72
Don’t Wait
I didn’t expect the director to apologize.
I’ve been through a lot. I’ve experienced unfair situations all along, but no one has ever apologized to me or our team. So perhaps I had become too accustomed to not receiving apologies. When I received an apology, I felt awkward and found myself rubbing my neck. I didn’t know how to respond.
I couldn’t say it was okay because it wasn’t. But if you asked if I was still feeling very wronged, upset, or angry, that wasn’t the case either. I was certainly depressed on the day I confirmed Jay was alive, and for a few days after, but I quickly got over it. I’m not sure if it was because of Sebastian or because of the engagement party he threw.
Ah, the engagement party…
The engagement party is really just a week away now. I’ve been saying it’s a week away since ten days ago, but now it’s exactly one week. No more, no less.
Ah, thinking about seeing those bastards from that country, those sons of bitches from this country, and those damn kids from the other country as guests makes my head throb. If things look fishy, I’ll knock them all down and run away carrying Sebastian. Then Kouri will take care of the rest, right? Or maybe Nakaban will handle it? It doesn’t matter who, surely someone will clean up the mess.
When I didn’t say I was okay, the director smiled sadly. She didn’t say anything more to me. She didn’t say she was sorry again, nor did she try to make me say I was okay.
“Would you like some coffee?”
When the director asked, I nodded. Until now, the best coffee was made by Alfred Baral, but this was so delicious it just surpassed that.
“It’s really delicious.”
When I didn’t hide my admiration, she smiled slightly.
“Isn’t it similar to Baral’s? I taught him how to make that coffee. Ah, of course, Baral studied to be a barista after that.”
“A barista?”
“You didn’t know? That cafe is really Baral’s.”
No wonder he was so meticulous…
In my mind, I recalled all those numerous instances where Baral was so devoted to the cafe. Wear your clothes properly, greet customers sincerely, don’t be late, and so on and so forth. I wondered why he was so thorough when it was just a cover, but it was really his own business. Then it makes sense. As I nodded with this deep realization, the director laughed.
“Baral also had some bad times and took a break from work. As you know, when someone who has grown up in this line of work leaves the company, they don’t know what to do. They leave the company because they don’t like this job, but the only things they can do are even worse.”
At least as government employees, we have the flimsy excuse of serving the country, but if you join a PMC and kill people, then you’re really killing for money. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not much different from being a hitman. Ah, of course, there is a difference between a hitman who kills for money and a PMC that moves for protection, not killing. But if we look at it from a very broad perspective, they end up being people who choose to kill as a business.
You can kill for your country, to uphold justice. But can you take someone’s life solely for money, not to save someone, but just to earn money? Of course, all PMCs say they only ‘protect’ and don’t kill. But I’ve witnessed with my own eyes several times what they do in conflict zones.
“So I taught Baral how to make coffee. At that time, I was also in a bad situation, so Baral was providing security for me. Every night, the three of us drinking coffee I made was our joy.”
Alfred Baral, the director, and probably Nina Volkari. I imagined the three of them having coffee together. It must have been a quiet time without conversation.
“He opened a cafe and lived well as its owner for about 8 months. …But once you step into this field, it’s not easy to leave. When you become a free person after being under the protection of the agency, a lot of annoying things happen.”
The director looked at me. She was smiling gently at me. That face was saying that she wasn’t trying to threaten me, just advise me.
“I’m not sure if I can completely end Canaris, but I will at least deal them a significant blow and drag their executives out into the open to make those who should be responsible face the consequences. In return, although it might not be much, could you keep me under the agency’s protection even after my resignation?”
“Of course, you want a legally binding arrangement, right?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
The director put down her coffee cup. She lowered her eyes for a moment, thinking, then looked at me.
“The reason I promised to keep your position was because I never intended to harm you in the first place. It’s true that we used you as bait, but I believed you would protect yourself well. What we needed was to distract Layer’s attention, and you did that job well. In fact, you did it unexpectedly well. The appearance of Mr. Riegel was something we hadn’t anticipated in many ways. I’m sorry and grateful.”
Ah, this doesn’t feel good. When superiors are this compliant, it’s usually followed by the word ‘However’.
“However.”
See, I told you so.
“The Security Bureau needs a talent like Armin Schnieke. Also, you’ve been deeply involved in several confidential operations. If you resign, it will upset people with high social status who can’t tolerate risk factors. These aren’t people who will be deterred just because I try to stop them. You’re strong, of course, but even you would die instantly if you drank poisoned coffee. I assure you, those people would do such things without hesitation.”
“…”
“Of course, I know Mr. Riegel is behind you. Seeing your appearance today, I feel Mr. Riegel’s presence even more strongly. I can’t stop you from resigning, but let’s try to part ways at a good time for both of us. It’s not only in love that you need a safe breakup. Sometimes you need a safe breakup with your company too.”
“I’d rather say love doesn’t need a safe breakup at all.”
Who cares who I date? Are they going to hit me? Kill me? The word ‘safe breakup’ is meaningless to me. But the director clicked her tongue at my words.
“It’s better to start thinking about it from now on. Your fiancé doesn’t seem like the type to let you go easily when breaking up.”
At the director’s words, I recalled Sebastian’s face. Certainly… he treats me well, but if we were to break up, he’s not the type to gracefully step back while dabbing his eyes with a handkercheet. He’d probably drive me crazy by wielding either his money or his looks, or both.
“We just won’t break up.”
And I don’t want Sebastian to wield his looks or money, or anything else, instead of tears. And if he were to flail about threatening to bleed me dry when we break up, that would be rather fortunate, but if he were to act all melodramatic like he did with that Lee Shin-yeon or whoever, I don’t think I could bear how pitiful that would be. Unless he dumps me, I won’t be able to dump him. Even if Sebastian makes a huge mistake, I have a crying Sebastian fetish, so I’m doomed.
“You could break up, you know?”
“We could die tomorrow, but how can we live a life considering all these possibilities? We could die right away, we could break up tomorrow, or we could live together for a lifetime. We don’t know that. Only God knows.”
“Come to think of it, your engagement party is coming up soon, right? Mr. Riegel kindly invited Nina and me, so we’ll be attending.”
“Because it’s your subordinate’s engagement party?”
I thought it was unexpected, but sure enough, the director gave me a look that said, ‘Why are you being so naive when we both know the truth?’
“How many subordinates do I have that I would attend all their engagement parties?”
“Ah, of course.”
So you’re coming because it’s the engagement party of the eldest son of the Riegel Group. Wow, they really are an ambitious couple.
“I’ll give you the engagement gift now.”
The director went to her desk with a clicking sound and brought something. It was a USB drive as small as a fingernail. She pushed it towards me and said,
“This is information about your biological father.”
“I don’t need it.”
I immediately pushed the USB back to the director.
“I thought you’d want to see it.”
“Someone who sold his son as a child soldier to buy drugs? No, not at all.”
It was a common occurrence in the country where I was born. Now that I’m an adult, I know my father had a hard time too. There was no way to make money in that neighborhood. A village occupied by rebels. People in the village whose entire life was being worked like slaves.
The rebels cultivated plants that were raw materials for drugs or manufactured drugs to secure funds by exploiting people. What happens when there’s nothing to eat and all that’s around is drugs? People became addicted to drugs. And those who had nothing gave their children to the rebels in exchange for drugs. My father did that too. He probably didn’t even feel guilty because everyone in the village did it. In that village, it was the norm. They weren’t even aware they were selling their children, as they were all living together in the same village, not disappearing far away.
What would have happened to me if I hadn’t been arrested and met my current father? I would have become one of the rebels or died. I know my father was a victim too. But to me, he’s a perpetrator. A person with a noble character might be able to forgive him because he’s also a victim and because he’s family. I don’t hate him either. I even think he’s pitiful. But I don’t want to meet him. I never want to face him or be involved with him for the rest of my life. Because I’m afraid and dislike the emotions I’d have to deal with the moment I see him.
After I was caught, the rebels were completely wiped out, and my father was also sent to a treatment facility. He might have been cured and might be looking for me. Even so.
“If you want, I’ll convey a message to your father.”
“What message?”
This interference is too much. What kind of gift is this? Just as my nerves were standing on end, the director said,
“That your son is married, happy, and hopes to never meet you. That he wants to end it like this.”
“…”
“It’s strange, isn’t it? When you try to move forward to be happy, somehow the past seems to bother you. The past has always been there, but when you feel like you’re really going to be happy, it feels like the past is going to bite your heel. But if you want, I’ll say goodbye to the past as your proxy. This is my apology and gift.”
“Killing is not allowed.”
“What do you take me for? I don’t touch civilians.”
The director laughed. When I mumbled, “I’ll leave it to you,” the director stood up. She didn’t tell me to sit or stand. But even with just her movement, I could understand what she was suggesting. I wondered if this was her charisma.
I headed towards the door of the director’s office with her. Just as I was about to open the door and leave, the director said,
“Wait a bit for a safe breakup with the company. There will be a good time.”
Andrea Dill is a wise person. I nodded.
