#Side Story 12
At the moment of this incredible mother-son reunion, Hwi-kyung failed to maintain his composure.
He wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. After all, Hwi-kyung never wanted to see Ji-ae again. Whether for a wedding or funeral, he had no intention whatsoever of contacting her just because they shared blood.
In some hazy past regression—he’d lost count of which one—Hwi-kyung had sought out Ji-ae when Ok-ja died. It was during the early unstable period of the regressions. Instinctively seeking comfort, he thought of the mother who had abandoned him. So he asked Ji-ae for help.
Mom, Grandmother has passed away. I thought everything would be okay, but nothing is okay. Please come back just once so we can talk again…
To that brief contact, Ji-ae responded that she “couldn’t return.”
I’m sorry to you. But who can blame me? I saved your life…
Maintaining a smooth parent-child relationship is sometimes more difficult than resurrecting the dead. The same was true for Ji-ae and Hwi-kyung. It wasn’t that they didn’t love each other, but because of that love, they had become a relationship that shouldn’t meet again.
“Is that really you, Hwi-kyung?”
“……”
“It’s been a long time.”
Unlike Hwi-kyung who completely failed to control his expression, Ji-ae appeared outwardly calm. Gyo-ha, standing between them, could only swallow nervously. Whatever words Hwi-kyung was holding back made the back of his neck quickly turn red.
“You seemed shorter the last time I saw you. Time really flies.”
“Why are you here?”
“To see your grandmother. I didn’t come to see you, so there’s no need to be so tense. I won’t be in Korea long…”
“……”
“I didn’t know you would be here either. I came to Sokcho instead of Seoul to avoid running into you.”
Excuses poured from Ji-ae’s mouth without proper context. To Gyo-ha, she seemed quite flustered too. She probably never imagined she would meet her son again in this place.
“Is this person you’re living with now?”
When Hwi-kyung maintained his silence, Ji-ae finally directed her question toward Gyo-ha. Gyo-ha bowed his head to Ji-ae. She looked much older than Gyo-ha had expected.
Her face, having properly weathered the passage of time, was wrinkled, and her hands were calloused from evident hardship. Her dry, cracked lips showed traces of blood on her lower lip where she hadn’t applied anything.
Dry skin and clothes that anyone could see were carelessly purchased. White hairs showed sparsely through her hair tied in a single knot. Though she had elegant features similar to Hwi-kyung’s, even those looked mournful due to her many life struggles.
“I’m Lee Gyo-ha.”
“I see. We probably won’t meet again, but… I’m Hwi-kyung’s mother.”
The conversation went no further because Hwi-kyung sharply knocked away the hand Ji-ae extended toward Gyo-ha. Inwardly, Gyo-ha trembled.
“We’re practically estranged.”
“Hwi-kyung…”
“Why introduce yourself like that when you’re just going to leave again? While saying we won’t meet again.”
“……”
“Why insist on calling yourself my mother…”
If Ok-ja hadn’t discovered Hwi-kyung and Ji-ae and tried to mediate, Hwi-kyung would have thrown a few more barbed words at Ji-ae.
It seemed Ji-ae and Hwi-kyung couldn’t return to a normal mother-son relationship unless the world turned upside down. After all, it was fundamentally impossible for a mother who made a wrong wish to resurrect her dead son to reconcile with the son who became unable to die and had to repeatedly endure an even more terrible life because of it.
* * *
After the encounter with Ji-ae, Hwi-kyung fled the scene. Gyo-ha tried to follow him, but Ok-ja held him back.
“Let him organize his thoughts. Looking at how he left, he’s avoiding confrontation because he’s afraid he might get angry.”
Hwi-kyung wasn’t good at getting angry with others. Too accustomed to suppressing his anger, he would close his mouth and eyes when he should have cried and shouted.
It was the same now. Instead of properly conversing with Ji-ae, Hwi-kyung avoided the situation. It was obvious that staying would inevitably lead to an argument.
Only after Hwi-kyung left did Ji-ae slump into a nearby chair. Seeing her, Ok-ja merely clicked her tongue.
“You’re old enough to know better than to fight with a child.”
“That’s because Hwi-kyung isn’t an ordinary child.”
“What kind of child is he if not ordinary? From my perspective, both you and Hwi-kyung are extremely sensitive.”
“You don’t understand, Mother.”
Ji-ae, hiding her face in her hands, let out a deep sigh.
“You don’t understand exactly what I did to Hwi-kyung.”
When her son dies, time goes back. Whenever misfortunes piled up, Ji-ae would imagine killing Hwi-kyung. After Hwi-kyung grew up somewhat, these imaginings became more concrete.
If he would die anyway, why not die a little earlier and return to the past at a desired point? If it was a life she had saved, why couldn’t she take it back?
She couldn’t bear having such thoughts. Each time Hwi-kyung died and time rewound, Ji-ae felt her sanity eroding.
Someday, she would surely kill her child for her own selfish interests. Ji-ae anticipated her future. The “restart” button was closer than the “continue” button. The repeated regressions easily destroyed Ji-ae’s sense of reality.
So Ji-ae ran away, leaving Hwi-kyung behind. In any case, Hwi-kyung lived, and Ji-ae, mentally cornered, deluded herself that she had fulfilled her duty by saving the child.
After some time passed, Ji-ae regretted running away from Hwi-kyung. Though she knew she would eventually flee again if she went back, even she realized how irresponsible it was to leave Hwi-kyung with Ok-ja.
Hadn’t she instantly turned a child who was already growing up mature, constantly mindful of his mother, into an adult? Whenever Hwi-kyung’s face became blurry in her memory, Ji-ae’s fingertips would tingle.
Looking back, Hwi-kyung didn’t like French toast. Ji-ae vaguely suspected this. After eating French toast thickly coated in egg batter, Hwi-kyung wouldn’t eat anything until dinner the next day.
Yet Ji-ae believed he liked it. After all, he ate it all without leaving any. Wasn’t that enough to fulfill her role as a parent? Hadn’t she tried hard enough? She had to believe so to keep from going insane.
Hwi-kyung, who forced himself to eat French toast he didn’t even like, never said anything to Ji-ae. He just quietly looked at her under the dim kitchen fluorescent light.
“Are you alright?”
“I apologize for showing an unpleasant side upon first meeting. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
“I heard from my mother. You’re living together with Hwi-kyung in America.”
“Yes. We’re in a relationship. We plan to get married eventually.”
“Is that so? My child is already old enough to marry.”
“Where do you live, ma’am? I’ll contact you when it’s time for the ceremony.”
“No, it’s fine. Me sitting in the parents’ seat would be absurd.”
“Well said. I’ll be sitting in Hwi-kyung’s parents’ seat, so you can sit with the guests.”
“I won’t attend at all, Mother. Hwi-kyung wouldn’t want me to come either.”
Though Gyo-ha had invited his mother-in-law to the wedding out of courtesy, he didn’t expect Ji-ae to accept the invitation. Even if Ji-ae had said she would come, Hwi-kyung would have rejected it.
“Are you doing well in America?”
But for someone who had flatly refused to attend the wedding, Ji-ae seemed to have many questions. Though pretending otherwise, questions kept pouring out toward Gyo-ha.
Is he still often sick, does he know he has a weak constitution, is he still picky with food… After answering each of his mother-in-law’s trivial questions, Gyo-ha finally asked the question he’d been wanting to ask.
“You don’t plan to tell Hwi-kyung, do you?”
“Tell him what?”
“What you did.”
“……”
“I know about it too.”
When Gyo-ha showed his right hand wrapped in a half-glove, Ji-ae’s eyes trembled. It seemed that showing emotional fluctuations through the eyes was a maternal inheritance.
Despite having lived separately for decades considering the number of regressions, Gyo-ha could easily spot Hwi-kyung’s small habits in Ji-ae.
The way her skin reddened when startled, how she reflexively bit her nails, and the way her long eyelashes fluttered. As if to prove that blood is thicker than water, Ji-ae and Hwi-kyung had many similarities.
Perhaps young Hwi-kyung observed and learned these habits from Ji-ae. After all, anxiety is one of the easiest types of behaviors to learn.
“Your desperate wish that saved Hwi-kyung’s life, and how time rewound whenever he died. You don’t plan to tell him about that, do you?”
At Gyo-ha’s question, Ji-ae couldn’t hide her shaken expression. Even that resembled Hwi-kyung exactly.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
