I felt something hot rising in my throat. After listening quietly to his voice, I tightened my grip on the doorknob.
“You might not like me doing this… I’m sorry for suddenly coming to find you.”
After listening quietly to what he was saying, I hurriedly opened the door. I was just making a fuss because I couldn’t sort out my feelings. If anything, I should be the one apologizing for causing worry.
“It’s not like that, Garam.”
“…”
But if there was something I overlooked, it was that I didn’t realize Yang Garam would be leaning against the door.
Due to the suddenly opened door, Yang Garam’s body tilted toward me, and though I could have easily avoided it, I reached out my arms to support him.
And I overlooked another fact: I had underestimated the weight of Yang Garam, who was bigger than me.
“…!”
My center of gravity shifted backward and my body tilted. In that moment, Yang Garam pulled me into his arms and twisted his body, and we fell to the floor side by side. The problem was that instead of me being underneath, Yang Garam, who had embraced me, absorbed all the impact from the floor.
“Are you okay?”
“That’s my line. Why did you shield me? You’re the weaker one.”
An Esper’s physical abilities are superior to ordinary people’s. I have the advantage in both physical impact resistance and recovery ability, yet this foolish guy volunteered himself as a cushion to protect me.
“But we feel pain the same way.”
Yang Garam smiled sheepishly in his ungraceful position on the floor. I moved off his body and helped him up.
“Still, it’s better if I get hurt than you.”
When I said that out of frustration, Yang Garam, neglecting his own well-being, just brushed my disheveled hair and grinned. When I criticized him for being thoughtless, Yang Garam nodded.
It’s true that I’m thoughtless.
“But what can I do? I hate seeing you in pain more than death itself.”
Yang Garam probably meant it casually, but at times like this, I always found myself at a loss for words. I wasn’t ready to accept the blind trust and affection I felt from him.
“You did open the door to let me in, right?”
When I just stared at him without saying anything, Yang Garam looked around my room and went to sit on the sofa by the window. Seeing him gesture for me to join him while comfortably settling in, I smiled slightly, closed the door, and went over to him.
“Sit here.”
There was only one sofa, so I had to sit beside him anyway, but Yang Garam was patting the seat enthusiastically with an excited face.
“Why did you come?”
I asked as I sat down next to Yang Garam.
“I told you earlier. Because I was worried about you.”
“What are you worried about?”
As I responded while looking at the bed across from us and the closet beyond it, not meeting Yang Garam’s face, I could feel his gaze on me from right beside me.
“Things like this.”
I flinched at the warmth touching my eyes and turned my head.
His eyes, which usually sparkled innocently, were slightly dimmed. As I faced the sympathy, worry, and loneliness in his eyes, I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand where his hand had touched.
“I wasn’t crying.”
“Hyung, you’ve had a face that looks like you’re about to cry the whole time.”
His words made my throat tighten. But having my pride in front of my junior, I pulled up the corners of my mouth and tried to put on an okay expression.
“I’m fine now.”
But contrary to my efforts, Yang Garam’s face grew even darker.
Yang Garam looked at me with wrinkles between his brows and slowly opened his mouth.
“It’s because of Joo Seolhyeon, isn’t it?”
My heart sank.
Suddenly, my first meeting with Yang Garam flashed through my mind. The phone call from Joo Seolhyeon and the question he had asked me.
‘Hyung, do you like that person?’
I bit my lip while pressing down on my aching heart. Yang Garam had come up knowing why I had reacted that way downstairs. He already knew that I liked Joo Seolhyeon. Realizing this fact, I suddenly felt uncomfortable with his visit.
“What are you trying to say?”
Wanting to send him away quickly, I asked for the main point right away. I knew that I should react calmly in situations like this, but my mouth was dry, and my fingertips were trembling.
My gaze dropped from Yang Garam’s face to his shoulders. I didn’t have the courage to meet his eyes. A gentle warmth touched my anxiously clasped hands again. Lowering my gaze further, I saw Yang Garam’s large hands enveloping mine.
Along with his warm body temperature, a soft, fluffy energy flowed in as well.
“Hyung.”
I heard Yang Garam’s voice from above my head. My shoulders flinched involuntarily.
“If it hurts and it’s hard, it’s okay to cry.”
“…”
“But I wish you wouldn’t suffer and struggle alone.”
‘You really…’
Without realizing it, I raised my head, which I had been keeping down. I hadn’t expected him to look cheerful, but when I actually saw Yang Garam’s face, my heart trembled. Unlike his usual self, he had an intensely bitter smile.
“Just let me stay by your side.”
Yang Garam’s grip on my hand tightened. Though not painful, his firm hold showed his stubbornness.
‘What should I do with you?’
Even as Yang Garam pushed his way into my heart on his own, I found him lovable. He was fundamentally different from me, who was desperately raising my defenses to push him away. As my uncomfortable feelings dissolved, I could feel my tense body relaxing as well.
“…”
But that was as far as it went.
I still couldn’t immediately agree to Yang Garam’s request.
“You don’t have to answer right away.”
I don’t know how Yang Garam interpreted my silence as I kept my head bowed, but he spoke to me in a much lighter tone than before.
“I like you just as you are, so just tell me honestly when you’re hurting or when things are hard. It’s okay to cry, so don’t try to bear everything alone.”
As he continued speaking, something hot kept rising inside me. That feeling, which reached my throat, soon made my nose sting and my eyes burn. When hot tears started flowing down my cheeks, Yang Garam’s large hand carefully cradled the back of my head, guiding me to lean against him.
I thought it might be a bit embarrassing to be comforted by someone much younger than me, but my desire to lean on him as he gently stroked my hair was greater, so I silently shed tears in Yang Garam’s embrace.
‘Actually, it’s been hard.’
I wanted to quickly let go of my feelings for Joo Seolhyeon, and I didn’t want anyone around me to know that I liked him. I wanted to cut out these unresolved feelings from my chest if I could. Even though no one had said anything about me liking him, I was desperate to kill this emotion quickly.
‘Because I feel so sorry toward Mom.’
I was suffering from guilt.
In the life that Mom had given me again, my heart still couldn’t let go of Joo Seolhyeon, so he kept intruding into this life.
Now I could clearly see why I kept suffering with conflicting feelings whenever I saw him.
‘You’ve been in a lot of pain.’
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
