#64
“……”
Then what should he say? He hadn’t decided yet what words to use for his confession. Now that he was about to act, his whole body trembled and his heart pounded violently. It was beating so hard he felt like he might vomit his heart up through his throat. He could feel Taeseong’s gaze waiting for him to continue speaking.
“Kim Bonoh, see you at school.”
When Bonoh said nothing, Taeseong finally said goodbye and opened the door. At least he was kind enough to say they’d see each other at school. Eventually Taeseong left. The door with the door closer slowly shut even though Taeseong had let go of it. Taeseong disappeared through the gradually narrowing gap. To Bonoh’s eyes, it looked very slow. Finally, the door closed with a small sound.
Getting into his car, Taeseong looked up at the dormitory building before starting the engine. The dormitory windows were very small and not the kind you could see inside, so he couldn’t see into the room. However, Taeseong’s gaze lingered on the window of Room 309.
Then the sedan started up and departed with a smooth movement. As soon as Taeseong decided to confess to Bonoh, he had applied to move out of the dormitory. It was because Bonoh was his roommate – he was worried that if he confessed and got rejected, aside from the awkwardness, Bonoh might feel uncomfortable because of the fact that they were roommates.
Kim Bonoh was indecisive and the kind of person whose thoughts were easy to read. Because of that, after Taeseong started paying attention to Bonoh, he could keenly notice what made him uncomfortable. Sometimes he showed incomprehensible behavior, but he was bad at saying unpleasant things and was dull while being very considerate of others. Taeseong was concerned that such a Bonoh would be uncomfortable sharing a room with someone who had confessed to him and wouldn’t be able to give a proper response.
It wasn’t that he was worried about being rejected, but that Kim Bonoh might want to reject him but not be able to. When he said he would move back to his family home, Taeseong’s parents seemed quite surprised. They asked if he had fought with his roommate, but it was the opposite. Rather, they got along too well – he was moving out because he had come to like his roommate. Of course, he couldn’t answer that way, so Taeseong said no, but they didn’t seem to believe him.
The confession was decided upon after seeing Casafarmer’s comment. The advice about how to confess had some dubious aspects, but there was trust built up so far, so Taeseong decided to believe in it this time too. Even while packing, Taeseong had been consistently thinking about the place and timing. Most restaurants with good atmosphere were Italian or French, but Bonoh’s preferred type of food was Korean. There were quite a few Korean-based fine dining restaurants, but it was uncertain whether Bonoh would enjoy that kind of food.
Caught at a traffic light, Taeseong stopped his car. His fingertips tapping the steering wheel looked restless. Though he pretended to be calm, Taeseong was nervous too. As much as his feelings for Bonoh were strong, he was also afraid to confirm the result of his confession.
However, he couldn’t settle for the present situation. Since there were so many people around Kim Bonoh, if he did nothing, Taeseong would just remain as some college roommate from his university days. Taeseong was not someone who could be satisfied with that.
The light changed. When Taeseong pressed the accelerator, the car smoothly moved forward again. After finishing organizing his things at home, he decided to visit flower shops first.
***
Taeseong’s dormitory move-out was rather sudden timing. It was the same for Bonoh, but also for the dormitory administration. It wasn’t the beginning of the semester, but around the time midterms had passed.
Bonoh received word from the dormitory that the next roommate would move in a few weeks later. Most of the students who had received preliminary numbers early on were already living on their own since their family homes were in rural areas, so he learned that a student from quite a later sequence would be moving in. He didn’t know exactly who had called, but unlike the administrative assistant, they were quite chatty.
Either way, it was good news for Bonoh. Right now, he didn’t want to share a room with anyone other than Taeseong.
Still, being alone in the dormitory room felt too quiet. Was it always this quiet? Taeseong was on the quiet side, and Bonoh had tried not to make noise to follow the rules, but now the world felt silent. Maybe it was because the dormitory looked a bit more spacious than usual with Taeseong’s belongings gone.
Bonoh could especially feel the fact that Taeseong wasn’t there more at night. At first, he thought since there was no one to say it was time to turn off the lights, maybe he’d try sleeping late for the first time in a while. However, it wasn’t like he was coming back late from drinking, and just having the lights on alone in the room wasn’t particularly fun. Bonoh eventually turned off the lights and lay down. It was less than an hour past their usual lights-out time.
Making his reluctance to let him go seem pointless, the next day was a day they had the same class. Bonoh arrived at the lecture hall 5 minutes before class time. Taeseong was already there, and when he saw Bonoh enter, he subtly moved the bag that had been placed on the seat next to him. Bonoh sat down quickly in that seat, hiding his excited mood.
“You came early?”
“Yeah. It’s been a while since I left from home.”
Bonoh tried to act nonchalant, but this situation was somehow awkward. Not departing from the dormitory together but coming separately and meeting was also new.
Also, the fact that Taeseong seemed more put-together than usual played a part. The clothes Taeseong usually wore were simple and clean styles. He absolutely never wore hoodies, and in summer he preferred basic-fit solid-colored t-shirts or shirts, and when it got cold, he liked to wear knitwear. Even the colors themselves were not flashy and he harmoniously chose monotone ones.
But today he was wearing a light-colored sweater over a denim shirt. It was a pale lavender sweater, but it was radical for Taeseong. His hair also seemed to have more effort put into it than usual. It was styled swept back with a few strands falling down, and it harmonized well with Taeseong’s facial structure.
“Where are you going after class today?”
“I was going to eat with you and then go home. Nothing busy, though.”
His expression seemed to ask why he was asking. Since it wasn’t asking to go somewhere after class ended, Bonoh pretended not to know. He was relieved that it wasn’t because he was meeting someone, since he had dressed up.
All the clothes Taeseong wore today were ones Bonoh was seeing for the first time. The dormitory closet was small, so he probably couldn’t keep all his clothes from home in the dormitory. Whether it was because Taeseong wasn’t the type to keep many belongings or because he wasn’t interested in clothes, he didn’t have many clothes. Though they all looked expensive. Even using the same dormitory washing machine and dryer, Taeseong’s clothes always looked good quality.
Taeseong was a good clothes hanger, so he looked good in whatever he wore. Not only his face, but his height, proportions, and physique – nothing was lacking. When such a guy appeared now in what seemed like a deliberately dressed-up outfit, it felt like gazes from all over the lecture hall were gathering on Taeseong.
“…Crazy.”
Bonoh muttered quietly at Taeseong’s sudden unexpected behavior. Taeseong slightly bent his upper body, then grabbed the back part of his sweater and pulled it off. His hair got a bit messy while taking off the clothes, but when Taeseong swept it back with his hand once, it became a plausible shape again. There were even small gasps audible from that corner of the lecture hall.
“You, you… what are you doing?”
“I was a bit hot so I took it off, why?”
Of course, since Taeseong was wearing a denim shirt under the sweater, there was no problem. However, the motion of taking off that sweater was too stimulating. Moreover, every time Taeseong moved his body, the buttons on the chest part of his shirt looked precarious. Bonoh gulped while glaring at the buttons that looked like they might come undone.
He had once asked where Taeseong bought a shirt because it looked pretty. But when he told him a brand he’d never heard of, he looked it up and found it was a shop that specialized in custom shirts. Taeseong said since there were no sizes that fit his shoulders, he either wore custom-made clothes or bought foreign brands.
Yet his chest was tight. The denim material didn’t seem to be very flexible. Bonoh originally liked it when Taeseong wore fitted t-shirts or shirts that highlighted his large chest muscles. Each time, Bonoh would unconsciously keep looking at Taeseong’s chest, which was also troublesome. But in this way here was somewhat dangerous. The lecture hall was a bit hot, but it felt like the internal air had heated up from Taeseong’s undressing.
Bonoh nervously rolled his eyes, scanning to see who else besides himself was swallowing saliva right now. Taeseong, who looked impressive even to his own eyes, couldn’t look unappealing to others.
He should quickly mark his territory.
Bonoh recalled the moment when he had the impulse to grab Taeseong as he was leaving the dormitory and confess. Even if he prepared to confess, what if his mouth wouldn’t open like that time?
Bonoh had often made bets with himself since he was young. Things like only stepping on the white parts of crosswalks and being eliminated if he touched the black parts, or walking only on specific colored sidewalk blocks. Most were meaningless actions, but sometimes when he lacked courage to do something or faced difficult choices, he would make bets and leave his decisions to the results.
The bets he made then relied on other people’s choices rather than restrictive movement. Bets done by moving directly like traffic lights or sidewalk blocks would unconsciously make him move in the direction he wanted and manipulate the bet’s result. So Bonoh decided to rely on other people’s choices this time too.
“Is it already festival season?”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
