Chapter 108
“Sleep on that side.”
The wall side was somewhat more comfortable. Hyun-se looked at both sides and then lay down on the side closer to the bathroom, where Si-yul had intended to sleep. His feet and ankles stuck out beyond the blanket. He had to bend his knees as his feet touched the wall.
“It’s less cold by the wall.”
“Why are you lying so far away?”
Hyun-se stretched out his arm. He grabbed Si-yul’s blanket and slowly pulled it. Si-yul snatched his blanket back from the other’s hand.
“No.”
“Come on. You said you’re cold.”
“I said no.”
“I won’t do anything.”
“Still no.”
He even shook his head. At the firm rejection, Hyun-se let out a small sigh. Then he hugged the pillow like a doll and turned completely towards Si-yul. His eyes, beneath particularly dense eyelashes, seemed moist. He looked up at Si-yul with those damp eyes.
“I can’t sleep.”
“…”
“I haven’t slept properly since Kwon Si-yul left. They say it’s insomnia, but the medicine doesn’t work well.”
He should have cut it off, saying it had nothing to do with him. But Si-yul only flinched, unable to move far away from Hyun-se. Hearing this, he thought Hyun-se might have become gaunt in the time they hadn’t seen each other. If the shadows under his eyes were not from the light but from lack of sleep…
“…If I’m close, can you sleep well?”
“Who knows. We’ll have to try and see.”
Rather than a confident assertion, the tone of wanting to experiment shook Si-yul’s heart. He wanted to be a lifeline for Hyun-se. …Just for one night. He nodded reluctantly, signaling his permission.
The distance between them halved. Hyun-se seemed satisfied with that much and didn’t pull the blanket any further.
Si-yul lay facing the wall, wiggling his feet. In a little while, the dawn light would brighten. He needed to get at least a few hours of sleep for work tomorrow. But his senses were on high alert to every move of the other person. Whenever he heard the rustling of movement, his eyelids, which he had closed, opened automatically, overcoming drowsiness.
“Can’t you sleep?”
Si-yul asked quietly in the pitch darkness.
“A little sleepy.”
“Then go to sleep quickly.”
He said gruffly on purpose. There was a rustling sound as Hyun-se turned over.
“I think I could sleep if Kwon Si-yul held my hand.”
Si-yul squeezed his eyes shut without responding. He shouldn’t even let his fingertips touch Hyun-se. If he felt his body heat, he might roll into his embrace.
It didn’t take long for Hyun-se, who had said he was sleepy, to fall asleep. The sound of steady breathing came from behind. Only then did Si-yul turn his body away from the wall. Carefully changing his position to avoid making noise from clothes or blankets rustling, he looked at Hyun-se.
He waved his hand over his eyes. No response. The breathing remained the same. Despite claiming insomnia, he had fallen into a deep sleep, whether due to Si-yul’s effect or if it had been a lie.
Careful not to wake him, holding his breath, Si-yul traced Hyun-se’s features with eyes accustomed to the darkness. The straight, thick eyebrows, the long, deep eyes, down the bridge of his nose to his lips.
Those lips that smiled refreshingly when happy, and usually held a soft smile. Si-yul stared for a long time at those lips that sank softly when pressed and then bounced back elastically. It was a place he had deliberately avoided looking at when Hyun-se was awake.
“…”
Si-yul bit his own innocent lips hard and turned away sharply. He lay facing the wall again as before, crossing his arms and tightly closing his eyes until wrinkles formed between his brows. He had to fall asleep. He absolutely had to sleep.
Pale dawn light seeped through the gaps in the worn curtains. Hyun-se slowly opened his eyelids. For someone who had just woken up, his eyes were clear and sharp. As if he hadn’t slept even for a minute.
Si-yul’s arm was stretched out to his side. Hyun-se stared blankly at that hand in the weak light, then grasped it as if holding a thin sheet of ice. He pulled it close to his face and buried his nose in it.
The faint wisteria flower scent that Si-yul had been desperately hiding since he entered the room was finally seeping out of his skin. Hyun-se inhaled deeply, careful not to let the other notice, and savored it greedily like cigarette smoke, trapping it deep inside.
That scent melted away his anxiety. It shaved off the thorny restlessness and called back the sleep that had run far away and not returned.
Just as he had suddenly realized in the dirty, narrow alley, another realization came to Hyun-se.
Without Kwon Si-yul, I’ll spend my life in sleepless nights.
I’ll live chewing on regret and loss, never complete.
He’s indispensable.
Without Kwon Si-yul, both the present and future were meaningless.
It wasn’t his head speaking, but his instinct. This animal-like intuition had saved Hyun-se countless times at the crossroads of life and death.
Si-yul made a small sound and stirred. Fortunately, his hand didn’t slip away. Hyun-se grasped that hand firmly and closed his eyes.
This was enough for now.
It was a deep sleep after a long time.
Si-yul’s eyelids twitched. His eyelashes trembled, and his eyes slowly opened. His eyes, still hazy with sleep, were utterly blank.
Si-yul blinked a few times and looked up. A large palm was shading his eyes. It acted as a curtain, blocking the light that the actual curtains had failed to stop. After looking at the deep, long lines on the palm, he turned his head.
“Did you sleep well?”
Hyun-se was beside him. At this dream-like situation, Si-yul’s brows furrowed sharply, and the corners of his mouth rose slightly.
“Yes. How about you?”
“Thanks to you.”
Hyun-se’s voice from beside him was unusually vivid. That’s how he knew it was real. Si-yul cleared away the awkwardness with a cough.
The sleeping arrangement must have been uncomfortable. The blanket underneath was so thin that the floor could be felt through it, and the already chilly room was cooler than usual due to the rain. Nevertheless, Hyun-se’s complexion was brighter than dawn. There was color in his cheeks, and his eyes were clear. Even the shadows under his eyes had faded to the point where they were barely noticeable unless looked at closely.
“You have work today, right?”
Hyun-se tucked Si-yul’s hair behind his small ear. Si-yul rubbed his eyes. Maybe because he wasn’t fully awake, or because Hyun-se was beside him, it felt like they had gone back to the past. To when they would greet the morning together in a warm bed. To the time when they would whisper morning greetings while rubbing each other’s feet.
A slow “yes” flowed out in response. Hyun-se’s nose tip brushed against Si-yul’s. When Si-yul frowned, Hyun-se naturally moved away as if nothing had happened. He hadn’t told him to move away, but even though he felt regret, he couldn’t pull him back.
“What time is it?”
“8 o’clock. Let’s have breakfast together.”
The cafe shift started at 10. Si-yul stretched his arms upward and yawned. After stretching to his toes, he got up.
Leaving the inn, Si-yul first looked for a clothing store. The clothes Hyun-se had worn were still damp and unwearable. The only things in his size were a black sweatshirt and jeans. Despite worrying whether he would wear them, as they weren’t new but secondhand, Hyun-se readily accepted the clothes. He even changed his dress shoes for sneakers.
“This is comfortable.”
For just throwing something on, it suited him surprisingly well. With his hair naturally disheveled over his forehead and in casual clothes, Hyun-se looked much younger than his actual age. Si-yul struggled to keep his gaze from constantly turning towards him and walked forward.
“Is soup rice okay?”
“Yeah.”
Come to think of it, wasn’t the first place they drank together a street food stall? Si-yul quickly bit his lip to stop himself from laughing out loud. He felt pathetic for his childishly excited feelings, even as he tried to hide them.
The restaurant wasn’t far from the clothing store. The exterior was shabby and the interior cramped, but the owner’s cooking skills were quite good and the side dishes were plentiful. Being early morning, Hyun-se and Si-yul were the only customers. They took a table a bit away from the kitchen.
“The food here is good. I used to come here sometimes with Yuwon.”
“Oh really?”
Shortly after ordering, the soup rice came out quickly. They waited a moment for the soup in the earthenware pot to cool down as it was still bubbling. They nibbled on the delicious cubed radish kimchi, vegetables, and pink sausages that hadn’t been served when Si-yul came with Yuwon.
The owner glanced at Hyun-se when taking their order and added an extra side dish, saying he had never seen such a handsome man in his life.
“Does it suit your taste?”
“Yes.”
“That’s a relief. I was worried it might not.” Seeing Hyun-se nod, Si-yul also picked up his spoon.
Hyun-se’s bowl emptied first. Feeling the gaze staring at him, Si-yul quickly wiped his mouth with a napkin, wondering if he had some rice stuck there. But no matter how much he rubbed, nothing came off.
“Is there something on my face?”
“No.”
“Then why do you keep looking at me like that?”
“Because I want to see you.”
His face heated up at the unexpected words. It felt like sparks were flying wherever that gaze touched. Si-yul lowered his head deeply and stirred his soup rice for no reason.
“Kwon Si-yul,” Hyun-se called softly. Si-yul looked up as if enchanted. Whenever and wherever he heard that voice, he would turn around instinctively, even while walking down the street.
“I’m going to break off the engagement.”
