“Did you wait for this?”
“Not exactly, but it ended up that way.”
It was an ambiguous answer. And this ambiguous answer wasn’t something to pretend not to notice. Since they had already comforted each other once, there was no reason they couldn’t do it twice, but that was precisely why. Just as once became twice, twice could become three times, and three times could become four, and they might develop a habit. It might seem too premature a prediction now, but problems fester when passed over so casually. Of course, it might not become a problem at all. Yes, there’s no law saying it must become a problem. That night, too, wasn’t an action with much meaning, and afterward, it hadn’t become an issue.
In fact, the meaning of that action remained ambiguous. Neither Euntae nor himself had made any particular mention or gesture that showed concern after mentioning it once, and it seemed like it would just be buried. But whether he was naive or not, that intimate contact couldn’t be nothing at all. If it had been with someone he had never seen before, spending just one night to satisfy sexual desire, it would have flowed away and been forgotten. But having one’s inner self touched, traces of that deep touch remained. So, in a way, hadn’t he known this would happen? When Euntae didn’t leave late into the night and finally lay beside him, hadn’t he known this would happen and that’s why he couldn’t fall asleep?
“Why aren’t you answering? I asked if you’ve ever done it with a man.”
“Why are you curious about that?”
“If you haven’t, then I was just a person that night, but if you have, then I was a man that night. That’s why I’m wondering.”
Euntae’s lips touched Yeojun’s nape. The sensation of lips pressing firmly was soft. The occasional breath felt ticklish.
Euntae was genuinely curious. That night, Yeojun not resisting his touch was somewhat unexpected. At first, he wondered if Yeojun had experience with men before marrying Dogyeong. But later, he questioned whether it mattered if it was a man or a woman. In other words, the distinction seemed to be whether Yeojun just needed comfort or if there was a sexual appeal.
“If I say I haven’t, will you stop?”
“No.”
“Then why such a pointless thought?”
Yeojun was right. Whatever the answer, whichever it was, he had no intention of stopping. It seemed like he couldn’t stop.
He had thought it would be troublesome to get attached, and he was relieved to see Yeojun not making an issue of that night. So it could have just flowed like that, but in the midst of his seemingly normal daily life with Yeojun, there was something that kept intruding. Something too stimulating to be called desire, yet too meaningful to be called interest. He found himself paying attention to Yeojun’s fingertips as he drank coffee, and when looking at Yeojun’s back, his eyes were drawn to the beautifully managed, slender waist, and in the moment after their lips touched and parted, he wondered about the slightly parted dark gap. Had his perspective changed? Since that night, Yeojun seemed to have become someone he ‘wanted.’
“Hyung, actually, being drunk was just an excuse.”
No, maybe he had been someone he wanted from the beginning. What he had glimpsed through the door crack that night was his own dark interior.
“I just couldn’t pass by. You were incredibly sexy. More than I had imagined.”
Euntae’s hand naturally slipped into Yeojun’s pants. Despite hearing what seemed like significant words just now, Yeojun didn’t resist. Thinking that now might be more dangerous than the first day, a warning light flickered, but while he was hesitating, Euntae was quickly penetrating. Yeojun easily heated up at Euntae’s touch enveloping his intimate area, and the firm chest pressing against his back gave a strangely reassuring feeling. He already knew well how warm he would feel if he surrendered himself to Euntae’s hands. Yes, knowledge was the frightening thing. Because he already knew, he couldn’t refuse. There was no reason to refuse either.
Yeojun firmly gripped Euntae’s wrist. It was a gesture of permission.
* * *
“Am I garbage?”
In Ocean Entertainment’s cafeteria. Befitting a company famous for its delicious food, the cafeteria was lined with visually appealing dishes. And while filling his tray with the side dishes he wanted, Euntae spoke. Another manager, Hyunho, who was beside him also filling his plate, answered.
“You’re just realizing that now?”
“Ah, hyung. I’m being serious right now.”
“I gave you a serious answer, you piece of trash.”
“It’s not nice to keep saying ‘trash, trash’ to the trash that’s listening.”
“Why? Because it’s a fact? Facts always hurt.”
Hyunho laughed at the end of his words. Euntae grumbled that Hyunho was annoying, but he wasn’t really angry or upset. It was because he knew Hyunho was joking, even though he claimed to be serious. On the other hand, what he himself had said was sincere. By the time they had finished putting food on their plates and sat down, Hyunho seemed to notice Euntae’s unusual demeanor and glanced at him carefully.
“What’s wrong? Is there a problem? Did you mess with some girl group member? Or do you have something going on with a trainee?”
“Why would a girl group come up? And what’s this about a trainee?”
“Why not? You’re famous, you know. Popular. I heard there’s even a trainee who’s practicing hard to debut just so she can be managed by you. And remember who was it last time? Chaerine from May? I heard she got your number.”
Hyunho was enthusiastically gossiping about something that wasn’t even his business. It was amusing after saying it. There were indeed cases where young men and women who were confined and not allowed to date while being worked hard under the pretense of training or work, ended up seeing each other, but Euntae was a somewhat special case. It was like the manager had become an idol to the trainees. Though he mainly handled work for the actor department and didn’t often see idols or trainees, that seemed to increase his rarity value. Hyunho paused eating for a moment to look at Euntae and said, “I guess looks really do matter,” before resuming with his utensils.
“Hyung, be careful on your way home. You know too much about me.”
“Don’t you know? I’ve already written my will. It also says if I die, the culprit is Park Euntae.”
Euntae chuckled at Hyunho’s silly joke. However, he didn’t elaborate on why he thought he was garbage.
It wasn’t because he had coldly told a trainee who shyly confessed to use her time for more practice, or because he had harshly told an idol who obviously wanted his number to contact him through the company if she had business. This time. That is, he had done such things before, but this time it wasn’t about that.
“Ah! Don’t tell me you…”
Hyunho seemed to have realized something and put down his spoon with a clatter before looking at Euntae. Thinking that Hyunho wouldn’t easily know unless he told him, Euntae paused eating and stared blankly at Hyunho. Hyunho lowered his voice.
“Is it a boy group this time? A man? Huh? Is that it?”
“Eat, hyung. Eat a lot. Eat quickly.”
Just as expected. Euntae placed the spoon back in Hyunho’s hand himself as Hyunho was barking up the wrong tree. It’s fortunate that Hyunho lacks perception. Just as he was thinking this, Hyunho added, “But don’t you do that. Can’t you see how tense the company atmosphere is because of Gyeonhui?” which made Euntae cough slightly.
The reason Euntae was pondering whether he was garbage wasn’t much. At this point, who else could be occupying Euntae’s mind but Yeojun? He didn’t regret confessing that he hadn’t been drunk, nor did he intend to create distance from Yeojun again. He just felt that after revealing his true feelings, he might have been thinking like this even longer than he realized. That made him wonder if he had secretly been hoping for Yeojun to get divorced from Dogyeong quickly.
“I just… want someone to be pitifully dumped.”
Euntae had no way of knowing how Yeojun felt about Dogyeong. Though they had decided to divorce, which meant their relationship was broken, he had a hope that somehow, it would be clean, very clean. Looking back, on the night he first engaged in those acts with Yeojun, he knew their home was on the edge of a cliff, but he didn’t know he would actually divorce. It didn’t seem like he wanted to wedge himself between them. That night, there might not have been time to think about such things. Anyway, the thought now was not about immediately claiming Yeojun who was left by Dogyeong, but it was like that.
He wished Seo Yeojun had been more pitifully abandoned. Then that lingering relationship would end cleanly. Then he would be completely alone.
“What interesting conversation are you having?”
Just as Hyunho was about to respond to Euntae’s words, another person came to sit at their table. It was Director Kim, Jaehyun.
“We were debating whether Park Euntae is trash or not.”
Hyunho reported quickly and honestly.
“Really? I’ll bet ten thousand won on him being trash.”
And Jaehyun naturally placed a confident bet. Only Euntae tilted his head with an odd feeling. At that response, Hyunho jokingly criticized him for not behaving better usually, and Jaehyun laughed.
“Euntae, don’t you really have any thoughts?”
“About what?”
“I told you before. Director Cheon is making a new movie, and I suggested you try out for an audition.”
“I’ve never acted before, what audition?”
“You can learn with this opportunity. It’s not like we’re expecting a big role. Even a small part would be good, for the experience.”
Euntae gave a definitive answer: “Not interested.” And Jaehyun replied, “Then I’ll ask you again in an hour.” Euntae was about to say more but knowing that Jaehyun was as stubborn as himself, he just gave up.
Jaehyun thought highly of Euntae. Good looks, good brains, good social skills. But it wasn’t just that. In this industry, there were plenty of handsome people, clever people, and those with maxed-out social skills. However, success was determined by a fine line, and in Jaehyun’s eyes, Euntae had that edge. Though he didn’t know what Euntae was thinking or why he lacked interest in everything, whatever it was, he intended to cultivate and use that potential. He was currently thinking of grooming him as an actor, but if Euntae really disliked that direction, he was also considering making him a formal employee at the company.
“Five months left.”
Euntae said. Hyunho asked, “For what?”
“Until I quit. I started this job planning to do it as a part-time job for exactly one year. After that, even if I want to continue, I can’t.”
This time, Jaehyun asked, “Why?”
“Because I’m going on a world tour.”
He added, “So stop trying to persuade me.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
