Chapter 94
“…Yes.”
“Just in case, let’s put Rouni in the recovery room.”
Watching Han Seong Hyeon reach out his hand asking for the child, Seo Won hesitated for a moment. Somehow it felt like Han Seong Hyeon was taking away the reliable shield that had been protecting him from Baek Rak.
Still, there was nothing he could do about it. With a reluctant heart, he handed the child over to Han Seong Hyeon and burrowed into the empty jumper.
“You two must be tired, so go home and rest.”
“……”
Now he could see that Han Seong Hyeon was pushing him into a pit.
Seo Won looked at Han Seong Hyeon’s retreating figure with dissatisfaction. Everyone was so busy they couldn’t sleep properly, so what was this about resting? At any other time it would be fine, but today this kindness wasn’t welcome.
Should he just go out and help with work? While he was thinking this, he suddenly realized that Baek Rak was being quiet.
When he sneakily looked at him, whom he had been avoiding, the guy’s expression was worse than expected. He looked as serious as someone who had lost something important. Was the shelter becoming like this such a shocking event?
Although they hadn’t anticipated the cube malfunctioning, according to Han Seong Hyeon’s words, they could hold out to some degree, so it shouldn’t be such a serious situation.
However, it seemed to feel different to Baek Rak. It looked like he didn’t want to allow even the slightest threat.
“……”
Watching such a Baek Rak strangely made his heart tickle. As soon as he became aware of his own state, his good points kept catching his eye.
Like how he worried about the shelter, how he moved carefully so Rouni wouldn’t wake up, how he worried about Yu Sol or acted sensitive for his own safety. Adding to that, even past events came flooding back, filling his head entirely with Baek Rak.
‘…This is bad.’
Seo Won hurriedly ducked his head into the jumper. He had intended to think it over, not to nurture feelings of attraction to Baek Rak like this.
However, once the floodgates opened, they wouldn’t close easily.
Now all the moments he had touched Baek Rak and how much the heat that guy had given him had stirred him up began to vividly come back. Eventually, he even thought that maybe the reason Baek Rak kissed him at random times was because he liked him.
If so, then they both had feelings for each other…
“Yoon Seo Won.”
“Aaah!”
The endless stream of fantasies suddenly evaporated without a trace as the jumper disappeared abruptly. Seo Won clung to the sofa, clutching his pounding chest. He thought his heart would jump out of his mouth.
When the barrier that had cut him off from the world disappeared, he somehow felt like he had been thrown out naked. His face gradually heated up.
“……”
“……”
Why did they have to be left alone at a time like this? The world was definitely not on his side.
When the prolonged silence began to feel uncomfortable, Seo Won covered his face with his hands and spoke in a crawling voice.
“…Why.”
He didn’t even want to imagine what Baek Rak’s gaze looking down at him would be like. He also felt anxious that the sharp guy might have noticed everything.
Then suddenly he felt wronged. Actually, hadn’t Baek Rak expressed interest first, rather than him? He had kissed first, hugged, and smiled at him. His touches were gentle too, and after their fight last time, he hadn’t ignored him or anything.
Baek Rak at Gangnam Station had acted just as strangely.
Seo Won slowly raised his head to look up at Baek Rak. The confidence that had been hiding sneakily revealed its presence.
He was convinced that Baek Rak felt the same way as him.
But.
“……”
“……”
Baek Rak’s gaze looking at him was utterly cold. It wasn’t the kind of look you’d give to someone you had feelings for, but closer to an indifferent gaze toward a meaningless person.
The Baek Rak from when he had nearly died from an alpha’s attack and woke up was once again before his eyes.
This time without any warning signs.
“Go in first and rest.”
“……”
“Don’t wander outside saying you’ll help.”
Having finished what he had to say, Baek Rak turned around and walked away as if he had no more business. Seo Won stared blankly at his retreating figure, then belatedly came to his senses and jumped up from his seat.
“What? You… why are you suddenly acting like this?”
Then Baek Rak, who had stopped walking, turned his head with the same expression as before.
“Acting like what.”
“Why are you being weird again? You were fine until just now.”
Even if he felt wronged, he couldn’t feel this wronged. He had barely managed to restore their relationship after a big fight with that guy, and he didn’t want to go back to being distant again.
Most of all, his heart began to tremble anxiously at Baek Rak’s cold gaze. He had just realized he was attracted to him, so he couldn’t understand why this situation had come up again. Had he been wrong to think that Baek Rak also had feelings for him?
“Yoon Seo Won.”
Baek Rak called Seo Won’s name and stared at him silently for a long time. Then he sighed as if annoyed and rubbed his forehead.
“I’m telling you in advance because you seem to be misunderstanding.”
“……”
“I’m not personally interested in you. I won’t be in the future either.”
Seo Won drew in a sharp breath.
“So don’t blush when you look at me, and sort it out yourself.”
“……”
Baek Rak confirmed Seo Won’s pale face and turned his head again.
His retreating figure was so resolute. As if showing through actions, not just words, that he had no interest in him and never would.
As soon as Baek Rak entered the recovery room where Han Seong Hyeon and Rouni were, Seo Won ran out of there.
He hurriedly climbed the stairs, opened the closed iron door, and fled outside the building. His entire chest was throbbing and crying out in pain. He couldn’t breathe.
It hurt more and was more bitter than when he felt physical pain while awakening.
“…Ugh.”
The emotion he had only recently become aware of, the sprout whose form he couldn’t know it would take, felt like it had been uprooted and thrown into mud.
It had only flowed out for a brief moment, but how had he noticed right away… More than that, his last appearance of drawing a line as if annoyed was stuck in his mind and wouldn’t leave. Even the words telling him to sort out his feelings himself.
Seo Won wondered if the gentle appearance of Baek Rak he had seen until now wasn’t just a strange product of his delusions. Otherwise, he couldn’t explain Baek Rak’s suddenly changed attitude.
Was that why the pain that seemed to squeeze his heart continued? He sat down on the ground, hurriedly gasping for breath and pressing hard on his chest.
He shouldn’t have become aware that he was attracted to him.
He should have continued living without knowing anything as usual.
Belated regret came flooding in, and his insides became tangled up. It felt like he was lost and wandering somewhere.
“Yoon Seo Won?”
While he was out of his mind, not even knowing what he was doing, just keeping his head down, he heard a familiar voice. When he slowly raised his head, he saw Yu Sol looking flustered.
“What’s wrong? Why are you like this?”
“…Sol?”
“Yeah, it’s me. Get up. The ground is so dirty, why are you sitting down and…”
Yu Sol was nagging when she saw Seo Won’s face and immediately closed her mouth. His complexion, which had been fine until he left with Baek Rak, had turned pale in just a short time, and his eyes had also become cloudy.
Thinking she couldn’t leave him like this, Yu Sol grabbed Seo Won’s arm.
“Get up first. Get up and look at me.”
“……”
Seo Won was pulled by Yu Sol and staggered to his feet. However, there was no sense of his own will in that movement.
“Yoon Seo Won!”
Only after his name was called loudly did Seo Won blink and belatedly stare at Yu Sol.
“…Yeah.”
“…Come here first.”
His condition was worse than expected. It seemed useless to hold onto him and talk here. Yu Sol grabbed Seo Won’s arm and headed somewhere.
After walking for a short while, they arrived at the new home of the Jindo dog Rang and her puppies. It was a quiet place not far from the underground bunker, yet somewhat cut off from the outside.
Several blankets and quilts were spread on the floor, and inside, Rang was nursing her puppies.
Seo Won stared blankly at that familiar scene, then sat down on the floor as Yu Sol pulled him down. Unlike before, the floor touching his legs was soft and warm.
“Yoon Seo Won.”
“…Yeah.”
Seo Won finally came to his senses and ran his hands down his face.
“What on earth happened?”
Hearing Yu Sol’s worried voice, he had no choice but to acknowledge what had just happened to him. That his unfulfilled emotions had been discovered and at the same time mercilessly rejected.
“Did you… fight with Baek Rak again?”
“……”
“That’s right, isn’t it?”
Come to think of it, Yu Sol knew that he and Baek Rak were dating. That Baek Rak had finally become lovers with the person he had a one-sided crush on.
Seo Won found this so unrealistic that he let out a hollow laugh. Who liked whom, really? Not only him, but Yu Sol had also completely barked up the wrong tree.
Baek Rak had just acted according to his body’s desires. He kissed because he wanted to kiss, and touched because he wanted to touch. He had faithfully followed his urges, that’s all it was.
If this was how it was going to be, he shouldn’t have held onto him back then.
He should have said that once he awakened, he had no intention of seeing him anymore. When he said he would stay quiet as he wanted without asking anything, he should have told him to do that.
After acting like someone who was shaken because of him, was it right to now say he wasn’t interested and to give up those feelings? Could it be that he had completely cooled off because he showed interest? Did he feel like a fish that had already been caught?
The more he thought about it, the more anger welled up instead.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
