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“Ah… My head feels like it’s going to split.”
Han Jaekyung, who had secretly brought painkillers and gulped them down with plain water, turned on the faucet with a whoosh and splashed his face with cold water several times. As his headache worsened, an unpleasant throbbing sensation crept up to the inside of his eyeballs.
Without realizing it, he thought he should throw away the water bottle before Jang Yeonhu saw it, then found himself ridiculous again. Is this what they mean when they say habits are scary?
By now, Jang Yeonhu would be busy enjoying time alone with his lover and wouldn’t have any interest in whether Han Jaekyung was drinking again and downing painkillers, or whether he was still pouring alcohol into his empty stomach in the same spot.
His head felt like it was splitting, his stomach was aching, and going home was bothersome – he wanted to book a hotel room right away, wash with warm water, and sleep to his heart’s content. He was just tired of everything. Rather than tired, it was closer to feeling empty.
There was a time when he thought the sky would split in two if another man stood next to Jang Yeonhu wearing the same thing, calling himself his lover. No. Since no one was watching anyway, to be more honest, it had been the same until just moments ago. Plus, he never thought that Jang Yeonhu of all people, that precious young master, would have the courage to come out so publicly. …If he had known this would happen, he’d rather have… His pathetic feelings kept disturbing his mind, carried by the alcohol.
He had thought that a young master who had to inherit a huge corporation would never be able to introduce another man as his lover in an official setting, no matter what. He couldn’t believe the sweet words like “I only need you, I don’t need anything else” were sincere either.
Those parents that no one could have even if they died trying, who made him insanely envious and whom he’d wish to see even once in his dreams – when Jang Yeonhu said he’d abandon even such parents, it just sounded like childish bravado. Following his grandfather’s and parents’ wishes, Jang Yeonhu would eventually have to take a decent woman from a decent family as his spouse… When that happened, it would be natural for Han Jaekyung to be abandoned. So he wanted to abandon him first.
After his uncle came to pick him up from that old orphanage, he learned that he hadn’t been abandoned by his parents, but once ingrained, one’s attitude toward life wasn’t the kind that changed easily. If he were to be abandoned by someone else, in another world, it might be different, but if he were abandoned by Jang Yeonhu and the dazzlingly wonderful and incredibly kind world surrounding him, he felt like he really couldn’t live anymore.
The decision to abandon Jang Yeonhu hurt more than expected, but it was still something he could endure without dying. He only had to give up the category of being lovers, of being his one and only partner. Whatever emotions were packaging the inside, he thought that if they just wrapped themselves in the flimsy shell of being friends on the surface, their relationship would be solid forever. Where exactly did it go wrong? When did he take the wrong path?
He thought Jang Yeonhu knew all about his feelings, even though he never said it out loud.
But apparently it didn’t get through. So maybe he kept loving Han Jaekyung alone and… got tired of it eventually. He should have said it at least once, using alcohol as an excuse, that his heart remained the same as when he was nineteen, that it had never changed, that it was just… just petty jealousy wanting to occupy a place by his side.
“Annoying… I hate this pathetic stuff…”
The corners of his eyes that he had barely managed to calm down started stinging again. He couldn’t guarantee what would happen later, but at least right here, right now, it was because Jang Yeonhu looked so calm when he revealed the existence of his same-sex lover. It was because Choi Eunseong standing next to him looked so happy.
Han Jaekyung irritably opened the faucet he had closed again and repeatedly washed his face with water so cold it was numbing.
As he was about to roughly wipe his dripping chin with his hand, he heard the sound of several people entering the bathroom together from outside.
Han Jaekyung quickly checked his face in the mirror first. Setting aside the fact that his shirt front and sleeves were soaked from washing roughly, it was still obvious that he had been tearing up.
Showing such a face to others was an absolutely unacceptable humiliation in Han Jaekyung’s life. Since they had rented this entire floor for the class reunion today, it couldn’t be anyone else.
Tsk, can’t help it… Han Jaekyung clicked his tongue briefly and hid inside a bathroom stall for now. It would be better to go back after they left and he cooled his face outside.
-What the hell happened today? I’m not the only one who doesn’t understand this situation, right?
-That’s what I’m saying. Han Jaekyung, Moon Yeonu… and even Jang Yeonhu on top of that.
-Wow, I really didn’t expect Jang Yeonhu to come out like that.
-Did you see Kim Seongcheol’s expression earlier? It was quite a sight. Hah, I could tell from when he was boasting about booking a wedding venue within this year.
His suspicion was confirmed. It wasn’t that he was hiding because he was scared, but because he was disgusted, so hiding was indeed a wise choice. Not knowing that one of the fresh topics they had put on the chopping block was lurking right behind them, the group of about three or four people chattered away even after finishing their business.
One surprising point was that no one seemed surprised about Jang Yeonhu’s coming out.
Rather, they seemed more surprised that the same-sex lover Jang Yeonhu introduced was someone other than Han Jaekyung, rather than Jang Yeonhu’s sexual orientation that deviated from the norm.
-But what happens to Han Jaekyung now? He’s completely screwed, isn’t he?
At his name being mentioned like a natural set, Han Jaekyung clenched his fists tightly inside the narrow bathroom stall. …His pride was hurt.
-Up until now, we held back because we were scared of Jang Yeonhu’s backing, but now we don’t need to worry about it, right? Did you see earlier? That bastard Jang Yeonhu, the way he looked at his lover, honey was just dripping, dripping, huh? Did you see?
The shoes trampling on a kite with its string cut were mercilessly harsh. Silently enduring the whip that struck his entire body through the form of language, Han Jaekyung could only bite his lower lip several times and put more strength into his tightly clenched fists – there was nothing else he could do.
That fact was indescribably miserable.
Until this very moment, Han Jaekyung had believed that many things had changed from his nineteen-year-old days when he had nowhere to lean except for Jang Yeonhu’s protection and the Jang family’s pity.
A diploma from a prestigious university and a lawyer’s license with ink still warm from printing. Monthly salary and incentives that came in regularly. An officetel in central Seoul and a decent foreign car. At the very least, now he didn’t have to worry about where to sleep starting tomorrow if he was kicked out of that house, or how to pay tuition, so his belief wasn’t entirely wrong.
-Good riddance. That orphan bastard with nothing to brag about walking around with his head held high, thinking he’s the same as us – it was annoying. The way he acted all high and mighty, acting all high and mighty.
But that was all from an ordinary person’s standards. From the perspective of those ‘privileged class’ who had already started far ahead from the moment they were born… Han Jaekyung without Jang Yeonhu was someone who could be easily looked down upon like a fly’s life, whether he was a nineteen-year-old working student or a thirty-one-year-old capable lawyer.
Among all this, what drove Han Jaekyung into such a horrific and devastating state of mind was precisely the fact that Jang Yeonhu sat at the very top of that privileged class. Look. The people who had bowed their heads deeply in front of him just a couple of hours ago, politely clasping their hands together and asking him to pass on their regards to Jang Yeonhu – what kind of reaction did they show as soon as they learned that Jang Yeonhu had found another precious target?
His legs kept threatening to give out, so Han Jaekyung had to grit his teeth and endure. If he fell disgracefully here and got caught hiding, it would only become excellent fodder for them to chew and tear apart even more.
-Excuse me. From what I hear, aren’t you being too harsh?
But when a familiar sharp voice was finally heard from outside the thin door, Han Jaekyung wanted to faint right there on the spot.
-What? Do you know me?
-Hey, hey. Stop it. That’s him, Jang Yeonhu’s lover.
-Ah… Was that so? Looking up close, even if he’s not as good as Han Jaekyung, he’s definitely pretty. Han Jaekyung might not be much in other areas, but his face is, huh? How about it? Should I try hitting on him?
-Cut it out. Without Jang Yeonhu, where would that little shit go?
What the hell are you people talking about?! Even though they weren’t talking about him, why was he getting heated on his behalf? Choi Eunseong raised his voice shrilly, looking displeased.
The contrast was too stark between Choi Eunseong boldly raising his voice and himself crouching like a mouse, unable to say a word even when faced with slander directed at him. This couldn’t continue. At least, at least on this day in this place, it couldn’t be Choi Eunseong defending Han Jaekyung.
Han Jaekyung took several deep breaths to regain his composure, then burst through the bathroom door with an indifferent expression.
“Ah, really. I had a headache and was trying to sit for a while, but it’s so noisy I can’t stand it.”
“H-Han lawyer…! How, what should we… Did you hear everything?”
Unlike the gossipers who seemed to know shame themselves and avoided Han Jaekyung’s gaze while pretending to wash their hands, Choi Eunseong fidgeted restlessly and watched Han Jaekyung’s reaction even though he hadn’t done anything wrong.
“Since you’re our Yeonhu’s lover, I’ll give you some advice out of goodwill… Don’t bother responding to that kind of bullshit from now on. It’s a waste of time. No matter how nicely you try to talk to them, they’re mentally deficient creatures who take it like dogs. Got it?”
Fortunately, Han Jaekyung was quite talented at verbally tearing people apart.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
