“If you have any excuses, make them now.”
“I don’t like the term ‘excuses,’ but… fine. I’ll explain. Though you probably already know.”
“…”
“He’s the son of the former Lord. Though not raised as an heir, the blood connection is real.”
Even though it wasn’t new information, Yan’s heart pounded heavily. It felt like receiving a bad verdict.
“Alesha remained wary of her siblings even after taking the Lord’s position. It was reported in the news, remember? Three major conflicts big enough to become breaking news, dozens of covert battles too discreet for the media… And finally, it was settled.”
“Did he win?”
“Yes.”
“That’s good. But…”
Yan took a deep breath. Don’t get excited, act rationally. He reminded himself.
“Why didn’t you say anything to me?”
Despite his effort, his voice trembled at the end.
“Yan, that’s—”
“You disappeared without a word because I wasn’t important enough, right?”
Now that his purpose for infiltrating the police station was accomplished, there was no need for me. That’s why he didn’t bother thoroughly hiding that he was a vampire. Because it didn’t matter either way.
The thought that had tormented Yan for the past two weeks resurfaced. He knew Sirius didn’t love him. If emotions could be weighed, Yan’s would certainly be heavier. Even so, was it wrong to hope for even a bit of concern?
“It couldn’t be helped. Things happened suddenly, and we were afraid you might be in danger—”
“Spare me the obvious excuses!”
In the end, emotion defeated reason. It was questionable whether reason had existed in the first place. Yan shouted at Procion without hiding his wounded expression.
“How am I supposed to trust you anyway? For all I know, you might not be human either!”
Procion stared at Yan without saying anything. Perhaps he was glaring. The heavy silence felt ominous.
“…Why aren’t you saying anything? Don’t tell me… it’s true?”
“I didn’t mean to deceive you—”
“How convenient.”
He had shouted in anger, but it seemed to be true. Ha, Yan exhaled and looked up at the sky. The dark night sky without a single star visible seemed just like his life.
“Yan, I have a lot to tell you.”
“…”
“And a lot I want to say.”
Yan found Procion’s calm attitude irritating. While his own emotions were tumultuous like a roller coaster, Procion appeared peaceful. If only Procion had looked like he’d been suffering too, would Yan have felt some sympathy?
“But you don’t seem ready, so let’s talk again later.”
Procion patted Yan’s shoulder. The gesture, meant to be comforting, gave Yan mixed feelings. Though not exactly comforted, his resentment seemed somewhat appeased.
Having unconsciously thought this, Yan stubbornly shook his head. No, no. His hurt and regret remained unchanged. He needed to forget these two men and return to his normal life.
“It’s getting late. Instead of wandering around strange places, go home. Take a hot shower and have a beer—you’ll feel better.”
“I-I was on my way home! Who said I was wandering around strange places…”
Actually planning to visit an SM club, Yan was startled as if hit in a vital spot. Procion’s slightly upturned lips felt like mockery, making Yan more embarrassed. Though he knew this was Procion’s natural expression, he felt stung because he had something to hide.
Yan turned around forcefully. As he was about to walk away quickly from Procion—
“Yan.”
Procion called out to him. Yan stopped abruptly as if his ankle had been grabbed.
“Sleep well.”
Yan walked away quickly without answering. Sleep well? As if he wouldn’t know to sleep well without being told such an obvious thing.
‘Pretending to be sweet.’
So cheesy. Like butter was poured all over him. Yan grumbled these thoughts as he quickened his pace.
***
Throughout his journey home, Procion’s words wouldn’t leave his mind. Sirius, who had fought fiercely with Alesha for the Lord’s position; Procion, who had many things he wanted to tell Yan.
‘What was he going to say?’
These thoughts persisted even after a hot shower and finishing a can of beer. Yan realized for the first time in his life that he had such a lingering personality. He felt pathetic for obsessing over a relationship that had ended so abruptly.
‘I must be nothing to them.’
Though the meaning differed for each, both had been people he liked. But they didn’t feel the same.
Come to think of it, it had been that way from the beginning. Sirius had never been interested in Yan. Only Yan had followed him around—the times Sirius initiated conversation could be counted on one hand.
With Procion, it wasn’t quite that bad, but that didn’t mean their relationship was healthy. After all, they had met to do sexual things. A relationship only as significant as a single contract.
‘It’s so empty…’
Yan finally realized the nature of his hurt feelings. The fact that they were a different species was, well, still surprising but not enough to make him angry. In this world where love knows no borders, races, genders, or even species, that wasn’t the issue. But the difference in affection’s weight was problematic. Even in friendships, when the size of hearts differs, people get hurt—naturally, this was even more true for intimate relationships.
“At this point, I’m the problem, I’m the issue.”
Yan, who had been sitting wrapped in a blanket, stood up abruptly. Though aware that surging resentment might lead him to irrational actions, he didn’t want to stop. Yan walked to the bedroom. Opening the first drawer of the bedside table, he saw the water gun carefully placed there. It was a gift he had received from Procion.
“So this is real holy water.”
He could see the liquid filled in the tank. Despite looking exactly like a toy, it contained holy water—quite a contrast.
Holy water was rare due to limited production capacity. Even this amount, about 10ml, must have been quite expensive. Nevertheless, Yan decided to throw the water gun away.
“I should throw this away too.”
The diet contract he had kept with the water gun. Yan glared at the signature at the end of the contract and crumpled the paper. They say after breaking up with a lover, you should throw away the couple rings first. Though not exactly lovers, it seemed like removing related items was the first step to forgetting his lingering feelings.
With the water gun in his right hand and the contract in his left, Yan left the house in the middle of the night. His plan was to act immediately now that he had decided. The garbage disposal area was right in front of the apartment building, not far at all. Yan threw the water gun and contract among the trash piles and turned around.
However, his steps back home felt strangely heavy. Something felt off in his chest. Yan frowned deeply. Though really reluctant to admit it, he had no choice but to acknowledge it. He still couldn’t let go of his attachment.
‘Yan Circuitz, you’re the stupidest human in the world.’
Eventually, Yan returned to the garbage area. The water gun and contract were still right where he had discarded them. Should he pick them up or not? Yan fidgeted with his fist. Taking them back seemed foolish, but leaving them felt regrettable. But from the moment he returned to the trash area, the answer was already set.
“Well, since I received it… it feels uncomfortable to throw away a gift.”
Yan muttered, trying to convince himself. The attempt wasn’t very successful, but Yan picked up the water gun anyway. The holy water inside rippled with a yellow glow from the streetlight. As he was staring at it momentarily before putting it in his pocket—
‘…Huh?’
Whoosh—the smell of blood wafted through the air.
Yan tensed his body, trying not to show his surprise. Due to his profession, he encountered blood smells more often than others, so he could tell. This fishy smell was definitely blood. And it was coming from very close…
‘Damn, I left my gun at home.’
What good would a gun do—he was only wearing pajamas. He hadn’t expected anything to happen at the apartment garbage area.
Instinctively recognizing the dangerous situation, Yan looked for a way to escape. But having so little on him, no good ideas came to mind. Simply running away without looking back seemed the most feasible option.
Having decided this, Yan started running like a gazelle. Wheek—a whistle sounded. And then…
When he opened his eyes again, all he could see was darkness.
***
“Mmph! Mmmph… mmph, mmmmmph!”
Despite his best efforts to shout, all that came out were muffled sounds. It was because of the gag in his mouth. And if his mouth was in that state, his body was no different. His arms and legs were tightly bound, making it difficult to move even a finger.
Yan struggled with all his might. Though it didn’t loosen the ropes, it had the effect of making the chair wobble. Creak, creak, creeeak—the chair rattled, scraping the floor. Then someone kicked the chair leg.
“If you’re awake, stay still.”
The vibration from what must have been a metal chair transmitted to Yan. He stiffened momentarily. But his will to resist wasn’t broken.
“Mmph, mmph! Hmmmph…”
“Who are you guys?”—that was the question, but again, it only came out as muffled sounds. The other person spoke in an incredulous voice.
