Chapter 48
Should I just quickly go and give him the snacks?
I was lost in thought as I watched Kwon-oh actively conversing with the students. If it was just casual chat, it would be fine, but if they were studying, I didn’t want to disturb them…
Fiddling with the snacks in my hand, I first hid behind the bookshelf closest to the table where Kwon-oh and his group were sitting. Although the conversation wasn’t clear, a few words stuck in my ear.
“I heard they’re looking for mentors and mentees again… It’s because of Consumer Behavior Theory…”
“…If you want to apply… next week… That professor probably won’t give recommendations easily?”
“Ah! …grades…”
From the fragmented conversation, I couldn’t tell if this was study content or just small talk. I stared at Kwon-oh through the gaps in the bookshelf and sent him a KakaoTalk message.
[Me: What are you doing? Are you very busy?]
Now that I had confirmed he was with others, I decided to call him out and just hand over the snacks before leaving.
As soon as I sent the message, I saw Kwon-oh stop talking and pick up his phone as he felt the vibration on the table. I planned to reply asking him to come out to the front of the library as soon as he read the KakaoTalk.
But just then, two female students approached Kwon-oh and tapped his shoulder.
He naturally looked up from his phone and turned his attention to the people who called him.
I quietly watched as the female students chatted and laughed with Kwon-oh. This time, their voices were so low that I couldn’t make out what they were saying at all.
Only the occasional high-pitched laughter of the female students pierced my ears sharply.
“Ah, what!”
Suddenly, one of the female students playfully laughed and slapped Kwon-oh’s shoulder. Then she held out her phone to Kwon-oh. He naturally took the phone and entered something.
He’s probably giving her his number. It wasn’t an unfamiliar scene, as I had seen it before.
“…”
I intently observed Kwon-oh’s expression. He was clearly smiling.
After exchanging numbers, the female students said goodbye to Kwon-oh and his group and left the library.
“Hey. Why did you just leave last time? I heard Seo Yu-jung was really disappointed.”
Perhaps influenced by the female students, the mood among the male companions suddenly lifted. Thanks to that, their voices were very clear this time.
The topic of conversation was Seo Yu-jung. I knew her too. I had even seen her face at the after-party. I also knew that she had proudly told others that she liked Kwon-oh.
“Forget it, what’s the point of talking about the past? He’s working on someone right now.”
“Who is it? Do you have a picture?”
The conversation jumped to an unexpected topic. I froze as I heard them talking about me.
“I don’t know. Kim Jae-yu said he heard directly that Kwon-oh likes someone. But apparently, he got rejected?”
“Wow, how pretty must she be.”
“Hey, Kwon-oh. Hurry up and tell us. What happened?”
His companions nudged Kwon-oh and leaned in. Even though it was a study center where meetings were allowed, their voices were so loud that the noise spread to the surroundings.
I anxiously waited for Kwon-oh’s answer. It was a very brief moment, but time seemed to flow extremely slowly, as if in slow motion.
Kwon-oh, who had been listening to the conversation with an annoyed expression, frowned and scratched his neck.
“What are you talking about? There’s nothing like that.”
“What? But you said there was. Someone who confessed and is chasing after you.”
“How could there be? I was just joking.”
Kwon-oh retorted in a low voice. It was clearly a voice snapping at the other person, with an expression that anyone would see as annoyed.
Seeing this, his companions, who had been joking around until now, looked at Kwon-oh’s mood and went “Ah.”
“…What’s this? Did you change your mind already?”
The atmosphere became awkwardly strange. The companions who had been laughing playfully soon brought up a new topic and continued their conversation.
However, I couldn’t hear anything else anymore. I stood frozen in place for a while, as if time had stopped due to the shock.
No matter how many times I mulled over what Kwon-oh had just said, I could only conclude that he had denied what he said at the drinking party where I was present.
That he doesn’t like me…
Just then, a new KakaoTalk message came in. It was from Kwon-oh.
[Kwon-oh: No, I’m not that busy]
[Kwon-oh: What about you?]
[Kwon-oh: ?]
When I looked up from the screen back at Kwon-oh, he was already holding his phone.
I didn’t know how to reconcile the disparity between what I had just heard and the reply he had just sent.
Normally, I would have thought there must be another reason for his answer, and tried to think more carefully… but having just seen Kwon-oh give his number to a girl without hesitation, my mind was just a jumble.
What’s going on? The sides of him he showed me couldn’t have all been lies…
“I don’t want to misunderstand.”
For now, I had neither the confidence to stay in this place nor to approach Kwon-oh pretending I hadn’t heard anything. I turned around without even remembering to return the book.
As I headed towards the exit to leave the central library building, I ran into familiar faces in the corridor.
It was the female student Kwon-oh had given his number to and her friend.
Walking side by side, they were going in the same direction as me.
“Did you see him smile? Ah, he’s totally my type.”
“When are you going to contact him?”
The two were talking about what had just happened. My heart started to beat violently with anxiety.
I felt the simultaneous urges to cover my ears and to eavesdrop on their conversation.
“Probably this evening. Is it too early to directly ask to meet separately? What do you think?”
“It might be a bit burdensome. Try talking for a while, and if the mood seems good, then suggest it.”
“Then should I invite him to hang out with everyone on Wednesday? It’s not like we’d be alone then.”
“Sounds good. But I heard there are quite a few girls who’ve dated Kwon-oh. Are you okay with that?”
“So what? As long as he’s not with anyone now, it’s fine.”
The girl smiled with a confident expression.
Seeing that smile, for some reason, I felt intimidated instead.
Even though I had directly seen Kwon-oh give her his number, and heard the situation somewhat through the girl’s words, I didn’t want to erase the possibility that there might be some misunderstanding. After all, they hadn’t confirmed a date yet.
But why did he take back his answer and tell his friends he didn’t have anyone he liked? Could there be some other circumstance that I hadn’t noticed? Or was Kwon-oh really…
Unable to sort out my complicated thoughts, I glanced at the female students walking ahead. One was wearing a crop top with tight white slacks, while the other wore a blouse and a long skirt.
Every time their laughter pierced my ears, it felt like my heart was dropping to the floor.
[Kwon-oh: Why aren’t you answering]
[Kwon-oh: Still in the art studio?]
I became even more troubled seeing the new KakaoTalk messages. I didn’t want to doubt, but having seen it directly, it wasn’t easy to just dismiss it as insignificant.
Kwon-oh is too difficult…
Feeling depressed, I opened and drank the canned drink I had bought for Kwon-oh to cool my burning feelings. Then I sat on a bench along the walking path for a long time before returning to the art studio and checking my phone.
[Me: Yeah, in the art studio]
[Kwon-oh: Shouldn’t you take a break?]
[Me: The professor told me to redo the coloring..]
[Me: I’m so busy these days]
[Kwon-oh: What? Repaint the colors?]
[Kwon-oh: Is he crazy, it was already awesome–]
[Kwon-oh: So you’re redoing it from the beginning?]
[Kwon-oh: ?]
[Me: Not quite.. I just need to sand the ruined parts, re-apply gesso, and paint again haha]
[Kwon-oh: Ah I see, that’s a relief lol]
[Kwon-oh: Still, what a funny old man]
[Kwon-oh: What does he know to tell Jeong-ha to repaint or not]
[Me: lololol]
[Me: I’m sad T_T]
[Kwon-oh: And I can’t even help]
[Me: No, you’re super busy these days too]
[Kwon-oh: That’s true]
[Kwon-oh: Assignments are piling up T_T]
[Kwon-oh: I miss you]
I wanted to say “me too,” but because of what happened at the library, it was hard to send a reply easily. Somehow, it felt like I was losing.
How nice would it be if I could confidently ask why he did that, just like Kwon-oh had done to me?
But what if it wasn’t my misunderstanding? What if he really gave his number to that girl and actually intended to meet her?
Kwon-oh and I aren’t even dating yet, so even if I confronted him, I might just end up looking foolish.
The more I think about it, the more I hate my personality full of inferiority complexes. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was going in circles over something that could be resolved straightforwardly.
Feeling my headache getting worse, I took one of the pills I had brought for emergencies. Maybe because I had an empty stomach, the medicine took effect quickly, but my mind became fuzzy.
Still, I couldn’t delay completing the painting any longer. I took out various materials and mixed colors, contemplating how to repaint the part where I had scraped off the paint from the canvas.
I wanted to use oil pastels as the professor suggested, but except for briefly learning about them in a first-year class, I had never really worked with them properly. Maybe I should try other dry materials instead.
I took out all my personal materials from my locker and experimented for a long time, but couldn’t come up with a good solution.
Feeling frustrated, I looked around the art studio, thinking of asking someone else for an opinion, but everyone was so focused on their work that it was difficult to approach them. With the deadline approaching, it was natural for everyone to be intense.
Nothing’s going right. Grumbling inwardly, I stared again at the canvas that wasn’t yielding any answers.
Just then, I felt a vibration in my pocket. Seeing it ring multiple times, I knew it wasn’t a text message but a call.
I took out my phone without much thought and checked the screen to see Kwon-oh’s name. In that moment, my mind, which had been hazy from the medicine, suddenly cleared.
“Hello?”
“What are you doing?”
“Huh? Just sitting here doing nothing.”
“Liar. You look really busy.”
He spoke as if he could see me, so I turned my head towards the outside of the art studio, just in case.
“What do you mean… Huh?”
And then I saw Kwon-oh standing in front of the door. When our eyes met, Kwon-oh waved.
