Chapter 106
“Ah.”
When Joo Kwon-oh’s name suddenly popped up, I unconsciously swallowed hard.
I had anticipated that he might come to the store. But when I actually heard from the boss that Joo Kwon-oh had really visited, my heart sank.
“Is he someone you know?”
“…Yes. He’s my friend.”
“Is that so?”
The boss asked back with a dubious voice.
“Why? Did he say something to you?”
“He asked when you’re coming to work.”
“Is… that all?”
Afraid of what Joo Kwon-oh might have said when he went there, I kept asking the boss.
“Yeah. But he said he had something to tell you, so he came at 3 and stayed until closing time before leaving.”
“What? In front of the store…?”
“That’s what I’m saying. Did you borrow money from him? He looked like a thug, just smoking cigarettes in front of someone else’s store.”
“Ah…”
At the part about him waiting until closing time without leaving, I had a feeling that this relationship couldn’t be ended just through KakaoTalk or phone calls.
“Is he really your friend?”
“He is my friend. So what did you tell him?”
“What could I say? I told him you didn’t come today. He kept asking questions, so I told him to ask you directly. I called you because I was worried since he couldn’t reach you.”
“I’m fine. I’m sorry, boss. You must have been quite surprised.”
“He didn’t cause any trouble, so it doesn’t matter to me. Try to resolve whatever issue you have with that thug, and if anything happens, report it to the police right away.”
“I told you he’s my friend.”
It seemed the boss didn’t believe that Joo Kwon-oh was my friend.
While Joo Kwon-oh does look sharp when he’s just standing still, it’s not to the extent that someone would be this alarmed. I wondered what he did in front of the store to make the boss this wary.
“You’re coming to work later, right?”
“Of course.”
After ending the call, as I went over the conversation I had with the boss, I felt guilty, wondering if I had been too one-sided in my breakup notification.
Before, I vaguely thought people who broke up through KakaoTalk were not great. I never thought I’d end up doing such a thing.
But I was afraid that if I talked face-to-face, I might say something strange again with my words getting tangled. I also didn’t want to see Joo Kwon-oh’s angry face again, like the day we fought in the park.
I was anxious that if this went just a little further, he might go beyond feeling hurt by me to getting sick of me or even feeling hatred.
I wanted to prevent such a worst-case scenario. For both of us.
Moreover, I wanted to avoid seeing him face-to-face because I was afraid my resolve might weaken.
After taking several deep breaths, I started checking the KakaoTalk messages Joo Kwon-oh had been sending since yesterday.
[Joo Kwon-oh: What are you saying]
[Joo Kwon-oh: Answer the phone]
[Joo Kwon-oh: Jeong-ha]
[Joo Kwon-oh: Where are you? Right now]
[Joo Kwon-oh: I think we should talk about this kind of thing face to face at least.]
[Joo Kwon-oh: Jeong-ha what are you doing with your phone off making me worry]
[Joo Kwon-oh: Are you very angry?]
[Joo Kwon-oh: Let’s talk. I was wrong to leave you alone in the park.]
[Joo Kwon-oh: So please answer the phone]
[Joo Kwon-oh: You’re not coming to your part-time job and you’re not at home]
[Joo Kwon-oh: Where are you]
[Joo Kwon-oh: I’m worried so please reply]
As I read the messages, various emotions crossed my mind. Anxiety, guilt, sadness, and a bit of relief were all tangled up, making my stomach uncomfortable.
When I saw Joo Kwon-oh, who hadn’t been answering my calls, casually hanging out with his friends, I thought his feelings for me had completely cooled. I thought he might not forgive my rash actions.
So I was secretly worried that there might be a brief reply saying “okay, let’s break up” to my breakup message. But then a foolish sense of satisfaction followed, thinking that at least he hadn’t completely lost his affection for me.
“…”
I spent a long time pondering how to reply.
Should I call instead? But if I hear his voice, I might end up crying without saying what I need to say…
I hesitated dozens of times whether to press the call button or not, holding back tears that were about to well up again.
Meanwhile, my work time was quickly approaching. I had to leave for the store now to avoid being late.
In the end, I got up without making a decision.
When I arrived in front of the store, I saw Joo Kwon-oh standing in a brightly lit alley. I flinched for a moment when I spotted him, but I kept walking without stopping.
I had already heard from the boss and somewhat expected this after seeing his KakaoTalk messages and calls, so I approached him calmly.
Joo Kwon-oh, who had been leaning against the red brick wall of the building, noticed me a beat late and looked surprised.
“Jeong-ha!”
He ran towards me in an instant.
“Let’s talk for a moment.”
And he blocked my way. Like before, he was standing with his back to the sun.
“…Kwon-oh.”
I moistened my dry lips once before barely calling his name.
“Where have you been all this time? You didn’t come to your part-time job and you weren’t at home.”
He seemed ready to keep firing questions in the middle of the street if I stayed still.
Knowing I couldn’t just keep avoiding him, I moved to a corner of the alley. Joo Kwon-oh followed closely behind me.
“Why aren’t you answering your phone…”
Every time he moved, I could smell cigarette smoke stronger than usual.
I stared at the ground, holding back the lump in my throat. And I steadied my trembling heart.
“I decided to stay at my family home for a while.”
“If that’s the case, you should have told me. I thought something had happened because I couldn’t reach you and you weren’t coming home.”
The end of Joo Kwon-oh’s voice cracked as he spoke.
It was actually Joo Kwon-oh who didn’t answer my calls first and didn’t come home, but I felt there was no point in arguing about who was right or wrong now.
I looked down at the tips of our shoes facing each other and opened my mouth.
“You saw… the KakaoTalk I sent, right?”
“I did.”
“Then…”
“You want to break up? You think it’s over just by saying that on KakaoTalk? If you’re going to say something so important, you should at least say it face to face.”
Joo Kwon-oh cut me off and scolded me.
“Why are you talking about breaking up so easily?”
“It wasn’t… easy. I thought about it and breaking up seems like the right thing to do.”
“Is it because I left you alone in the park that day? At that time. I was angry and flustered, so I needed some time to think alone.”
Joo Kwon-oh’s words were mixed with rough breaths in between.
“I also thought a lot during that time before saying this. I think this is better for you and me…”
“Why are you deciding that on your own? Doesn’t my opinion matter? Jeong-ha. Ryu Jeong-ha.”
Joo Kwon-oh called me softly, consciously suppressing his voice that was about to get louder.
“Why do we have to break up because of Lee Sung-rok? Why do we have to care so much about the nonsense that bastard spouted? It doesn’t matter whether he knows we’re dating or not.”
“The, the senior isn’t completely irrelevant, but I’m not saying we should break up just because of that one issue.”
“Then what is it?”
Joo Kwon-oh pressed me as if urging me on. My whole face stung from his intense gaze.
I couldn’t confess that I never wanted to see him angry to the point of exploding again because of our differences, and that I was terrified of the moment I might see him completely fed up with me someday.
I was originally this kind of person. The more cornered I get, the more I hide my cards deeper instead of showing what’s inside.
Joo Kwon-oh will probably never understand this side of me for his entire life.
So instead of such a pathetic reason, I brought up a more plausible excuse.
“We’re only sophomores… We still have to continue attending school, and you don’t need to turn your back on your department classmates.”
I stumbled through the words I had carefully organized on the subway.
“In the Business Administration department, connections are important too… I don’t want to make you fight with your classmates every time something like this happens.”
“Connections? What use are bastards who make a fuss about other people’s private lives? I don’t need that crap.”
“Ho-honestly, the expo that the senior agreed to help with is too good an opportunity to miss. And… Kwon-oh, I…”
My mouth kept getting dry and my voice trembled. I lowered my head and desperately stared at Joo Kwon-oh’s shoes in my view to avoid crying.
“I’m not the type of person who can comfortably admit to having someone I’m dating as you want… Even if I try, I think it will be difficult… So, I understand why you’re angry too. …I’m even more sorry because I’m frustrated with myself.”
“I won’t ask for that. My anger that day was a mistake. My thinking was wrong.”
“…”
Joo Kwon-oh’s words saying he was ‘wrong’ sharply pierced my heart. I felt my eyes burning as if I had been hit on the head.
No, Joo Kwon-oh wasn’t wrong. There’s no way being honest could be wrong.
It’s this relationship that forces him to hide that’s wrong.
“The expo? What about it. I don’t need that bastard’s help. If I don’t do it, that’s that.”
“Anyway…, anyway, if similar things happen later, we’ll keep fighting… We can’t lie every time either…”
“Listen to me, Jeong-ha. That day, I was so angry I didn’t know what to do. But thinking about it, shit, everything you said was right. I admit it’s realistically impossible to tell everyone around us about our relationship.”
“…”
“And in the first place, Lee Sung-rok found out about us because of the photo in my wallet. So I was the one who was wrong from the beginning. I shouldn’t have put the photo in such a noticeable place.”
By photo, does he mean the four-cut life photos we took together? I was curious about how senior Lee Sung-rok had noticed our relationship.
But that wasn’t important anymore.
“Please. Think about it again. I sincerely regret leaving alone that time because I was angry. I couldn’t do anything because of that thought, so much so.”
“…”
…He couldn’t do anything? Lies. Then what was it that I saw in the busy street on Wednesday night?
Does Joo Kwon-oh’s standard of ‘couldn’t do anything’ not include meeting friends to drink and have fun?
I was about to bring that up but decided against it in the end. What’s the use of asking about that now? It’s a pointless addition after saying we should break up.
“Jeong-ha. Aren’t you going to work?”
As I was hesitating, the boss’s booming voice cut between Joo Kwon-oh and me.
