#51
“I was startled by the sudden sound. I’m sorry.”
“That’s good then. If you have no business at school, go back quickly. All the buildings are locked up too.”
“Yes…”
When the security guard left, Bonoh stroked his chest in relief. Then he looked down at the hand he was holding. As if noticing belatedly, Bonoh hurriedly tried to let go.
“Just keep holding it, okay? Don’t scream again.”
Taeseong moved his hand to properly hold Bonoh’s hand. The two walked silently for a while. Bonoh seemed to have all his nerves focused on their joined hands. Even though it wasn’t that hot, he was conscious of his hand sweating, and every time he slightly twisted his hand, Taeseong gripped it more firmly.
“What if someone sees…”
“I’ll gouge out all their eyes, so don’t worry. When did you start worrying about everything when you used to openly call me your wife?”
Taeseong answered quite menacingly to Bonoh’s muttering. When the mention of ‘wife’ popped out of Taeseong’s mouth, Bonoh’s mouth snapped shut. Why bring up that topic now of all times? He remembered when he had brought it up just to test the waters.
“Huh? Don’t you think you hear music?”
He wanted to change the subject, but it was also true that music could be heard faintly from the direction of the back gate. Bonoh walked ahead of Taeseong quickly toward where the music was coming from. As the distance between them widened due to the speed difference, their connected arms stretched taut. Taeseong followed at matching speed, worried he might lose hold of Bonoh’s hand.
“Must be a band club.”
“Seems like it.”
The sound was coming from a building with club rooms. Bonoh looked up at the lit area. Drum sounds and singing could be heard, as if a band was practicing together. The open window was small, so even when they came near the building, the sound wasn’t very loud. Singing could be heard but the lyrics weren’t clearly audible.
“What song is it? It sounds like something I’ve heard before.”
“……”
Bonoh concentrated on the sound. The melody seemed familiar, like they were covering a recent idol song, but since the lyrics couldn’t be heard, he couldn’t easily figure out which song it was.
Joo Taeseong probably doesn’t know either? When he glanced toward where Taeseong was, Taeseong was looking down at him. In the dark campus, Taeseong’s face was shadowed by the dim light. His protruding brow bone and nose bridge cast shadows around his eyes, but even so, that downward gaze wasn’t hidden.
That gaze was so heavy that Bonoh slightly lowered his eyes. His gaze, following the sharp nose bridge downward, arrived at his lips. These were the lips that often touched his body during sex. Being conscious of this fact made his heart beat loudly. It was hard to distinguish whether the thumping sound was his own heartbeat or the drum sounds coming from above.
Captivated by this, Bonoh didn’t notice those lips approaching even though he wasn’t looking away. The two people’s lips lightly overlapped. At the same time, Bonoh’s eyes closed. It was the first time kissing Taeseong outside their dorm room, when they weren’t having sex.
It wasn’t even their first kiss, but Bonoh was nervous. He worried whether his breathing was too strong and didn’t even know how to breathe. When Taeseong bumped against him as if biting his lower lip, Bonoh parted his lips.
Contrary to Bonoh’s expectation that Taeseong’s tongue would soon ravage his mouth, Taeseong’s lips pulled away. Bonoh followed the retreating lips and opened his eyes when he couldn’t reach them.
“Idiot.”
Taeseong said teasingly. He was smiling nonchalantly as if he hadn’t just kissed him. In contrast, Bonoh had his eyes closed and was stretching his head forward, chasing Taeseong’s lips. Thinking about how ridiculous he must have looked in Taeseong’s eyes made Bonoh feel like he could die of embarrassment.
“Ah, what, what… haha.”
Bonoh also awkwardly laughed along with Taeseong. Hoping he would look like someone who fell for a friend’s mischievous prank rather than someone who had been kissed. For no reason, Bonoh bit his lips inward as if hiding them.
“Kim Bonoh. If you want to kiss, do it with your lover, okay?”
“Uh…”
Bonoh didn’t want to admit it, but he was hurt. Not by the kiss, but by Taeseong’s words. Not wanting to show it, he started walking. He could feel Taeseong following from behind.
“Don’t you have someone you like? If you do, confess quickly.”
Taeseong’s voice was full of laughter.
“Then Joo Taeseong, what about you?”
“Me?”
“Yeah. Don’t you have someone… anyone?”
Bonoh asked in a moment of anger. Because it was obvious Taeseong would answer that he didn’t. He meant it as ‘why are you saying that to me when you don’t have anyone either?’
“I do have someone. I think I’ll be getting a confession soon?”
“What?”
But at the unexpected words, Bonoh stopped in his tracks and turned to look at Taeseong, forgetting to hide his expression. Finding something amusing, Taeseong was looking at Bonoh with a face full of mirth.
“Ah, it’s really too obvious. I wish they would confess quickly. I’m getting a bit tired from waiting so long.”
Taeseong said while sighing deeply for show. Then why did you sleep with me? Why did you just kiss me? Bonoh struggled to swallow the words that had risen to his throat. He wanted to run away right now. Taeseong was right. He was an idiot.
Bonoh tried hard to suppress his churning feelings. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t calm the heavy emotion slowly rising from around his chest.
Right, there was no way Joo Taeseong, who wasn’t even gay, would like him. It was such an easy proposition that he knew it well in his head. It was because they kept facing each other in narrow spaces and their bodies kept touching. That’s why he had such foolish delusions. He had created his own delusions by giving meaning to trivial things like brushing shoulders, casual touches, and breathing sounds heard in sleep.
So Joo Taeseong really did all of this without any emotion until now. The sex, the kisses, the moments when he laughed playfully. It was probably just to pass time. Bonoh, who belatedly realized he was the only one who was serious, was crumbling inside even as he tried to accept this fact.
It was fortunate that he realized it was a delusion even now. It was laughable that he had been foolishly hoping all this time. He was so pathetic. Even as Bonoh tried to convince himself, something hot was welling up in his chest.
The moment he felt his eyes stinging, Bonoh hurriedly tried to cut off his thoughts. I can’t cry. I can’t cry here right now. He didn’t want to act like this in front of Taeseong. No matter how foolish he was, he wanted to protect at least the last bit of pride he had left. To swallow his tears, he had to say something, anything, to cover up this emotion. Bonoh opened his mouth randomly.
“Ah… th-that, I left my highlighter cap open.”
After saying that, Bonoh slightly raised his chin and cast his gaze far away to avoid showing his expression. Then he quickly turned his body around.
Even he thought it was a ridiculous excuse. A highlighter cap? There must have been more plausible excuses. But he had already said it and didn’t have the confidence to stay there any longer.
Bonoh hurriedly headed toward the dorm before Taeseong could stop him. Taeseong seemed to be calling from behind, but Bonoh didn’t try to listen.
Taeseong stopped in place with a dumbfounded expression. What did Kim Bonoh just say? What, a highlighter? He was so dumbfounded he couldn’t speak. What kind of amazing highlighter was it that he’d worry about it at this timing? Did he have some talent for getting on people’s nerves?
“Why is he acting like that, Kim Bonoh.”
The words came out as a soliloquy. I really don’t understand. The mood was fine just a moment ago. I even gave him a timing for confession. I thought even dense Kim Bonoh would catch on here. However, Kim Bonoh acted as if it was none of his concern and ran off talking about some highlighter cap.
Taeseong could only let out a hollow laugh. At this point, he wondered if Bonoh just didn’t want to confess. From his reactions, Kim Bonoh definitely seemed to have feelings too. He had enjoyed everything there was to enjoy but wouldn’t actually confess, which was frustrating.
Kim Bonoh was transparent. His eyes would waver when he spoke, or he couldn’t make eye contact. He also couldn’t lie. That’s what made it more confusing. He seemed to like him, so why wouldn’t he confess? What, did he want to sleep around but didn’t want to date?
Taeseong frowned. Is Kim Bonoh really just after my body? Thinking this way made him feel resentful.
But Taeseong decided not to be impatient. Kim Bonoh definitely had feelings for him. This was a battle of time. The flow was tilting toward him and the only problem was timing.
Taeseong slowly walked in the direction where Bonoh had disappeared. Anyway, the place Kim Bonoh had run to was the dorm, and that was also where Taeseong lived.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
