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Soaked in the unstoppable wave of alcohol, Han Jaekyung was nodding off while holding the elevator button when he suddenly woke up with the “ding” sound.
“This isn’t our home. What’s going on…”
It was indeed Han Jaekyung’s perfectly normal house that he had moved into recently, but it wasn’t the “our home” that the memory-impaired drunk was looking for. Did I get off at the wrong taxi? Jaekyung muttered insensibly. Making his recent ascent meaningless, he took the elevator back down to the first floor and walked out of the common entrance. Since it was such a late hour with no cars passing by, he waited for a long time and barely managed to flag down a taxi.
“Driver, please take me to…”
The address he mumbled in his sleepy voice was, as expected, the officetel under Jang Yeonhu’s name. After riding for about ten minutes, he finally woke up when the taxi driver told him they had arrived while he had been nodding off. The darkened storefronts at the complex entrance and the neatly arranged saplings in the flower beds strangely felt like it had been a long time, but the current Jaekyung had no time to dwell on that. He just wanted to get home quickly and sleep.
“Oh, well, who do we have here? Why haven’t we seen our attorney lately?”
“Hello.”
The night security guard on the first floor of his old building greeted him warmly. Jaekyung, who was particularly weak to older people, usually maintained polite manners with the security guard, but today, being drunk, he bowed his head even more submissively.
“I’ve been… a bit busy lately…”
“Yes, yes, it’s good to see you after so long. I thought you might have gone on a long trip or something. Since you weren’t around at all. You seem drunk, better get inside quickly.”
“Yessir, I’ll go in first.”
This elevator is indeed the way to my real home. Jaekyung, who had been dying to get home for a while now, smiled broadly and repeatedly wiped his face with dry hands.
Beep beep beep beep beep…
When he pressed the passcode—which was a mix of his and Yeonhu’s university ID numbers—the front door opened naturally. Yeonhu hadn’t changed the password yet. But even this time, Jaekyung didn’t feel any sense of dissonance.
“Ugh… My head, I’m dying, dying.”
Even until he carelessly kicked off his shoes and slid open the middle door, that was truly the case.
“…Huh?”
Though it was certainly the familiar living room, something was different. The color of the rug, the wooden blinds… even the sofa and table. All of them were far from Jaekyung’s taste. No matter how many times he rubbed his eyes, the scene before him didn’t change.
The living room, set in a dark wood tone, was filled with classic design furniture. It had the exact atmosphere of Chairman Noh’s study in Yeonhu’s family home. Moreover, on the wooden table were scattered an empty potato chip bag, half-melted ice cream, and several beer cans that didn’t match the decor at all.
Suddenly, his heart started pounding fiercely. Only then did he faintly hear the sound of water. As if someone was taking a shower, the “shoosh” sound of the shower had actually been continuing since Jaekyung first opened the door and entered.
Jaekyung gulped and walked heavily into the living room. The TV screen was paused in the middle of some movie’s ending credits. Checking the title with the remote, it was a moderately light romantic comedy that had been popular a while back. Jaekyung had gone to see it with Yeonhu when it was released.
Yeonhu, who was approaching his birthday, had begged Jaekyung to watch this movie together instead of a birthday present that year, and Jaekyung, wearing the multi-million won watch that Yeonhu had presented as that year’s birthday gift, had magnanimously agreed to do so.
Dinner at a sky lounge overlooking Seoul’s night view, watching a romantic comedy movie, followed by cocktails at a jazz bar. The twenty-six-year-old Jaekyung, who enjoyed the perfect date course without lifting a finger, had smiled softly and said:
‘The movie was fun. It would be perfect to watch on a date with someone. Thanks for letting me know, Jang Yeonhu.’
‘…So what we did today, it wasn’t a date?’
‘Ugh, hey. Don’t say disgusting things. What date between friends?’
As he shuddered at the idea of dating between friends, looking down at Yeonhu’s pale hope crumbling once more. Jaekyung had simply enjoyed the situation without any remedy. You can never have me. But you still have to love me forever. Looking back now, it was terrible arrogance.
Ah, finally, the water sound stopped. The sound of wet feet sliding across the floor could be heard, and then the bedroom door swung open.
“Han Jaekyung? When did you arrive? No, why are you here at this hour suddenly…”
Yeonhu’s question flew toward Jaekyung’s back, who was standing frozen with the remote in his hand. Jaekyung felt as if the alcohol in his system was dissipating in an instant. What filled the space left by the alcohol was a surge of sadness.
“I had a bit to drink and took a taxi…”
“Yes.”
“I habitually gave this address.”
“Ah, I see? You should have called. I would have picked you up.”
Yeonhu, wearing a shower robe with a towel wrapped around his head, calmly spoke while starting to clean up the messy living room. Jaekyung forcibly raised his heavily sinking voice and barely managed to reply, “Eunseong seemed to have been here, how could I call you?”
“Ah yes. He came to help organize things as I’m completely changing the interior, but he just had dinner and left early. I meant to clean up right away but ended up dozing off, so I just woke up. Don’t just stand there, sit down. Would you like some water?”
“…Yeah.”
Yeonhu’s question, showing no surprise at the sudden situation, was perfectly appropriate for a host welcoming an uninvited guest.
“Drink this water. Oh, your belongings that I wasn’t sure whether to throw away or not, I’ve gathered them all in the guest room for now. Come and take them whenever you have time. You didn’t take your car either? It’s still in the parking lot.”
Yeonhu’s casual conversation felt unbearably unfamiliar to Jaekyung. From that unfamiliarity, Jaekyung realized. That he could no longer call this place, where he was sitting, his home.
From now on, Choi Eunseong would come and go countless times to this officetel that was no longer Jaekyung’s home. Yeonhu would have meals with Eunseong at the dining table where he ate with Jaekyung, would drink beer with Eunseong at the table where he shared wine with Jaekyung… and would sleep with Eunseong in the bedroom where he first overlapped bodies with Jaekyung. Thinking about it, an indescribable anxiety boiled up inside him.
“Jaekyung, are you listening to me?”
Yeonhu brought his face close and asked Jaekyung, who was lost in thought, not even drinking the water he had been given. This caused the towel on his head to be pushed back, and the still swollen, bright red wound on his forehead filled Jaekyung’s view.
“You… your forehead, your forehead…”
“This? I tried to be careful, but it got wet while I was washing. I just tore it off completely, thinking it would be better to go back to the hospital tomorrow. Why, does it look very ugly?”
By temperament, he should have slapped Yeonhu’s arm saying, “Yeah, damn it,” to vent his frustration, but strangely, his eyes welled up with hot tears, and Jaekyung just nodded without saying anything. He felt that the moment he opened his lips, all the suppressed emotions and impulses would spill out chaotically.
“Oh right. And thanks to you, I made up with Eunseong. Most positions I could look into for him had stronger influence from my grandfather or father, so it was a bit difficult. This is all thanks to you. Thank you, Jaekyung. I guess this is why having a friend is good. It’s really only you.”
Yeonhu said it lightly with a smile, but Jaekyung couldn’t do the same. The sadness he had been holding back so well dripped down as tears. Yeonhu didn’t even seem surprised. He just asked if he should bring more water, saying, “Looks like you drank a lot,” and “Crying again.”
Whether due to alcohol or whatever, the Yeonhu who used to make a fuss as if the world was ending over a single tear from Jaekyung was nowhere to be found. The gentle touch that would tenderly wipe his cheeks while desperately pleading for him to stop crying, the broad embrace that would pick him up and comfort him, all of it.
“I’m annoyed. I’m so damn annoyed. Jang Yeonhu, why do you go that far? Just looking at your forehead, it seems so painful… Getting hurt by standing up to the Chairman. What do you gain from this? Has it been a year since you met Choi Eunseong, has it been ten years? Why are you like this? Why do you go that far, why? Really, why!”
“When did you start worrying about me, after handing Eunseong an envelope of money?”
“Fuck… You got hurt, you. The mighty Jang Yeonhu… And you got hurt by being hit by the Chairman… Your forehead, sob, what happened to your forehead… You, who only has your face going for you…”
When the faint sobbing turned into vehement crying, Yeonhu finally stopped just watching and started comforting Jaekyung in his arms, just like before.
“Were you upset because I got hurt?”
“Waaah, you idiot… Fool, loser… Getting hit by the Chairman because of Choi Eunseong, you dummy…”
Upset was not enough to express how he felt. Even though he knew well that he had no right to be jealous of Eunseong since he had abandoned his place with his own hands, seeing Yeonhu’s wound made his insides twist and his heart collapse.
“Oh my, Jaekyung was very shocked. I’m sorry. I won’t get hit next time. Won’t get hit by anyone. This time I got hit on purpose too. I thought that would keep grandfather quiet for a while.”
“What, on purpose? You c-crazy, sob, crazy bastard…!”
“Haha. I’m sorry. Stop crying. If you cry a lot, your head will hurt tomorrow.”
Feeling both dumbfounded and angry at the claim that he got hit on purpose, Jaekyung pounded Yeonhu’s shoulders and back with his fists wherever he could reach. Though he didn’t put much force into it, his bony fists with no flesh must have hurt quite a bit, but Yeonhu didn’t stop him and just continued patting Jaekyung’s trembling back.
“I asked why you go that far?”
When Yeonhu’s lips opened again, it was after the anger-filled fists had stopped and the residual sobs had almost ceased. Jaekyung listened quietly to his words while catching his breath.
“You know it too, Jaekyung.”
“…”
“I’m the kind of person who… when I love someone… I can do anything for that person.”
“…So.”
“I liked you. No, I loved you. To the point of going crazy with love. You know that.”
Jaekyung clenched his fists tightly. Why wouldn’t he know? It was a problem precisely because he knew it too, too well.
“It’s just that now it’s not you but Eunseong. If you had wanted… I probably would have done even crazier things for you.”
Yeonhu continued speaking calmly, smiling softly. As if he didn’t know that the calmer he was, the more Jaekyung’s insides became hell.
“Let’s go to sleep, it’s late. The guest room hasn’t been organized yet, so I’ll bring you a blanket. Sleep on the sofa.”
“Jang Yeonhu.”
“Yes, Jaekyung?”
“…”
“…”
To Yeonhu who casually told him to sleep on the sofa, Jaekyung had nothing more to say.
“…Just. Sleep well.”
“How bland. You sleep well too.”
It was a dawn when sleep seemed impossibly far away.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
