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Then Bunhong, who didn’t find the feeling of someone looking after him too bad, obediently nodded his head.
“…Yes.”
Though he had roughly picked up ownerless clothes from the practice room to wear, they didn’t fit each other’s sizes at all – the sleeves of the top were long enough to cover his hands, and despite the bottoms being long pants, his legs stuck out awkwardly.
His agreement with Chayeon’s words was also a judgment that it would be better to stop by the dorm and bring at least a thick coat to wear for the next few days. No matter how much they had turned on the practice room heater, the clothes Bunhong was currently wearing were ridiculously thin to endure the cold of deep winter.
Cough, cough. He raised his hand to cover his mouth to prevent the sudden dry cough from escaping. Momentarily, anxious feelings crept up on him and before he knew it, Bunhong’s face contorted.
‘I hope I’m not catching a cold. That would be bad…’
Since he didn’t know when they’d be recording, he thought he should take care of his throat for the time being and focus only on dance practice.
Duho, who had been carefully observing such Bunhong, tilted his head and asked.
“But, Kim Bunhong. Is there something going on at home by any chance?”
Perhaps because he asked the question while stuffing bread in his mouth and chewing, bread crumbs flew out of Duho’s mouth.
“The kid has gotten even quieter than when we first met. Before, when I poked at him like this, he’d at least react.”
“……”
“It feels like I’m having a conversation with a dead person.”
At those words, Bunhong smiled bitterly. Because Duho’s words overlapped with what the director who had photographed him during his part-time job had said to him.
‘On the other hand, in Bunhong-ssi’s case, it feels like he instinctively knows how to kill himself.’
In the end, couldn’t he escape from this? Bunhong began to blame himself while holding his head.
Next to him, Chayeon hit Duho’s arm and scolded him.
“Watch your words. And could you not talk while eating?”
Then Duho grumbled lightly while stuffing the remaining bread he was holding into his mouth in one bite.
“It’s strange! My sharp intuition is telling me. The kid has changed since that day.”
That day? It was an unexpectedly sharp question, exactly as Duho had described it, so Bunhong looked up in surprise. But Duho’s gaze wasn’t directed at his face. It was just fixed on the half-eaten bread Bunhong was holding in his hand.
“After being called alone to the producer room, what exactly did you do there?”
“…How did you know?”
As expected, rumors traveled fast. Even though he’d experienced it countless times, Bunhong thought it was an amazing speed.
“Now pay up the information fee. The fee is that bread.”
At Duho’s wordplay and Chayeon’s subsequent threat to absolutely not hand over food, Bunhong laughed heartily.
However, even in the midst of that, the anxiety that had already taken deep root in one corner of his heart didn’t easily fade. Bunhong, who had been mulling over the evaluations people had given him since the regression, placed his hand on his chest and thought.
‘No. I’m alive. I’m not dead. But why does everyone say such things to me?’
Thump – thump – As he felt the rough heartbeat from his palm and clenched his fist with veins standing out, his clothes became a mess. He bit his lips so hard that blood would form.
‘When my heart is beating like this…’
And a few days later, as scheduled, BLACK’s debut group was officially announced internally among the agency’s trainees.
“That guy, he ended up getting into the debut group after all.”
“Lucky him. This is why people keep going on about talent, talent.”
Among those who were murmuring while looking at the debut group list posted on the wall, Bunhong, who was mixed in with his face hidden as much as possible under a pulled-down cap, muttered helplessly upon hearing that word.
“…’Talent’.”
He had never imagined that the day would come when he would become an object of jealousy and envy to someone else.
Before the regression, everyone had been busy criticizing the news of trainee Kim Bunhong joining the debut group, but this was a completely different reaction from then.
Somehow, he felt a little scared that he’d have to live up to those expectations in the future too.
‘So there does come a day when effort can beat talent. Of course, it’ll only look plausible on the surface.’
Could they even gauge what kind of effort and how much time investment Bunhong had made to catch up?
Leaving behind the voices of the trainees who knew nothing, he escaped from that place and slowly walked toward his destination.
Since he had risen in status from trainee to debut group member, he had to leave the existing practice room and move to a new location, so he had to take the elevator and go up one more floor than usual.
The place where Lucy and Jeong Ido would join was a space used by only five people, but it was clearly wider compared to the practice room they had used before.
Thick-skinned Lucy, despite meeting them for the first time, grabbed each person’s hand and shouted in a bright voice.
“Please take care of me, hyungs!”
Jeong Ido just nodded his head instead of greeting.
After that, three months passed in terms of time.
* * *
Duho, who had been lying exhausted on the practice room floor, suddenly sat up and said.
“I’m embarrassed to call it our song like this, but”
“……”
“The finished version is killer.”
Even Han Chayeon, who tried to maintain composure at every moment and rarely got excited, raised his voice.
“Right. I’m a little excited about it.”
“Hey. Just ‘a little excited’?”
“I’m saying let’s not get too worked up. If we get our hopes up for nothing and the results don’t come out as much as we want, that’ll be sad in its own way.”
“Boring guy, try to enjoy life a little!”
“Aren’t you just being too thoughtless…? I want to grow as a person, not regress into a beast. My friend.”
“I don’t know what you’re saying, but that sounds like a pretty good insult.”
Bunhong didn’t join in between them but naturally listened to the conversation continuing beside him for a moment, when suddenly he felt a sharp, stinging pain in his throat and got up from his seat. Then Chayeon stopped talking and asked Bunhong.
“Where are you going?”
Bunhong, who couldn’t honestly confess about his throat condition, turned to him and answered with a bright smile.
“…I thought I’d get some water.”
Duho, who had been sprawled on the practice room floor, quickly retorted.
“You’re not trying to slack off, are you? That would be totally awesome!”
“Are you Kim Bunhong? Mind your own business.”
The trainer teacher sighed toward them as they started bickering again.
“When are you guys going to grow up?”
Though it was an excuse he’d made up, Bunhong came out to the hallway since he was already up, thinking that drinking warm water might help even a little, and walked toward the water dispenser.
That’s right. The title song recording he’d been most worried about had fortunately ended smoothly, but the real problem occurred after that was over.
“……”
After looking around and confirming no one was there, he raised his hand and touched around his throat area. Kim Bunhong had only been imitating Lee Hanbit’s vocal technique for a few months, but he could clearly feel the strain gradually building on his vocal cords. Bunhong thought calmly.
‘Just this much causes this much pain, it’ll get worse in the future, right?’
Actually, it was a result he himself had expected. From the beginning, the decisively different point between them when singing was the difference in the intensity of throat usage. Scratching his throat slightly while hitting long, high notes was Hanbit’s unique specialty. In contrast, Bunhong had consistently been trained to bring out his tone as softly as possible without any particular techniques.
‘Since the vocalization itself is different from the start, it can’t be helped.’
He had screamed dozens, hundreds of times to resemble him. As much as he put in effort, the sound in the recording studio gradually became more plausible. Perhaps to the point where it could be said to be exactly like the part Hanbit had sung before the regression. Especially the last recording among them was so perfect that everyone praised Bunhong after he took off his headset. To that extent, it was natural that his throat would be ruined.
However, once he started getting addicted to being recognized by other people, he couldn’t quit.
“Food’s here! Please eat!”
At the same time as Bunhong, who had moistened his throat, returned to the practice room, Lucy, who had been out of sight for a moment, came back with the manager, both hands full of plastic bags, smiling brightly.
It was just mealtime. Perhaps due to stress, his mouth was full of sores, so stinging pain rushed in every time food touched them. Along with his diminishing appetite, his chopstick movements as he poked at the side dishes gradually slowed down.
‘I need to eat though…’
Everyone except himself ate their food without any problem. Even Duho, who had been pointed out as needing to diet the most diligently. Bunhong, who couldn’t blend in among them, eventually pretended to eat by picking at his food for a moment, then made an excuse about going to the bathroom and slipped away from his seat once again.
After taking only a few steps, he rubbed his sunken eyes and leaned against the wall, sighing deeply enough to cave in the ground.
“Ha…”
The reason BLACK’s members were more cheerful than usual and acting a bit more exaggerated was not only because their debut was approaching, but also because cameras were rolling.
As soon as the trainee survival ended, the program naturally transformed directly into a reality show.
It was entirely Kim Bunhong’s opinion to propose capturing the appearance of the new idol group ‘BLACK’ from their practice days until debut without any filter.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
