71
Still, I’m Sorry
I turned on the computer and opened the electronic document program. After fumbling through various document formats for about 15 minutes, I finally found the one I was looking for.
“It really exists…?”
“What does?”
I turned my head to the voice beside me, and it was Lee Martin. Lee glanced at my monitor and asked, “Oh, are you resigning?” then paused and looked at my monitor again.
“Hey, there was a resignation letter format?”
Lee’s eyes widened, saying wasn’t a resignation letter something you just scribbled on an A4 paper? At that moment, I forgot all my resentment towards him and jumped up, shouting.
“Right? You thought so too?”
“Shit, you have to submit a resignation letter electronically?”
“That’s what I’m saying! I just brought it in and got scolded!”
“Who did you take it to? The section chief position is vacant…”
Suddenly, Lee lowered his voice.
“Did you go to the deputy director?”
When I nodded, Lee shook his head.
“You really have no tact. Even if you’re going to resign, you should either wait until I get the section chief position or just take it to the director. Why take it to the deputy director?”
“Wouldn’t it be improper to take the resignation letter to the director?”
“Hey, the director is more likely to process your resignation than the deputy director. That’s why you got nitpicked when you went to the deputy director.”
Ah, so it was nitpicking?
I really thought I had to submit the resignation letter electronically!
Seeing my eyes, Lee shook his head. He sighed.
“Tell your brain to do its job as a brain, not as a muscle. Do you think the deputy director really told you to resign electronically? He’s just trying to hold onto you. If you leave, shit, our performance will go to hell.”
“Is that so?”
“Of course. Do you know how many high-ranking officials Team 9 has covered for? No matter how tight-lipped you are, that’s something we know, do you think those high-ranking officials would care? They’ll go crazy trying to shut you up immediately. Then the deputy director will have to…”
Lee made a gesture of slitting his throat.
“…deal with you, but how can he deal with you? It’s hellishly difficult to deal with just you, and your fiancé is a Riegel. You were made Team 9 leader in the first place because you had a truckload of weaknesses, but Riegel has gotten rid of all of them. The deputy director will never let you go.”
“What do you mean, won’t let me go! I can just throw in my resignation and not show up!”
“Don’t be fucking stupid…! Do you want to be dragged in for violating security laws? You might be able to run away forever, but what about Riegel? What if they hit Riegel Group with a tax investigation?”
I finally sat back down. Really, is it this difficult to quit one company?
“Are you saying I should live as a slave to the company for the rest of my life?”
When I asked sulkily, Lee perched on my desk and clicked his tongue.
“I’m saying choose a good time, you tactless bastard. With your lack of perception that can’t even catch that your friend is going to be promoted to section chief, how do you dream of leaving the security bureau?”
My friend is going to be promoted to section chief?
Only then did I recall what I had heard a little earlier.
“Even if you’re going to resign, at least wait until I get promoted to section chief”
Could that possibly be serious? I blinked at Lee, looking up at him, thinking it couldn’t be. No, really, it couldn’t be. What makes them think they can promote an alcohol-dependent bastard like you to section chief? And to the Department 1 section chief position at that.
“You’re saying you’ll become the next director?”
“Volkari will be the next director.”
“Ah, of course, right?”
Lee leaned down and whispered in my ear.
“If this operation goes well and we deal a big blow to Canaris, there will be personnel changes. When that happens, Volkari will definitely become the director. The current director will move up higher.”
Canaris was a cancerous presence in our country. If we achieve remarkable results against Canaris, personnel changes would certainly be inevitable.
Suddenly curious, I asked.
“Where does ‘higher’ mean?”
“Probably something like the Chief of Staff to the President?”
Wow, she’s already an incredibly high-ranking person, but she’ll become a person at the very top of the sky. Since it seems like the same person will be our country’s president until they die, this is probably the highest position she can realistically reach.
It’s still surprising to think that the Department 2 chief and the director are lovers. It’s surprising that they’re a same-sex couple, but what’s most surprising is that two such ambitious people are dating. Don’t most ambitious people look for partners who will support them?
In a way, this could be true love. To understand the director who is so ambitious, wouldn’t you need to be equally ambitious? …Ah, honestly, I don’t know. I just think the life of an ambitious person must be tiring.
“If you become section chief, our department is doomed. So that’s why that Team 1 bastard was so aggressive earlier.”
Originally, the Team 1 leader should have been promoted to that position, so of course he’d go crazy if Lee Martin, the Team 4 leader, gets promoted instead. He probably felt like it was all my fault. But still, where did his confidence that he could beat me with his fists come from?
“The Department 2 bastards must be feeling smug.”
Is the elite line now Department 2 instead of Department 1? Lee frowned at my words.
“Don’t talk like it’s someone else’s business, you bastard who can’t even resign.”
“It is someone else’s business. I’m going to bolt as soon as I get the chance.”
“I’ll work you to the bone until right before that.”
“But for you to become section chief, Volkari needs to become director, and both the deputy director and director need to be promoted, right?”
Lee nodded with a suspicious look in his eyes at my words.
“That’s right?”
Hmm, I see. So everyone’s future is in my hands. Whether everyone becomes happy or not depends on how I catch and punish Canaris. If that’s the case, resigning becomes simple.
I stood up, humming happily. Seeing my cheerful expression, Lee frowned.
“Looks like you’re having bad thoughts?”
“No, it’s a good thought. A very good thought.”
“No, it’s not. It feels fishy.”
I smiled at Lee, who was sitting on my desk with furrowed brows. I still don’t know what this bastard did with me. Whether he made a deal with the director or if he’s a henchman of someone even higher up. I knew our company was a place where office politics raged, but I actually believed that such things had nothing to do with me.
Until I returned from Maderke, I was a kind of fanatic. Among people who believe that ‘if you live righteously, there won’t be any problems’, my belief was particularly solid. I did what others told me to do and didn’t do what they told me not to do. Apart from becoming enemies due to work, I didn’t make enemies within the company and never refused what my superiors told me to do, no matter what it was. Although my grumbling was a flaw, I must have been quite a capable, or rather, convenient subordinate. After all, I never refused or failed to do what Layer ordered.
The bomb dropped suddenly on me, who believed that as long as I did everything I was told with my eyes and ears closed, no problems would occur. I gave Layer all the information he asked for, did everything he told me to do, and didn’t particularly care about procedures. While Layer considered procedures important when working with outsiders, he acted as if he was above the law when giving orders to his subordinates. And I never once thought it was unfair. No, I didn’t think at all. Because I followed orders without question, Layer was able to fabricate false evidence to frame me. It must have been much easier than with other people, and I’m sure that’s one of the reasons Layer chose me.
Living righteously, following your superiors’ words, and following all the rules doesn’t guarantee safety. If you don’t think, you become obsolete. On the contrary, if you can think, life might become tiring, but you can protect yourself. I realized this while watching Sebastian.
“Where are you going?”
Lee, who finally got off my desk, asked as I opened the Department 1 office door. I glanced back at him and just raised my hand.
The director is famous for her nickname “Madam Spider”. But no one knows why that nickname came about. I once searched for that movie on OTT at Sebastian’s house. On a day when I inexplicably woke up at dawn, I turned on the TV out of boredom, opened the OTT service, and suddenly remembered and searched for it.
The movie title I thought was “Madam Spider’s Kiss” was actually “Kiss of the Spider Woman”. I probably thought the movie title was “Madam Spider” because of the director’s nickname. The content itself wasn’t much to speak of, but it was interesting that it was a queer film. No one knew about the director’s sexual identity, so why did we all naturally attach that movie title to the director’s nickname? Who created that nickname in the first place?
“What is it?”
The director looked perplexed.
“No, I was just curious about who actually came up with your nickname.”
“Is that issue important and urgent enough for you to come to my office and ask, Team Leader Schnieke?”
No, I had a different reason for coming, but as soon as I saw the director’s face, I couldn’t help but ask, “Who gave you your nickname?” I regretted it as soon as I asked. Ah, I know I shouldn’t say things like that. But the question bypassed my brain and came straight out of my mouth.
“…I’m sorry. I actually have a different matter to discuss,”
“It was Mesmer.”
The director clicked her tongue. Then she stood up. As I watched her take out coffee beans, put them in the grinder, and turn the lever herself, I impulsively asked.
“Then that nickname…”
“It’s an allusion to Nina and me. He knew about our relationship.”
I had naturally thought it was a nickname about the director’s personality, work style, or skills. Everyone must have thought so. But in reality, it was a nickname with a very sinister meaning. When I blinked, the director smiled. She didn’t seem to be in a good mood. She smiled, then her expression hardened, then she smirked again, then became serious again. She seemed to be thinking about something, but even as she did so, her hands never stopped moving. Finally, after brewing coffee using a pour-over method, she placed two cups on the sofa table.
So this is how you can tell someone to sit down. Slightly impressed, I sat down, and she naturally took the seat of honor, picked up her coffee cup, took a sip, and only then opened her mouth.
“I pushed one of his subordinates to their death. So Mesmer spread that nickname as a threat to expose my private life if I didn’t save his subordinate. It was quite fatal at the time. It’s an old story… Well, thanks to that, that ambiguous nickname is now doing various image-making for me, so it’s not bad.”
“That can’t be.”
If some bastard messed with Sebastian’s existence, I would definitely destroy them. I owe a lot to Sebastian, probably more than I can repay in a lifetime. But instead of repaying, to become a fatal flaw for him? I would immediately kill that bastard and then kill myself.
At my words, the director took a deep breath, inhaling to the depths of her lungs, and then exhaled heavily.
“Yes, you’re right. It was a very bad thing. But Schnieke, this is politics. A spy game player needs to be able to do these things. That’s why I didn’t tell you anything. Because you can’t do these things. It wasn’t that I was ignoring you or trying to use you, but the more information you knew, the more dangerous it would become for you.”
However, the director closed her eyes. As if bowing her head. And she added.
“Still, I’m sorry.”
