<45>
Jang Yeonhu and Choi Eunseong’s departure preparations were proceeding smoothly. The rough outline of their plan was quite extensive—they would stay at a nearby hotel upon arrival, then earnestly search for a place to live, and once they were completely settled, they would even bring over Eunseong’s grandmother.
Choi Eunseong, who was still working under Jaekyung, would occasionally visit his desk, fidget awkwardly, and casually leave snacks like yogurt, jelly, or candy before walking away. It seemed Eunseong was well aware that Han Jaekyung was the one most enthusiastically helping with their departure preparations.
Since real estate transactions could be handled gradually over time, Jaekyung first began selling his stocks little by little to avoid drawing attention. He had also made up an excuse to Yeonhu’s asset manager, claiming that he had decided to entrust management to an overseas investor he had introduced.
Meanwhile, Jang Yeonhu’s family members occasionally summoned Han Jaekyung to interrogate him about Yeonhu’s recent situation. Looking at the tired and aged faces of the adults, who were worried about accidentally making Yeonhu even more twisted by attempting reconciliation or clumsily interfering, Han Jaekyung once again had to struggle intensely with whether this was the right thing to do.
Standing in the middle, Han Jaekyung simply kept his mouth shut.
He couldn’t throw Jang Yeonhu back into the fire of hell—Yeonhu, who had said every moment was hell because of him, and yet still trusted him despite everything.
“Um… Attorney Han. Are you busy right now?”
It was not long before lunchtime. After knocking, Choi Eunseong entered Jaekyung’s office and asked if he would like to have a meal together, mentioning that Yeonhu was scheduled to come today.
“Hyung wants to treat you to a proper meal.”
If Jang Yeonhu were going to remain in Korea indefinitely, Jaekyung would have flatly refused without a second thought. However, considering how they were accelerating the liquidation of assets and how time with Yeonhu was diminishing by the moment, it seemed extravagant to fuss over Eunseong’s presence.
“Alright. Tell Jang Yeonhu to make a reservation somewhere suitable nearby. Let’s go together.”
“Yes! I’ll see you later!”
Wouldn’t he feel anxious? Wouldn’t he feel sorry? Eunseong’s face, with their honeymoon period not far off, was simply filled with boundless happiness and excitement. There wasn’t even a speck of concern about what Yeonhu would have to lose for the sake of escaping with him. That was the kind of expression he had.
Perhaps the nineteen-year-old Jang Yeonhu had also desperately longed for that same kind of innocence and purity from the nineteen-year-old Han Jaekyung.
The restaurant Yeonhu had reserved was a Chinese place about a ten-minute walk from the office. Since it accommodated all guests in private rooms, Jaekyung had taken clients there several times when he wanted to have serious conversations or avoid drawing attention from others.
“I went ahead and ordered what seemed appropriate. Is that okay? Eunseong-ssi eats anything well.”
“…Yes. You did well.”
Although Yeonhu probably hadn’t intended it, the restaurant selection was quite coincidental.
Until they arrived, Jaekyung hadn’t given it much thought, but as they sat around the circular table, he couldn’t help but remember that the last meal they had at Yeonhu’s house had been jjamppong. In the end, with a dry mouth, Jaekyung barely touched the food that filled the table and instead repeatedly emptied cups of warm jasmine tea.
“But are you really not going to tell us where you’re going?”
“No. I’ll contact you after we’re fully settled.”
“You said you trusted me before, but now you’re just seducing me to use me.”
“Haha, sorry. But I can’t help it.”
“I trust my friend Han Jaekyung, but I can’t trust Attorney Han who would stand before my mother.” At Yeonhu’s pointed remark, Eunseong’s hand, which had been quietly picking up a cold dish, trembled slightly.
Well, considering the sin he committed, there’s no room for leniency. And even if it hadn’t been for that incident, when Madam Yu, who had learned the whole truth, tearfully pleaded with him, Jaekyung wasn’t sure if he could firmly reject her. Wasn’t it Madam Yu’s entreaty that ultimately led him to resolve to break up with Yeonhu after holding out until the end?
Han Jaekyung became magically quiet, and Jang Yeonhu finished his meal with a faint smile.
“Eunseong-ssi. Since we’ve met anyway, shall we go on a date before heading back?”
“What? Oh, but… it’s still work hours…”
“Jaekyung, that’s okay, right?”
“Do whatever you want.”
“Let’s go, Eunseong-ssi.”
“Thank you. Then I’ll see you tomorrow, Attorney!”
Watching Jang Yeonhu’s retreating figure as he left without even looking back, Jaekyung’s eyes began to sting. For just this much. For merely this much.
After sending the two off, Jaekyung turned back toward the office and walked slowly, trudging along. Early summer. The afternoon sunlight poured down blindingly.
He suddenly realized.
By the time summer deepened, Jang Yeonhu would no longer be in Korea. He would have hidden himself where Jaekyung’s gaze could no longer reach. Leaving Han Jaekyung all alone under the scorching, blazing sun.
A vision of the young Jang Yeonhu flashed before his eyes—bending over to create a hand visor to shield him even from the faint sunlight.
It was too late to hold on. He had said he didn’t quite love him, but he definitely liked him. Next to that person, he could breathe. Next to that person, Han Jaekyung came to mind a little less.
If it was going to end up like this anyway, he should have just… just taken Jang Yeonhu’s hand without any complicated calculations and left impulsively as he’d suggested.
No, there had been countless opportunities after that too.
During their freshman year in college, when they went on a club MT, and he, overwhelmed by his feelings, kissed Yeonhu first without even realizing it. Yeonhu had asked in an excited voice: What does this mean, Han Jaekyung? Can I get my hopes up? As soon as the kiss ended, Jaekyung, who had suddenly come to his senses, made the excuse that it was due to alcohol, even though he hadn’t taken a single sip.
The first time they slept together was when Yeonhu, who had gone to the military, came home on leave as a new recruit. Han Jaekyung, who had never spent such a long time alone without Yeonhu since they met, was almost in a panic and kissed him without considering the situation, pulling Yeonhu by wrapping his arms around his neck.
His broad shoulders, tightly packed with muscle, collapsed into Jaekyung’s arms without resistance. Even then, Yeonhu spoke with excitement: I love you so much. You know that, right? Let’s… never part again. I’ll do better. He had understood Jaekyung’s impulsive skinship as a different form of confession.
Even though it was the first time for both of them and they were so clumsy that they even drew blood, Han Jaekyung still put on airs. No, I was just horny and you happened to be in front of me. Don’t read too much into it. You know I’m not that kind of person. Well… it’s not like you were my first either.
At Han Jaekyung’s pathetic bravado, the twenty-one-year-old Jang Yeonhu ended up apologizing first, tears dripping. I’m sorry, for making you uncomfortable, for misunderstanding. I’m sorry… so don’t talk like that. Don’t do that, Jaekyung.
And so, as they turned twenty-five, twenty-nine, and thirty. Within the boundary of friendship, using alcohol as an excuse and lying about not remembering, Han Jaekyung slept with Jang Yeonhu at least once every three months.
Jang Yeonhu, who could never refuse Jaekyung’s advances from his side… must have gradually grown tired. Gradually, Han Jaekyung must have become painful to him.
“What should I do, Jang Yeonhu? I… I can’t let you go. Shit, I can’t do this…”
With only about thirty steps left to the company building, Han Jaekyung sat down on the spot and burst into tears. But the water was already spilled. There was no one to hear his belated confession. He soon felt achingly lonely.
* * *
Cruelly, time flew by. When he had discreetly liquidated about half of his stocks, Jang Yeonhu declared that he would leave without further delay. Along with the message that he had changed the ownership of the officetel and car he had left behind, so Jaekyung should use them as he pleased. Although others would only envy such an unearned income, Jaekyung wasn’t happy at all.
On the day of departure, Choi Eunseong decided to stay a bit longer with his grandmother and leave once the flight was confirmed, at the appropriate time.
Han Jaekyung, who hadn’t slept a wink all night and had reddened eyes, knocked on the officetel door from early dawn.
“What’s this? You didn’t say you were coming.”
“Shut up. If you’ve packed everything, come down. I’ll drive you to the airport.”
For someone who said he would buy everything when he got there, his luggage was surprisingly light. Jang Yeonhu had only one spacious backpack slung over his shoulder.
“Jaekyung, have you been crying? Your eyes are red.”
“…Who’s crying? I pulled an all-nighter, that’s all.”
If crying could stop him from leaving, he could cry a thousand times more. But knowing full well that Jang Yeonhu’s choice couldn’t be reversed, Han Jaekyung chose to maintain his pride until the very end.
I wish there would be some traffic… The Olympic Expressway of dawn, unaware of Han Jaekyung’s feelings, was frustratingly clear. It took less than an hour to reach Incheon Airport.
“I’ll go get my boarding pass. Just a moment.”
“…Didn’t you say you’d book the ticket today?”
“That was just something I said for security. I made the reservation quite a while ago.”
“Where are you going?”
“Come on, are you still asking that? I’ll call you when I arrive. You’ll know by tonight at the latest.”
He was a bastard until the end. Watching the broad back heading toward the airline counter with passport in hand, Jaekyung cursed every curse he could think of. In his mind only, of course.
After Yeonhu returned with his ticket, he and Jaekyung got coffee from a vending machine and sat side by side on a nearby bench. Although he wanted to have a last meal together, no restaurants were open yet.
Han Jaekyung, who was just fiddling with his coffee can, couldn’t bring himself to look up, while Jang Yeonhu, for some reason, kept repeating that he was sorry.
Sorry? What was there to be sorry about? That he had changed in just ten years when it seemed like he would love Jaekyung tirelessly for a lifetime? That he was abandoning his family, his future, and leaving only Han Jaekyung behind in this country?
Jaekyung stubbornly maintained his silence, not wanting to accept the apology. Just then, a call came through on Jang Yeonhu’s mobile phone. Naturally, it was from Choi Eunseong.
“Hyung, where are you? I’m almost at the airport. A friend offered to drive me, so I got a ride. I think I’ll be dropped off at the parking lot soon.”
“Yes, where I am is… No, just get out and take a picture of where you are and send it to me. I’ll come to you. There’s still plenty of time.”
Would this be the last time he’d hear that voice tinged with laughter? Even though they would still have phones and the internet, so he could hear his voice anytime, Han Jaekyung couldn’t help feeling sentimental.
“Hmm, your friend parked quite far. Jaekyung, want to come with me?”
“Let’s go.”
Since he still didn’t know what time the flight was or where they were going, Jaekyung resolved not to leave Jang Yeonhu’s side for even a minute or second until the very end. Choi Eunseong might not appreciate it, but isn’t this level of selfishness allowed on the final journey?
Perhaps because morning had clearly arrived after dawn, the parking lot and roads, which hadn’t been crowded before, were now filled with cars.
“Let’s see… I think the photo came from around here…”
“Hyung! Yeonhu hyung!”
From across a low two-lane road, a voice calling Jang Yeonhu with a bright smile was heard. It was Choi Eunseong, who likewise had only a backpack for luggage.
“I’ll cross right over!”
“Ah, take it slow! What if you fall? Don’t run!”
“He really can’t be helped…” Jang Yeonhu muttered in a low voice while looking at Eunseong with affectionate eyes. Han Jaekyung instinctively felt that this was truly the very last opportunity given to him.
Even if he couldn’t turn him back, he wanted to at least make a proper confession before sending him off. Even if he had already lost the right to do so, he wanted to at least put a period at the end of these long years.
“Hey, Jang Yeonhu. I have something to say…”
“Hm? W-wait, Jaekyung.”
Vrooom, screech-!
“Eunseong-ssi!”
Jang Yeonhu’s shout, uncharacteristically filled with panic, was consumed by the ugly sound of collision that tore through the air. And as Han Jaekyung had intuited, that was truly the end.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
