Ha Jun-seo walked to the side and opened the door to his room. The moment the door swung open, two cats gracefully padded out. They were Cheol and Soon. The two had been brought in the day after Ha Jun-seo had barged in here with his bags. For the first couple of days, they had refused to budge from under the bed, but now, they had completely adapted to their new home. However, because Choi Sang-hyuk utterly despised cats, they had to stay confined to Ha Jun-seo’s room whenever he was around.
Thanks to that, Cheol and Soon could only roam freely around the house when Choi Sang-hyuk was at work. Since the place was a two-story house, there were endless spots for the cats to explore. The two especially enjoyed dashing up and down the stairs. Kim Min-seok would watch them with a nervous heart, worried they might slip and tumble down at any moment.
“Come here. Let’s lie down and watch TV together.”
Ha Jun-seo led Kim Min-seok into his room. The guest room, which had temporarily become Ha Jun-seo’s space, had a wall-mounted TV fixed on the wall at the foot of the bed. The living room sofa was comfortable too, but since the housekeeper’s presence made it a bit awkward, the two preferred to wait until Choi Sang-hyuk left for work before lying side by side on the bed in the guest room to watch movies. They would watch for a while, nap, have lunch, watch variety shows, snack, and then nap again.
“Here, next episode.”
Ha Jun-seo used the remote to play the next episode of the American comedy series they had been binge-watching the day before. Then, he leaned back against his pillow and wrapped an arm around Kim Min-seok’s shoulders. Kim Min-seok, in turn, rested his head against Ha Jun-seo’s shoulder, keeping his gaze fixed on the TV.
He knew that spending his days like this wasn’t normal. To begin with, their situation—three people living together—was far from ordinary. Kim Min-seok had assumed that the two men would sort things out on their own, but surprisingly, they had continued living like this for over a week.
He had no idea what kind of conversation had taken place between them. At the very least, he could guess that they had reached some sort of agreement. Most likely, it was a decision made out of consideration for him after what had happened with Seo Chang-seop.
Kim Min-seok also knew that this situation couldn’t continue indefinitely. But no matter how much he thought about it, he couldn’t figure out what to do next.
Should he choose between Choi Sang-hyuk and Ha Jun-seo?
Or would it be better to leave both of them and become independent?
Beyond that, should he leave this house right now and return to Seo Ha-yoon’s place?
Instead of wasting time doing nothing, maybe he should start looking for a job?
His mind was riddled with countless questions. But the reason he couldn’t bring himself to make a decision was simple—this body did not belong to him.
As long as he wasn’t Seo Ha-yoon, he couldn’t recklessly make choices that would impact Seo Ha-yoon’s life. That was entirely Seo Ha-yoon’s right.
…No.
Maybe that was just an excuse. If nothing else, it was close to one.
There was no way to find out where Seo Ha-yoon’s soul had disappeared to. And to be honest, he had already settled into this body, thinking about how to keep living. If Seo Ha-yoon were to suddenly appear now and demand his body back—
Even if he were to offer it back, he wasn’t sure he could hand it over so easily. He might outright refuse. It was selfish, but that was the truth.
There were so many paths laid out before him, yet it felt like his feet were completely bound. Unless something triggered a change, it seemed impossible to break free from these invisible restraints.
“What are you thinking about so deeply?”
Ha Jun-seo suddenly asked. Kim Min-seok snapped out of his thoughts. While he had been zoning out, an entire 20-minute episode had already passed.
“Ah… just this and that.”
“Hmm…”
Ha Jun-seo exhaled a meaningful breath and gently brushed Kim Min-seok’s earlobe. There was a slight sensual undertone to his touch, but it didn’t go beyond that. This was probably part of the agreement between the two men—no sex or physical intimacy for the time being.
“As time goes by, you should be feeling more at ease, but strangely, the more time passes, the more complicated your expression becomes, Ha-yoon.”
“…Was it that obvious?”
Kim Min-seok touched his own face and asked. Ha Jun-seo nodded.
“What’s making you so conflicted? Is it really that uncomfortable for you to be here with both Choi Sang-hyuk and me?”
It was the first time in the past week that he had brought up this topic. Perhaps he had decided that it was finally time to address it. Kim Min-seok hesitated to answer. Once he started speaking, he might have to follow his thoughts all the way to their conclusion, and that scared him.
“Ah, there you go again, overthinking. What could possibly be so complicated in that little head of yours?”
Ha Jun-seo poked Kim Min-seok’s forehead with the tip of his finger.
“If you were in my position, Jun-seo, you’d be just as confused.”
Kim Min-seok responded with a sulky expression.
“Me? I don’t think I’d be conflicted at all. If I liked Choi Sang-hyuk, I’d choose him. If I liked myself more, I’d choose me. If I couldn’t let go of either of you, I’d keep both. And if I didn’t want either of you, I’d throw both of you away. Simple.”
After saying that, Ha Jun-seo narrowed his eyes slightly and added,
“Of course, no matter what you choose, you wouldn’t be able to get rid of me.”
“So you’re saying I don’t even have a choice when it comes to you?”
“No, you do. Ha-yoon, you can make your choice. I’m just saying that if I don’t like your choice, I’ll reject it.”
“That’s the same thing.”
Kim Min-seok gave him an exasperated look. Ha Jun-seo chuckled softly.
“…Jun-seo.”
“Yeah, go ahead.”
Seeing the seriousness in Kim Min-seok’s expression, Ha Jun-seo grabbed the remote and paused the drama. Kim Min-seok hesitated for a long moment before finally speaking.
“Did you really love Seo Ha-yoon, Jun-seo?”
“Do you really need to ask? Even in this situation, I can’t let go and keep clinging to you. Isn’t that answer enough? I look like a damn fool to anyone watching.”
“But Seo Ha-yoon deceived you. He was cheating when he met you. Even the gifts you went out of your way to buy for him—he gave them to Seo Chang-seop instead. …Didn’t you ever feel betrayed? No matter how much you love someone, there has to be a limit. If someone you love does something terrible, your feelings can fade. Didn’t that happen to you?”
Since the topic had already come up, Kim Min-seok decided to be blunt about it. Ha Jun-seo tapped the remote control against his fingertips, his eyes full of thought. He stared intently at Kim Min-seok before slowly opening his mouth.
“Honestly, at first, I just thought of him as a sex partner. Someone who looked like they had been crafted exactly to my taste suddenly appeared—of course, I lost my mind. We had sex, we played around… I indulged as much as I wanted. I realized early on that Ha-yoon had approached me on purpose and that he had told a few lies. But I didn’t care. He was just a good playmate.”
It was a different story from what he had always claimed—that he had loved Seo Ha-yoon sincerely. Right now, Ha Jun-seo was speaking the raw truth.
“But… Ha-yoon was different from other people. No, he was very different. His personality was unique, sure, but more than that… there was this strange precariousness about him. He was obviously proud and strong-willed, and he was still so young, in the prime of his life. But sometimes, for just a brief moment, he looked as if he had already lived through everything… as if he had already given up on the world and might disappear at any moment. Like he would just vanish without a trace unless I held onto him tightly. There was something about him that made my heart drop.”
“…I see.”
“Maybe that’s why. Even when he was right next to me, I kept checking on him. Is he okay right now? I’d find myself glancing at his face more often, grabbing his hand for no reason… Even when we were apart, I’d suddenly think of him. What kind of expression does he have right now? We met yesterday, but what if I don’t get to see him today… or ever again? Thoughts like that.”
Ha Jun-seo put down the remote and instead ran his fingers through Kim Min-seok’s hair, as if he needed to confirm that the person in front of him wasn’t just a mirage.
“And that’s how I got caught up in it. What is love, anyway? Does it require some grand narrative or a formal process? You start missing someone, thinking about them more and more, not wanting to be apart from them, wanting to do things for them… And at some point, you realize it. Ah, I’m in love.”
“But Seo Ha-yoon betrayed you from the start.”
“Yeah. He did. He had a lover and still approached me. When I got called to the hospital and ran into Choi Sang-hyuk, I realized I was nothing more than the other man. If I hadn’t been angry, I would’ve been an idiot. I was furious, I felt betrayed, and honestly, I was humiliated that someone like me was used as a mere affair partner. While Ha-yoon was unconscious, I imagined all sorts of things. What would I say when he woke up? How would I tear into him? Should I just slap him and leave? Or should I make him choose, and if he picked me, I could laugh in his face and walk away?”
“You really thought about all that?”
Kim Min-seok looked at him with surprise. Ha Jun-seo had never once let those emotions show. Then again, it would have been strange if he hadn’t had those thoughts. Up until now, it had seemed odd that he hadn’t reacted that way. It was just that Ha Jun-seo had chosen not to show it in front of others.
