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An awkward silence followed. Arpel hadn’t responded to Leriana’s apology. His slightly tilted face clearly showed that he didn’t understand why she was apologizing.
“…Why?”
After pondering several times, his thoughts kept becoming vague or drifting in strange directions. Finally, giving up on guessing the reason, Arpel voiced a brief question.
Leriana laughed at the considerably delayed question. It was as if she had expected this. Soon, a voice tinged with subtle bitterness flowed out.
“I thought so. You don’t know why I’m apologizing, do you?”
As she said this, Leriana remembered something Rohan had once mentioned in passing. Was it ‘Arpel is too uninterested in himself’? A self-deprecating smile formed involuntarily. At the time, she had brushed it off, but now she thoroughly empathized with those words.
“Because of me… you were almost in danger.”
Stuttering, her trembling voice slowly explained the ‘reason’. Her eyes, recalling that time again, were filled with intense regret and guilt. The once fresh pink eyes quickly withered and sank.
Leriana still vividly remembered. Right after releasing the holy power she had summoned with all her might, the moment she saw Rohan’s back as he charged at the giant monster… she had an intuition that the monster engulfing the village would fall.
However, what she felt then wasn’t a positive emotion like a sense of achievement or satisfaction. As she watched the dazzling golden power sweep across the entire village, she felt…
As if her heart had dropped to her feet.
‘…Arpel.’
She seemed to have muttered his name without realizing it.
Long ago, a cursed demon sword born from an experiment in the imperial palace. Although a miracle had occurred and both Arpel, the subject, and Rohan, the sword’s owner, were together without any problems… Leriana always tried to remember.
Arpel was forced to embrace the power of a specter, so she, possessing holy power, always needed to be careful, very careful when with him.
Partly due to Rohan’s obsessive reminders, but also because Leriana herself tried to be cautious. Friend, or guardian. Although there wasn’t a clear expression to define their relationship, Arpel was one of the precious existences to her.
Yet, in that village, she made a mistake. An infinitely fatal mistake. When she saw Rohan completely collapsed after all the fighting was over, with anxiety rising from her toes becoming reality… what did she think?
‘It’s because of me.’
If only I had been a little more careful. If only I had paid a little more attention to Arpel. If only I hadn’t forgotten that my power could harm someone precious.
She seemed to have repeated such self-blame countless times.
Only then did it sink in. That this power she held in her hands could be dangerous enough to harm someone else.
It was unbearably frightening. The thought that she had ended up hurting Arpel made her breathless. So… she ran away.
After that, whenever she fell asleep, that day’s events appeared in her dreams. A nightmare that began with not being able to hold onto the power trying to escape from her fingertips.
She saw the shattered sword, Rohan’s crying face. She heard voices cursing her. Although Arpel hadn’t actually broken, the fear of ‘what if’ kept fueling her imagination.
“That day, if I had been more careful, Arpel wouldn’t have been in danger.”
Despite this, when she confirmed with her own eyes that Arpel was safe, the first emotion she felt was intense relief. Realizing this, a sense of self-loathing surged up. How could she feel relieved instead of being sorry?
She wanted to apologize. No, she had to. Even if Arpel didn’t understand the reason, she had to confess all her wrongdoings.
With such feelings, the story continued slowly but steadily. Even though Arpel didn’t give any particular answer.
“…So, I.”
She couldn’t remember exactly what she said. It was probably close to rambling. Although she seemed to have started calmly at first, by the end, everything was in a jumble.
The voice that had been stumbling out incoherently soon ended with strange words. What should I say next? Dulled thoughts kept blocking her thinking. Finally, at a loss for words, she closed her mouth. With her mind completely blank, she couldn’t grasp what more to say or how to convey her apology further.
It was then that Arpel, who had been listening to Leriana’s story without saying a word, quietly reached out his hand. The white hand that slowly approached landed gently on her head. That single touch made her feel as if the surroundings had cleared up.
“Leriana.”
As the small call settled in her ears, the hand resting on her head moved back and forth. The movement of stroking from top to bottom was utterly clumsy, but it was clearly a gesture of comfort. Then, speaking up once more…
“Thank you for telling me.”
…He thanked her. He said thank you.
When had tears started to form? When she came to her senses, tears were already flowing freely, soaking her cheeks. Yet she couldn’t help but smile. Despite the incredibly kind action, Arpel’s expression remained as impassive as ever.
Soon, his face became peculiar. As if he didn’t know how to deal with someone crying and laughing in front of him. The easily readable perplexity, unlike him, encouraged her laughter.
In reality, Arpel was feeling something similar to what Leriana imagined. He had only stroked her because she looked sad. Although he still couldn’t fully understand why she was apologizing… his hand moved first.
Looking at his hand that had started stroking on its own, Arpel thought. This was all for Rohan’s sake.
Because it hadn’t been long since Rohan reconciled with Leriana. If his friend Leriana’s expression wasn’t good, Rohan might worry.
He began to wonder if stroking had been the wrong choice as she quickly burst into tears.
Fortunately, seeing her tears slowly subsiding, he thought it might have been the right approach, but then she suddenly burst out laughing. Even though tears that hadn’t completely stopped were still soaking her cheeks and dripping to the floor, Leriana didn’t stop laughing.
‘…Why?’
Why is she laughing while crying? Arpel had no confidence in understanding this emotional change. Seeing Leriana unable to stop laughing and crying even as her expression became comical made him even more confused.
In the end, Arpel chose to mechanically move his hand.
And so, he continued to stay by her side until Leriana completely stopped crying.
***
“Is it over?”
“Wow, you’re like a ghost.”
As Leriana stopped crying, Arpel also withdrew his hand from her head. And just as they were about to engage in trivial conversation again…
With a small knock, the door to the room swung open. Leriana, who had already guessed the identity of the impatient visitor, made a disgruntled expression. How did he manage to come right when the conversation ended, she wondered.
Rohan simply smiled sweetly at her without bothering to answer. As if honey had been spread, he immediately found his way to Arpel’s side and sat down nonchalantly. Looking at how naturally he blended in, one might even think the three of them had been conversing together from the start.
“Did you have a good talk?”
“Yes.”
Ignoring Leriana’s sharp gaze naturally, Rohan opened his mouth while leaning on Arpel. Accustomed to this, Arpel offered his shoulder as usual and calmly responded to the question while carefully stroking the head leaning on him. The scene was so peaceful that Leriana’s eyes gradually lost their strength.
Right. Why bother getting worked up over something like this? Letting out a vain sigh, she rolled her eyes for a different reason this time. Suddenly, something curious came to mind.
“Rohan. Didn’t you say you had something to ask Sia?”
“…Ah, that.”
Rohan, who had been drowsily half-closing his eyes, nodded vaguely. Soon, an elegant smile bloomed on his face. His excessively beaming face made even Leriana, who had asked the question, flinch.
“I had a good talk while waiting.”
…His answering voice was overly cheerful. He must have had quite a pleasant experience; the bright smile showed no signs of fading. Even Arpel, who had been stroking his head, started blinking in confusion, but Rohan remained unaffected.
“Can you keep stroking me…?”
Only after the hand stopped did Rohan recognize his reaction… Instead of explaining the reason, he chose to shamelessly demand more attention, burying his face a little deeper into Arpel’s nape. It was a request for more focus on himself.
Arpel moved his hand again with a blank face. Rohan’s face, filled with deep satisfaction, looked no different from a well-fed cat. Leriana, who had been watching this behavior with an incredulous expression, muttered faintly.
“Somehow…”
Watching him so delighted made her feel queasy. Indeed, observing a friend’s love life up close was… mentally harmful.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
