Anyway, with Jeong Seyeon being so insistent, I couldn’t just refuse now and say it was fine. So I moved up my training session that I had originally planned for the afternoon.
‘…It should be okay, right?’
This was my third training session since moving in. During the first training, I received Guiding from Yang Garam, and during the second, from Do Wonjin. So it had been a week since I received Guiding from Jeong Seyeon during my first mission.
Although it had faded quite a bit over time, perhaps because it was my first experience receiving such deep Guiding, I found myself unconsciously becoming more aware of him.
‘I need to get used to this too.’
Comforting myself that it was just because it was my first time, I swallowed a sigh inwardly. Despite all my self-consciousness, when the day came, after training, Jeong Seyeon and I just held hands.
After returning from training at the Center, I quietly locked my bedroom door, crawled under the covers, and kicked my feet in frustration.
Time passed, and dinner time arrived.
Usually, by the time Jeong Seyeon finished preparing dinner, Yang Garam would return from school, and Joo Seolhyeon, though I didn’t know what he did, would also return around the same time after leaving in the morning.
Perhaps because of what Jeong Seyeon had said in the morning, everyone gathered at the table before dinner preparations were even complete, which was rare.
“Is there something you wanted to talk about that made you ask everyone to gather, hyung?”
Do Wonjin, who had been receiving outpatient treatment and lounging around the house all day, spoke up as soon as dinner began, as if he’d been curious all day.
“Since we’re living together, I’d like to establish some rules so we don’t inconvenience each other.”
Jeong Seyeon suggested two things:
Household chore division and basic living rules.
Since five people were living in one house, we couldn’t all eat and live separately, so we established turns for cooking, grocery shopping, and cleaning duties. The basic living rules included notifying everyone in advance when staying out overnight or coming home late, and getting prior consent when bringing outsiders into the house.
The idea of hiring a household helper with the living allowance provided by the government was also brought up, but it became more complicated when both Jeong Seyeon and Do Wonjin opposed it.
As I listened carefully, I thought that the most crucial discussion seemed to be missing.
Regardless of the process, the reason everyone had gathered here was to provide me with Guiding.
“While we’re establishing rules, I think it would be good to divide the Guide duties as well. What do you think?”
I thought it would be more efficient than finding a Guide for each situation, but as soon as I brought it up, a silence fell over the room.
“That’s a good idea.”
It was Joo Seolhyeon who broke the silence. Unlike when he was alone with me, he spoke with a kind smile on his face.
“With four Guides, I think it would be best to divide it so three accompany you to training three times a week, and one accompanies you on missions. What do you think?”
His smile seemed very natural as he turned to look at me. I stared blankly at his face, which seemed to be wearing a mask.
He had been like this before the regression too. His attitude when we were alone together was drastically different from when we were with others. His prickly demeanor during our first meeting in the presence of government officials had been an exception. Probably because he was in a worse mood than usual that day.
In the past, I had even liked this pretense. Even though his eyes still looked at me coldly, I liked that his voice was warm, and I found his attitude considerate when he didn’t rebuke me in front of others.
“Hm?”
As the silence extended, I could see Joo Seolhyeon’s patience wearing thin. I took my gaze away from him and looked around at the others who were watching us.
“I don’t mind, but shouldn’t we hear what the other Guides have to say?”
Fortunately, I didn’t feel my heart racing or my mood lifting stupidly at his words. But seeing the somewhat displeased expressions of the other Guides, I could tell that Joo Seolhyeon was in a better mood than usual. I looked at Joo Seolhyeon again. He was like a fish in water.
‘He seemed indifferent even at dinner, but it was probably after the Guide duty division was brought up, right?’
I didn’t understand his sudden change in demeanor.
‘Was he uncomfortable that I was avoiding his Guiding while living in the same house? Or did he feel awkward being the only one not getting any benefits, even though he didn’t want to provide Guiding?’
While I was pondering, Joo Seolhyeon had already gained agreement from Yang Garam, Jeong Seyeon, and Do Wonjin, and was now completely taking the lead in the conversation.
“Since we need to adjust to everyone’s schedules, it would be good to set fixed times for the three weekly training sessions first. As for missions, since they can happen or not depending on the situation, I think we’ll have to be flexible about those.”
It was certainly good to have one person lead the conversation with momentum, but I became a bit uncomfortable as I felt everyone’s attention shifting back to me.
It’s true that as an Esper, I was in the position of power and could control the schedule as I wished, but it was burdensome to ask multiple people to adjust to me, not just one person.
“You don’t have to accommodate me specifically.”
I added with an awkward smile.
“I don’t mind when I go for training. It doesn’t have to be once every two days; I can go every day, or conversely, skip a few days at a time. So if you just decide which Guide will accompany me for training, I can adjust the schedule with that Guide…”
I usually had no problem calling them by name, but trying to address them as contractual Guides made me feel awkward even as I spoke. It had also been quite a while since I had expressed my opinion like this, so I trailed off and rubbed the back of my neck, which had grown hot from embarrassment.
“Then it would be faster to decide which Guide will accompany you on missions at this time. The rest can adjust to the training schedule individually.”
“I want to be the Guide who accompanies on missions!”
“Yang Garam, this isn’t first-come, first-served.”
“It would be better to choose carefully. Missions come down without regard to time, and they could last for several days.”
Yang Garam immediately responded to Joo Seolhyeon’s words but was reprimanded by his hyungs. Seemingly conscious of my gaze, Yang Garam quickly composed his face, which had started to contort, and straightened his shoulders.
“That’s why I should do it. Wouldn’t I have the most free time compared to you hyungs who work?”
“The only one here who works is Seyeon-hyung, but are you lumping us all together?”
“Thinking that someone can’t do it because they’re employed is prejudice.”
I became serious as I watched the flow of the conversation.
‘Why does it seem like nobody wants to accompany me during training?’
Of course, it’s true that Guiding is more necessary during missions than during training. But the problem was that missions could be many or few. During my five years as an Esper, missions weren’t always frequent, but when they were, I had to work so hard I barely had time to sleep. And when there were no missions, I had rested for up to a month at a time.
In comparison, training was regular, requiring weekly Guiding, but everyone seemed uninterested in that.
‘I’d prefer it if Joo Seolhyeon handled the missions, and the other three accompanied me during training.’
As I recall, the Center Director didn’t give me many missions in my early 22nd year. Whether it was because he saw me at risk of going berserk due to lack of skill during my first mission, or simply because he didn’t trust me as a young person, I don’t know, but proper missions started coming in toward the end of my 22nd year. And from then on, it was as if all the backed-up missions poured out at once, keeping me busy.
By the time I was 24, when my brother died, I was completely steeped in missions and fell into a severe depression due to self-loathing for failing to protect him. If Joo Seolhyeon hadn’t been by my side then, I would have gone berserk at 24, not 27. When my condition worsened after my brother’s death, missions temporarily decreased, but from age 25 until just before going berserk, I was again pushed and pulled by excessive work.
‘Thinking about it now, my life was really just a hamster wheel of home, Center, and dungeon.’
I wasn’t particularly sociable, but I wasn’t such a closed-off person either. However, as my runaway risk level gradually increased without receiving Guiding, and after my brother died, I had to live a life almost completely cut off from the outside world. Joo Seolhyeon had no interest in me whatsoever, yet I lived solely fixated on him.
“We should let him choose directly.”
Just remembering the past made my hatred for Joo Seolhyeon well up, but then I heard his voice. I snapped out of my reverie and raised my head, only to shrink my neck like a turtle under the uncomfortable situation of suddenly having everyone’s attention on me.
All of their gazes were serious.
“Jeongrae, who do you want to receive Guiding from during missions?”
Do Wonjin quickly asked again, perhaps noticing that I hadn’t been listening to their conversation, and I unconsciously turned my head toward Joo Seolhyeon, who was sitting with the most peaceful expression. I hadn’t looked at him with the intention of choosing him. I had simply been thinking about Joo Seolhyeon just moments before, and at Do Wonjin’s question, I looked at him resentfully as emotions welled up.
“Ah, so that’s how it is.”
But it seems that everyone except me interpreted that single glance as a choice.
“It’s disappointing, but I’ll respect your choice, hyung.”
“If that’s what Woo Jeongjae-ssi wants.”
I felt bewildered as I watched them quickly acquiesce to what they thought was my direct choice.
Of course, just a few minutes earlier, I had thought that it might be better to receive Guiding from Joo Seolhyeon only during missions since there probably wouldn’t be any missions for a while. But I hadn’t intended to decide it this way. However, even if I denied it now, they would just give the choice back to me.
‘Maybe it’s better to just let it go like this?’
Although I had been momentarily lost in thought, I knew that all four were more interested in missions than training. No matter whom I chose, I wouldn’t be able to satisfy all four.
‘I’ll just stay quiet.’
Thinking that was the most peaceful path, I kept my mouth shut. Joo Seolhyeon glanced at me, then brushed himself off and stood up.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
