Chapter 47
By the way, did Choi Kyung-won know about Kwon-oh’s family situation and still casually talk about his mother? As I was reflecting on my own past thoughtlessness, I suddenly became curious.
Initially, I had also picked up the story about Kwon-oh’s mother from Choi Kyung-won.
“Does Choi Kyung-won know about this too?”
“About my mom divorcing, leaving home, and living with another family? No.”
“I heard Kyung-won talking about your mother before… so I thought he knew.”
“He doesn’t know. I’ve never told anyone about this.”
Wait. No one knows? Does that mean he only told me?
My sense of guilt intensified.
“Really?”
“I’m telling you this for the first time, Jeong-ha.”
“…”
“Why do you look like you don’t believe me? Do I seem like someone who lies a lot?”
“No… It’s just, unexpected.”
“What is?”
“I’m grateful that you told me this, and, um. I feel sorry.”
“I told you there’s no need to be sorry. But, how did I end up telling this story…”
We lay facing each other on the bed, staring into each other’s eyes.
I gazed intently into Kwon-oh’s black, shiny eyes. They looked like crystallized dark minerals, like obsidian.
Perhaps because I had learned too deeply about his personal history, at this moment, I regretted judging Kwon-oh’s personality and appearance through various colored lenses to suit my taste, to the point where I hated myself.
And Kwon-oh, who had seen the notebook I wrote but didn’t seriously torment or humiliate me and treated me within boundaries, seemed mature.
After a moment of hesitation, I cautiously opened my mouth.
“You know, that picture… should I complete it?”
“The one you drew of me?”
“Yeah. The back view.”
“…”
“If you explain what you remember, I can try to make it feel as close as possible to how your mother drew it…”
“No, it’s okay. I’m not curious anymore.”
Kwon-oh answered before I could finish speaking.
“I see.”
I didn’t feel disappointed or regretful about his firm attitude. It probably wasn’t a picture with good memories anyway, and maybe it had no meaning for Kwon-oh anymore.
“If you’re going to draw, draw my front view.”
Kwon-oh said that while cupping my face.
Since that was actually what I wanted most, I nodded without hesitation.
After that, we shared more stories about each other. Surprisingly, when I was with Kwon-oh, new conversation topics kept popping up endlessly.
Before we knew it, the heavy mood that had lingered like sediment had evaporated.
In the afternoon, with lazy sunlight streaming through the window, we hugged each other, rolled around on the bed, and had sex again.
*
A few days passed.
After the perfect “first meeting,” I thought the second meeting would go smoothly too, but surprisingly, it was still uncertain.
There were several reasons for this. First of all, both Kwon-oh and I were too busy with our own work.
I was spending most of my time in the art studio because the deadline for my major assignment submission, color study, and Western Art History exam were all approaching simultaneously.
When I needed to borrow books or study memorization subjects as an escape when I got tired of painting, I would briefly go to the library.
Kwon-oh’s case was similar. He seemed busy during the weekdays with various small tests, major assignments, and study groups.
Moreover, the Culture and Arts Industry and Business Model class was canceled this week, eliminating the schedule where I could legally meet Kwon-oh.
That fact alone was enough to exhaust me, but I also received feedback from the professor in my major class that was contrary to the sketch stage.
“Jeong-ha, why does it feel like you’re going off track as time goes on? Why did it turn out like this? The composition seemed fine when you just had the sketch, but once the color was applied, the feeling died completely. Rather than oil paint, I think mixing oil pastels might bring out the feeling better. What do you think?”
For the professor, who is generally lenient with critiques, to say this means there really is a problem with my painting.
After hearing that, my painting really felt ambiguous to me. The dissonance between the colorful tropical flowers blooming in the snow field and the reindeer didn’t really hit home. I wanted to emphasize both, but it ended up being neither here nor there.
It was like being doused with cold water, snapping me back to reality. Looking around, I realized everyone else was nearly finished with their assignments while I was stuck in a rut. As soon as I recognized this, anxiety overwhelmed me.
Maybe it was natural to be stuck. It couldn’t be helped. Because I had been having fun with Kwon-oh all this time and barely touched my painting!
Meanwhile, my painting had shrunk infinitely in front of canvases filled with impressive themes and skills…
“Oh, Ryu Jeong-ha! Straighten your shoulders. Don’t worry too much and just start working hard on your night painting from now on.”
“That’s right. I got criticized a lot during the last critique too.”
“Why don’t you try adding materials as the professor suggested?”
When I was too dejected to pull myself together, my classmates offered words of comfort.
“I knew this would happen when you were out dating all the time. It can’t be helped. Love and grades are always a trade-off.”
Only Kim Jae-hyun sharply adjusted his glasses and threw a sharp and realistic criticism.
“Damn, you be quiet.”
“Why? I’m just stating the facts…”
To make matters worse, as soon as I accepted the fact that I was falling behind in our department, my condition also deteriorated. Perhaps due to stress, I had to endure mild headaches and indigestion throughout the afternoon.
[Kwon-oh: (photo)]
[Kwon-oh: Study group at the library lol]
[Kwon-oh: What about you?]
[Kwon-oh: Send me a picture]
Although our second meeting was on hold, we were still in constant contact with Kwon-oh.
With the assignment deadline approaching at an alarming speed, I couldn’t waste a single day if I wanted to submit a properly completed painting for evaluation.
I was going crazy with the urgency, but whenever I briefly contacted Kwon-oh, my nerves, which had been tense with anxiety, would relax.
I checked the photo that appeared in the chat. I could see Kwon-oh’s notebook, printouts, and writing utensils. The printouts were full of business terms I wasn’t familiar with.
I took a picture of the canvas and the art studio from where I was sitting. Taking photos to send to Kwon-oh in daily life had become familiar now.
After taking a picture of the canvas and about to turn off the camera function, I hesitated for a moment and took a selfie too. I was going to not send it if it looked strange, but it captured a pretty natural expression.
After a few seconds of deliberation about whether to send it or not, I sent Kwon-oh the canvas photo and the selfie.
[Me: (photo)]
[Me: (photo)]
[Me: In the art studio again today… T_T]
[Me: Planning to be stuck here all day without moving an inch]
The “1” disappeared immediately.
[Kwon-oh: Crazy]
[Kwon-oh: So freaking cute]
[Kwon-oh: Why are you so cute]
[Kwon-oh: ?]
Laughing at the excessive compliments, I put down the brush I had been holding solemnly and focused on KakaoTalk.
[Me: lolol]
[Me: Is it going to be a while before your study group ends?]
[Kwon-oh: Still have a bit left]
[Kwon-oh: And I have other assignments to do]
[Me: Oh no, it’s going to take a long time T_T]
[Kwon-oh: Yeah]
[Kwon-oh: I want to go see my water peach face]
[Kwon-oh: I’m sad]
[Me: Why am I a water peach?]
[Kwon-oh: It melts in your mouth without chewing]
[Kwon-oh: I’ve tasted it]
[Me: …]
[Me: Send me a picture of you too]
[Kwon-oh: lololololol]
[Kwon-oh: (photo)]
Kwon-oh sent a photo in less than a minute. It was a selfie of him sitting with his chin resting on his hand, looking down at the camera with one corner of his mouth raised.
He’s so handsome…
I stared blankly at the screen for a while, then blushed and saved the photo. Belatedly, I looked around to see if anyone had seen me like this, but fortunately, no one was watching me. So I opened the photo again and admired it to my heart’s content.
Taking this opportunity to look closely at the first photo he sent, the background looked like a place I knew. The desk with printouts on it and the round window in front of it. It was the front of the study center on the second floor of the central library. I was familiar with it because I often went there since most of the art books were in that area.
As it happened, I had a book to return to the library, so I decided to go there secretly and at least see his face.
I quickly got up from my seat to get the book from my locker, but my unfinished painting caught my eye. I hesitated for a moment, but justified the distraction by telling myself it would be fine since I was just going to take a quick look. Besides, I had to return the book anyway.
As soon as I stepped outside the building, I felt my poor condition improve slightly. My head still hurt, but my churning stomach felt much more comfortable.
On the way, I bought a canned drink and a few snacks that could be eaten easily from a vending machine.
He’ll be surprised if I show up without saying anything, right?
Imagining Kwon-oh’s smiling face, a smile also appeared on my lips.
As I entered the central library, as expected, Kwon-oh was sitting at a large table in the study center on the 2nd floor.
However, whether they were having a discussion or not, there were several companions sitting to his left and right, and in front of him.
I was about to approach Kwon-oh’s table with a feeling of excitement, but I stopped.
“…Right. He said it was a study group.”
It was natural that there were other students besides Kwon-oh since study groups usually involve multiple people.
I, who had been excited by the thought of meeting Kwon-oh unexpectedly after just seeing the KakaoTalk messages, was momentarily taken aback by this unexpected scene.
