#93
Nam Seonwoo blinked. Tears that had pooled in his eyes rolled down his cheeks at an achingly slow pace. The tears that wet his slightly parted lips soon formed droplets and fell downward.
“As I said, these are just speculations. So according to this auntie’s guess, our Seonwoo was minding his own business when he was suddenly dragged back by his hair. Hoho.”
Baek Heeyeon laughed as if making a light joke. But to Nam Seonwoo, her speculation didn’t sound light at all. After painfully swallowing the heavy truth, he finally voiced what he had been wanting to ask all along.
“…If that’s the case, shouldn’t Jihan have his memories too? Why, why is it just me…”
For a moment, a shadow of grief crossed Baek Heeyeon’s face. But she quickly composed herself and tilted her head as if she didn’t quite understand.
“Well. Perhaps something went wrong on the way back to the past? Maybe there wasn’t enough capacity for two people’s memories. As I said, this auntie doesn’t know everything.”
“What? But that doesn’t make sense. If Jihan chose to come back but only he lost his memories… wouldn’t that defeat the purpose of returning to the past?”
“Still, you remember, so it’s not completely meaningless. I don’t think it’s a big problem.”
“…You’re lying. You know something.”
What Baek Heeyeon overlooked was that Nam Seonwoo wasn’t just intelligent. Having read the fleeting change in her expression, Nam Seonwoo keenly noticed that Baek Heeyeon was hiding something.
“Please tell me.”
Baek Heeyeon’s expression wavered slightly at his demeanor, which looked almost solemn, as if he were prepared to hear anything.
She thought it would be better not to tell him. Telling him about her son’s end would only instill unnecessary guilt. But looking at the eyes that were directly facing her, she had a different thought.
They were pale-colored eyes. But the pupils clearly positioned in the center gave more of a firm impression than a fragile one. Those eyes, which hadn’t shown a hint of trembling when hearing about his own situation, had only wavered extremely when it came to matters related to her son. But after all that turmoil had passed, they were now shining steadfastly.
Eyes were windows to a person’s soul. So Baek Heeyeon believed in eyes rather than words. And she had seen this gaze before.
On the day she first invited him to her home, Nam Seonwoo, who had made a better impression than expected, had casually said while gazing at her son’s back:
‘Don’t worry. You know what kind of person Jihan is.’
With eyes that seemed ready to take responsibility more than anyone else, despite what he said.
But looking at those eyes, which had deepened even more than before, Baek Heeyeon realized her concerns were unfounded. This was not a young man who would stay by someone’s side merely out of guilt.
“Really…”
Looking at the bond between the two, which seemed to bind them tightly together, a smile naturally formed on her lips.
Baek Heeyeon reflected on the past two years. In her eyes, her son never appeared to be someone who had returned from the past. Appropriate for that age straddling adolescence and adulthood, he had normally harbored feelings for someone and suffered from that love like a fever.
But there was a memory gap between the two who seemed to have returned together, and soon one person left. Watching her son from the side, Baek Heeyeon could soon discern the choice her son had made.
After losing Seonwoo, he came to believe in this ‘superstition.’ And so he followed Seonwoo…
“This auntie told you, right? That even the elders above me don’t know everything. But there was just one fact that seemed very clear, which they strongly emphasized.”
If one deliberately hastens death, they cannot return with complete memories. It was like a penalty. And there was only one case for this: giving up one’s own life.
“…That’s the only case.”
In such a forced return to the past, memories until then would sink below consciousness. Like being chained and sealed, they would be deeply submerged.
Recalling the warning she had heard from her own mother, Baek Heeyeon suddenly had a question. Does sinking below consciousness mean those memories aren’t gone? But that was purely in the realm of speculation, so she didn’t voice it.
“What…?”
She had worried he might burst into tears again, but the young man just opened his mouth silently, then closed it as if restraining something, and then opened it blankly again as if something had occurred to him.
Baek Heeyeon sat beside Nam Seonwoo, waiting for him to digest the burdensome truth.
How much time had passed? Sounds of movement began to be heard in the corridor. At that sound, Nam Seonwoo lowered his gaze from where he had been staring into space.
He saw the handkerchief on Baek Heeyeon’s knee. The cloth that had been completely soaked with his tears and mucus was now somewhat dry. He had no sense of how much time had passed.
His mind, which had stopped like a dead battery, began to operate rapidly again. Considering the anesthesia time the doctor had mentioned, Kang Jihan might already be awake. Nam Seonwoo hurriedly stood up.
“Mother, I…”
Knowing how it feels to wake up alone in a hospital room, he didn’t want to leave him by himself. But Baek Heeyeon just smiled as if there was no rush.
“Go ahead. This auntie will go home.”
“What? Jihan should be awake by now, aren’t you going to see him before you leave?”
“Yes. I’m tired and want to go home for a nap. Besides, I have you, don’t I?”
Still, it was right after major surgery. Come to think of it, unlike him, she had been incredibly calm in front of the doctor earlier. As Nam Seonwoo looked bewildered, as if the roles of guardian and patient had been reversed, Baek Heeyeon slapped his shoulder.
“A grown man can break a leg once in his life. You’re making too much of a fuss, our Seonwoo.”
“No, but still…”
“Oh my! Now that I think about it, I always thought Seonwoo’s future mother-in-law was so lucky. But it’s me, isn’t it?”
Nam Seonwoo, who had been dumbfounded, rapidly blushed at her girlish laughter. Mother-in-law? The suddenly thrown, embarrassing title even seemed somehow reversed.
Belatedly feeling the embarrassment wash over him, Nam Seonwoo knew she was deliberately trying to lighten the mood. So before returning to the hospital room, he gave Baek Heeyeon a belated greeting.
“Thank you. And… I’m glad you’re alive. Truly.”
“Oh please, this auntie is more grateful. My son, who used to be as stiff as a log, suddenly started peeling fruits and learning to cook out of nowhere. When I asked him why, Jihan said he learned that feelings should be expressed.”
That was the nagging he had given to Kang Jihan during high school. The nagging meant to be nice to his mother while she was alive was also written on the Post-it note on top of the phone box labeled ‘1-day gift.’ Remembering that neat handwriting, his cheeks suddenly felt hot.
“It was obvious who told him, so I didn’t ask, but it was indeed you who told him, right?”
“…”
“Seonwoo. Isn’t a lot different from the ‘past’ you lived?”
After a moment, Nam Seonwoo nodded. It wasn’t just the future at thirty-four that could be changed. Many things had changed. The unfamiliarly persistent Kang Jihan, and Nam Seonwoo, who had come to understand the time from his previous life—that is, Kang Jihan’s ‘past’—both were different from before.
As if telling him to stop being afraid and go in the direction he wanted, Baek Heeyeon smiled.
“Go see him quickly.”
Nam Seonwoo immediately ran to the hospital room. Though he had only run from one end of the corridor to the other, it felt like climbing several flights of stairs.
His stomach churned from learning too much, but right now, he felt he needed to see Kang Jihan. Even though he hadn’t yet decided what to say or how to face him, he wanted to see Kang Jihan right away.
Standing in front of the hospital room door, Nam Seonwoo caught his breath. Was it because he had heard too many stories? The numerous truths were jumbled in his head, and nothing was properly sorted out. But there was one thing that kept replaying in his ears endlessly.
‘It wasn’t a Seonwoo from some moment in the past, but a Seonwoo who had shared all that time.’
Suddenly, an absurd thought occurred to him. Whether Kang Jihan had intended it or not, this situation where only he remembered everything seemed almost like…
As if Kang Jihan had given him a choice. About whether he would choose Kang Jihan again even with all those memories, or whether he would leave him.
“…”
In reality, he had gone through many choices and conflicts. But in fact, maybe the answer had been determined from the moment he returned to the classroom. After all, despite saying he wouldn’t get involved, he had never been able to take his eyes off Kang Jihan’s back.
So Nam Seonwoo opened the door without hesitation.
The hospital room was different from what he had expected. Contrary to his expectation that Kang Jihan would be awake, he was still sleeping just as he had been when Nam Seonwoo left.
Looking at that peaceful appearance, his rapid breathing quickly subsided. But as soon as he saw Kang Jihan’s face, tears welled up again.
He couldn’t believe that Kang Jihan had made such a choice. No matter how much he thought about it, it didn’t make sense, so even after hearing Baek Heeyeon’s words, he had remained dazed for a long time. It was the same now. Looking directly at Kang Jihan with his own eyes, it became even harder to accept. Nam Seonwoo shook his head vigorously.
‘So, in the end…’
It meant that, even though he had no memories, the thirty-four-year-old Kang Jihan and the Kang Jihan before him were the same person.
Unlike before when he had distinguished them as completely different people, now he felt no disconnect between the two. After all, the behaviors Kang Jihan had shown, whether in his previous life or this one, were all connected as one.
And now he clearly understood what that meant.
“…Stupid idiot.”
Nam Seonwoo resolutely wiped away his tears. Since he didn’t know when Kang Jihan would wake up, he thought he should first clean up the mess in the hospital room. The doctor had said his recovery would be good, but according to internet searches, a leg fracture meant spending at least a few weeks in the hospital. So he wanted to tidy up in advance to make Kang Jihan comfortable.
Perhaps because he had experience taking care of Kang Jihan’s mother in high school, his body moved like a machine. He put the porridge he had ordered during the surgery in the refrigerator, not forgetting to plug in the microwave so it could be heated anytime. Then he started cleaning each of the personal items brought from the scene.
When wiping blood off the phone, his chest ached as if bruised, but Nam Seonwoo let out a bitter laugh at a familiar object he found in the wallet.
“Your Destiny’s Secret Santa: Nam Seonwoo ^ㅇ^”
