Looking at my brother Woo Jeonghyun’s face as he spoke hurriedly, I actually became calmer.
The fact that I, who should have died from an overload, came back five years in time was already nonsensical, but considering the necklace that should be around my neck was gone, it wasn’t entirely impossible either.
‘Then what Mom said back then…’
The night I awakened as an Esper, Mom put a necklace around my neck. It was an ordinary necklace with nothing special except for a tiny red jewel about the size of my pinky nail.
‘Mom wants her son to be happy.’
Mom was a researcher and a rare Esper with space-time coordination abilities, and she always studied ways to save people with her power.
‘Always keep this with you. Hopefully, you’ll never need to use it, but if that day comes, this necklace will take you to your happiest moment.’
At 17, I didn’t think much of what she meant. Even before, Mom would often experiment with something in her lab and come running to give my younger sibling and me whatever good results she got. So I thought this was just one of those things.
I was too young then to understand why her fingers trembled unlike usual when she put the necklace on me, and why her eyes were slightly red.
Now, ten years later, I finally understand the true meaning of Mom’s words.
The necklace was Mom’s provision in case I would die from an overload.
I’m so certain because the necklace that I never took off for ten years had disappeared, which added to my conviction.
Everything Mom made would disappear after serving its purpose. My sibling and I fought so much, accusing each other of taking them, before we realized this fact.
“Hyung. You’re really strange today. Did something happen last night?”
I stopped reminiscing when I felt a hand shaking my shoulder and looked up at my younger brother. Taking after our father’s height, he was looking down at me with a worried expression. I was too lost in my thoughts to consider the confusion he must be feeling.
“No, I’m fine. I’ll get ready quickly.”
I pushed my brother’s back while telling this lie. Even though it was obvious I was acting strange, Woo Jeonghyun maintained his suspicious expression until the end, even as he obediently left the room.
“Haah.”
As soon as the door closed with a thud, I collapsed onto the floor. Despite sighing deeply enough to sink the ground, my troubled heart wouldn’t settle.
Honestly, I didn’t want to meet Joo Seolhyeon right now.
Because acknowledging that my happiest moment was the day I met Joo Seolhyeon felt like truly admitting it when I saw his face.
‘That’s too pathetic.’
The person who caused my death.
The emotions welling up inside me were tinged with resentment directed at someone I couldn’t quite identify.
No, I already knew. I was resenting myself, who wanted to see him until the moment of death, and who still couldn’t come to my senses even after dying and coming back to life, harboring a sliver of anticipation for meeting him again.
It couldn’t be helped, could it? From the moment I started my one-sided love, all the arrows pointed at me, not him. I, who selfishly started loving, had no right to resent him for not loving me back.
That’s how I spent five years. Enough time for the thoughts eating away at me to solidify into habits.
‘Mom wants her son to be happy.’
As I absent-mindedly touched near my neck, I recalled what Mom had left me.
My nose started to sting.
All this time, there were many reasons why I should have ended this pathetic one-sided love, but I ignored them and couldn’t cut it off. But now, I thought I could do it. No, I must.
“This is the opportunity Mom gave me.”
I clutched the place where the necklace used to be. The joints of my fingers gripping at nothing turned white.
“I have to live. Live and find happiness for sure.”
I couldn’t waste this second chance that I clearly recognized. I felt like I knew what I had to do right away.
‘I’ll meet you today, but I won’t fall for you.’
For me to live, I had to meet Joo Seolhyeon today. But not to stupidly fall for him at first sight like before. It was to break off the dedicated guide contract meeting.
The state probably wouldn’t understand this decision. My matching rate with him was over 80%, close to a miracle, and he was even one of the few S-class guides.
But after five years together, I learned painfully that none of that mattered.
“What’s the point of high matching rates and good abilities? When he won’t even guide me.”
I coldly mocked my past self who was delighted just to have my hand held once, like a complete fool.
My heart was still habitually excited about meeting him, but my mind was frozen colder than ever before.
Out of sight, out of mind. Getting rid of five years of old feelings at once would be difficult right now, but removing him from my sight was something even my current self could do.
“I’m sorry for being late. I’m Woo Jeongjae.”
In the end, just as Woo Jeonghyun worried, I was late. I left home at almost 9 o’clock, so it was natural that I arrived at the center much later. When I entered the reception room prepared in the center, the civil servant who was already there introduced Joo Seolhyeon, and I greeted him properly with good manners.
Five years ago, when I first met Joo Seolhyeon, my heart was about to burst, and I couldn’t even greet him properly. My face turned bright red, and I couldn’t even make eye contact with him. It was a terrible first impression, to the point where not stuttering was the only fortunate thing. In other words, it was a situation where Joo Seolhyeon had no choice but to look down on me, which is not the case now.
“I’m Joo Seolhyeon.”
Joo Seolhyeon’s face greeting me wasn’t much different from the 29-year-old him I remembered. Though there was still a slightly youthful appearance remaining, his cold gaze looking at me was exactly the same, without the slightest deviation.
However, the difference was that in the past, Joo Seolhyeon had simply nodded at my greeting without even answering, whereas this time, he revealed his name himself.
‘Back then, he didn’t want to tell me his name, but I tactlessly asked anyway.’
I didn’t remember all the details of our conversations from five years ago, but I still vividly recalled each expression he made. From our first meeting, he had a stiff face and didn’t seem to like me.
I dismissed it as just the awkwardness of a first meeting, but looking back now, he disliked the fact that the Esper with a high matching rate with him was a man.
No hugs allowed, with hand-holding as the absolute maximum limit.
That was Joo Seolhyeon’s request during our second meeting.
“You’re disappointed that I’m a male Esper, right?”
I asked Joo Seolhyeon with a smiling face.
I asked him not as the naive Woo Jeongjae who fell in love at first sight, but as the 27-year-old Woo Jeongjae who had become experienced after spending five years with Joo Seolhyeon. Whether he was trying to manage his expression to hide it or not, a faint bewilderment crossed Joo Seolhyeon’s face after hearing my words.
“I find overly impressive guides intimidating too.”
The things I was saying weren’t the kind you would normally say to someone’s face during a first meeting.
But I wanted to show off that I could see right through his heart, and I also wanted him to clearly know that I had no reason to be desperate for him. I thought it would be fortunate if he didn’t curse at me out of displeasure, given Joo Seolhyeon’s personality, but surprisingly, he was quietly crossing his arms and staring at me intently.
“I’d like to terminate the dedicated guide contract. What do you think?”
To think that words asking to terminate the contract would come from my mouth.
After saying it, I felt relieved, like a toothache had finally subsided. However, Joo Seolhyeon’s reaction wasn’t as dramatic as I had expected. Rather, the civil servant who had introduced Joo Seolhyeon to me and was waiting for the right timing to leave had a more human-like reaction.
Joo Seolhyeon leaned back in his chair at an angle, still keeping his arms crossed.
“Do as you please.”
It was as I expected. I was about to tell the civil servant, whose jaw had dropped, to prepare the documents.
“But, let’s contract again as a temporary guide.”
That is, if Joo Seolhyeon hadn’t continued with those words.
“…”
Even though he hated even breathing the same air as me, why?
I looked at Joo Seolhyeon with a face that showed I didn’t understand.
If Joo Seolhyeon became my temporary guide, I could have multiple temporary guides, but I couldn’t have a dedicated guide. If I wanted a dedicated guide, I shouldn’t agree to a temporary guide.
So it’s like the difference between turning on several fans versus having one air conditioner. Especially the former was a method Espers had to resort to when there was no guide with a high matching rate. Having several guides and receiving guidance from them in turns was quite inefficient. I opened my mouth to refuse, of course.
“I won’t allow the contract termination unless you agree to that?”
But as if he had already predicted my answer, Joo Seolhyeon spoke to me in a strangely taunting tone.
I, who never thought he would oppose my suggestion, was momentarily at a loss for words.
“What will you do?”
No matter how much power an Esper had, it was difficult to replace a guide matched by the state without the guide’s consent.
At the very least, I could ask for a change after spending a month with him.
As it stood, I would have to spend a whole month with him. The contract with a dedicated guide specified mandatory cohabitation.
If I had completely given up on him, that might be different, but right now, I needed time. The moment I was trapped in the same house as him, these feelings would grow like weeds again.
“Alright. Let’s contract as a temporary guide.”
It was better to contract as a temporary guide, where we would only meet at set times a few days a week. Joo Seolhyeon smiled for the first time at my answer.
“Good to see you’re not stupid.”
Joo Seolhyeon hated stupid people.
Perhaps the reason he could consistently dislike me was partly due to my behavior, which only turned foolish in front of him.
I felt my heart grow cold at his compliment, something I had never heard in five years.
“Thank you.”
For making my heart cool down.
It felt like my head was clearer.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
