#79
When Nam Seonwoo woke up after being completely drunk, he was in a sorry state. His body was covered with so many dark bluish bruises that counting them would be meaningless. With his body in such condition and his unsteady gait, anyone who saw him would think he had been severely beaten.
…It seemed like he would need to wear a turtleneck again today. Nam Seonwoo habitually entered the shower booth and discovered another strange thing.
“…?”
His body felt unusually clean and fresh. Despite having rolled around enough to change the bed sheets, there were no dried marks or sticky spots anywhere on his body, which was surprising. And it wasn’t just his body. Nam Seonwoo lightly touched his hair.
“Huh.”
Even his hair was clean and fluffy. It was impossible to believe he had sweated so much last night. Judging by the dry pillow, it seemed someone had taken the liberty of washing his hair and thoroughly drying it.
Nam Seonwoo fidgeted with his hair. Memories from long ago inevitably followed. The time when Kang Jihan dried his hair with a hairdryer, when he closed his eyes and felt his touch—that too happened in their college apartment.
He probably had injured his hand at that time. Though it wasn’t so bad that he couldn’t use it at all, when he whined, “Wash my hair for me,” Kang Jihan silently rolled up his sleeves. The way he naturally dried the moisture with a towel, the voice asking about the temperature while turning on the hairdryer, even the look in his eyes telling him to come sit.
Scenes that he couldn’t even remember when he decided to break up in his previous life were strangely coming back to him now. It felt like something was holding his feet back. As if asking him to reconsider his determination to leave Kang Jihan behind.
‘What is there to reconsider?’
He had no intention of being in a relationship again. Whether they slept together or whatever, not returning to a “relationship” as lovers was Nam Seonwoo’s final boundary.
It was hard to tell when Kang Jihan would get tired of this strange and ambiguous relationship. It could turn into a long-term battle. But Nam Seonwoo had something definite to strengthen his resolve whenever needed.
The image of Kang Jihan’s back as he stood alone at the funeral. That’s what he needed to remember now. Not pathetic scenes of him drying his hair.
Nam Seonwoo hesitated for a moment before turning on the water. Although there was no real need to wash, he poured water over his body and head as if to erase the touch of someone who had bathed him.
When he finished his brief shower and came out, the bed was empty. As if answering his suspicions, he heard clattering sounds from outside. Nam Seonwoo went to the living room where the drying rack was set up and turned toward the kitchen where the sound was coming from.
Their eyes met. Kang Jihan, who was writing something while standing in front of the refrigerator, stared at Nam Seonwoo as soon as he came out. Nam Seonwoo did the same. He had no idea how to greet someone in the morning who wasn’t his lover but just someone he’d slept with.
An awkward atmosphere filled the space between them. Nam Seonwoo was the first to come to his senses.
“Aren’t you leaving?”
Seeing him wandering around the kitchen, Nam Seonwoo had an ominous feeling that he might make breakfast again. Fortunately, the refrigerator was completely empty without even a single egg, which Kang Jihan seemed to have already confirmed. He asked abruptly.
“Do you live without eating?”
While saying this, he scrutinized Nam Seonwoo’s body with disapproving eyes. Ignoring the transparent intention behind that gaze, Nam Seonwoo crossed his arms.
“Why do you care? Will you please leave now?”
“Why?”
“Because this is my home.”
“It’s not like you’re expecting someone else, right?”
Unlike last time, Kang Jihan showed no sign of backing down.
“Hey. Kang Jihan.”
Actually, this was good. They had talked after Kang Jihan forcibly sobered him up yesterday, but it was better to speak once more while completely sober. Nam Seonwoo lowered his voice.
“I’m getting tired of this. Why can’t you understand? It’s not like you’re still bad at studying.”
“…”
“We broke up. You know that, right?”
To prevent him from saying nonsense like “I didn’t break up,” Nam Seonwoo deliberately emphasized “we.” Kang Jihan remained silent. He didn’t bring up Manito or other excuses, so it seemed he understood the situation.
“But we’re still friends.”
His answer was even more perplexing. He didn’t seem to be playing with words or being stubborn. Kang Jihan had a serious expression, just like that day when he pushed his lips against his first, or like when he asked how he should do it.
The feeling of déjà vu made his head throb. Nam Seonwoo sighed loudly so that Kang Jihan could hear and said:
“Do you have sex with your friends?”
“We were high school classmates, so we’re friends.”
“That’s not a friend, that’s an acquaintance. Just someone you know. And I don’t have sex with friends.”
“Then what am I?”
Kang Jihan’s voice deepened.
“What am I to you?”
An ex-lover who dated briefly and broke up. That would be the most straightforward way to describe Kang Jihan. But if he answered that way, Kang Jihan would surely fixate on the word “lover.” So he gave a simple answer.
“What else? Just someone I slept with once.”
That meant there was no common ground connecting Kang Jihan and Nam Seonwoo’s relationship now. It also meant that he was just a one-night partner and shouldn’t assign unnecessary meaning to it.
‘Ah.’
Unlike yesterday when darkness concealed everything, now Nam Seonwoo could clearly see Kang Jihan’s expression. Even how his monotonous face subtly hardened and changed. But Nam Seonwoo didn’t avoid that face and looked straight at him.
If boiling lava cooled down and solidified, it would probably look like that face. Seeing his expression that seemed more composed, as if he had sorted something out, Nam Seonwoo wondered if he finally understood.
“Then what if it’s not just once?”
But what Nam Seonwoo overlooked was that hardened volcanic rock becomes even more durable than before.
“If we sleep together not once, but twice, three times, what does that make us?”
“If it’s more than once, then we’re fuck buddies. What else could there be?”
“What if we sleep together ten times?”
“…”
“If we sleep together about a hundred times, would things be different then?”
Nam Seonwoo was speechless with disbelief. So this crazy guy was asking how many times they needed to sleep together to become lovers.
“Are you insane? Who’s offering to do that?”
“Why? Was it not good?”
That question made scenes from last night flash through his mind. To dismiss it as not good would be… Unfortunately, the last image that came to mind was of himself moving his hips saying it was good, so Nam Seonwoo couldn’t bring himself to deny it.
“Well, it was decent enough.”
Even after saying it, his face automatically heated up. It was embarrassing to put on such airs over something like this. But his worry was unnecessary, as an equally childish answer came back.
“Still, I’m the biggest you’ve had.”
Nam Seonwoo stared at him with his mouth wide open. Kang Jihan looked solemn, like a salesman trying to sell his product.
“And yesterday was my first time.”
“No, why do you keep saying it was your first time? What am I supposed to do about that?”
“I can do better next time.”
“…Hey. You think bigger is always better?”
Not sure how the conversation had sunk to this level, Nam Seonwoo snapped back, irritated by that strangely confident face. Then Kang Jihan, who had been staring at him, tilted his head and muttered:
“You seemed to like it.”
“L-liked it? That must have been you. Seeing how desperately you’re begging to sleep with me again after all that yesterday. I wasn’t that impressed.”
“Yeah. I liked it.”
Very much. Unlike Kang Jihan, who added that calmly, Nam Seonwoo couldn’t remain calm. He had no idea why embarrassment, shyness, and humiliation all fell to his share.
What, “I liked it”? It was the first time Kang Jihan had openly given such an evaluation. Regardless of whether it was Kang Jihan or not, if someone said “I enjoyed last night” the day after sleeping together, it would kill the mood. That’s the kind of remark only a perverted old man would make.
“So I can easily do it a hundred times.”
The following statement was the same. Nam Seonwoo’s face flushed red and blue as Kang Jihan teased him with an expressionless face. Nam Seonwoo snapped back sharply.
“I said no. Don’t you know even the same food gets boring if you eat it every day?”
“If I make sure it doesn’t get boring, will you eat it every day?”
This crazy bastard.
The relentless teasing made him feel slightly dizzy now. Even his legs, which had been standing firm pretending to be fine, began to tremble as if in disgust.
“Don’t risk getting sick from eating something else…”
Regardless, Kang Jihan stepped closer and continued his nonsense.
“Why not eat something big? It’ll keep you full too.”
“Get out!”
Nam Seonwoo finally exploded. He needed to get rid of this lunatic as soon as possible. He approached him with quick steps and grabbed his arm to pull him away, but Kang Jihan stood firm like a statue and said:
“Answer me first.”
“Answer what? Get out! Won’t you leave?”
“Say you’ll only do it with me.”
“Why would I say that?”
“There’s no reason to do it with smaller guys when the biggest is right here-”
“I don’t want to hear about your dick size, okay? Shut up, you pervert!”
Nam Seonwoo, practically pushing Kang Jihan’s back with his whole body, finally managed to drive him to the entrance. After a long standoff, Kang Jihan finally accepted the eviction order. Of course, Nam Seonwoo didn’t make any worthless promise about sleeping only with Kang Jihan. Kang Jihan only backed down after confirming that no one else was coming to the house today.
“Well then.”
Kang Jihan said as he opened the front door.
“I’ll ask you again after we’ve slept together ten times.”
