Chapter 113
An indescribable, touching emotion spread fully to the tips of my fingers and toes. At the same time, a clear realization brushed through my mind.
Even though I had suggested breaking up with Joo Kwon-oh first, in the end, I would never have been able to break up with him.
All the past anguish and inner turmoil were truly meaningless. I still like him so much that I can’t let go, so why did I…
“Hm?”
As I stood silently still, Joo Kwon-oh buried his forehead in my shoulder and urged me.
‘Say what you said earlier again.’
I bit my lower lip, recalling what he had said earlier.
Having confessed out of the blue, I felt embarrassed now that Joo Kwon-oh was asking me to say it again.
“Not now… I’ll say it again, later.”
“When is later?”
Joo Kwon-oh asked, fiddling with my hand. I wanted to change the subject somehow due to embarrassment.
“…Later.”
“You’re deliberately making me anxious, aren’t you?”
“…”
“At times like this, you’re just like a fox.”
You haven’t even told me you love me yet.
While holding back the urge to point that out, Joo Kwon-oh put his nose to my shoulder and neck, sniffing as he spoke.
“But Jeong-ha smells of alcohol. You drank a lot, didn’t you?”
“I only drank a little.”
“I don’t think so.”
I stepped back one step due to the ticklish feeling. As the tension eased, I could clearly hear each syllable of Joo Kwon-oh’s words.
I loved his voice speaking to me affectionately too much. It felt like we had finally returned to our original selves.
Feeling his breathing, I recalled the sensation of Joo Kwon-oh’s lips that had forcefully collided with mine just before.
…It’s not enough.
“Your cheeks are all red too. And your face is warm.”
“…”
“It’s not like we soaked peaches in alcohol, how many glasses did you drink?”
Joo Kwon-oh lifted his head and pressed both my cheeks with his hands, scolding me. I looked up at him with my lips pushed out like a pufferfish, then shook my head to brush off his hands. Then I mumbled timidly.
“…You can check for yourself.”
“How are you going to let me check?”
I took a deep breath for a moment, and after making a big decision, I pulled Joo Kwon-oh to an even more secluded spot. Only after reaching a place where passersby in the alley couldn’t see us at all did I stretch out my arms and wrap them around his neck.
“Like this.”
This time, I kissed Joo Kwon-oh softly, without rushing. Instead of the sharp sound from earlier, there was a moist, smacking sound.
While I licked Joo Kwon-oh’s lips and playfully bit his lower lip, moving my tongue, Joo Kwon-oh only slightly opened his mouth without actively responding.
Even his arms, which always wrapped around my waist, were stiffly frozen in attention today.
Due to the effects of alcohol, I realized this fact a bit late.
When I separated my lips and checked on him, Joo Kwon-oh had a dumbfounded expression.
“Strange. Is Jeong-ha very drunk…? You don’t usually do this much outside.”
Joo Kwon-oh narrowed his eyes as he looked down at me. I blushed at his exaggerated reaction.
“But I still can’t tell how much you’ve drunk just from this level of kissing.”
“Then should we… do more?”
At my words, Joo Kwon-oh let out a short, mocking laugh.
“What if someone sees us?”
Joo Kwon-oh asked, interlocking his fingers with mine. I glanced at the dim surroundings from the corner of my eye and gripped his hand tightly.
“R-right now, that’s not as important as…”
“Not as important as what?”
“…”
“You have to speak.”
“…Kwon-oh.”
“Yes.”
I moved my lips several times. I steadily gazed into Joo Kwon-oh’s eyes, which were waiting for me to speak, without avoiding them.
“It might sound stupid for me to say this now, after I cowardly suggested breaking up first.”
I gripped his hand more firmly and continued.
“I think I’ve been taking this whole thing too seriously all this time.”
“What have you been taking too seriously?”
“…Us dating. Everything about you. The, the thing about Lee Sung-rok sunbae, your department life. Other people’s gazes and… everything.”
“Leave out Lee Sung-rok. That bastard was in the wrong. You didn’t do anything wrong, Jeong-ha. You didn’t make any mistakes either.”
“Still.”
“Of course you’d be pissed off and bothered if someone suddenly shows up and spouts nonsense. Who is he to make presumptuous comments about my preferences being unique? Who would feel good in that situation?”
“…”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
You didn’t do anything wrong.
It was a common phrase, but it felt like a spell that made all the previous inner turmoil evaporate ridiculously lightly.
“You too.”
“Me?”
Joo Kwon-oh pointed to himself and asked back as if he didn’t understand what I meant. I nodded.
“You didn’t do anything wrong either. You said it before. That you were wrong.”
“Ah.”
“But that’s not true… I don’t think you were wrong either.”
“…”
“Because our personalities are different, even if we experience the same thing… how we accept it… was different too, I think. So, what I mean is. What I mean is, Kwon-oh…”
“I understand.”
Joo Kwon-oh, who had been listening to my words seriously, nodded as if he understood.
…Ha. To be honest, I’m not sure what I just said myself, but did Joo Kwon-oh really understand?
However, his gaze looking at me was more serious than ever, so I couldn’t bring myself to voice my doubts.
“Then, about sunbae…”
“Don’t worry about it. Lee Sung-rok is going to study abroad for his MBA right after this semester ends anyway, so he won’t be hanging around the department.”
“I hadn’t heard about that.”
“Of course you wouldn’t know since you’re not in our department. He’ll probably leave right after the semester ends. I forgot to tell you in advance. I’m sorry.”
“Ah.”
“I knew from the beginning, so I think I might have thought lightly that it would be over after just one semester.”
As Joo Kwon-oh said, I hardly knew anything about Lee Sung-rok sunbae in reality. He wasn’t even a senior in my department, and all I knew was that he was more active in the Business Administration department than Joo Kwon-oh.
He was also in his final year, and if he really was confirmed for an MBA, it made sense that Joo Kwon-oh wouldn’t have considered him very important in our relationship, seeing him as someone who would soon leave.
No, the problem was that I had been scared from the beginning and only tried to run away from this situation. Of course, I’m still scared, but the result doesn’t necessarily have to be a breakup…
“I kept feeling sorry for thinking too lightly when I saw you struggling. If I had tried to understand you more instead of getting angry at you in the park for taking our relationship lightly… I wouldn’t have made you this anxious.”
Joo Kwon-oh sighed as if blaming himself. I shook my head.
“It’s true that sunbae spoke rudely at first, but at that time, I… I think I had a hard time accepting that kind of reaction. It was also the first time someone else found out. It was too shocking…”
Honestly, remembering Lee Sung-rok sunbae’s gaze and changed attitude still made my stomach churn. It made me sad and angry that he defined me and Joo Kwon-oh together as strange and repulsive people.
And at that time, I had prematurely assumed that everyone’s gaze would be exactly the same as that sunbae’s.
But just as there are people like Lee Sung-rok sunbae in the world, there are also people like the part-time job boss who, although a bit rude, don’t make a big deal out of it, and people like the bar manager I saw today.
It’s impossible to live up to the standards of various people for a lifetime anyway, and above all, what was certain was that I didn’t want to lose Joo Kwon-oh in the process.
“But now it doesn’t matter. I can’t be as comfortable and natural about it as you are, but still… I don’t think I need to try to avoid it so stupidly anymore. So, what I want to say is… E-even if rumors spread about us… Mmph!”
My lips were blocked in the middle of speaking. I opened my eyes wide at the soft sensation covering my lips.
I could see Joo Kwon-oh’s eyelashes, which had suddenly come close.
“Haa.”
As soon as our lips parted, I quickly inhaled and exhaled.
“Let’s talk about that later.”
“Why suddenly…”
“You started this first, didn’t you?”
Joo Kwon-oh blamed me and kissed me again. If earlier was closer to a peck, now it was rich and lingering. Our tongues met stickily as if finding their place.
His hot breath was transmitted to me unfiltered. I was already trembling at the sensation of his tongue swirling around my tender flesh. Without realizing it, I clung to him, craving a deeper kiss.
Ah. I must be really drunk. Doing this outside, not at home or inside a building.
Maybe I’ll regret this bold action when I wake up tomorrow. But right now, I wanted to put all those regrets aside.
Joo Kwon-oh licked my lips as if swallowing them and grabbed the back of my head with his large hand. It felt good to have my hair firmly wrapped around his fingers.
Joo Kwon-oh’s breath pouring onto me is precious. It was sweet and fresh as if collected from the essence of the summer moonlight.
Although nervous about being caught, my heart fluttered uncontrollably with how much I liked Joo Kwon-oh.
“Wow, we moved too fast. Where should we go for round two?”
At that moment, an unfamiliar voice that sharply struck my hearing awakened my consciousness, which had been hazily submerged.
I was so startled that I reflexively pushed Joo Kwon-oh away.
As I pushed Joo Kwon-oh’s shoulders and waited for people to pass by, watching cautiously, a woman’s voice followed.
“Wait a moment. Let me tie my shoelace.”
“I asked where we’re going for round two.”
“I’m a bit hungry, want to eat something?”
When I quickly turned my gaze towards the source of the sound, women who had just come out of the bar were chattering at the entrance.
I silently stared at Joo Kwon-oh. He put his index finger to his lips as if telling me to be quiet.
My mouth dried up from the tension.
“If we’re going to a restaurant, we need to walk a bit from here.”
“That’s fine. How about a barbecue place?”
“Sure, let’s do that.”
It felt like my melted mind had returned in an instant.
Soon after, the women disappeared to the end of the alley, laughing.
Once again, silence returned along with faint, sticky jazz music.
We caught our breath for a while, facing each other.
“…”
“…”
But even after several minutes, we couldn’t calm down. My solar plexus was hot as if I had swallowed flames, and my fingertips were tingling.
As time passed, the sensation of our lips touching didn’t fade away but rather became more vivid.
Is it because it’s been so long since we kissed? Come to think of it, it had been quite a while since we had any skinship due to the cold war between us.
“Kwon-oh…”
“Yeah.”
I stared at Joo Kwon-oh’s lips, which were glistening with my saliva.
“It’s, it’s not enough.”
“…”
“What about you…?”
