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If the lips that had been digging in and the coldness of the hands that had been groping his chest were to become nothing more than irritating, meaningless things, he thought he wouldn’t want that.
For some reason he didn’t understand, he felt that he didn’t want to remain in just a simple one-night relationship with Ido—he was sick to death of that idea.
At the same time, he realized.
‘Ah.’
Although Ido had been particularly on his mind compared to other people, he had thought it was because he was originally the type of person who, once he became absorbed in work, would spend days and nights without sleeping or eating as if tormenting himself, so he was worried. That’s why he thought his gaze lingered on him more than others.
‘Ahh……’
But that wasn’t it. It was love.
Once he realized it was love, things that hadn’t been visible before began to appear. It was his own feelings toward Ido.
The reason he had craved his warmth and breath was because he wanted to have him. Not just because he was lonely, but because he wanted him to become his.
Then Ido broke up with the woman he had been dating. After that, he holed up in the studio and wouldn’t come out.
Bunhong vaguely believed that this attitude was a procedure for organizing his emotions and sorting out existing relationships. He thought it was that kind of process.
That’s why he felt like confessing. Duho’s advice that “whatever kind of relationship it is, you should define the relationship first” also played a part.
‘Hyung. I like you.’
That was the only time he had ever mustered up courage.
Whether it was unfortunate or fortunate, Ido wasn’t surprised by Kim Bunhong’s confession. He had known from all the circumstantial evidence that Bunhong had feelings for him, but he was just slightly flustered because he hadn’t thought he would go so far as to confess directly like this.
‘Bunhong.’
It was the first time he had called his name without using his surname. At that tenderness, he held a glimmer of hope.
‘It wasn’t a mistake for me.’
‘Kim Bunhong.’
‘I kept… thinking about it. What this feeling was, I thought about it constantly. Even right before sleeping, even when eating something delicious, even in the most trivial moments,’
‘……’
‘I thought of you, hyung.’
He finally said it. The words he had swallowed dozens of times, no, hundreds of times.
‘So, hyung,’
Swept away by the storm of emotions that became more vivid after being spoken, Bunhong spoke almost tearfully.
‘……I sincerely like you.’
And at that moment, his legs gave out and he sat down on the floor.
He hadn’t wanted a development like a fairy tale happy ending where they confirm each other’s love and live happily ever after. He just wanted to hear that he felt the same way too, that it wasn’t a mistake.
But what came back was silence. Just as he began to feel anxious about that emptiness, Ido broke the silence and spoke. For the first time, he wore a gentle smile.
‘Bunhong.’
‘Yes, hyung.’
‘Actually, me too.’
‘……What?’
What did he say? For a moment, Bunhong doubted his own ears. The moment he heard the answer he had hoped and wished for was brilliant with joy. Enough to illuminate all the difficult moments of the past. Incredibly beautiful.
As if Jeong Ido’s world that had only existed on paper had been transferred from sheet music straight into reality, beautiful stars began to twinkle in front of his eyes that had been nothing but darkness, as if he could reach out and grab them right away.
‘I like you too.’
At those words, his eyes welled up with emotion. However, seeing Bunhong with moistened eyes, Jeong Ido spoke resolutely.
‘But even so, I don’t want our current relationship to change.’
‘……!!’
Kim Bunhong was confused because he couldn’t guess what intention those words held. He had no idea what kind of relationship they currently had.
Unlike the confused Bunhong, Jeong Ido, who seemed full of conviction, didn’t stop spouting ambiguous words.
‘Love is fleeting. It changes easily. There’s an end to it, and our relationship will eventually become nothing. In the end, if it’s going to turn out that way, it’s better not to start at all. It’ll cause problems for the team too.’
According to Ido’s argument, even if they fell in love, that sweetness would only last a moment, and eventually their relationship would end up as nothing but a mess. So much so that they would regret not having started at all, thinking it would have been better.
‘Think about it. Even in this situation, could we really be happy?’
As far as Bunhong knew, Ido’s words were always right. He was a man who wrote songs but pursued reality rather than ideals. Until now, he had always respected that disparity, but at that time he thought it was wrong. So Bunhong denied those words.
‘Still, if we start something, it’ll definitely be different.’
‘……’
‘At least we’d become exes, right?’
Thinking that would be better than becoming nothing at all, Bunhong didn’t bend his argument. Then Ido delivered a decisive blow.
‘There’s a harsh reality right in front of us. Aren’t you scared?’
‘……’
‘And you definitely told me before that you wanted to make a lot of money, right?’
After hesitating, Kim Bunhong said,
‘……Let’s overcome it together.’
It was a voice that had lost confidence, trembling weakly. Then Ido smiled. He laughed joyfully as if he had heard a very cute confession, as if he had unexpectedly received a surprise bouquet, and seeing that smile, Bunhong fell passionately in love once again.
Eventually Ido lowered his body and whispered low while facing Bunhong who was still sitting down. His voice was cracked somewhere. He said that he too had gained courage from your words, so then let’s try starting something.
‘Instead,’
‘……?’
‘Let’s make a bet.’
Ido willingly knelt one knee on the cold floor. Then he extended one of his hands toward Bunhong. Together, from the bottom of life, they looked at each other.
With trembling hands, Bunhong grasped Ido’s hand while gazing at him with shaking eyes. Despite holding hands, the body temperature that touched was cold, and he still couldn’t read what he was thinking from his gaze.
Ah, even though this was the result he had so desperately wanted, it still felt like he was rolling around in a swamp, and he couldn’t breathe—.
Feeling anxious and frustrated, Bunhong couldn’t help but ask out loud.
‘……What kind of bet?’
To Bunhong’s puzzlement, Ido answered. Unfortunately, this emotion isn’t love for me yet, so try to make me fall in love with you once.
Even if Ido came down to the floor following Bunhong, he was a man who would never lift him up.
After finishing those words, Ido stood up and turned around. Bunhong clumsily got up from the floor and silently watched his retreating figure. Thinking he looked lonely and forlorn for no reason. He began to walk, following behind those gradually moving steps.
Never turning back, Ido walked forward and murmured quietly. If I fall in love, this relationship will be your victory; if not, this relationship will be your defeat.
He said he didn’t need to stake anything. Only your feelings will get hurt, he said, it might bring results more unfortunate than gambling, he said, you might have to live your whole life with a wounded, vast heart, and still not turning back, he sincerely advised Bunhong who was following behind him.
Bunhong said without hesitation,
“It’s okay.”
Always, like this, just following behind would be fine—wherever you go. If I keep following on two legs, won’t we eventually walk side by side someday? So it was okay. It was a strange and unfair bet where only Kim Bunhong’s heart was at stake anyway.
That’s how it started.
The relationship began along with the strange bet. Bunhong thought it wasn’t an entirely unhappy relationship. Ido’s touch had become much more attentive than before they dated, his tone had become more affectionate.
But sometimes Bunhong felt anxious about those indifferent eyes that looked at him as if already knowing the ending. So he clung to the relationship even more desperately. Hoping those eyes would be filled with different conviction.
Ido said there was nothing eternal in the world, but even if love was a flower that bloomed and withered in an instant as he claimed, if they could just be passionate toward each other in the moment of falling in love, they would be happy at least in that moment, so it probably wouldn’t matter, Bunhong thought.
Even if he burned and burned his body until it eventually became ash and disappeared, because he liked the smile he saw in that moment. Because he became happy enough to want to die. He surrendered his body with his eyes covered by that pleasure.
Kim Bunhong, who lowered his head to kiss Ido’s feet, whispered against his feet.
‘I was born to meet you, hyung.’
Even while calling it foolish talk, Ido seemed pleased as he reached down to fidget with Bunhong’s ear and laughed.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
