Chapter 139
“Mitchell, you don’t want to get your hands dirty either. I didn’t do anything to you, or rather, to what you cherish. So you should take it easy too. I’ll stop here as well.”
Mitchell maintained an expressionless face. Unable to withstand his dry gaze, Jeff pointed his finger and instead threatened Mitchell.
“I’m saying all this for your sake. I have people too, just like you. Well, of course, mine might be a bit more lowly.”
Mitchell had a rough idea of the identity of these lowly individuals Jeff was referring to. They were the kind more accustomed to communicating with knives and guns rather than words. Jeff had taken people who deserved to be buried in the gutter, dressed them in fancy black suits, and made them his lackeys. While Mitchell’s connections reached upwards, Jeff’s network extended to the lowest rungs of society.
“I’m going to New York. Let’s never see each other again. I’m sick of you guys now too.”
He wasn’t just saying it; he meant it. Jeff wanted to run away now. He was angry that he couldn’t keep Mitchell by his side, but at this point, there was nothing more he could do. The moment Mitchell really took action, there was no telling what he might do. Moreover, now that Jeff’s weakness had been exposed, there was no need for further discussion.
After saying his goodbyes, Jeff got into his car as quickly as possible. The sound of the door slamming shut was unusually welcome.
Though he acted confident and composed, it was actually just bravado. Jeff only hoped that Mitchell wouldn’t dig too deeply into this matter.
Fortunately, seeing that Mitchell didn’t say anything until he started the engine, it seemed he didn’t want things to escalate either. Jeff quickly started the car and, feeling relieved, checked the rearview mirror.
Even as he was driving away, he could still see Mitchell. The face that had been indifferent just moments ago now wore a deep smile.
“What the…”
Jeff bit his lip and hurriedly averted his gaze. The uneasy feeling wouldn’t go away.
***
Mitchell and Jeff seemed to be talking outside, but I didn’t bother to go out. My mind was tired, and my body felt drained. I just lay sprawled on the sofa, occasionally glancing at the front door.
These days, more than anything else, Mitchell was what made my head complicated.
I know Mitchell needs me. But need and love are different. I doubted whether Mitchell would truly love me.
“But what about me?”
Do I really love Mitchell? The simple desire to keep him close and know everything about him was actually love? Although there were many differences between Mitchell and my previous subjects, it still didn’t feel real.
“Ah… Why did Director McKenney have to say such unnecessary things?”
Suddenly, the emotion of ‘love’ rose above Mitchell’s head in my view.
It sprouted like a sun, hanging high in the sky without disappearing. It shone brightly in the center between us.
I couldn’t predict whether that sun would tilt towards me or towards Mitchell.
If only it could tilt equally towards everyone.
One surprising thing was that I no longer had any thoughts about the fact that Mitchell was a man. I felt no resistance to the fact that I, none other than Bae Geon-woo, loved a man. I was just curious if it was real love.
This was an incredible realization no matter how I thought about it.
Thud.
Just then, Mitchell came. He walked straight towards me lying on the sofa. Our passionate Mitchell sat on the floor and suddenly started kissing me and putting his hand in my pants.
I flinched but soon accepted Mitchell. Both his hand movements and his forceful tongue play were sticky with excitement directed towards me.
It felt like the sun had suddenly tilted heavily towards Mitchell. Is this love?
Damn it! I don’t know because I’ve never received love.
Fans liked me from a step away, so it felt like a distant mirage, and familial love didn’t even exist. Even when I occasionally became interested in people passing by, it would soon wither.
Why am I like this?
I keep running away.
I didn’t properly know what kind of person I was. Maybe I didn’t want to know.
“Umm… wait… Um. Mitchell, just a moment.”
As I forcibly separated our lips, Mitchell rested his chin on my chest, looking disappointed. Thanks to that, I looked at the ceiling instead of Mitchell’s handsome face as I asked,
“Is that guy gone?”
“Yeah.”
“Hmm…”
“Sorry. I expected him to come here but didn’t bother to stop him. I had something to confirm.”
“So did you confirm it?”
“Sufficiently.”
“Is it over now?”
“Yeah. Your part is over.”
“I had a part?”
“You did have a part. Potty mouth.”
“Tch…”
It seems he heard our conversation. It didn’t matter since it wasn’t something that couldn’t be heard.
“But Mitchell, what about you?”
It seems my part is over, but Mitchell’s part remains. At the thought of getting involved with Jeff again, I wrinkled my nose, and Mitchell rubbed my nose bridge with his finger.
“Why are you so curious about everything? You don’t even know your own feelings.”
I almost shouted in surprise at Mitchell’s words. As if he had peeked into my mind, Mitchell was saying exactly what I was thinking.
How did Mitchell know that I didn’t understand my own heart? I felt like I was under the spell of a mind reader.
I slightly raised my head and blinked, looking at Mitchell. He truly is remarkable. I admired him in a different way.
“Mitchell. You know.”
My emotional boundaries are still unclear and my thoughts aren’t organized, so everything’s a mess. But wanting to taste the progress of emotions, I finally opened my mouth.
Since I don’t understand my own heart well, I decided to target Mitchell first.
“How do you act when you fall in love?”
I’m going to unravel Mitchell’s heart first.
Whether this guy can truly love me!
Jeff and the others aren’t the issue now. It was time to focus on exploring Mitchell.
“Hm? How do you treat someone you love?”
At that, Mitchell lifted his face from my chest. He looked down at me with a strange expression. His narrowed eyes made me feel anxious, thinking it was because of my question.
“I’m not being serious. I just suddenly thought of it and asked.”
I hurriedly stroked Mitchell’s arm, pretending it was nothing. I laughed like a crazy person, trying to act like it wasn’t a big deal.
“You want to… see me in love?”
Mitchell asked in a soft voice. The look in his eyes as he stared at me was hard to describe. He seemed annoyed at receiving a bothersome question, or maybe he was thoroughly irritated by something. I couldn’t read Mitchell’s emotions clearly.
“I don’t want to see you loving someone else.”
I was startled by my own words. In the past, statements trying to control Mitchell weren’t a problem at all, but now the unknown territory of ‘love’ had intervened. My pure interest had been contaminated by the emotion of love. I really felt like Mitchell’s stalker.
“Why talk about other people? We’re talking just between us two right now.”
Mitchell tapped my cheek with his finger, playfully scolding me. His hand in my pants moved along.
“So, Geon-woo, do you want to see me in love? Have you… never seen it before?”
I was simply curious about the real reason behind the various actions Mitchell had been doing to me from before. Whether they came from him loving me.
But Mitchell asked if I had never seen it before.
It seems that all of Mitchell’s actions I had seen until now weren’t particularly love.
I didn’t feel good.
My body slumped with the wave of disappointment. Afraid my feelings would show, I closed my eyes and only opened them after a long while.
As I kept my mouth tightly shut, Mitchell burrowed into my chest. Taking a deep breath, he put his arm around my lower back and pulled me close. Before I knew it, I was sitting straddled on Mitchell’s thighs with my legs spread.
Mitchell kept touching me, but I kept having other thoughts.
What more should I do here to make Mitchell love me?
I closed my eyes and buried my face in his neck. Inhaling his soft scent, my dejected cells went wild and energy returned. As I savored the scent, Mitchell spoke.
“Shall I show you? To you?”
He’s going to show me love?
He’s going to show me something I’ve never seen before?
“Is it okay to just show that to me? Even if I’m just your shadow.”
This isn’t real love. It seemed like he was saying he’d show me because I was curious.
“What’s the problem?”
Mitchell probably felt casual about it, but I alone became serious. Even though he wasn’t saying he’d really love me, just that he’d let me taste it, I got upset on my own and didn’t answer his question.
This is partly because I’m narrow-minded, but it’s more Mitchell’s fault. There’s a world of difference between giving something of your own accord and giving it because someone asked.
So he should have loved me in advance before I brought this up.
Before I said anything!
My lips twisted at the sudden brazen thought. Afraid I might unknowingly speak my true feelings, I pressed my lips against Mitchell’s neck to block them.
Instead, I hugged him tightly and wrapped my legs around his waist, squeezing. It was a small act of venting towards Mitchell for not loving me in advance.
It’s an utterly absurd thing. Where is there such unreasonableness? Even I don’t understand my own heart well, yet I’m only expecting from Mitchell.
I thought I had completely grasped Mitchell in my hands recently, but I foolishly missed the most important thing.
Something I didn’t even know existed before.
Love.
To fully possess Mitchell, I need his love…
Love is the most complete and perfect possession. For the first time, the negative word ‘obsession’ was diluted by love.
My old world was crumbling.
