One-Room Dictator 32

#32

Fortunately, Kim Bonoh still seemed to like him. In Taeseong’s opinion, they had even had “that kind” of thing happen several times, and the fact that he acted like nothing happened was nothing short of a positive signal. Taeseong boldly abandoned his plan to reject Bonoh’s confession.

He didn’t go so far as to like Bonoh, but he had just realized that there was plenty of possibility for it to develop into romantic feelings. If Bonoh, who was quite shy, couldn’t hide his feelings and ended up confessing, he planned to pretend to be reluctant and accept. The situation seemed to be flowing positively too. Eating together every day and getting to know each other’s tastes – what else could you call it if not a “some” relationship?

‘…Some relationship.’

Taeseong’s chest tickled at the word “some” that he had thought of. Kim Bonoh likes me so much, so he’d be thrilled if I accepted him, right? He probably couldn’t even imagine that he would accept him. That’s why he’s been hovering around me without being able to confess until now. That’s what Taeseong thought.

Taeseong listened to the rustling sound characteristic of hotel bedding. Kim Bonoh had obediently lain down again when told to sleep, but he seemed to have completely lost his sleepiness. Well, how could he sleep when the object of his unrequited love was lying in the same bed? Oh, did he hear me say he was cute? Taeseong suddenly became nervous. His heart was beating and he felt uncomfortable somewhere from nervousness, but he didn’t know how to move his body or even how to position himself for fear that Kim Bonoh might hear the sound of the bedding.

“…Are you sleeping?”

Taeseong was startled by Bonoh’s question, which somehow seemed to be asked secretively.

“No. Why?”

However, Taeseong replied as if nothing was wrong.

“Just… I’m not sleepy, and you don’t seem to be sleeping either.”

“……”

Another rustling sound was heard. Bonoh had turned toward Taeseong. Taeseong resisted the urge to turn his eyes toward Bonoh and steadfastly stared at the ceiling.

“That… thank you for bringing me here. You came to cheer me up, right? It’s nice to see the ocean after a long time.”

“Well, I had my own reasons too… But what were you doing in your freshman year that you’re taking that class in summer session?”

“Well… I had a CC in my freshman year.”

“What?! With a guy?”

Taeseong sat up abruptly and asked back. A CC between guys? When did Korea become this progressive? At the same time, unknown emotions toward Kim Bonoh’s ex-boyfriend, whose face he didn’t even know, surged violently. And he was shocked by the fact that Bonoh had met another man before meeting him.

This wishy-washy Kim Bonoh! He should conduct himself properly and wait quietly until he meets his destiny. Before he knew it, Taeseong had reached the point of thinking that Bonoh’s destiny was himself.

“Huh? No. Of course it was with a girl!”

“A girl? Not a guy…?”

Taeseong muttered with a flustered expression. Taeseong heard the sound of thunder and lightning striking somewhere. It was a sound from within his barely calmed inner self.

“I’m a guy, so why would I have a CC with a guy? …Shit, it’s because of the gay porn, isn’t it? I told you so many times that I clicked on that by mistake!”

“…Huh.”

“Hey, I’m telling you it’s really not like that! I like sexy noonas!”

“……”

Bonoh’s words about liking sexy noonas sounded to Taeseong like “I like sexy noonas. Not Joo Taeseong. LOL.” Taeseong was so shocked that he was speechless and couldn’t say anything. He lost strength and flopped backward. It felt like he was falling, but thanks to the hotel mattress, it didn’t hurt at all. This fact made Taeseong even more miserable. If there had at least been some shock, it would have helped him come to his senses.

“What’s wrong, why aren’t you saying anything?”

As if he had fainted, Taeseong didn’t move at all. As the silence lengthened, Bonoh touched Taeseong’s arm, and when there was no reaction, he asked again if he had fallen asleep. This time Taeseong didn’t answer at all. Then, thinking he had fallen asleep, it became quiet. Bonoh tossed and turned for a while, then soon fell asleep again.

***

Bonoh opened his eyes at 10:50, ten minutes before checkout. As soon as he checked the time, he looked at the spot next to him. If Taeseong was still asleep, he planned to wake him up, and if he was already awake, he was going to pour out complaints about why he didn’t wake him. However, Bonoh’s side was coolly empty.

“Joo Taeseong, are you in the bathroom…?”

He asked in a voice thick with sleep, but no answer came back. When he checked his phone, there was a text from Taeseong.

[I have something to do so I’m going up first. Sorry.]

After checking it, Bonoh ran to the bathroom without having the presence of mind to figure out what was going on. This was because 5 minutes had passed in the meantime.

Bonoh, who barely made it out in time for checkout, opened the text from Taeseong again on the bus back. It wasn’t his usual rude tone, and he had even added an apology uncharacteristically, so it seemed like something had really happened. That’s what Bonoh thought. The text was sent around 5 AM, which was quite early. If you think he sent the text after leaving, Taeseong must have left the room even earlier.

‘Still, he could have woken me…’

What urgent matter made him leave without saying anything? When he leaned his head against the window, his head shook every time the bus jolted and hit the cold glass. Bonoh swallowed his rising disappointment and resolved to ask about the whole story when he arrived at the dormitory.

However, Taeseong wasn’t at the dormitory either. Taeseong’s phone charger and laptop were in their places. This meant he didn’t have time to stop by the dormitory and wouldn’t be coming back soon either. Either way, since Taeseong’s room was here, he would inevitably have to return here. Bonoh opened his mouth wide and yawned loudly. Perhaps because it was vacation, everything felt peaceful.

***

[Hey when are you coming to the dorm ㅠ]

[I’m so bored without you]

[I miss you so come quickly!]

[If you don’t come quickly I’ll cook ramen in the room again ㅅㄱ]

[Just kidding.. I got caught that time and don’t have any now… come quickly]

Taeseong belatedly checked the messages from Bonoh. He had turned off notifications so he didn’t know they had come, and he hadn’t replied, but Bonoh didn’t mind and sent messages from time to time. It had already been two weeks since he fled from the hotel.

That day, Taeseong had stayed up all night with his eyes open. Then, feeling that he absolutely couldn’t maintain a nonchalant face in front of Bonoh, he had run away like he was fleeing. Since it was vacation now, he could avoid him like this, but after the semester started, he would have no choice but to return to the dormitory. Although his family home was in Seoul, he couldn’t commute to school at this point.

He left Bonoh’s chat window and entered the photo app. Then he went into the ‘Evidence Materials’ album and looked through the photos he had collected. The birthday meal Kim Bonoh had prepared for his birthday, the cake, and Kim Bonoh sitting in front of the cake. Besides that, there were Post-it memos, candy wrappers, and photos of Bonoh taken against the ocean backdrop two weeks ago. He checked all the photos in the album and then pressed the delete button.

[Do you want to delete the selected photos?]

[Delete / Cancel]

He had made up his mind and pressed the delete button, but when it came to pressing the delete button on the confirmation window that appeared, he hesitated.

All of this was really just my misunderstanding? He couldn’t believe it. Taeseong found it difficult to accept the reality that Bonoh didn’t like him. In the end, he pressed the cancel button. Not only that, but he even backed up all the photos in the album to the cloud before exiting the photo app.

Hello? Is this the police box? There’s a gay guy here, oh no, a non-gay guy who keeps making me misunderstand even though he has no feelings, so please come arrest him. Taeseong desperately wanted to make such a report. But since current Korean law wouldn’t arrest someone for that reason, he threw his phone onto the bed. He was so heartbroken, yet Kim Bonoh, knowing nothing, kept sending messages that could cause more misunderstandings, which Taeseong found utterly detestable.

For the past two weeks, he had been killing time while struggling with an inexplicable sense of loss. And now he had a fundamental question. What the hell is this feeling? He had never been sad because someone didn’t like him – hell, he had never even been interested in how others evaluated him.

Taeseong, who was lucky enough to be born into an economically well-off family, had grown up without material want. Of course, his social skills were poor and he had no friends he could comfortably open up to, but rather, Taeseong felt comfort rather than deficiency in that. Having lived his life without major ups and downs, he was in a state where he didn’t know what to do because the negative emotions he was experiencing now were very unfamiliar.

Taeseong decided to first think of various possibilities about where this emotion weighing him down came from.

First, I actually like Kim Bonoh, so I was hurt by the fact that Kim Bonoh doesn’t like me.

“Ha, this is definitely not it.”

He snorted and immediately denied it. And he was disgusted that he had thought of such a reason himself.

Second, I felt defeated because Kim Bonoh doesn’t like me.

The second possibility didn’t resonate much either. Although Taeseong was arrogant, selfish, and lacked social skills, he was someone who could look at himself objectively. It wasn’t that he couldn’t fix his shortcomings because he didn’t know about them, but rather that he knew about them and chose not to fix them. From his objective judgment, at least he wasn’t the type of person who would feel defeated by the fact that someone didn’t like him.