#085
Sunday, driving for the first time in a while, the car still ran well. Jiwoon’s mood was quite good after treating Yechan to sushi omakase as a reward for the exam notes.
The food at the restaurant reserved by his parents’ secretary was delicious, and Yechan smiled pleasantly while chatting with the chef.
Lee Hayeon: Hello oppa!
Lee Hayeon: Did you get contacted by the dance club?
Lee Hayeon: The president oppa there asked me about it~!
Jiwoon ignored Hayeon’s messages. After Yechan finished his meal chattering cutely, Jiwoon even kissed his white hands with smacking sounds once they got in the car.
Yechan stared at such Jiwoon with wide eyes and then turned his head toward the window. It felt like his heart would jump right out.
“I like you. I like hyung so much…” The impulse to convey his feelings several times a day shook Yechan.
But each time, the image of Jiwoon’s back as he turned and left flickered before his eyes, silencing him.
“Take care. You’re annoying now.” The words Jiwoon had left with different expressions remained deep in Yechan’s chest, raising their heads constantly.
Imagining Jiwoon’s reaction to his confession was even more painful. In his imagination, Jiwoon always pushed him away. He would distance himself, move away, and disappear.
“I never thought of you that way. I was just comforting you because you said you were having a hard time with someone you like. It was fun playing with you too. This is a bit uncomfortable. It’s burdensome. Let’s stop here…”
It was a terrible ending. Jiwoon rejecting him and leaving his side. Even if Yechan scratched the wall until his nails came off and his fingers were mangled, the departed Jiwoon would not return.
…And if that happened, Yechan would have to take him by force.
Having such thoughts, Yechan soon gritted his teeth. He still didn’t like that. That was truly a last resort, something to use only at the very end.
Even his current position was half obtained through stubbornness. He didn’t want to ruin it further. Yechan wanted all of Jiwoon, not just a part.
“Slowly. Seo Yechan, slowly.”
Though still confused, Yechan was okay. By his side, Jiwoon was gradually becoming more comfortable, brighter, kinder, and gentler.
“I’m approaching carefully. I need to dig in slowly.” And someday he would eventually bring down Jiwoon’s cracked wall.
He planned to eliminate all possibilities of being rejected, distanced, or abandoned. Of course, Yechan knew this was something only a coward would do.
But he couldn’t help it. He was indeed a coward who couldn’t be honest without certainty.
However, at the same time, Yechan could become even more cowardly to keep Jiwoon by his side. He could become ugly. It would be better to die than lose Lee Jiwoon again.
“I won’t let go. I’ll never let go. I’ll find you wherever you are.” Swallowing his dark intentions, Yechan clenched and unclenched his fist to soothe himself.
Unaware of such feelings, Jiwoon remained bright throughout. Jiwoon drove to Hangang Park on a whim.
The two drank coffee while quietly feeling the wind at the late April Hangang. Jiwoon, who had slightly dropped his head on Yechan’s shoulder, watched the cruise ship pass by on the Hangang and recalled some Children’s Day from the past.
Yechan shrunk his body and laughed at Jiwoon’s hair tickling his neck, then took out his phone to take a photo. Unlike the one taken in high school, Jiwoon was now smiling broadly.
* * *
The park where children ran and played was full of vitality. As Jiwoon watched buskers performing here and there, his phone rang again.
President_Business: Jiwoon
President_Business: You got contacted by the dance club, right??
President_Business: Please reply when you have time ã… ã… I’m asking you
President_Business: It seems like their situation is really bad right now ã… ã… ã… ã…
Tsk. Clicking his tongue quietly and turning off the screen again, Jiwoon thought the department president had indeed given his messenger ID to the dance club president.
“Hyung, it’s hot. Let’s go to the shade.”
Yechan said while covering the top of Jiwoon’s head with his palm.
“Good manners, and an even better face.” Watching Yechan’s face, Jiwoon smiled showing his teeth.
“It’s hot. I should get summer clothes ready.”
And Jiwoon took Yechan straight to his house.
“This one? Or this one?”
“They both look similar to me. Um… but trying them on, this one is prettier.”
Jiwoon packed a whole suitcase full of summer clothes suitable for the warmer weather and loaded it in the trunk.
Jiwoon’s room at Yechan’s house was gradually filled with clothes. He had no intention whatsoever of moving the spring clothes back to his house.
For Jiwoon, that would mean failure with Yechan.
“Want some too, hyung?”
After organizing all the clothes and washing up, when he came out to the living room, it had already grown dark outside. Yechan was drinking canned beer while setting anchovy oil pasta and shrimp salad on the dining table.
The air-conditioned room was cool and comfortable. Today was really a day with good mood.
“Yeah. Give me some too.”
It was when Jiwoon answered asking Yechan for a canned beer. Suddenly his phone rang.
Glancing, it was an unknown number. Jiwoon took a sip of the canned beer Yechan had opened and pressed the call button.
“Yes. Ah, hello. Yes. You’re doing well. Yes. Yes. I understand. Please go in…” Jiwoon’s expression grew worse as the call continued.
Yechan put down the can he was holding at Jiwoon’s stiff tone and grim face.
“Who was it?”
“Professor Kim.”
“Professor Kim from our department? What about?”
Jiwoon, holding a canned beer, gulped down the beer. Yechan, who had been quietly watching his white Adam’s apple move, blinked.
“Fucking dance club. He says his nephew is there so I should contact them?”
Yechan’s brow furrowed sharply.
“That’s annoying.”
“That’s what I’m saying. Why is that president bastard dragging in a professor instead of calling himself?”
“What do you want to do?”
“I should look into it.”
“Hello.” Jiwoon’s voice rang low as he spat out the words like chewing and went into his room. Yechan briefly considered whether to cook again while looking at the cooling pasta.
But Jiwoon returned before he could turn his thoughts into action. Jiwoon finished the call shorter than expected and sat back at the dining table, picking up his fork.
“I agreed to meet tomorrow after lectures. They say they have a club room in the student center.”
“Want to go together?”
“Do as you’re comfortable.”
“Then let’s go together.”
At Yechan’s words, Jiwoon nodded and poked at the shrimp salad with his fork. Soon Yechan also started eating.
“Are you going to help?”
“Actually, it’s fucking annoying… but the professor called. Professor Kim and my dad are close. I’ll listen and do it if it seems manageable.”
“Ah… I didn’t know. What exactly are they doing?”
“Festival performance. Someone got injured so they want a substitute.”
“I can’t do it for free.” Jiwoon said while chewing salad.
Yechan suddenly recalled Jiwoon dancing at the welcome party. He didn’t like Jiwoon’s performance. Thinking about other people seeing Jiwoon’s sparkling appearance made his head noisy already.
Weren’t they already making a fuss about it in the community? If that video spreads after the dance club performance, it’ll probably get worse. Especially since club videos would be hard for Jiwoon to delete as he pleased.
Yet at the same time, in one corner of his heart, the desire to see Jiwoon dance once more and the childish vanity from the fact that he was the one spending every hour with Jiwoon who would receive cheers from people raised its head.
It was a contradictory emotion. Yechan gulped down his beer.
“The practice will probably be intense. I should have brought more clothes.”
Jiwoon said thinking about the clothes he had brought today. Hearing this, Yechan imagined Jiwoon sweating from practice.
“Ah, I’d like to see that. No, quite a lot.”
Yechan, who had been poking at the pasta noodles with his spoon, slowly continued his thoughts. If he sweats, he’ll need water, and bringing ion drinks instead of water seems good too.
And at that moment, Yechan intuited this might be an opportunity. With a professor involved, it would be hard to refuse, and if it’s something that has to be done anyway. Yechan decided to properly support Jiwoon.
“Want to go shopping for clothes?”
“Yeah. Let’s go. It’s been a while since I went shopping.”
Jiwoon raised the corners of his mouth thinking about choosing clothes for Yechan.
Only then did Yechan feel like properly eating the meal he had almost abandoned. Yechan, who had rolled pasta with his fork and put it on the spoon, brought the spoon to Jiwoon’s mouth. Jiwoon naturally opened his mouth.
“Really just perfect. Delicious. I think I can’t live without Yechan now.”
Jiwoon, who had chewed and swallowed the pasta, said with a grin. Yechan blinked a couple of times, then lowered his head and worked his fork and spoon again.
The pounding sound in his ears was loud. He was worried his heartbeat might be heard in the quiet surroundings.
“That’s good.”
It really was a good thing. Yechan sincerely hoped Jiwoon felt that way.
* * *
Monday lunch. The department room was full of first-year students. Jiwoon, who had appropriately smiled at the kids saying they should drink sometime, settled in a corner by the window with Yechan.
“Now, we’ll hold the pub for two days. First we need to form groups… Who’s available for the first day?”
Hayeon even put up a PowerPoint on the department room screen and proceeded with the meeting systematically.
“Huh? There are many people who can’t do the second day. I’ll gather as many as possible and push them to the second day.”
Jiwoon and Yechan’s names were written in the second day pub group.
“Now, who will cook? If you’ve done some cooking before, please definitely raise your hand.”
At Hayeon’s words, Jiwoon turned his head to look at Yechan’s face. Yechan, with his elbow on his knee and his hand covering his chin, smiled and slightly shook his head.
He had no intention of cooking for anyone other than Jiwoon. Yechan, who briefly recalled his mother’s face, smiled meaningfully.
When he turned his head again, the cooking group was already filled with names of people other than Yechan.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
