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133
It’s okay to hide it.
A softly murmuring voice, a hand gently caressing his cheek. Though they were simple actions, Arpel found great comfort in them, amusingly enough.
It felt as if something solidly built had crumbled. Only after experiencing that unfamiliar feeling did Arpel realize. Though he thought he hadn’t been conscious of it each time, every moment he faced Rohan, was with him, and received his overflowing affection… perhaps he had been a little anxious.
A firm thumb rubbed under his eye. The touch was as light as a feather, barely perceptible. Arpel squeezed his eyes shut then opened them, his vision filled with Rohan showing a complex expression.
“It’s okay to cry…”
A tinge of regret colored the faintly dispersing voice. As if lamenting that no matter how sad, no matter how much remorse twisted his eyes, Arpel stubbornly refused to let tears fall.
“Sorry. The tears won’t come.”
“Arpel doesn’t need to apologize.”
It was obvious not only from his expression, but his emotions were pouring out too, so there was no way Arpel couldn’t notice Rohan’s feelings. In the end, he conveyed his gratitude with a small smile. Rohan decided to be satisfied with just that. The face with that faint smile no longer looked sad.
Is there anyone else who would ask nothing, be endlessly happy at a fleeting smile, and shower such ecstatic affection? Arpel pondered this, feeling the touch firmly holding him. Probably not. That’s why Arpel was glad to have become Rohan’s sword. Even if he had been caught up in someone’s plot and put in danger, he felt happy living like this now.
“Someday… I’ll tell you for sure.”
So, he decided to be a little more greedy. To watch Rohan a little longer… Until the time came when he could no longer be greedy, right before his eyes.
Though Rohan likely understood the thoughts behind those wavering eyes, he just smiled and nodded. It was an endlessly deep affection, almost suffocating.
They started walking again only after the confusion clouding Arpel’s face had completely faded. Rohan, who was leading the way while holding Arpel’s hand, added with an embarrassed chuckle:
“You were worried about my feelings, right?”
His attitude suggested he had guessed how Arpel had reached the conclusion ‘It must be because I’m hiding so much.’ Since there was no room for excuse, Arpel simply nodded. Rohan scratched his cheek idly with his free hand and continued haltingly:
“Of course, there’s the issue with Leriana, but… Arpel keeps…”
“…Me?”
Arpel, who had been listening intently to the words that resumed after a brief pause, widened his eyes upon hearing his name. He had been relieved thinking it wasn’t due to his seemingly secretive behavior, but now it turned out his sadness stemmed from Arpel after all.
Noticing Arpel’s eyes beginning to waver with guilt, Rohan quickly shook his head. So, this is… His voice grew quieter, as if digging into the ground.
“…You keep bringing up the imperial family so casually.”
“The imperial family?”
The eyes that had been focused on the conversation suddenly became blank. For Arpel, who had been speculating in various directions about the reason for his distress, that word seemed quite out of place.
Seeing this, Rohan couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh. To some, it might have seemed like an impassive face showing little change, but to Rohan, Arpel’s reaction was as clear as day. Years of being together had made him acutely aware of Arpel’s expressions.
“See?”
On one hand, it was bitter. Because despite mentioning the imperial family, Arpel’s attitude suggested he didn’t understand what the problem was.
From Rohan’s perspective, Arpel seemed excessively indifferent to his own affairs. It was the same when talking about the incident between the temple and the imperial family decades ago, and when discussing the experiments conducted by the imperial family.
Despite being the victim of all those events, Arpel was always consistent in his reactions. Whenever Arpel showed such responses, whenever he acted as if it were nothing, Rohan felt an indescribable misery. Who wouldn’t be horrified to learn that their loved one had experienced such a hellish past?
Strictly speaking, it was Rohan’s one-sided misunderstanding, not knowing that Arpel couldn’t remember his past. But to Rohan, who didn’t know this, it was natural to be struggling with such unreasonable sadness.
“…I’m sorry.”
Arpel, who had been quietly moving his lips, carefully offered an apology. Although he couldn’t know exactly what Rohan was thinking, he could clearly tell that he was sad.
He apologized first, thinking he must have done something wrong, but Rohan, who received the apology, just smiled with an unreadable expression. It was a smile tinged with bitterness he couldn’t quite hide.
The hand holding his tightened. It was still warm, though the temperature seemed a bit lower than usual, still conveying warmth. Watching Rohan gently swing their hands while exhaling softly, Arpel thought it looked like he was shaking off his remaining regrets.
“You don’t need to apologize. It’s okay now. Just…”
I just need to change myself.
The shadowed face gradually brightened. The smile that had been forming grew a bit deeper, and the cool night breeze tousled his hair. Arpel had the uncharacteristic thought that Rohan’s relaxed expression and the atmosphere surrounding him were like a painting.
Fully absorbed in such contemplation, it was natural that Arpel missed the last words spoken almost in a whisper. Even when he belatedly asked what Rohan had said, Rohan firmly replied, “It’s nothing.”
For a moment, Arpel’s expression became vacant. Seeing this, Rohan couldn’t help but giggle. Strangely, just opening up made him feel better. Perhaps it was thanks to Arpel showing honest reactions to each and every word.
Then suddenly, he even had the thought of wanting to kiss him.
“…Let’s go quickly. Casia might be awake by now.”
Rohan deliberately ignored that feeling. He knew better than anyone that now wasn’t the time for such things. All he could do was squeeze Arpel’s hand a little tighter as he pulled him along, and give him a clear smile.
***
The temple they arrived at was in great disarray. It was only natural. Not only had an inexplicable incident occurred in the village, but even the saint had disappeared in the midst of it.
They had recovered the bodies of the missing mercenaries, treated the unconscious Casia, and transported her to the temple. They knew she was the only clue that could lead them to Leriana.
This also meant that the unknown enemy who had attacked Casia and Leriana might be targeting her as well. Perhaps that’s why the number of troops surrounding the temple seemed particularly large. Thanks to Rohan’s status, the two were able to enter the temple after going through just a few procedures.
“We’ve been waiting for you. Lord Rohan, Lord Arpel.”
As soon as they entered the temple, Nephia came running out in her socks to greet them. Although her face showed a very welcoming expression, there was no denying the feeling that she looked more haggard than before. The faint shadow on her face seemed to convey the recent events.
“It seems things haven’t been going well.”
“…Yes, it appears so.”
Rohan, who was not unaware of this, cautiously broached the subject. Nephia, with an awkward smile, continued speaking softly.
“The treatment of Sister Casia has been successfully completed. However, she shows no signs of waking up… We’re in a difficult situation with no idea why. If this continues…”
She didn’t finish her sentence, but everyone present could guess what followed. The sooner Casia wakes up, the higher the chances of rescuing Leriana. Knowing this, Nephia couldn’t complete her thought. It meant that if Casia doesn’t wake up, they won’t be able to save Leriana.
Rohan’s expression darkened along with his counterpart’s fading face. He knew all of this was the doing of the imperial family. What would they do to Leriana after taking her away?
“…”
It wasn’t difficult to predict the imperial family’s course of action. Even now, sitting beside him was someone who had fallen into the imperial family’s hands and been used in all sorts of ways. Rohan squeezed his eyes shut as his thoughts kept drifting in an unpleasant direction.
“Rohan.”
What pulled him back was Arpel’s low call. Eyes that opened a beat late stared intently at Arpel. In response to the tender gaze that seemed to be checking on his well-being, Arpel silently grasped Rohan’s hand.
He could see the chest rising and falling slowly. Only then did Rohan realize he had been holding his breath. Once, twice… he followed Arpel’s lead, repeating the process of exhaling and inhaling several times. The eyes that met his, the breath passing between slightly parted lips, seemed to offer silent comfort.
The turmoil of emotions slowly subsided. The eyes that had been shaking as if hit by a storm also calmed.
“…There’s something I’d like to request.”
With eyes that had regained their composure, Rohan spoke first.
“Tonight, before dawn… I’d like you to reduce the security personnel guarding Sister Casia.”
Along with this shocking proposal to half-abandon the protagonist of all this commotion.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
