“There’s no need for that.”
I had been ignoring letters from the social circle anyway. But Cedric spoke as if he was worried about me, and it made me feel strangely uncomfortable.
“There’s no need? Before, you didn’t even refuse those gatherings and went to them, only to hear unpleasant things.”
“……”
“You don’t have to go to those meetings you hate just because of me.”
Cedric’s voice was quietly intense. It felt like all the things I had done thinking about him before were meaningless. Now that I think about it, Cedric was right. When I went to those social gatherings, I only heard people talking behind my back.
“You don’t have to try anymore. Even if you don’t, everyone will still treat you well.”
Cedric’s words sounded a bit arrogant. Hearing him say this made me wonder why he was acting like this now.
“Why are you like this?”
Cedric slightly raised his eyebrows, as if he didn’t understand my question.
“You didn’t do this before.”
“I said I could see it.”
“……”
“You are struggling.”
Before, Cedric cared for me but never spoke like this.
“Why are you acting like this now?”
“I want to try harder than before.”
Cedric smiled after taking a sip of wine. His smile looked relaxed. I didn’t like how he acted so gently now after having taken my body without asking before. Feeling uneasy, I turned my eyes to the food. Then Cedric spoke again.
“Everything I’ve done to you until now was sincere. If it were fake, I wouldn’t even be sitting here.”
“What do you mean?”
“I still want to roll around with you, but I’m barely holding back.”
When I opened my eyes wide in surprise, Cedric lifted one side of his mouth in a smirk.
“The food is getting cold, Revril.”
Cedric glanced at my plate. I looked away, my face flushed. What embarrassed me most was that he was casually saying things that only suited the deep night, as if a dam had broken.
“Don’t turn your head away in front of me anymore.”
“……”
“Especially not on the bed.”
I had no reply. Before, I didn’t resist because I thought if he kept having relations with me, he might get tired of me and let me go. But when I saw the pink rose petals sprinkled on the cake, I realized I couldn’t stay with him anymore.
“I’ll forgive you if you cry.”
“……”
“You cry so damn pretty.”
I stared at him, wondering if he was sane. Cedric smiled slightly and bit into a tomato. I held my spoon tightly with a stern face. The more I faced him, the more I felt things I couldn’t understand.
“I’ll come early tomorrow.”
I looked up at the sudden voice. Cedric was staring at me. I was about to ask what he meant when he continued.
“I took care of Vincent with you, so I should treat you well.”
I didn’t know whether to say thanks or that it wasn’t necessary. But hearing that he would come early wasn’t bad. After all, Chartine seemed to want to see Cedric too.
At that moment, there was a knock at the door. It sounded urgent. Even though Cedric didn’t answer, the door opened. When Cedric looked, the butler quickly whispered something. Cedric’s expression stiffened for a moment, then he looked at me.
“Revril, something urgent came up. I’ll leave first.”
He looked quite serious. Cedric left the dining room immediately. After he left, the dining room became very quiet. I stared at the empty seat where Cedric had been. Seeing the empty space gave me a strange feeling, just like before. I guess I never got used to being left alone.
After dinner, I went straight to Vincent. He was reading a book, but he seemed more interested in the book than in me. For such a young age, his focus was impressive, but also a little sad.
“Vincent, is it really fun?”
I wondered if the tutor had made him read it. Vincent didn’t look at me but just nodded. When I glanced at his book, it was a storybook about a baby bear. The book was quite long for a storybook, but it had mostly pictures rather than text. Vincent seemed to focus more on the pictures than the words.
Vincent didn’t even glance at me and stayed focused on the book, so I asked a little hurt.
“Mom is leaving?”
Vincent finally looked at me. When I tried to get up, he smiled and waved his hand.
“Really going?”
I couldn’t believe it, so I asked again. Vincent nodded.
“Mom, you can go.”
Before, he used to stick to me and be annoying. Especially when we were at the Yurhen temple, he would throw herbs around the room when I looked at them in the herb room because he thought it was funny.
I looked at Vincent with new eyes. He didn’t seem to need my care anymore and didn’t even seem to miss it. Sahel and the tutor were probably taking good care of him without me.
I sighed inside, kissed the top of Vincent’s head, and stood up. Vincent smiled at me again and looked back at his book. Even when I left the room, I looked back just in case, but his eyes were still on the book. I felt a little sad as I opened the door and left.
While walking down the hall without thinking, I stopped in front of a room. It was the child’s room Cedric had talked about before. Since I was leaving his side, I never got to see the finished room.
Curious, I wanted to open the door but couldn’t bring myself to touch the doorknob. It was all in the past, and memories of all the hard times came to mind, so I turned around.
I didn’t feel good knowing Vincent had fully adjusted to Cedric already. I walked tiredly and stopped in front of Cedric’s room. Since coming to the Bestine estate, I had stayed in Cedric’s room almost all the time.
I stared at the door for a moment. After hearing him say he wanted to roll around with me earlier, my head was full of mixed feelings.
‘I took that birth control pill…’
I did the math in my head; it hadn’t even been a month. I was only barely relieved, but there was still some risk. Lately, Cedric’s words had been strange, so it worried me even more.
Since I had stayed in Cedric’s room so far, I wanted to sleep alone just for tonight. My room was not far from his. I hadn’t entered it since coming from Yurhen temple, so I felt a little nervous.
Would everything be the same?
Just as I reached for the doorknob to open the door—
“Revril.”
I turned at the sudden voice and saw Cedric standing there. Surprised, I looked at him, and he lowered his eyes to look at my room.
“Why your room?”
I hesitated for a moment, then answered.
“I want to sleep alone.”
Cedric looked at me for a while and said,
“It’s useless to go in there.”
“Why?”
“I took all your furniture away.”
I knew Cedric didn’t have all my furniture, but to hear he had taken everything away… I remembered how he had thrown away all the servant’s furniture before. Fidgeting with my hands, I asked,
“You threw it all away?”
“I didn’t throw it away, but I didn’t put any furniture in there since you’d use one room anyway.”
“……”
“I was afraid you might do this.”
“Cedric.”
“Can’t you sleep in my room?”
“I want to sleep alone now.”
Cedric stared at me like he wanted to see through me and said,
“Are you not feeling well?”
“No, it’s not that. It’s just that I’ve been with you too long already…”
Cedric’s eyes sharpened. He looked at me carefully and said sharply,
“You’ve been here less than a month. I was apart from you for four years.”
I hesitated, and he stepped closer.
“Revril, how long have we been apart to say things like that?”
Cedric’s face was serious. The smile from the dining room was gone. When I couldn’t speak easily, Cedric held my hand. He led me into his room. When the door closed, Cedric faced me and stood very close, his breath almost touching me. His bright blue eyes flashed as if about to devour me.
“Do you know how ruined my life was during those four years without you?”
“……”
“I did everything, tried everything to find you.”
Cedric gave a bitter smile. Keeping his eyes on me, he spoke deeply.
“I only left the temple alone because you and my child were safe.”
“……”
“Even though I didn’t properly report you and Vincent, and only put your name on the temple’s register.”
