Chapter 50
*
“…ha-ya.”
“…”
“Jeong-ha?”
I jerked my head up, startled by the voice calling my name while I was poking at the meat on the grill.
At the same time, my eyes met Kwon-oh’s, who was holding the tongs.
“Hm? What?”
“What are you thinking about? You didn’t respond when I called you.”
“Ah. …It’s nothing.”
I shook my head, ignoring the throbbing in my head.
“Aren’t you hungry?”
“No, I’m about to eat now.”
“You’re eating so little though.”
“…Is that so? I guess I don’t have much appetite today.”
I smiled awkwardly, looking at the pile of meat on my side. Partly because I didn’t have the energy to eat due to my cold, but also because Kwon-oh had put so much meat in front of me that it made it look like I was eating even less.
“What’s wrong? Are you sick?”
“No. I’m fine.”
I immediately denied it when Kwon-oh asked with concern. But he seemed unconvinced by my answer and put down the tongs, reaching his hand towards my forehead.
Surprised, I pulled my head back to avoid his touch. If he touched me now, he would notice that I had a fever.
Seeing Kwon-oh’s confused expression, I fumbled for an excuse.
“It’s just… doing this in public…”
Then I quickly put some meat in my mouth and chewed.
“…”
“…”
There was a moment of silence, but soon Kwon-oh spoke again.
“If you don’t want to eat, don’t force yourself. It’s okay to leave it.”
“It’s fine, I’m not forcing myself.”
That was a lie. I felt like I was going to be sick. The greasy meat was making me uncomfortable, especially on an empty stomach that was already irritated from taking medicine.
I finally gave up pretending to eat well and put down my chopsticks. Being sick made it hard to concentrate on the conversation too. Even answering questions and reacting appropriately was a struggle.
In the end, because I left so much meat, Kwon-oh ate it all.
When it came time to pay, I pulled myself together and stepped forward. As I was about to hand over the card I had prepared in advance, Kwon-oh stopped me.
“Why are you paying when you barely ate anything?”
“You paid for everything last time. Let me pay today.”
“You don’t have to. I want to treat you.”
“Kwon-oh, I have money too.”
“Pay for me another time when you’ve eaten a lot and are completely full.”
“It’s fine. Please use this card.”
I stubbornly handed my card to the counter staff. Kwon-oh reached out to stop me, but like before, I quickly pulled back to avoid him. It was almost an unconscious action.
“…”
“…”
We were enveloped in an awkward atmosphere again.
“…Use this card for payment.”
Kwon-oh’s voice lowered considerably. I didn’t dare speak again and just watched carefully.
Even the male part-time worker seemed to notice Kwon-oh’s commanding tone, nodding his head vigorously and taking his card with both hands.
“Y-yes, sir.”
…Was I being too stubborn? Was it too obvious that I was avoiding him?
But if Kwon-oh touched me, he would know I had a fever, and he would likely not want to stay with me today. It was an unavoidable response on my part.
Despite being so careful not to reveal my physical condition, as soon as we left the restaurant, Kwon-oh said something that hit me like a bolt from the blue.
“Go home early today.”
“…What? No, I want to have coffee.”
I refused, being stubborn.
But my mind was in chaos. Why is he suddenly telling me to go home? Last time he said he wanted to see me from morning till night.
“If you drink coffee now, you won’t be able to sleep well when you get home.”
Kwon-oh’s voice was very firm.
“I’m not going home…”
“Why are you being so stubborn? Do you like being with me that much?”
“Y-yes.”
Kwon-oh laughed briefly at my answer and then shook his head.
“Still, it’s not okay. Go home.”
Another rejection came back. It was the first time he had used this tone with me, except for the beginning of the semester when we didn’t know each other well.
I was annoyed by the stark difference in temperature I felt in his voice. I even said I liked being with you, and you’re brushing me off so coldly?
The doubts I had tried to bury sprouted again. Could he possibly have another appointment today besides me? Is that why he’s trying to send me home early?
In the end, I couldn’t help but recall the scene I had witnessed in the central library last time, the one I wanted to forget.
The image of Kwon-oh smiling and casually giving his number to the female student.
He was so kind back then.
‘What? But you said there was. Someone who confessed and is chasing after you.’
‘How could there be? I was just joking.’
His indifferent voice telling his friend it was just a joke kept sounding more and more sincere, making me feel hurt.
As I stood stubbornly in front of the barbecue restaurant building with my mouth tightly shut, Kwon-oh didn’t say anything more either.
“…”
“…”
He soon took out a cigarette and lighter from his pocket, put the cigarette in his mouth, and lit it. Even though I was standing right next to him, he turned his head in another direction as if no one was there, took a deep drag on the filter, and exhaled the smoke.
His thick Adam’s apple moving and the smoke flowing from his lips flickered before my surprised eyes.
The cigarette smoke drifted faintly towards me on the wind. I strained my throat to hold back a cough.
Kwon-oh flicked the cigarette ash onto the ground, staring expressionlessly at some point in the alley.
We were having a silent protest against each other. I was desperately clinging to Kwon-oh who kept trying to send me home, and Kwon-oh… seemed to want to get rid of me quickly.
If I had been ignored to this extent, I should just go home as he said, but my feet simply wouldn’t move.
I quickly lowered my gaze to the ground, feeling miserable as my eyes began to sting.
“Cough, cough!”
In the end, I couldn’t hold it back anymore and turned my head as I coughed.
“Your eyes are red now too, Jeong-ha.”
Only then did Kwon-oh put out his barely smoked cigarette and speak to me.
“Why does it have to be today?”
“…”
“We can meet next time, can’t we?”
“…I prefer today.”
“Really?”
“…”
“If you’re not going home, what are you going to do?”
Why are you trying so hard to send me home today of all days? To hang out with them? Or is it not fun to be with me anymore? Because you don’t like me?
Those words lingered on the tip of my tongue.
Today, extreme and sharp thoughts kept gnawing at me. Honestly, there didn’t seem to be any room for a different interpretation.
My weakened body and mind had no strength left to push away the negative thoughts.
“I…”
A few seconds later. Just as I was about to open my mouth, having barely refined the sharp sentences swirling in my head, Kwon-oh suddenly took out his phone.
“Oh, why.”
“…”
Ah. My luck is just the worst. I lamented to myself as I watched him answer the phone.
I closed my mouth awkwardly and kicked the ground with the toe of my shoe. While pretending to be indifferent, I was focusing all my attention on Kwon-oh’s call.
“What drinking? It’s not even the weekend.”
Kwon-oh’s voice was full of irritation.
It seems like a call inviting him to drink. I wonder if that girl is there too?
Even though my head was burning hot and my ears were ringing, I had to focus to not miss the content of the conversation. I was anxious to the point of going crazy, worried that Kwon-oh might send me home like this and go drinking.
“Forget it, I can’t go so count me out. I’m hanging up.”
I could faintly hear someone shouting on the other end of the line, but Kwon-oh hung up without mercy.
Fortunately, it didn’t seem like he was planning to leave me, but my mood didn’t improve at all.
I chewed on my lower lip, not knowing what to do. Just as I was about to say something, Kwon-oh bent down and leaned his head towards me.
“Are you crying, Jeong-ha?”
As his face came close to mine, I panicked and quickly stepped back.
“W-what are you doing?”
“Why… are you crying? Are you that sick?”
Kwon-oh approached me with a surprised expression. This time, regardless of whether I avoided him or not, he grabbed my arm with one hand and felt my forehead with the other.
“…Let’s go to the hospital.”
“No.”
“Why didn’t you say anything when you have such a high fever?”
“I took medicine so I’m fine, let go of this.”
“Ryu Jeong-ha.”
Kwon-oh called my name seriously. At those words, I felt overwhelmed again.
“Why are you angry?”
Contrary to my desire to speak confidently, my voice trembled.
“When did I? I’m saying this because I’m worried.”
Kwon-oh’s voice sounded too cold to me. I didn’t have the strength to shake him off as he tightly gripped my arm.
My eyes blinked slowly as I felt dizzy, like my vision was spinning. I felt nauseous, like I was going to throw up, and whether due to the fever or not, my entire body ached with muscle pain. I was at my limit of pretending not to be sick.
Suddenly, this battle of emotions, both internal and external, felt meaningless to me.
As Kwon-oh said, there’s no reason why it absolutely has to be today. I’ve just been throwing a tantrum until now because of my suspicions and stubbornness.
“…Okay. I’ll just go home then.”
“…”
At my words, he looked like he wanted to say something, but he clenched his molars as if suppressing his temper.
The horn of a car passing through the alley rang in my ears. My head was too dizzy and my stomach hurt from the meat I had forced myself to swallow. As time passed, my condition seemed to worsen, even the surrounding noise feeling distant.
