Chapter 75
“Kwon Si-yul.”
He called Si-yul’s name softly, as if trying to soothe him. Si-yul didn’t want to hear it. He pressed his palms against his eyes. Despite his efforts to hold back, his eyes quickly welled up with tears. He tried to swallow them back, looking up at the ceiling, along with a sniffle.
“Is that just a formality to you? How could you do this to me? You… CEO.”
“…”
There was no comfort. Hyun-se just stood there, as if rooted to the spot. The atmosphere briefly stirred at the word “CEO,” but it was truly just for a moment. It dissipated so quickly that Si-yul wondered if he had imagined it. Unable to face Hyun-se, Si-yul stared at the floor. A tear he thought had been absorbed into his eyes fell to the floor with a plop.
“I want to leave. I can’t stay here.”
Even if he froze to death outside, even if he got beaten to death, he couldn’t stay here any longer. He didn’t want to breathe for even a second in this place permeated with Hyun-se’s scent. As he tried to turn away, Hyun-se grabbed his shoulder.
“There are people out there trying to kill you, where do you think you’re going? Stay at home.”
“I don’t want to.”
Si-yul tried to shake off Hyun-se’s hand. His forearm was grabbed. The grip was so strong it felt like it would tear his flesh. Despite Si-yul’s pained expression, Hyun-se didn’t let go. Instead, he pulled Si-yul closer. The sudden rush of Hyun-se’s scent was threatening, as if it would grab Si-yul by the collar and throw him out. His shoulders stiffened with instinctive fear.
“Don’t act like a child.”
“…”
Taking the silence as agreement, Hyun-se grabbed Si-yul’s wrist and pulled him along. They crossed the living room without even taking off their shoes. Si-yul tried to twist his arm free several times, but failed each time. Hyun-se wouldn’t let go. With each of Si-yul’s attempts, he only tightened his grip, as if threatening to leave a dark bruise on his wrist.
“Cool your head.”
It ended up being Si-yul’s room. Hyun-se pushed Si-yul inside and closed the door. Just like locking a prison cell.
The footsteps didn’t fade away. With no light inside or outside, no shadow was visible under the door. But Si-yul knew. Hyun-se was standing outside the door.
Si-yul slowly backed away, as if trying to distance himself from the unseen presence. Step by step, he retreated until his back hit the cold wall. Only when he reached this dead end did he slide down to sit. He covered his mouth. He felt like he might scream. It was as if a sharp paper had cut deep and long somewhere on his body, but the painful place was inside, and the hot place was around his eyes.
He bowed his head deeply. The black floor rippled like deep water, and as teardrops fell onto the pitch-black floor, it cleared.
Still, Si-yul made no sound. He held back even his breathing and trembling. He didn’t want the person still standing outside the door to hear this, at least.
* * *
“I want to leave.”
“No.”
“Let me go.”
“Where to?”
“Anywhere.”
“No.”
It was a conversation between walls. Si-yul attempted to escape whenever he had the chance. He managed to get to the living room. He couldn’t get past the front door. Hyun-se switched to working from home and took on the role of Si-yul’s supervisor.
Then one day, he called someone to put a lock on Si-yul’s room door. After filling the room with devices to kill time like game consoles and TV. Now, once Si-yul went into the room, he couldn’t get out.
His phone was taken away, of course. Si-yul didn’t even know how time passed until the TV was brought in.
“Do I look like I’m joking right now?”
“Do I look like I’m joking?”
One day, Si-yul got angry, cried, threw tantrums, even threw things, then got scared and apologized, blamed Hyun-se, refused to eat… Si-yul tried every form of rebellion he could think of. He had never engaged in this kind of struggle even during his stormy adolescence.
He thought if he didn’t wash, Hyun-se might kick him out due to the filth, but that didn’t work on Hyun-se either. On the fourth day of avoiding water, enduring the unpleasant feeling, Hyun-se snorted at the childish act and dragged Si-yul to the bathtub.
Even when Si-yul begged to do it himself, Hyun-se lathered and scrubbed every corner of his body. He even smacked Si-yul’s hand away and brushed his teeth for him.
“This is confinement. You know that, right?”
“Is there such a thing as confinement where they kindly feed and house you? I’ve never done such a thing.”
“I’m going to report you to the police.”
“Didn’t you used to deliver some drugs? They’re cracking down on that these days. If you get caught properly, you’ll rot for over 10 years. I’ll make sure of it.”
“…”
“Kwon Yuwon would be in danger too.”
Even when Si-yul glared fiercely, Hyun-se didn’t even flinch. Si-yul sprawled out on the bed. He was tired of arguing. No matter how much he tried to attack or threaten verbally, he couldn’t even tickle Hyun-se’s toe.
He even tried to escape when he saw an opportunity, but after personally experiencing Hyun-se’s athletic ability, he gave up on physical confrontation. It was a fight mismatched from the start in terms of physical ability. So he tried to win with words, but this too was futile.
“Were you always this despicable?”
“Only when it comes to what I want.”
Cursing didn’t affect him, provocation had no impact. Si-yul always lost.
“You said you’re getting married! Then go out and prepare for the wedding or spend time with your fiancée instead of just staying at home!”
He shouted angrily, his temper flaring. As soon as he finished, Hyun-se approached with large strides, making Si-yul flinch and raise his upper body. He retreated cautiously on his bottom until his back hit the headboard.
Hyun-se stood tall by the bedside, then let out a low sigh and sat on the edge of the mattress. When he reached out his hand, Si-yul flinched and shrank back. Still, the hand followed through and brushed the disheveled hair on Si-yul’s forehead.
“Is that what you want me to do?”
“…”
“Tell me, Kwon Si-yul. If you say so, I’ll obediently comply.”
How can a person be so cruel? This is really too much. He was doing this knowing full well that Si-yul couldn’t push him away. Si-yul bit his lower lip hard, holding back the surge of resentment.
He wanted to lie and tell Hyun-se to leave right now, to disappear from his sight, to go be with that woman, but he hated himself more for not being able to open his mouth. He hated himself so much that tears welled up in his eyes.
A finger touched his lips. When Si-yul jerked his head away, Hyun-se cupped his cheek with his other hand and turned it back, releasing his bitten lip. He had bitten so hard that his lip was torn and blood seeped out. Hyun-se sucked the blood off his own finger as if it were nectar.
“You know you’re really annoying, right?”
“…”
“I hate you.”
“I know.”
“I dislike you.”
“I know that too.”
“If you know, then please let me go.”
“You know that’s not possible.”
The other’s scent was sweet, as if trying to soothe him. Yet the taste on his tongue was unbearably bitter. Si-yul was about to curl up but changed his mind and burrowed into the blanket instead. Turning his back to Hyun-se and lying down was the extent of rebellion he could manage right now.
“Ask for something else instead. Whether it’s a house or a building, I’m not in a position where I can’t give it to you.”
Just hearing it, it sounded like a profitable deal. Hyun-se was certainly capable of providing material benefits. In the past, if Si-yul’s feelings for Hyun-se had been even a tiny bit smaller than they were now, he would have quickly taken up the offer.
But he couldn’t do that. No matter what he received, he didn’t have the courage to watch someone else standing beside Hyun-se. He’d rather gouge out his eyes.
“I want to be alone.”
The hand that was reaching for Si-yul’s hair peeking out from the blanket hesitated in mid-air. Withdrawing his arm, Hyun-se stood up. After hearing the sound of footsteps, the door opening and closing, and being locked, Si-yul pulled down the blanket.
He listens well to this kind of request. Si-yul couldn’t distinguish whether he truly wanted to be alone, or if he needed Hyun-se’s warmth more than anything.
Despite the fluffy blanket filled with goose down, and the room warm enough to sometimes feel hot even in short sleeves and shorts, somehow it felt chilly. Si-yul curled up like a fetus, crossing his arms to hug himself. This confirmed whether he wanted the former or the latter. Still, he didn’t call for Hyun-se to come back.
“…It’s cold.”
He only muttered to himself. Quietly enough not to reach the ears of the person outside the door.
Si-yul spent time aimlessly in the room. Hyun-se brought him food. He stopped refusing to wash after Hyun-se forcibly bathed him once. Si-yul himself couldn’t stand it. He could bear it for two days somehow, but after that, he couldn’t stand the discomfort. After all, even in the inn where cold water often poured out even when the hot water was turned on, he had washed almost daily like a bird preening its feathers in a puddle.
One day he wanted to die, another day he felt empty, and on yet another day, courage welled up to confront Hyun-se, only to become depressed again within minutes. But as time passed, he eventually became a bit calmer.
Although he still felt pain as if some part of him was being carved out with a knife, even this became bearable as he got used to it. He wondered if this was the situation Hyun-se had in mind when he told Si-yul to cool his head.
