#126
The numerous words Oh-yul had spoken flashed through his mind. Words that had seemed just a little strange or meaningless were all speaking to Ho-woo.
Saying that the truth was here.
He had been repeating a silent cry endlessly. The source of all the kindness, gentleness, and the natural goodwill and affection he gave to him was here.
The monster hiding in every corner of his memory raised its head and welcomed Lee Ho-woo.
As if asking if he had finally noticed it, it wagged its tail and smiled, baring its sharp teeth. Its ferocity reached even the shadows, extending its claws to catch the fleeing Lee Ho-woo.
The memories flowing around were a mess. They were so mixed up that nothing was functioning properly. In the memories flowing like a river, Ho-woo barely saw Woo Tae-sik’s youthful face.
The young face, looking to be in his late teens, was full of fear, awe, and pity.
‘It’ll be okay.’
The voice comforting himself disappeared quickly. Young Ho-woo, hiding behind his room door, saw Lee Ho-yeon sitting alone at the table. He was full of grief, despairing and crying silently. The cry filled with anguish, longing, hatred, and resentment continued for a very long time.
Young Ho-woo knew that his mother could never come back. And that Oh-yul was the one who made it so. Even if he had to dislike someone, Ho-woo couldn’t make any choice.
Because he knew that Oh-yul’s despair, vividly imprinted in his last gaze, and Yeo Na-kyung’s warmth that embraced him, all came from their love for him, Ho-woo killed himself.
The memory deeply veiled in black continued for a very long time. In that terrible depression and loss, Ho-woo cried endlessly. Young Ho-woo, thrown into a seemingly endless quagmire and wandering alone, only regained clear consciousness at the end of those messy memories.
Plop— Plop plop—
The sound of rain hitting the window hard was heard.
A brief flash of lightning sparkled, followed by a rumble of thunder.
Young Ho-woo noticed the shadow at his feet and hid himself by burying his head between his legs. Often, black monsters visited Ho-woo’s world.
So he thought it was another such monster visiting. The monsters that only made bad noises usually disappeared quickly if he covered his ears and curled up his body, so Ho-woo did that this time too. Ho-woo counted in his heart.
One, two, three…
The long-running numbers were repeated several times when he ran out of numbers he knew. However, the shadow outside the window stubbornly remained in place.
The tightly locked window opened wide, and rain splashed into the room. At the touch of the cold water, Ho-woo slowly raised his head hidden between his legs.
The eyes of the shadow, whose face was hard to see, were painfully furrowed. Purple-mixed blue eyes, shining clearly even in the darkness, were filled with Ho-woo.
“Ho-woo.”
The voice was hoarse, either due to early puberty or because his emotions were overwhelming him. The monster stood close to Ho-woo and hesitated. Only one step was the distance between them, but the monster couldn’t narrow that gap and slowly bent down.
Their gazes met in the darkness, followed by silence. Oh-yul, much taller than three years ago, barely opened his mouth but couldn’t utter a single word he wanted to say.
“I… I…”
The Esper, more cunning and meticulous than adults, became powerless in front of this one person, just like others his age.
Young Ho-woo reached out to Oh-yul, who had his head bowed. The thin hand gripped the hem of his clothes. At that moment, Oh-yul’s expression stiffened, visible even in the darkness. A faint determination to endure any blame or outcry that might be poured on him was revealed.
“Yul hyung.”
Ho-woo called Oh-yul with a hoarse voice from not speaking for a long time. It was a very small and faint voice, but Oh-yul perked up his ears. He seemed to focus all his attention on Ho-woo, as if not to miss even a single word.
Lee Ho-woo felt a surge of emotion. It was a mix of faint resentment, joy of reunion, and sadness. That complex emotion swept over young Ho-woo like a raging torrent.
“Are you not sick anymore?”
Ho-woo’s cheeks were wet with rainwater. It was raining from Oh-yul, who had crawled over on his knees as if worshipping a god. His wet eyes wavered.
“I… I like you, but I hate you.”
The young child couldn’t sharpen his emotions even towards the one he should resent. The child who had been killing sharp emotions alone and brooding smiled mournfully as he fully faced the person he met again.
Young Ho-woo understood Oh-yul. The small child understood that it wasn’t an accident he wanted to happen. He knew that the despair Oh-yul showed at that moment when everything froze wasn’t a lie.
Nevertheless.
Understanding and forgiveness were different. No matter how young, emotions aren’t dull. Ho-woo couldn’t forgive Oh-yul.
I like you.
An equal amount of resentment followed that emotion. So Ho-woo let go of Oh-yul. He couldn’t bear it unless he let him go.
The child gave a final greeting to Oh-yul, who was facing the downpour (豪雨).
“Goodbye.”
He couldn’t distinguish whether the tears wetting his cheeks were his own or those of the kneeling monster.
“I’m sorry, Ho-woo.”
The monster apologized to the small child, raining endlessly. It was unclear what exactly he was apologizing for. Oh-yul hugged Ho-woo tightly and kept whispering.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Ho-woo.
As if unable to accept the farewell, Oh-yul clung persistently. His fingers, curved like claws, dug into the floor.
“…It’s okay.”
Oh-yul’s wet eyes gleamed bizarrely.
“We’ll be okay. I can fix everything.”
The young Esper readjusted his hold on the limp Ho-woo. His eyes, which had been blue, turned a deep purple and curved gently.
“Ho-woo.”
At Oh-yul’s energized call, Ho-woo weakly raised his head to meet his gaze. Oh-yul’s smile, which Ho-woo liked the most, was reflected in his dazed eyes.
“Forget everything.”
Like a devil’s whisper, Oh-yul’s voice sweetly shook Ho-woo. Feeling as if everything would truly become easier if he forgot it all, Ho-woo slowly nodded.
“I won’t erase your memories. I don’t want you to completely forget me.”
Oh-yul covered Ho-woo’s eyes with his palm. Ho-woo exhaled a very long breath and went limp in Oh-yul’s arms.
The emotions he felt when he first met Oh-yul gradually faded. Joy, happiness, anticipation, excitement, all emotions were forcibly pushed into the black door.
In their place, a new suggestion carved by Oh-yul took root.
‘No other Espers or Guides except me. It would reveal your special nature.’
The deeply rooted suggestion bloomed like a small sprout in Ho-woo’s empty mind.
It was just comfortable. Now his heart didn’t hurt, and nothing was uncomfortable. Ho-woo vaguely felt that if he took a good nap and woke up, tomorrow would truly bring a refreshing morning.
As his limp body felt like it was floating, a soft sheet touched his back.
The hand that had lingered on his cheek for a long time slowly fell away. Instead, soft, plump lips touched his forehead.
“Good night.”
***
Fucking hell.
The unswallowed curse sprang out involuntarily. Lee Ho-woo gritted his teeth as he wiped his damp face. Through his dizzy vision, he saw a sturdy hand holding out a glass of water.
As usual, two eyes tinged with slight worry were staring intently at Ho-woo.
“Shit…”
Amidst the tangled, jumbled memories, a faint feeling of gladness arose. Ho-woo defined himself with self-contempt. He was a crazy bastard.
How could he be glad to see the person who killed his mother?
“Are you very dizzy?”
The kindly offered words felt so casual that it made him feel even stranger. Oh-yul was too calm and composed.
“Drink some water first.”
He knew the kindness given by the sturdy hand holding the water glass. Even when he was younger, he was infinitely weak, gentle, and kind to Ho-woo.
And also cruel.
Oh-yul knew everything but didn’t stop Lee Ho-woo from looking into his memories. Even knowing that he couldn’t continue a normal relationship with Ho-woo after he regained his memories, Oh-yul respected Ho-woo’s choice.
To place the weight of choice on Lee Ho-woo.
Ho-woo pushed away the water glass and sat up. The water filled to the brim in the glass swayed but didn’t spill over. It was such precise control that it gave him goosebumps.
“Ho-woo.”
A gaze that seemed to gently scold him was directed at Ho-woo. What on earth was he doing? There was no going back now. Lee Ho-woo, who knew nothing before, now knew too much.
He understood Oh-yul. Yes, it was an unavoidable accident for him too. It really happened in an instant, didn’t it? Ho-woo accepted it, just as his younger self had done.
It was an unavoidable accident, because otherwise, he felt like he would go mad.
The warm affection, body heat, voice that he gave drove Ho-woo crazy. He couldn’t bear it. But why was that man so calm?
Why? How can he be so nonchalant?
