#17
Bonoh threw the laptop he had been clutching tightly onto the bed as if afraid someone might snatch it away, then bolted to the bathroom. In the silence where not even the sound of water could be heard, it was painfully obvious what kind of self-reproach Bonoh was putting himself through. If he was trying to escape even for a moment, he had chosen the completely wrong place.
However, Taeseong couldn’t mock him for it. Taeseong stood still without even entering the room, covering his mouth with his hand. If he had come just a little later, he might have faced Kim Bonoh panting while gripping his own member.
Kim Bonoh with his face flushed red like when drunk, twisting his waist in pleasure, Kim Bonoh breathing heavily like when sleeping then unable to hold back his moans, Kim Bonoh trembling as he stroked his own member before climaxing, Kim Bonoh lying languidly with his body covered in semen after ejaculating.
Imagining Bonoh in such a state made his stomach churn. The heat rising in his body felt similar to when he had indigestion.
Taeseong questioned whether he was homophobic. He wasn’t that interested in other people to that extent. Maybe he was just disgusted by doing such things in a shared living space. Taeseong tried hard to think that way.
Whatever the reason, Taeseong had no idea how to deal with this churning feeling. He eventually fled from the dormitory where Bonoh was and got into his car, which was like his solid shield. Driving would surely make him feel better, but driving in his current state of mind would be nothing short of suicide. He tried to calmly push Kim Bonoh out of his head.
But the more he tried, the more Kim Bonoh’s gasping breaths layered over Beethoven’s Fate Symphony Allegro con brio that echoed in his mind. No matter how much he struggled in the cramped car, Bonoh wouldn’t leave. Not only were his ears tingling, but now his vision was turning black. In that black field of vision, only a rambling, bright red flushed face floated around.
It wasn’t a good sign. He needed to be cautious.
***
If you can’t avoid it, enjoy it. However, if you can’t enjoy it no matter how much you rack your brain a thousand or ten thousand times, forgetting it entirely isn’t a bad choice either. Bonoh decided to just forget about what happened due to his mistake. He didn’t want to carry around the shameful memory of getting caught watching gay porn and then confessing it directly to Taeseong for a long time.
Bonoh, who had been sitting on the toilet just worrying, finally came out after reaching that conclusion. He planned to at least say that he wasn’t gay. Of course, Taeseong would probably show his characteristically tactless behavior regardless of whether his roommate was gay or not… but still, it felt unsettling to just let it slide.
However, perhaps because he had stayed in the bathroom too long, when he came out, Taeseong was nowhere to be found. In that short time (though it hadn’t actually been a short time, but Bonoh didn’t know that), rather than something happening, it was more accurate to say that Taeseong had also fled.
‘Did he really need to not say anything at all?’
If it had been other guys, it would have been an episode they’d just laugh off, but with Taeseong as the other party, it was completely different. He had thought any guy would understand, but Taeseong wasn’t like that either. Well, considering his uptightness, he couldn’t even imagine him masturbating in the first place. Lest unpleasant images unfold in his mind, Bonoh quickly shook his head vigorously and tried to shake off the thoughts.
It was too intimate a matter to go somewhere and confide in someone about. Bonoh just lay down on the bed and kicked at the air with his feet. Kim Bonoh, you crazy bastard! No matter how out of your mind you were, how could you do such a thing in a room you share with none other than Joo Taeseong! This is so embarrassing, what the hell!
The only effect he gained was that he felt he could abstain for about half a year. Having gained only an effect he didn’t particularly want, Bonoh just sighed deeply in his distress. They had finally gotten closer, but the thought that Taeseong would retreat back again really wasn’t pleasant.
While he was holding his head in agony, he heard the sound of the dormitory door opening. Taeseong, who had gone out, had returned.
Taeseong came inside without saying anything particular. Bonoh subtly moved to sit farther away from the laptop. It was a movement deliberately appealing that he was staying far away from the laptop. Then he glanced at Taeseong.
But Taeseong didn’t give Bonoh even one glance. With an expressionless face, he took off his coat and hung it on the hanger. Bonoh watched Taeseong’s mood, but eventually couldn’t hold back and opened his mouth.
“Um, about what happened earlier…”
Taeseong’s hand stopped. Bonoh didn’t miss the opportunity and quickly continued.
“It’s really a misunderstanding. I’m absolutely not the kind of person who watches that stuff…”
“I’m not interested.”
Taeseong cut him off curtly. With those words, Bonoh’s mouth snapped shut. As if it was no big deal, Taeseong gathered his clothes and towel and headed to the bathroom. Taeseong entered the bathroom and closed the door.
Click.
The sound of the door locking was heard. Bonoh closed his mouth, then quietly pressed his forehead. Ah, shit. I think he really is misunderstanding. Or is he just trying to pretend not to know? Bonoh looked at the laptop with an uncomfortable expression.
Since Taeseong acted as if what happened that day never occurred, Bonoh began to diligently live his given life again while burying the discomfort in a corner of his heart. He played hard, chatted earnestly with friends, and studied in his own way. Well, everything rolled along fairly well. However, if there was one thing that changed, it was that Taeseong, who usually stuck to the dormitory even on weekends, had been leaving the dormitory as soon as the weekend came for two consecutive weeks.
“What, you’re going out again tomorrow?”
“Yeah. Don’t mess up the room while I’m gone. Like last week.”
“Okay, okay. Where are you going?”
“Home.”
It was a much better answer than the cold response of ‘what’s it to you.’ Bonoh nodded at the natural answer. Come to think of it, since Taeseong also lived in the dormitory, his home must be far, but he had never asked where it was. It probably wasn’t Jeju Island though.
“Where’s your home?”
“About 40 minutes by car.”
“Crazy, your home was in Seoul? My home is in Jeju Island.”
If he entered the dormitory despite living in Seoul, his grades must be really good. Well, what was it again? He said he was thorough during regular times instead of exam periods, so it would be strange if his grades were bad.
“Jeju Island?”
“Yeah. Haven’t I mentioned it before?”
“No. And you don’t use dialect either.”
What’s the point of using dialect when communication would be impossible anyway? Seeing Taeseong’s surprise just made him laugh. Taeseong had unexpectedly cute aspects. Seeing Bonoh grinning, Taeseong slightly frowned and stepped back.
“My family runs a tangerine farm, so we send a few boxes every winter. You’ll definitely know once you get buried under tangerines.”
“No, I’m fine.”
Taeseong ignored Bonoh’s words and turned his head away sharply. His attitude clearly showed he found it bothersome. Unlike before, Taeseong didn’t seem to know that now such behavior made him want to tease him more.
“Joo Taeseong. Are you happy to abandon me and go home?”
“Yeah. I’m happy.”
“How sad.”
Bonoh made a pitiful sound even though he wasn’t particularly sad. Well, it would be nice to have that kind of convenience since his home was close. For Bonoh, who had to book round-trip plane tickets first just to visit his parents, going home dutifully every weekend was like pie in the sky. Of course, Taeseong had never shown signs of going home before either. He must be going home on weekends now that midterms were over. Even so, not going when you can versus having to make a big decision from the start were different problems.
“But aren’t you going to wash up?”
Bonoh glanced at the clock. Around this time every day, Taeseong would wash up. It was such a standardized pattern that even Bonoh knew it clearly, so it was strange that Taeseong wasn’t washing up.
“I’m going to wash after finishing my assignment.”
“Huh, that’s unusual. Then can I wash first?”
“Yeah.”
Bonoh quickly went in to shower. Usually Taeseong would wash first and then Bonoh would go in, so washing in a completely dry space felt refreshing. He really wanted to play music but held back. It was a dormitory rule, and knowing that Taeseong was working on an assignment, playing music would just increase his stress levels.
“Oh shit.”
He had washed his hair and rinsed off all the soap from his body. Having finished his shower quickly, Bonoh realized he was in a very big crisis. The clothes and towel he had brought in had fallen to the floor and were completely soaked. He couldn’t put them on. He tried wringing out the clothes like a rag, but it wasn’t very effective.
All he could seriously think was that he was fucked. Bonoh fell into brief contemplation. Should he bother Taeseong, who was working on his assignment, to bring him clothes, or should he quickly run out and quickly put on clothes? Hmm. The latter definitely seemed better. Having immediately chosen the latter, Bonoh quickly opened the door and shouted.
“Joo Taeseong, don’t look this way.”
When told not to do something, it makes people want to do it more. Even in horror movies, there are always people who do exactly what they’re told not to do and end up in mortal danger. Taeseong had the same instinct.
Taeseong reflexively turned his head toward where Bonoh had shouted and properly grimaced. He didn’t even notice the water dripping onto the floor. Instead, only the much whiter stomach and thighs compared to his slightly tanned face and limbs were clearly visible as if magnified.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
