<38>
-Honey. I told you yesterday. I said I was going to buy consolation drinks for my friend who got dumped by his girlfriend. Which friend? Uh, Park Heetae, he’s a military buddy, you probably don’t know him.
While washing his hands after using the bathroom, Jaekyung heard a voice making excuses coming from inside one of the stalls.
-Of course. I’ll be home soon. Don’t worry. Yes, I love you too.
As it got later, the number of customers in the bar had dwindled to the point where they could all be counted at a glance, and that voice whispering words of love to a girlfriend was familiar. It was probably one of the college students who had been busy flirting at the table right behind Jaekyung.
Well… how does he plan to deal with the aftermath of this? Jaekyung unconsciously clicked his tongue but then paused while pulling out a paper towel. He realized he had no right to criticize anyone else when he reflected on his own past.
When was it? It was around the time of the first semester finals, right before Moon Yeonu disappeared. Back then, as a freshman, Jaekyung had been dragged to a few blind dates due to pressure from his department peers. Although he was technically dating Yeonu, they rarely contacted each other and didn’t meet often because Yeonu was busy with part-time jobs, so Jaekyung naturally didn’t feel the need to tell him.
Half the reason he deliberately went to those blind dates, which he could have refused, was out of spite. Around that time, rumors had begun circulating about Jang Yeonhu’s engagement to some director’s sister from an affiliated company.
Despite this, Jaekyung was desperate to hide his blind date activities from Yeonhu, fearing that if he found out, Yeonhu might actually give up on him and go through with the engagement. Even while seething with a desire to hurt Yeonhu, Jaekyung was anxious.
But when a tail is long, it eventually gets stepped on. It was the day of Jaekyung’s fifth blind date. Somehow finding out, Jang Yeonhu barged into the beer hall just after midnight and roughly grabbed Jaekyung’s wrist, pulling him away. Come to think of it, it was this very same beer hall they were in now.
‘Let go of this.’
‘…’
‘It hurts, I said it hurts. Hey, Jang Yeonhu!’
With his expression frozen in anger, Yeonhu looked like a completely different person. Since Yeonhu had never been angry with him since they first met when Jaekyung was seven, Jaekyung was intimidated and raised his voice even louder. Even when Jaekyung had said they should break up, Yeonhu hadn’t gotten angry.
‘You said you were studying.’
‘Jang Yeonhu. Listen to me—’
Yeonhu only released Jaekyung’s wrist after they had descended to the first floor via the stairs, unable to wait for the elevator to arrive.
‘You said you were studying at the library. You said you couldn’t come because of that. Huh? How is this place a library? What kind of studying were you doing here?’
‘T-that’s…’
Unfortunately, having been caught in the act of doing a love shot with a female student who had become his partner after losing a game, there was no room for excuses.
‘Make up an excuse, anything. I’ll believe you. Even if I don’t believe it, I’ll pretend to!’
The people crowding the university district streets on a weekend night jumped in surprise at his shouting voice and kept their distance. They probably assumed it was friends fighting while drunk.
Having nothing to say, Jaekyung lowered his gaze and suddenly noticed what Yeonhu was holding. It was a few desserts from the hotel bakery that Jaekyung particularly liked and three cups of coffee in a plastic carrier. The exact number matched the study group members Jaekyung had mentioned as an excuse.
Seeing that, tears welled up in his eyes embarrassingly. Though he didn’t know how Yeonhu had found him… he must have gone to the department library to bring snacks to Jaekyung, who had said he would be studying all night.
‘Meet Moon Yeonu if you want. I know you don’t have real feelings for that bastard anyway. But Han Jaekyung… Jaekyung.’
His voice, trembling with anger, grew increasingly fragile toward the end, and finally became mixed with tears.
‘I can endure everything else, but I hate this, this can’t happen. I can’t accept this.’
Jang Yeonhu, grinding his teeth in unbearable anger, was still shedding tears.
Looking at that young face, hurt and confused, Jaekyung’s shoulders perked up with pride. The realization struck him: this guy really has no one but me, no matter what I do… he’ll only love me.
‘If you end up accidentally dating a woman, if you end up saying you’ll get married… I’ll truly never have a chance with you. If you tell me not to cross the line and just wait, I’ll do that; if you say be just friends, I’ll do that. You can date other people. But not women. Marriage, I absolutely hate the idea of marriage.’
His voice, mixed with crying, continued obsessively as if pleading, and the tears streaming down Yeonhu’s cheeks grew even more intense.
Until Jaekyung realized his romantic feelings for Yeonhu, he had habitually said he wanted to get married early and build his own family, so it was understandably a sensitive issue for Yeonhu.
“I really believe I’ll be a good father, and since you’re rich, you’ll have to give my kids lots of allowance, okay?”
Every time Han Jaekyung, who was only thirteen or fourteen, casually made these half-joking, half-serious comments, Yeonhu had never nodded in agreement. Back then, Jaekyung had simply dismissed it, thinking “What a stingy rich kid,” but in reality, Yeonhu might have already liked him even then.
‘Jaekyung, please… I’m so scared. I’m scared to death.’
On a weekend at midnight, the university district lined with beer halls was teeming with people. Yet Yeonhu, seemingly unaware of any embarrassment, grabbed Jaekyung’s hand, knelt down, and begged while crying loudly like a child.
Jaekyung, having regained his composure, stroked Yeonhu’s black hair with his free hand, as if granting a favor, like praising a well-behaved dog.
‘Jang Yeonhu. Would you like me to… not go to these kinds of meetings anymore?’
Yeonhu nodded clearly, and Jaekyung found the sensation of the hair trembling with sobs under his hand creepily satisfying.
‘But it’s okay if I keep seeing Moon Yeonu?’
‘Yes…’
‘Then listen carefully to what I’m about to say, Yeonhu.’
He wanted to hurt him more. He wanted to feel Yeonhu looking at him endlessly, tirelessly, no matter how many wounds he inflicted.
Despite being the one who rejected Yeonhu’s proposal to run away abroad together, and clearly being the one who kicked away the position of lover and drew the line, he still felt this way.
‘This engagement proposal you received, somehow break it off. For a reason unrelated to me. Can you do that?’
‘I can.’
‘Whether it’s Moon Yeonu or anyone else, no matter who I date in the future, you absolutely can’t date anyone. You can’t date anyone until I give you permission. Do you understand?’
‘I understand, I’ll do that, I’ll listen to everything you say…’
Knock knock.
“…!!”
That’s where the reminiscence ended. Han Jaekyung, who had been lost in old memories, looked up with a start. Moon Yeonu, who had lightly tapped the table with a beer glass covered in condensation, was looking at him with a puzzled expression.
“Are you drunk already? Why are you in your own world?”
“Ah. …I think I’m getting a bit drunk.”
“Tsk, I don’t think so. We’re still far from reaching Han Jaekyung’s drinking capacity.”
“I’m just tired, that’s all.”
It wasn’t a lie. Maybe it was because he was already tired and then drank alcohol, but his voice had been getting hoarse and his vision blurry for a while.
“I want to leave.”
“But there’s still alcohol left, you don’t want to drink more?”
“I don’t want to cry today.”
What to do now. Moon Yeonu briefly pretended to drink while thinking. His original plan was to gently console the typically emotional, drunk Jaekyung and find out what had happened with Jang Yeonhu, but…
“I’m finally going to graduate from clutching onto you and crying while calling out for Jang Yeonhu.”
What could he do? After all, the one who falls in love first is the one who loses.
“It’s disappointing, but can’t be helped. I’ll call a driver to take you home. Wait just a moment.”
“…Okay.”
He must really be drunk. Relieved at the offer to be taken home, Jaekyung relaxed completely and fell asleep with his forehead on the table, breathing softly. Well, considering he had been forcibly woken up from sleeping in the car and brought here, he had endured quite well.
After paying the bill, Moon Yeonu somehow managed to support the unsteady Jaekyung and get him into the car. Though he looked skinny, perhaps because he wasn’t short, Jaekyung was quite heavy when slumped over.
Shortly after, the called driver arrived. After agreeing to pay extra, they decided to stop by Jaekyung’s company housing first.
“I want to go home… I’m going home…”
“Okay, we will. Just wait a little.”
Lying in the back seat with his head on Moon Yeonu’s lap and his legs curled up, Jaekyung continued to insist on going home during the ride.
Having just moved recently with barely anything there, why was he so fixated on going home… Annoyed, Moon Yeonu messed up Jaekyung’s fine hair carelessly. Perhaps because of his delicately handsome face, even with disheveled hair, he looked as if it had been intentionally styled.
“We’ve arrived. Is this the right place?”
“Yes, sir. I’ll just take my friend inside and come back. Jaekyung, we’re home. Wake up and let me carry you properly.”
“Mmm… no, I’m not getting up…”
“Shall I help you?”
“It’s okay. Please wait a moment.”
He’s stubborn even when sober, but he’s twice as annoying when drunk and stubborn. Moon Yeonu struggled to move forward, carefully securing Jaekyung’s arms, which were slipping like seaweed, around his neck. Fortunately, the annoying drunk regained his senses by the time they reached the common entrance.
“Put me down, I can go… by my… myself…”
Seeing how even the alcohol-reeking words of a man in his thirties sounded cute to him, he really was in serious condition, seriously. Moon Yeonu thought this to himself as he repeatedly insisted that it was fine and he would take Jaekyung home, but Jaekyung remained stubbornly immovable.
“No, you go… Yeonu, you… don’t need you.”
“Tsk, I can’t even give you a smack for this.”
“Mmm, hurry and go… go away…”
“Go take care of your boyfriend,” his voice was quite sharp. Didn’t he just say he wouldn’t clutch onto Moon Yeonu and call for Jang Yeonhu while drunk anymore? Guess it can’t be helped today.
“Where would I go? My boyfriend is right here. Oh, or did you say you wouldn’t arrange that anymore, ‘Han Jaekyung’s boyfriend’?”
“Shut up… Yeonu, you… I don’t even want to see you… get lost… you, you baad… bad bastard…”
It seemed like he shouldn’t push any further. Only after watching Jaekyung board the elevator with staggering steps did Moon Yeonu return to his car. Although it had diverged significantly from his original plan, it had still been a rather satisfying day.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
