#105
Even the gesture of removing sweat-soaked hair from his face was careful. Nam Seonwoo looked at him for a moment.
Kang Jihan had been looking for reasons for their breakup within himself. To such a person, Nam Seonwoo had said “it was just that my feelings faded” to mean he shouldn’t blame himself, but that was a lie. He needed to tell him that he hadn’t grown tired of him.
But it wasn’t easy to speak up. How should he explain it? That he thought the past would repeat itself? That he ran away because he was worried about Kang Jihan being left alone? Once again feeling the gap in time, he moved his lips.
“You…”
Still, he didn’t want to evade the answer at this moment. And this was something he could answer without having to explain everything. After all, both his concern for Kang Jihan and his fear of Kang Jihan changing ultimately stemmed from his feelings for Kang Jihan growing too strong.
“…I did it because I liked you too much.”
Kang Jihan looked somewhat surprised. It wasn’t an expected answer to the question about the reason for their breakup. So Nam Seonwoo added:
“I got scared because I liked you too much.”
But this explanation still seemed insufficient. Could Kang Jihan really understand this? As he was contemplating what more to add,
“Yeah.”
A quiet answer came back.
“I think I understand.”
Seeing the deeply sunken eyes, Nam Seonwoo closed his open mouth. The emotion in Kang Jihan’s eyes was heavy. And surprisingly, that emotion was familiar. It was a form of anxiety similar to his own.
It was ironic. That he could feel reassured the moment he read someone else’s anxiety.
Feeling somewhat sorry, he brushed Kang Jihan’s hair back from his forehead one strand at a time, and following that gesture, the black eyes repeatedly closed and opened. Though it was just Kang Jihan blinking, Nam Seonwoo continued to watch, endlessly fidgeting with his hair.
Kang Jihan broke the silence.
“Is that why you lied?”
He had told so many lies that he didn’t know which one Kang Jihan was referring to. When Nam Seonwoo questioned with his eyes, Kang Jihan raised one corner of his mouth.
“You pretended to be experienced.”
“…”
“Very much so.”
Though he closed his mouth in embarrassment, Kang Jihan poked at his tightly shut lips and asked:
“Did you think I would leave you then?”
“…Yeah.”
“You’re silly.”
Nam Seonwoo knew it well. That it had been a truly foolish strategy. Looking back now at how he had acted unlike himself to cut ties, his face felt hot.
“Then I’d stick to you even more. To earn points with my body at least.”
“Right. You were truly like a leech.”
When he abruptly removed his hand from Kang Jihan’s head, Kang Jihan grabbed it with a laugh. As he stroked the protruding bones on the back of his hand and the fingers extending from them, he paused his fingertip near the ring finger.
“Shall we get rings fitted?”
First day gifts, lunchboxes, and now couple rings. Nam Seonwoo couldn’t help but burst into laughter at the consistently youthful sentimentality. But Kang Jihan’s expression was so serious that he quickly cleared his throat with a “ahem” and said:
“Is that necessary? You’ll be going into your main medical program soon, and with frequent practicums, it’ll just get in the way.”
He knew from experience. If one lost it, it would only hurt both their feelings. And this time, since there was no desperate need for proof, it was fine even without rings.
“I won’t lose it.”
“No, that’s not the issue, I also find wearing things on my hands uncomfortable…”
Nam Seonwoo stopped talking and thought for a moment.
…Did I mention losing it?
It was a statement that sounded a bit strange. Of course, if he understood it as meaning that taking rings on and off during practicums could lead to losing them, then Kang Jihan’s response wasn’t that odd. Yes, thinking of it that way, there was no problem.
But due to a sense of discomfort that wouldn’t go away, Nam Seonwoo stared at Kang Jihan for a moment and then moved his lips.
“There’s something I want to ask too.”
“Yeah.”
“What would you do if you suddenly went back to the past?”
He couldn’t just bluntly ask, “Do you remember too?” So he asked to gauge the reaction, but Kang Jihan’s expression turned strange. It was a face as if he had heard nonsensical gibberish.
“I mean, you can imagine it, right? For example, thinking if there’s something you regret so much that you wish you hadn’t done it in the past.”
“I don’t create such situations.”
His resolute demeanor, as if it wasn’t even worth imagining, was typical of Kang Jihan. Kang Jihan who didn’t believe in useless superstitions and was coldly realistic. Indeed, the earlier discomfort seemed to be just his own misconception.
“Well… I suppose you would say that.”
“Why do something you’ll regret in the first place?”
Even though it was just an example, Kang Jihan sneered as if the person in the example was unbearably pathetic. Just when Nam Seonwoo thought he had softened a bit, his core was still hard; he shook his head. He seemed to have brought up the wrong conversation topic.
“You need to take some humanities classes. Why do you lack such humanistic imagination?”
“What should I take?”
“Are you now asking me to make your university schedule too?”
Kang Jihan, who had been furrowing his brow during the exchange just now, suddenly let out a laugh. Wondering what he was reacting to now, Nam Seonwoo stared at him, but then froze at a movement he felt in his stomach.
“Hey… why are you…”
“There you go again.”
What? As he cast a gaze mixed with surprise and bewilderment, Kang Jihan leaned over him again and said:
“Nya.”
It was brief and random. As Nam Seonwoo was thinking “Does he really think he’s a cat?”, he soon realized what he was saying. Recalling cats reminded him of the notes they had exchanged in the margins of their textbook. The character he had circled in his own writing, each “nya,” was definitely what the guy had written beneath.
“You’re like a cat.”
Of course, he still couldn’t understand why he was suddenly excited about that.
“Wait. Can’t we just do it once today? I’m a bit tired, ngh…”
As the dick swelled in size once more, Nam Seonwoo realized that he had again ended his sentence with “nya.” Kang Jihan smiled brightly. Seeing him gently rubbing against the slick inner walls, it seemed he had no intention of listening.
“Then let’s do it from behind. I feel like my back will break.”
“No.”
The strength holding down his body as he tried to turn over was brutally strong. To the point where it seemed like he had an aversion to the position, Kang Jihan stubbornly said:
“I want to see your face.”
“We already did it face-to-face earlier. I’m telling you my waist really hurts, ugh, ouch… Hey!”
Kang Jihan lifted Nam Seonwoo up at once and sat him on his thighs. Nam Seonwoo bit his lower lip hard at the dick that penetrated him vertically. The head, which had entered at a different angle from before and deeper, was stimulating an unfamiliar spot.
Looking down, he could see his stomach protruding in a strange shape. When Kang Jihan thrust upwards, his stomach elongated in the shape of the curved dick.
“Hik, cr- crazy, wait, ah…!”
Kang Jihan’s gaze was also fixed on that spot. Looking at those crazed eyes, it didn’t seem like words would get through this time either. But feeling like he would go crazy if he kept watching that scene, Nam Seonwoo tightly closed his eyes. However, this time, a different sensation made him shiver. Both the semen that had been pooled inside now flowing down to the point of connection due to his upright position, and the dick that kept pushing in the opposite direction, overwhelmed Nam Seonwoo intensely. His mushy inner walls could no longer push back the intruder and instead swallowed it endlessly deeper inside.
“Sl-slowly, you said… you would!”
“I said from tomorrow.”
It’s still today, right? With that voice and the penetrating dick, Nam Seonwoo’s waist arched.
Before losing his mind again, he momentarily worried whether this would strain Kang Jihan’s leg, but Kang Jihan easily controlled his body up and down. Whether he was dizzy from being shaken so mindlessly, or intoxicated by the heat rapidly spreading throughout his body, he felt like his consciousness was fading.
Seonwoo.
The voice heard through his hazy consciousness was so deeply low that Nam Seonwoo didn’t hear his name being called and only let out excited moans. At that moment, his buttocks were firmly seized, and his body was driven down. Nam Seonwoo collapsed forward, convulsing madly at the dick that seemed to pierce through his body, but the thrusting hips didn’t stop.
Don’t leave me. Never.
Nam Seonwoo panted. Through his blurred ears, his own gasping and Kang Jihan’s breathing seemed to gradually fade away. So it took a while to understand those words. In the midst of pleasure that seemed to drive him crazy, Nam Seonwoo thought irritably:
Where am I supposed to be going…
* * *
The warm beam of light settling on his cheek made Nam Seonwoo slowly open his eyes.
‘Ugh…’
His eyelids were stiff, and under his eyes stung. Even without looking in a mirror, he could tell his eyes were swollen. It was remarkable that he could see at all.
The next thing he felt was a dull pain from below. His mouth, which had opened silently at the familiar yet unfamiliar pain, barely closed a few seconds later. He wasn’t particularly surprised since he had expected this outcome. But there was something unexpected.
He had thought he would have some stomach discomfort, given how much had been ejaculated and how deep. But his stomach felt fine. There wasn’t even a lingering, unclean feeling, and far from having a stomachache, his stomach was… hungry.
Nam Seonwoo let out a hollow laugh at this ridiculous conclusion. It seemed that the scene he had vaguely seen while half-asleep wasn’t a dream after all.
He couldn’t count exactly how many times he had fainted, but he had probably woken up two or three times afterward. The first time was in the bathtub. The bathtub, filled with hazy steam, was so comfortable even in his blurred consciousness that he soon fell asleep amidst the hands that carefully caressed his body. He must have been thoroughly cleaned then.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
