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Are you hurt anywhere? Were you badly injured? I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you… In truth, their conversation didn’t stray far from expectations. Even though the answers were obvious from the moment they safely faced each other, it was still like this.
Arpel quietly gauged the reason. Were they finally relieving the anxiety they had been accumulating every moment, now that they had confirmed each other’s safety?
“Thank goodness…”
Leriana, who seemed unwilling to stop talking, only let out a low sigh after thoroughly inquiring about Casia’s physical condition. It was a breath clearly tinged with relief. It was an attitude that didn’t suit someone who had just regained consciousness.
Casia seemed to have the same thought, as her face was filled with a somewhat bewildered expression. Eventually, Casia sighed and began to gently admonish her. In summary, she was telling her to consider her own situation.
“Ah, I get it. I get it, so stop nagging.”
“…Nagging?”
“I mean, not nagging. I know you’re saying this because you’re worried about me! But, um, how should I put it… I just woke up, so I feel a bit tired…”
The atmosphere was quite peaceful. The air was warm, the incoming breeze was cool, and the chattering voices of the two were a welcome sound after quite a long time. Above all, since the emotion flowing from Rohan was a subtle joy, Arpel decided to fully welcome this situation.
“I’m glad you’re both safe.”
Rohan spoke up after their conversation had somewhat died down. At the same time, Leriana, who had just escaped Casia’s nagging and was taking a deep breath, flinched. Her rolling eyes were even tinged with awkwardness.
But that subtle attitude was brief. She immediately squeezed her eyes shut and then opened them, carefully reaching out her hand towards Rohan. Although her trembling eyes seemed anxious, she didn’t avoid his gaze. Her will to converse was clearly visible.
“I’ll step out for a moment. Please talk.”
Casia, who had been looking back and forth between Rohan and Leriana, got up from her seat. Her face, tinged with a gentle light, looked subtly satisfied. She seemed quite pleased that the two who had been constantly at odds were finally going to talk.
And Arpel, who was casting a glance at Casia…
‘Leriana, you know…’
Tracing back the past, he recalled something Rohan had once said to him.
The deliberation was brief. As soon as he recalled the voice immersed in faint guilt, he too made a decision and stood up. Although faint hesitation leaked out with each step away, he didn’t stop.
Wasn’t the reason for chasing after Leriana in the first place to have a conversation with her? So this was the right approach. As Rohan’s eyes, which he met while moving away, seemed to express gratitude, Arpel quietly closed the door with his back to them.
“Lord Arpel.”
It was Casia who greeted Arpel as he came out. Her attitude suggested that she had been expecting him to come out. Perhaps because the matter she had been so worried about had been resolved safely, her face was twice as bright as it had been a few hours ago. That’s a good thing. Arpel commented indifferently.
He just nodded silently. With that, he thought there wouldn’t be any further conversation until the two inside finished their talk. That is, until Casia, who had come closer, spoke up again.
“There’s no need to worry, so you don’t have to make that expression.”
His gaze, which had been fixed on the quietly closed door, turned. It was a statement he couldn’t understand.
“…What expression are you talking about?”
His voice, stammering as he asked back, was uncharacteristically slow. Naturally, he tried to gauge the emotion behind her eyes, but to no avail. Instead, he became conscious of his own expression reflected in her blue eyes.
It was only for a moment that a drop of awkwardness fell on his usually impassive expression. His face, which had been no different from usual, began to show subtle tremors. Casia, who had been silently watching Arpel like this, finished her words.
“Aren’t you concerned about the relationship between Leriana and Rohan?”
“…Yes. Because I hope they reconcile.”
After a moment’s hesitation, Arpel gave his answer.
The trembling of his pupils quickly subsided, and his answering voice regained its composure in the blink of an eye. But that was all. At Casia’s faintly spreading laughter and her voice speaking up again, Arpel’s eyes helplessly wavered.
“That’s not what I meant.”
For a moment, warmth flickered in her blue eyes.
“I may not know the details of your relationship… but even I can see it. Just as you love Rohan, he too cares for and cherishes you.”
So, you don’t need to be anxious.
The brief addition was also the answer to what she had first brought up. You know, that puzzling statement, “You don’t have to make that expression.”
However, Arpel, who had been puzzled by it… was now in a state where all his attention was focused elsewhere.
His blank stare, just blinking his eyes, looked strangely dazed. His lips, moving without making any sound, seemed to hesitate to speak. Seeing this, Casia expressed her confusion at the unfamiliar scene unfolding before her.
“Lord Arpel? Why…”
It was natural for her to fall into confusion. Did I… say something wrong? The question naturally arose.
Arpel with a blank expression? Arpel hesitating to speak? Although Casia had spent quite a long time with Arpel, she had never seen, nor dared to imagine, such a sight.
Unless it was with Rohan, it was an impossible proposition in communication with others. That’s what she had thought and believed without doubt until now. If she hadn’t just witnessed it with her own eyes, that thought would have remained unchanged.
An awkward silence fell. And so… after what felt like an eternity to Casia, it was Arpel who first broke the silence.
“Do I… look like I love Rohan?”
His dazed voice was dreamy, as if walking in a dream. It was still an attitude that didn’t suit him. However… this time it was the opposite. Casia, who had been focusing on Arpel’s strange behavior all along, couldn’t pay attention to it this time.
“…Pardon? What did you just say?”
It couldn’t be helped. Arpel’s words were so absurd. For a moment, she doubted her ears, wondering if she had heard correctly.
Despite being a priest serving the god, she couldn’t help but distort her expression to the point of irreverence towards Arpel, who was the embodiment of divine power itself. That’s how shocking the statement was. In Casia’s mind, countless conversations and actions that had passed between Arpel and Rohan flashed by like a kaleidoscope.
…Far from making sense, it became even more bewildering.
“Lord Arpel.”
After deliberately taking a beat, she opened her mouth again. Her eyes, tinged with faint regret, took in Arpel, who was still showing constant confusion.
“If that’s not called love…”
What on earth should be called love then…?
Her words, dropping even the formal speech she had been using, conveyed clear sincerity. It was a sincerity so evident that even Arpel, who had been lost and wavering, fixed his gaze on Casia for a moment. Naturally, his feelings became complicated.
At some point, the words he had once said to Rohan echoed in his mind.
‘Will you teach me what love is?’
He couldn’t return the words “I love you” to Rohan who said he loved him. Because he thought that giving that answer when he didn’t know love would be deceiving him. Yet, not wanting to lose the love he received from him, constantly craving the ecstatic affection that poured out… he uttered those words to hold onto Rohan.
Because I also crave you, I asked you to teach me the emotion called love. He remembered Rohan nodding with the happiest smile he had ever seen when he heard the answer. And that firm embrace when he hugged him.
Even at that moment, and long before that… Arpel already knew. ‘Emotion’ is infinitely human. Because it’s infinitely human, it’s something he couldn’t possess. He dared to be certain. If it hadn’t been for Rohan, he would have lived like that for his entire life.
Arpel closed his eyes for a moment and organized his thoughts. The wavering that had been gradually subsiding finally stopped, and his gaze, which had rolled away, soon turned back to Casia.
“…I see.”
He was so calm that it was hard to believe he was the same person who had been showing unexpected behavior all along. He seemed unconcerned by the bewilderment in Casia’s eyes as she faced him. For him, he had simply understood.
If emotions are infinitely human, then no one knows emotions better than humans.
Love. He silently repeated the word to himself. It had a not unpleasant resonance. Although he still felt complicated and couldn’t be certain… he strongly felt that it wouldn’t be bad to dare to define this unknown feeling as love and constantly ruminate on it.
‘If this isn’t love, then what is it…’
He turned away from Casia, who was no longer saying anything. He quietly raised his hand and placed it on his chest. The heartbeat, clumsily imitating humans and far too slow, transmitted through his fingertips. When he thought of Rohan, it seemed to speed up a little. Somehow, it made him feel ticklish inside.
Still, I want to tell him I love him when I’m full of certainty. Arpel’s hand slowly lowered.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
