Soon the door closed, and complete silence surrounded us. Only his forest scent floated in the air. Sometimes, his presence felt like it was slowly eating away at me.
“Do you enjoy doing whatever you want?”
Cedric didn’t answer but stared at me quietly. His gaze annoyed me, so I turned my head away.
“Why did you leave?”
When I turned to ask the unexpected question, he took a step closer. I hesitated, and he calmly took another step.
“I was more sincere with you than ever.”
Sincerity. It didn’t touch me anymore. When Cedric used to say he cared about me and that I was the only one for him, I felt like I had the whole world. But those feelings were not truly sincere. Even when he comforted me or protected me, he never gave his feelings when I really needed them.
What use was it now to say all this? I didn’t answer. Then Cedric gently lifted my chin. When I opened my eyes wide, he looked down and said,
“Revril.”
His voice lightly stirred something inside me. When I seemed stiff, he calmly asked,
“Was I trash to you?”
“……”
“Was I so trash that you forgot about me for five years?”
He spat the words out as if hurting himself. His bright blue eyes were dark with desire, like something was about to happen. Feeling like I had to say something, I spoke the thoughts floating in my mind.
“We don’t suit each other anyway.”
That wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but it was what I always thought after leaving him. Cedric smiled crookedly.
“Don’t suit each other?”
“Your mother said so, and everyone around us said so. They probably whispered that at the wedding, too.”
Before, I couldn’t admit it easily. I thought they were just jealous and saying bad things. But after leaving Cedric, I began to understand why everyone said the same thing.
Cedric’s face slowly hardened. I didn’t care and kept speaking.
“So marrying me was a mistake from the start. Anyway…”
“I don’t think it was a mistake.”
Cedric’s lips came close. His breath mixed with mine between our lips. I stepped back, flustered, but he grabbed my waist. My leg touched his thigh.
I looked at him in surprise, but Cedric didn’t seem to want to take his hands off me.
“How do you think I felt about you for five years?”
I couldn’t follow his thoughts at all. I just looked at him with a stiff face. Then he smiled softly and whispered in my ear.
“Even if I try to hide my true self from you, you still leave me… So now, I won’t hide anymore.”
His warm breath spread over my ear. It made my skin tingle and my whole body feel sharper. Cedric calmly looked at me. His gaze was full of ease. Feeling uneasy, I called him.
“Cedric.”
He smiled and gently touched my cheek.
“I like it when you call me that.”
“……”
“Even if your voice shakes like you’re about to laugh.”
I couldn’t speak easily. Seeing me stiff, Cedric calmly asked,
“So why did you leave? I told you to stay by my side.”
It was too hard to just stay by Cedric’s side. Starting from his family who treated me like a painting stuck on the wall, to the people in society who disliked me.
I turned my head away, thinking it would be pathetic to talk about the painful past. Nothing would change even if I said it now. They didn’t come to apologize, and my mother-in-law was already dead.
Cedric held my chin and suddenly kissed me. His strong breath spread as he tightened his hold on my waist. I pushed his shoulder, but he pushed back so strongly I stumbled backward. Soon my calves touched the bed, and his strength pushed my back onto it. His lips pressed harder and harder, and I felt breathless. Feeling like it would go too far, I bit his tongue. Cedric frowned and pulled his lips away.
Tears filled my eyes, but I spoke in a trembling voice.
“Don’t.”
I was angry that he had dragged me here without my will, and I hated that he tried to take my body without my permission. Cedric looked at me quietly. His bright blue eyes were dark with desire. I looked away, feeling it was too hard to face him, and he said,
“I hate it when a woman cries in bed.”
“Then just don’t look at me.”
“No. Actually, you want to cry even more.”
I couldn’t say anything. Seeing me stiff, Cedric chuckled.
“After all, am I trash to you?”
His crooked smile stood out. His tone was cold, as if something annoyed him. I stared at him without speaking, and Cedric lowered his head to whisper in my ear.
“I’ll gladly be trash for you.”
His warm breath spread. Just his breath made me short of breath. Trash? Cedric didn’t seem to be in his right mind. Seeing his state, I should have gotten away immediately, but he was already holding me down completely, not letting me move.
I struggled, but Cedric fixed my leg with his thigh and spoke quietly.
“Don’t you think Vincent needs a younger sibling?”
A sibling? I was already hopeless when I first had Vincent. And now I was tied to him again?
“I don’t want to have your child.”
I said firmly. I had been through so much with Cedric by my side, and now I didn’t want anything to do with him. I had many hopes and empty dreams, but all that remained was emptiness and disappointment. Even if it was a late sincerity, it was just a feeling from the past now. The only time I was truly happy was when I was at Yurhen’s temple.
“I love you, Revril.”
I looked at Cedric in surprise. He smiled at me. It was the phrase I always wanted to hear from him. I must have heard it in my dreams because he never said he loved me in real life. Cedric only said I was needed.
Even if he wrote “With love” in letters, he never said it out loud.
“Love…”
While I was dazed, Cedric kissed me as if that was the perfect spark.
When I opened my eyes, it was dark around me. My body felt tight, and I saw arms wrapped around me. His firm chest was bare. I lifted my head slightly and saw his calm hair, straight nose, and well-shaped lips, one after another. It was the first time I saw Cedric asleep.
Before, Cedric never slept next to me. Curious, I looked at his face for a moment. Seeing his closed calm eyes, I remembered what he had said earlier. Cedric said he loved me. Only now.
Honestly, I didn’t feel much. I had wanted Cedric’s love for a long time, but now hearing it was almost meaningless. Especially since my feelings for him had mostly left.
Before, I would have been happy and overwhelmed, but now I only felt empty. I pushed his arm away. I missed Vincent. Then Cedric hugged me tighter and kissed my crown. Even though his selfish behavior annoyed me, his warmth was comforting.
But after all I had been through by his side, I pushed his arm away without thinking.
“Do you want to get away that badly?”
Startled by the sudden voice, I let go of his arm. Cedric looked at me intently. His bright blue eyes reminded me of Vincent.
“I’m worried about Vincent.”
Cedric let go of me and pulled the curtain string. He got up from the bed. Seeing his bare body, I looked away embarrassed. Cedric put on his robe and opened the door. Just then, someone arrived, and a greeting was heard.
“Where is Vincent?”
“He fell asleep a while ago. I fed him dinner, too.”
Cedric looked back at me.
“Vincent fell asleep. Do you really want to see him now?”
Vincent hated being woken up after sleeping. And it must have been hard to put him to sleep at this hour. I didn’t believe it and tried to get up, but I got embarrassed and pulled the blanket over me. I wasn’t wearing anything. My dress was hanging with the robe on a chair by the table far away.
I heard the door close and Cedric walking back. He looked at me and pulled the curtain string.
“You must be hungry. Eat something.”
More than hunger, I wanted to wear something. Hesitating, I said to him,
“Please give me some clothes.”
Cedric looked at me sharply and chuckled.
“You don’t need to wear anything.”
