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It seemed he couldn’t fall asleep easily. Through the bedroom door, slightly ajar just enough for a finger to fit through, the sound of Han Jaekyung tossing and turning on the sofa had been constant. Jang Yeonhu happily listened to the sounds of Jaekyung shifting his body and the occasional sighs that escaped, as if appreciating classical music.
Jaekyung finally fell asleep around dawn when the sun was just beginning to rise. Yeonhu, who had been waiting with bated breath, only came out to the living room to directly witness that white face after he was certain Jaekyung was deeply asleep.
His tiny face showed clear tear stains, likely from continuing to sniffle while lying alone. His pale white cheeks and the areas around his eyes, shaded by thick eyelashes, were covered with dried white marks.
Knowing Jaekyung’s habit of not waking easily once asleep, Yeonhu laughed out loud without reservation before getting up to move. First, it would be best to clean his face.
When he gently wiped Jaekyung’s cheeks with a towel soaked in warm water, the tightly furrowed brow gradually relaxed. His gaze naturally fixed on the reddish lips that kept moving as if dreaming. The thin-skinned lips were particularly vivid in color.
After carefully wiping away the dried marks, Yeonhu’s fingertips tingled at the trembling eyelashes. If only he could wake him up and kiss him to his heart’s content… But once again, he successfully resisted the dangerous impulse for the sake of the greater reward he would soon achieve. Only his thumb pressed unnecessarily against the lips where no tear stains remained.
“You were really upset, our Jaekyung… How long has it been since you cried like a child like this?”
Gently stroking the hair near his ears, where sweat had beaded from the heat, made Yeonhu’s solar plexus tingle. It was closer to the remnants of forcibly suppressed excitement than heartache. Earlier, he’d been wearing only a shower robe, so he couldn’t immediately embrace Jaekyung for fear of revealing his flagrantly aroused state.
Anyway, a crying face still drives him crazy, just as it always has. It’s still as beautiful as the day he first saw it. So beautiful that it’s hard to resist swallowing it whole, exactly like that.
He had already changed all the furniture and was planning to show it off tomorrow, but who would have thought Jaekyung would stumble into the tiger’s den on his own, with a face flushed from alcohol? Surely, it must have been quite a shock for him when Chairman Jang’s thrown ashtray split open his forehead.
Although Yeonhu had deliberately not avoided it to show Han Jaekyung how far he would go for Choi Eunseong, the timing was still perfect. It was as if it had been orchestrated for Jaekyung to witness that scene. Yeonhu felt delighted, as if even the heavens were on his side.
His home, his car, his clothes… Yeonhu had intended to gnaw at Jaekyung’s heart a bit more for spitefully throwing away everything he had bought him, but it seemed this was enough. The malicious thought of giving Jaekyung’s abandoned car to Eunseong crossed his mind, but Yeonhu quickly shook his head.
Well, something shocking would happen soon enough, so he didn’t want to drain Jaekyung’s energy beforehand.
“Don’t worry. Everything will be fine.”
Even as he whispered while smoothing Jaekyung’s sleek hair, there was no response from the deeply sleeping Jaekyung.
His expression, drained of hostility, looked almost childlike. It was a lovely sight. Yeonhu unconsciously smiled and whispered in passing:
“I love you, Jaekyung.”
That’s why Yeonhu wanted the Han Jaekyung he loved to… regret more, to become desperate to the point of madness. So that he wouldn’t even think of escaping elsewhere later.
This time, he had carefully dug a pit, so all Jaekyung had to do was follow along the guideline Yeonhu had drawn and fall right in.
“Don’t try to scheme without my knowledge again. Next time, I’ll really be angry.”
Immediately breaking up at the elders’ words, then after breaking up, absurdly claiming to have a boyfriend and keeping Moon Yeonu by his side. And now, moving out without saying a word to him.
Yeonhu couldn’t express how upset he was each time Han Jaekyung did foolish things with that small head of his. Especially when they first broke up, Yeonhu had acted like a madman for months, thinking he might need to break down everything Jaekyung valued—his university, his uncle—and lock him up somewhere to bring him to his senses.
But fortunately for Jaekyung, Yeonhu’s love was too great to treat him that way.
“I love you so much. You know that, right?”
“…”
“Just cry a little more and it will be over. Just a little more.”
“…”
The sound of his soft breathing was indescribably peaceful.
Still, there was no answer.
* * *
“Mmm…”
What woke him from his sweet sleep was a thirst that had risen to a point where it could no longer be ignored. Although Han Jaekyung had vaguely regained consciousness for quite some time, he had kept his eyes closed, reluctant to get up. Only when he could no longer endure the parching thirst did he raise his heavy upper body to sit up.
With half-closed eyes, he staggered to the kitchen to find the refrigerator unchanged. He poured sparkling water from a glass bottle into a cup and gulped it down, making his mouth tingle sharply. Only then did he feel somewhat awake.
It was half past two. Though it was Sunday, he had slept quite long. The apartment was strangely silent. He peeked into the bedroom and the dressing room, but Jang Yeonhu was nowhere to be found. In the middle of the officetel, now filled with unfamiliar furniture and no longer Han Jaekyung’s home, he was utterly lost.
“…I haven’t finished sorting my belongings, so let’s just take those and go.”
Han Jaekyung spoke aloud as he headed toward the guest room. It was originally the room where Yeonhu stayed whenever he visited, but the guest room, piled with old items like a storage room, was hardly fit for anyone to stay in.
That must be why he told Jaekyung to sleep on the sofa. Under normal circumstances, Yeonhu would have given up the proper bedroom to Jaekyung even if it meant sleeping on the floor himself.
Attributing the stinging pain in his chest to the sparkling water, as if it had been rubbed with sandpaper, Jaekyung placed the cup on an empty space on the bookshelf and began opening the nearest packing boxes one by one.
The first box contained Jaekyung’s bedding and the cushion he used to put on his study chair, all tightly compressed. The second box contained various office supplies, seemingly cleared from his study desk, and the third box held clothes that had filled his dressing room…
Jaekyung gave up checking the contents of the boxes after the sixth or so box, when diffusers and various perfumes that Yeonhu had gifted him came tumbling out.
This was clearly endless. Not only was the number of remaining boxes an issue, but Jaekyung found it unbearable to understand Yeonhu’s intention of not throwing away even a single toothbrush in the bathroom himself, instead insisting that Jaekyung sort through everything personally.
It was newly frightening to realize that all of this had been purchased and filled by Yeonhu. And terrifyingly heavy too. Perhaps Yeonhu decided to no longer endure it and throw it all away because the Han Jaekyung who carried it all was too frightening and too heavy.
Standing dazed in front of boxes with their contents messily exposed, Jaekyung nervously began to pick up whatever he saw and throw it around carelessly. Hard glass bottles rolled across the floor in disarray, making distressing sounds. It was a blessing that none had broken.
You’re trying to… sort me out, aren’t you?
Are you really thinking of throwing me away?
The chill that crept over his entire body came faster than the realization. This was not simply about giving up the position of a lover.
Even if it was no longer “love,” Jaekyung had always thought that he would remain the closest and most important person to Jang Yeonhu.
Even after giving up the role of a lover to Choi Eunseong, he had subconsciously thought that he could somehow maintain some peak position within Yeonhu as a meager “friend.”
But seeing how obsessively Yeonhu was erasing every trace of him, he must deeply regret the past several years entangled with Han Jaekyung.
Despite having trained him that way himself, now he’s doing this.
Jaekyung couldn’t bear it. He felt twice as anxious and twice as uneasy as when he realized Jang Yeonhu no longer loved him.
Like a drowning person, he thrashed his arms wildly, opening the mouths of the boxes and throwing their contents in all directions around the guest room. If he didn’t do this, he felt he would truly go insane.
“Han Jaekyung! What are you doing!”
The homeowner returned and stopped Jaekyung after he had already torn through three or four boxes.
“Jaekyung, calm down and let’s talk.”
“Let go.”
“Han Jaekyung!!”
After trying to grab his arms and dissuade him a few times, Yeonhu, finding Jaekyung’s resistance stronger than expected, simply embraced him, almost trapping him in his arms. Even then, Jaekyung didn’t give up, continuing to squirm several more times before finally stopping his movements after a few minutes.
“What’s all this in the short time I was gone?”
“…I think I’m still not sober. That’s why. You should understand.”
No matter what, the words “I’m sorry” wouldn’t come out. Although he objectively knew that what he was doing was completely unreasonable behavior, he didn’t want to apologize to Yeonhu, who was trying to eradicate all traces of Jaekyung and every moment they had shared together. From Jaekyung’s perspective, it was too obvious an outcome.
“I’ll give you money. I’ll give you money, so call someone to throw it all away.”
“Jaekyung.”
“Just don’t tell me to take this with me. And don’t throw it away with your own hands. Just the thought is horrifying.”
“That’s not the issue right now.”
“If this isn’t the issue? What exactly is the issue in this situation?”
After holding the sharp gaze of Han Jaekyung for a long time, Yeonhu finally sighed deeply first and abruptly lowered himself to sit in front of Jaekyung. His head lowered significantly. Like that man who easily knelt and begged before Jaekyung without any pride or anything.
“Such a stubborn person. What upset you so much? You could have just told me.”
“You weren’t here. When I woke up, I was alone.”
“You said you had a headache. I searched every pharmacy in the neighborhood for headache medicine, and you couldn’t wait that long?”
“When did I say that?”
“Earlier, this morning.”
“…I don’t remember.”
“Ah, fine, fine. Even when throwing things, throw them carefully. You hit your foot. Ouch, that must hurt.”
Despite having been directly hit by an ashtray and still having a scab, Yeonhu was more concerned about his own foot that had been grazed by a tumbler thrown in anger.
“Are you okay? Can you walk?”
The kind gaze looking up at Han Jaekyung while kneeling in front of him didn’t seem much different from before.
“Get on my back. Let’s go to the living room to put on a pain patch and take some headache medicine. No, I bought some porridge too, let’s eat that first.”
That was what really drove Han Jaekyung to madness.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
