Chapter 162
I’m the guilty one for lacking courage.
But honestly, I’m scared.
Shit. I’m so scared.
Although I’m certain Mitchell likes me to some extent, a love confession is another story. If he knew how deep my feelings were, Mitchell might freak out and run away. Having never properly been in love before, I had no idea how much I should express my feelings.
To avoid the worst-case scenario of being rejected by him, I made silly word plays, telling Mitchell to figure out why I couldn’t confess.
Also, the underlying doubt about whether Mitchell, who likes men, or rather humans, so much, would look only at me, prevented me from confessing. Without courage, I just hesitated and pushed everything onto Mitchell.
But what if we can’t find the reason until we die?
Ah, it’s complicated. Come to think of it, maybe I’m the one with the wrong order, not Mitchell.
“What do you think? My suggestion.”
His question was as unrestrained as a car speeding down an empty road.
“Mitchell Cronenwirth’s coming out, huh.”
“With you, too. What do you think?”
“…It’s not bad…”
He wants to announce our relationship because he doesn’t like bugs swarming around me. Because I’m a necessary person for Mitchell.
Mitchell is the object of my obsession, and Mitchell needs someone to stay by his side. Maybe he’s suggesting we do a business gay performance? No, that’s too much of a stretch. Is Mitchell perhaps waiting for me to confess first? Ah, I really don’t know.
“As you know, my first dating rumor was with you. So you should take responsibility for me. That’s right, isn’t it?”
At my words, Mitchell laughed and put his arm around my neck. His fumbling touch was unusually soft.
We did everything that was love, except for love itself.
***
It was the day the first guests arrived at our new home. Mitchell seemed to have been contacted, but the bastard didn’t tell me anything. And then he gets angry about the Malik thing.
“Hello.”
I awkwardly greeted Mitchell’s adoptive parents. Although I already knew their faces from photos, it was my first time seeing them in person. The feeling was different from the photos.
“Hello. Nice to meet you.”
“We’ve heard a lot about you from Mitchell.”
Mitchell’s father had neatly combed back his full white hair and wore gold-rimmed glasses, his hearty laugh making an impression. His mother, with shoulder-length blonde hair neatly blow-dried, suited her short hair very well. From just a single gesture, you could feel the innate elegance of the upper class at its peak.
I felt like I was meeting my parents-in-law, even though Mitchell and I weren’t married. No, should I say father-in-law and mother-in-law…? Anyway, I didn’t know what to do with myself due to the awkwardness, and I even ended up half-hiding behind Mitchell’s back.
My usual shamelessness disappeared completely in front of Mitchell’s parents. Honestly, I was surprised at myself. Why am I acting like this?
“It seems you didn’t tell Geon-woo we were coming?”
The mother asked Mitchell. She took off her coat and sat on the living room sofa.
It was understandable for her to be curious. I had shown great surprise at seeing the two of them enter the house, and I was in pajamas – shorts and a short-sleeved top. Mitchell’s parents had arrived here after 9 pm.
“Oh. I didn’t. I forgot.”
You idiot. There are other things to forget. What’s wrong with your head!
“Son. There are other things to forget. Where did you leave your mind?”
I mentally applauded the mother who voiced my inner thoughts exactly. I wanted to stand beside her and join in scolding Mitchell.
I quickly changed into casual clothes and came out to the living room. In the meantime, Mitchell had prepared tea.
Comparing now to when my biological brother Brandon came, I realized how much easier that time was. In fact, back then, I didn’t know my feelings for Mitchell would grow this much.
As calm yet affectionate conversation flowed, I occasionally smiled and nodded vigorously. From what I gathered, it seemed they had come to see their son because of the articles about Mitchell’s biological father. Regardless of who the biological father was, it seemed to be their way of expressing that they would always be by his side. After all, seeing face-to-face would be better than a phone call.
Should I consider this fortunate? I thought they had come because of me. I even imagined them throwing an envelope of money in my face.
I was worried they might say terrible things to me, telling me to take the money and disappear from Mitchell’s life, but fortunately, that didn’t happen. It seems my life wasn’t material for a morning drama after all.
“We heard you’re getting along well with our Mitchell. Thank you for getting along with our picky son.”
The mother smiled gently while indirectly criticizing her son. Again, I silently applauded in my heart. As expected, she knows her son well. I was choking back the words about how terribly picky he is and how hard it is to accommodate him.
“No, I’m more grateful.”
As I acted falsely, Mitchell chuckled beside me. It must have been my awkward expression.
The most fortunate thing was that Mitchell’s parents seemed to know about their son’s sexual orientation, so they didn’t dislike or avoid my presence. Rather, they found me interesting and were curious about me. I even heard them say they hoped I would get along well with Mitchell for a long time.
“Please take care of Mitchell. I’m tired now.”
“I’m tired too, but I’ll try my best anyway.”
“Haha. You’re so dependable.”
The atmosphere was good enough for playful jokes to be exchanged. Maybe because his parents were present, Mitchell showed a vulnerable side, expressing the exhaustion from work. This was something he usually didn’t show me. I felt strange.
Because it was late, the conversation wasn’t very long. After confirming their son was doing well, the parents left with happy faces. Mitchell went down to see them off, so the house was quiet.
I changed into pajamas and sat leaning against the headboard of the bed. I looked closely at the landscape painting hanging in front of me, clearing away the random thoughts that came to mind.
“Going to sleep already?”
Mitchell, who had returned without me noticing, took off his T-shirt and got under the covers. Perhaps due to meeting his parents after a long time, his relaxed and comfortable expression was particularly noticeable. He looked good. I felt strange again.
Mitchell laid down using my thigh as a pillow, and I placed my hand on his chest. Mitchell brought up the conversation he had with his parents earlier and laughed like a child. I kissed Mitchell’s forehead and laughed along with him.
“My parents went through a lot because of me. I caused a lot of trouble from a very young age.”
“In what way?”
“Once, I was playing on a stranger’s truck, and it started moving. I ended up going from Manhattan to Baltimore. When I came to my senses, I was in a different city. I lived there for about a week? I was homeless.”
“A week? When you were just a kid? You should have stopped the truck!”
“I thought that’s how it was supposed to be when the car started moving. I was bored too, and it was fun watching the scenery go by. The wind was nice and cool. I didn’t know I’d end up staying there for a week though. There were quite a few similar incidents.”
“Wow, no wonder your mother said it was hard.”
“It was like that for a while. Later, even when I caused trouble, they overlooked everything and let it slide. That’s when we all became more comfortable.”
“Did they give up?”
“No. They got to know me. At first, even my mother probably didn’t know me well.”
“What do you mean they didn’t know you?”
“When I was causing a lot of trouble, they punished me by putting me in my room. My room was as big as this living room back then. I had everything to play with and eat, so calling it punishment is kind of funny. Plus, they didn’t even lock the door.”
“They didn’t lock it from the outside?”
“Yeah. They just told me not to come out of my room until I reflected on my actions.”
“So they didn’t really confine you.”
“But I was confined.”
“…”
Mitchell didn’t stop smiling. I quietly took in his strange smile and held Mitchell’s hand.
“About an hour after they left me in the room? Brandon came into my room, not knowing I was being punished, and apparently, I was gasping for breath. I was having a seizure alone, and the whole house was in chaos. They say I could have died if Brandon hadn’t found me quickly.”
He shuddered as if recalling his childhood memory.
“Since then, my parents never confine me. They let me do whatever I want. It’s okay not to close doors, and they don’t say anything even if I stay outside all day. Even if I skip school. I gained freedom with one seizure.”
Despite the unpleasant story, Mitchell’s laughter grew louder. Not knowing how to react, I just caressed Mitchell’s hand. I felt troubled alone, sympathizing with the childhood trauma that hadn’t disappeared even into adulthood.
“I hate being confined alone. I absolutely detest being alone.”
Mitchell’s eyes formed pretty half-moons. Then he continued speaking.
“The person who’s supposed to be my biological father left me in that room… He made me stay there alone. So, so I hate it. I really hate being alone.”
