Long-buried secrets
The heavy winter dragged on sluggishly, and spring arrived at last. In the Magnus Duchy, spring always came late. Only around mid-April—when flowers were already blooming elsewhere—could one finally take off their heavy coats.
And just as his father had said before, Nigel finished preparing for the journey to the capital. Of course, being so young, “preparing” for Nigel amounted to little more than offering a few token words.
After several days of chaos throughout the estate, the day of departure had finally arrived. Watching his little brother stay so calm despite his first-ever trip outside the territory, Etna nudged him playfully in the side.
“You’re not excited? It’s your first time leaving the estate.”
“It is.”
In this life, anyway.
In his previous life, Nigel had spent years living in the capital. As the Duke of Magnus, freely. It had been liberating at first—but eventually, it became nothing more than a physically taxing obligation. So, there was no reason to feel thrilled about going on a trip as the youngest son of a duke, under the protection of a guardian.
“You used to always say you wanted to get out of the duchy.”
“That was back when I didn’t know better. I’ve grown up now.”
“Oh really.”
Etna chuckled as if it were all terribly amusing. To him, it might just sound like childish bravado, but Nigel meant every word. It was the truth. Not that Etna would believe him anyway.
“Sure, all grown up.”
“I just don’t like how many annoying things I have to deal with now.”
“But people will acknowledge you.”
“I don’t need anyone’s acknowledgment.”
Nigel’s response came flatly. Being recognized as a divine emissary was never something he had wanted.
“Really?”
Etna gave him a searching look for a moment, then shook off the mood and ruffled his hair with a smile. His large hand tousled Nigel’s fine strands gently.
“Nigel, it’s fine to act how you want inside the estate. But outside, you need to do your duty. That’s how people will like you.”
“I know. I’m only grumbling because you’re my brother. I’ll behave properly once we’re out.”
He planned to work diligently and earn Achievements however he could. He’d already resolved to push himself to the limit. It was just harmless whining for show—after all, his only companion since childhood had always been willing to listen. As expected, Etna smiled good-naturedly.
“Right. I’m just nagging too much. You’ll do well—I know you will.”
“Yeah.”
“Then shall we go?”
Etna took Nigel’s hand and stepped into the corridor. Behind them, the servants accompanying the trip followed. Nigel glanced at Danil, who was carrying a small travel bag.
All winter, he’d kept a close eye on Danil, worried that something strange might pop up. But there hadn’t been anything suspicious between Etna and Danil. At this point, he was beginning to wonder if he was just being overly paranoid.
Outside, their father stood waiting in front of the carriage.
“There you are. Nigel, and Taren. Seems like you two are getting along quite well.”
Ruder greeted them with a knowingly playful tone. Nigel still hadn’t gotten used to how easily his father pretended or to hearing his brother’s new name. But Etna—who had been playing the role opposite their father all this time—lowered his head in a show of polite humility, as gracefully as ever.
“Yes, thanks to the young master’s kindness.”
“Good. But you know, Nigel’s your little brother now. You can speak a bit more casually.”
“Ha ha. I’ll try to get used to it.”
He should’ve become an actor instead of a noble. Nigel had no confidence in pulling off that kind of performance, so he just stayed quiet while the two of them made their show.
Instead of joining the conversation, Nigel glanced around until he spotted Inas. Even though he wore the simple attire of a squire, the insignia visible on his chest, Inas’s appearance glowed under the soft spring sunlight.
Just like before, he’d grown again over the winter. Life might have been hard, but regular meals and a stable routine had added a bit of flesh and muscle to his previously too-thin frame. Seeing how much Inas had matured only made Nigel feel more restless.
I haven’t grown at all.
He knew Inas wouldn’t care about outward appearances. But this one-sided crush—so habitual it had become second nature—kept him feeling uneasy.
“Nigel, like I said before—Sir Estora will be accompanying you on this trip.”
As Ruder spoke, the knight standing behind him stepped forward and bowed deeply.
“I’m Roshan Estora. Please, feel free to call me Roshan. I’ll stake my life on making sure you arrive safely at the capital.”
“Thanks. I’ll be in your care.”
Nodding, Nigel let go of Etna’s hand and walked over to Inas. He reached up and tugged at the older boy’s hand, the one looming above him. One benefit of being small again was that he could ask for what he wanted without second-guessing—just play the part of a clingy young noble.
“Ride with me in the carriage.”
“But young master, I…”
Right, this guy was always good at playing along too. Inas gave a sheepish smile, visibly flustered, but his subtly more mature features looked even more charming now. Behind them, Roshan chuckled.
“At first, the young master didn’t seem to like Inas at all. Looks like you’ve gotten close in the meantime.”
“Is that a problem?”
“Not at all. Do as you like.”
Roshan, who probably didn’t even count a squire as proper escort personnel, nodded without hesitation. Ruder clicked his tongue and came over, slipping his hands under Nigel’s arms and lifting him up in one go.
“You little rascal. Don’t act like this in the capital.”
“I know that much. Don’t worry, Dad.”
“Good.”
With his deep voice, Ruder pulled Nigel into a tight hug. The strength of it nearly hurt, and Nigel gasped softly for breath.
He’d long since outgrown the age where he wanted to cling to his father. Ruder had been far too busy lately to give Nigel much attention anyway. So Nigel hadn’t expected him to be this sentimental about sending his youngest off on a short trip.
“I believe in you.”
“I’ll do my best, Dad.”
“There’s no need to overdo it. Just come back in good health.”
“Okay. Don’t worry.”
Feeling shy, Nigel kissed Ruder’s cheek. At the gesture, a gentle smile appeared on his father’s face.
Once Inas climbed into the carriage, Nigel turned back to the window and waved enthusiastically to Ruder and Etna.
The carriage began to roll away. Nigel shut the wooden window with a sigh. As always, he hated traveling by carriage. He’d stayed up late the night before on purpose, hoping to sleep through most of the ride.
When he flicked his fingers, Inas came over. Instead of sitting next to him, Inas leaned in close, face hovering over Nigel’s.
“Would you kiss me too?”
“Don’t get jealous over my dad. You’re just my knight, remember?”
“Even a knight needs encouragement, Nigel.”
“Unbelievable.”
Nigel scoffed and patted the seat beside him. Instead of pressing further, Inas quietly sat down. Nigel, with practiced ease, laid his head in Inas’s lap. He let out a deep sigh. They hadn’t gone far, but he already felt drained.
“I’m tired.”
“You always seem to hate carriage rides.”
“How could anyone like them? Just sitting still while being shaken around—it’s exhausting.”
Inas gently brushed back Nigel’s hair with his hand. It was a familiar gesture, one that eased the irritation bubbling inside him. Nigel’s tightly furrowed brow finally relaxed.
“If you’re bored, I could make a dummy. Then we could sneak off and have some fun.”
“What’s a dummy?”
“Hmm, a magical decoy. It looks just like a person. Not very detailed in behavior, but if someone’s only watching briefly, they won’t notice the difference.”
It was an incredibly tempting offer. Even with good pace, a carriage journey took days. And considering Nigel’s condition, they’d stop often to rest, making the trip twice as long. Still conflicted, Nigel eventually shook his head.
“No. Don’t start making little exceptions. If you keep acting like that, I’ll have no choice but to be on guard around you.”
“I apologize.”
“If you’re sorry, don’t say it in the first place. You used to be better about that.”
“Yes.”
“Just stay quiet and be seventeen-year-old Inas Idenbach. Don’t pull anything weird.”
Sighing, Nigel closed his eyes to nap. Just before drifting off, still with his eyes shut, he spoke again.
“…Still, you don’t have to act all clueless. If someone bullies you, ignore them. Sit next to me during meals. If someone tries to make you do something, use me as an excuse.”
“Understood.”
“Don’t let them push you around. I hate that.”
There was a hint of laughter in Inas’s voice as he responded. Even though Nigel had just scolded him, his follow-up was so soft that any shred of authority he had vanished instantly. Not that he could just leave Inas alone either.
Out of the thirty or so people on this trip, Inas was in a somewhat ambiguous position. Squires were usually expected to serve full knights. If Nigel hadn’t dragged him into the carriage, he probably would’ve been stuck doing all sorts of menial tasks by now.
Even though he’d once been the army’s supreme commander—no matter how many hundreds or thousands of times he’d done such chores during all the repeated loops—Nigel didn’t want to make him do them again.
If he closed his eyes, he could vividly picture the man standing tall in the deep, cool-blue forests of the North, commanding the troops. That was the place Inas belonged.
Feeling a persistent gaze, Nigel cracked open one eye. Inas, with a soft smile around his eyes, was staring down at him.
“What are you smiling about?”
“I just like being here like this.”
“Sounds like you’re having indecent thoughts.”
“Yes. I am.”
Before Nigel could even glare, Inas leaned down and kissed him on the forehead with a loud smooch. Nigel froze in shock. Inas, completely unfazed, gently covered Nigel’s eyes with his hand.
“Go to sleep, Nigel.”
“Shameless…”
“Should I kiss you again?”
“No.”
Nigel answered immediately and shut his eyes. The tips of his lashes brushing against Inas’s palm were annoying. He wished he’d move his hand, and with that final thought, he drifted off.
***
As always, the journey was long and tedious.
From the second day, Nigel’s condition started to deteriorate. Nothing serious, but he had headaches, nausea—and by the third day, he began to feel chills and a fever set in. The family physician, who’d accompanied them from the Magnus Duchy, diagnosed it not as illness but accumulated fatigue.
“Nigel, are you alright?”
“No…”
Lying with his head on Inas’s lap, Nigel groaned faintly.
This damn frail body.
In his grown-up body, he’d rarely fallen this ill from something as minor as a carriage ride. But now he was younger, weaker—and it had taken its toll. The unusually frequent monster attacks didn’t help either.
“I want to wipe them all out.”
“Don’t.”
Nigel weakly stopped him. Inas sighed and simply continued tending to him with care. Being sick was unpleasant—but using it as an excuse to close the distance between them, to nestle in close again, was nice. It was a brief moment of peace.
